The Gamer's Gambit

GAME START

Date: March 10th, 21XX

Case File BZ337

Verdict: Guilty

Charges: Cryptojacking, Egregious Cheating, Phishing, Selling Illegal Items

Sentence: Eternal Gamenation

Body: Digitized

Mind: Digitized

Name: Erased

Last Meal: Pancakes

Last Words: "A man chooses."

Loading...

Loading...

Load!ng..

A myriad of pixels assembled at the starting point. Within moments, a body of a young, male formed and his dark brown eyes popped open. A quick glance helped him familiarize the environment. Stone ground with random patches of grass and brush that splintered the monotonous brown. Blue skies with oblong, horizontal clouds. The sun, beaming and angry, beat down with immense heat. Floating brick cubes were another key standout in this world. Across the barren lands were numerous small buildings, blocky stone hills, and giant pipes. The pipes protruded out of the ground either straight up or at simple angles.

"Hmm," the digitized criminal checked his hand. Solid, and his consciousness seemed intact. Some fuzziness in his memory blocked out his name, but the important details and functions were fine. As tricky as it was, entering eternal gamenation wasn't going to stop him, "Well, looks like the cheat enabled. I'll have to work within their parameters now."

The Gamer jogged forward, stopped, juked side-to-side, and finished with a backflip. He rolled a shoulder and then his neck, "Responsive, and no lag. No intrusive thoughts. Heh, I'm not becoming an NPC anytime soon."

His outfit consisted of jeans and a white t-shirt with short blue sleeves. No backpack or satchel. He checked his pockets, but found nothing. An empty inventory.

"Jack squat...well, that's boring. I can't let my guard down. Who knows what kind of hellish landscape they've thrown me in. It's pretty barren...better find some actual NPCs to help me out."

Before a step was even taken, a pitched voice called out from slightly above, "Hey! Are you a friend of Marco's?"

Gamer cast his sights up at one of the floating brick cubes. The cube jostled when it spoke, more animated than the still ones. Gamer raised an eyebrow, "How are you talking?"

"Looks might be deceiving, but I'm actually a shrooman. My brethren and I have been transformed by one of those shellie mages into these block forms!" the voice was shrill, and easily excitable.

"Exposition right off the bat. Oh, joy..."

"Do you know a guy named Marco? Plumber, blue overalls?"

"No, I don't know Marco. I just got here."

The block appeared to shiver as it breathed with relief, "Thank goodness. That fellow is a real piece of work, I tell ya. A right psychopath. I watched him destroy a few of my brothers while we were like this..."

"Traumatic, cool...do you need any help?" might as well ask. First impressions go a long way with NPCs...the ones with dialogue, at least.

"You want to help me?" the block wiggled with shock.

"You said you were transformed, some psychopath is on the loose, and I have a pair of legs. Yeah, sure, why not?" Gamer shrugged.

"Oh, gracious, thank you! You'll need to find the shellie mage. If this place is unfamiliar to you, shellie's are noted by the outer shell they have, as well as their beaked lips. Find one with a wand, and you'll know you found the right one! My brothers whispered of one near the castle, just beyond those hills," the block explained. Though it could not point, it didn't take long to know which way it meant. A single large structure dominated the horizon, with no comparisons in sight. It was a red bricked castle that screamed loot, and was drenched in boss fight energy.

"Shells. Wands. Lips. Got it," Gamer started to walk away. However, ahead of Gamer, a bush began to rustle. What forced its way through the bush surprised Gamer more than anything thus far. A stubby pair of feet helped a rounded creature waddle. Its body was one part, with a large ass face on the front. It bulged on the sides before narrowing at a rounded tip. The face resembled that of somebody caught in the throes of pleasure, including rosy cheeks. Its eyes were lulled and perverted, and its mouth hung open with a little bit of saliva dribbling out. Its heavy, paced breathing was timed with its waddled steps.

"Ah, watch out! It's a blushroom!" the block shrieked.

"Ow...my tinnitus. A blushroom, huh? Odd lookin' thing," Gamer watched it approach.

"Careful, friend! Blushroom's are very sensitive, even to the smallest touch. Simply marching around brings them total ecstasy. They'll charge at anything that breathes, and try to smother you with its gaping maw!"

"Is that why it looks like a dick's head?" Gamer asked, feet from the blushroom.

"A what head?"

"Ah, forget it," Gamer sidestepped the blushroom. The moment he moved, the blushroom stopped, snapped a glare at him, and began revving up its body. It bounced sideways and tried to tackle Gamer. He moved away again, since it wasn't exactly fast, and watched the blushroom fall over. Due to its round body, it rolled over and wobbled like an egg. Its little feet hectically kicked in the air. Though it panicked in its flipped state, the look on its face spoke volumes to how much it enjoyed feeling the ground rub its head.

"Excellent dodge, friend, excellent dodge! Masterful skills, you have," the block praised from above.

"Pretty easy stuff. If this is the worst I have to worry about, this is going to be a cakewalk. Granted, I'm supposed to be gimped right now..." Gamer used a foot to nudge the blushroom. As hoped for, it spun like a top. It moaned, and that moan carried like a music note as it spun. As funny as it was, Gamer thought it was kind of hot, "It moans like a college virgin. Are these things really that dangerous?"

"They can be, but most consider them inconvenient. Marco...simply killed each one he encountered..." the block shivered again.

When the blushroom stopped spinning, it ended up facing Gamer. It held in noises by biting its lower lip. It was half the size of an average human, and came right up to the waist. The perfect height. Gamer patted the blushroom on the cheek. It moaned and began panting heavily. Its lewd noises worked on Gamer, and he soon presented a bulge.

"Best to test things first..." Gamer reached his hand into the mouth and rubbed its rather large tongue. It immediately clamped its mouth shut and sucked Gamer's arm in. He bumped into it, and yelled out at its expression of power. It sucked and sucked, as if trying to rip the skin from the arm. The block freaked out, but could do little in its form. Gamer gritted his teeth, ignored the pressure of a dislodging shoulder, and wiggled his fingers. The moist slab of tongue deep in its mouth reminded Gamer of the deep crevice of a vagina. He formed the international sex salute and rubbed around. As expected, it stimulated the blushroom and unlocked its mouth. It let out a healthy, girly moan. As it stuck out its tongue, Gamer's arm and hand followed. Pins and needles riddled the arm as blood rushed back to it, but Gamer focused more on pleasuring the blushroom. He ran his whole hand along the tongue, which its size was equivalent to his torso.

"You know, if it wasn't for the fact you could circumcise a man with your mouth alone, we could have more fun. This will have to do," Gamer said. The blushroom happily moaned, its little feet kicking more succinctly with the rubs. Gamer made his play, "How about you and I make a deal? You take me to every shellie in these parts, and I rub you all over."

The blushroom nodded upside down, and Gamer helped it return rightside up. The blushroom stayed close, but did not tackle Gamer. He successfully pacified it. This shocked the floating block, "You befriended a blushroom?! I've never seen that before! That shouldn't be possible!"

Gamer grinned and gently pet the blushroom, "I have my ways. I don't really have too many limits. You could say I'm a limit breaker."

"Incredible! Marco could learn a thing or two from you. Less slaughter, more touching!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, make love, not war. I only kick ass when I need to."

"What is ass?"

"Third person shooters...alright, we're off! Come, blushroom...but don't cum," Gamer edged the walking penis head towards the wasteland between them and the castle. It led the way, while Gamer kept close to its rear.

"Good luck! I'll try to let my brothers know to aid you on the way!" the shrillness pierced the air even with many more yards separating them.

Gamer pulled up on his buckle and prepared for a long road ahead. The blushroom's heavy pants were mildly distracting. Inconvenient, one might say. The castle mentioned sat many hills away, with a plethora of pipes and floating blocks along the way. Knowing how games are, enemies were abound between the hills.

The giant pipes they passed by were significant in size. Wide enough to fit into, Gamer checked a few tops. To his curiosity's dismay, none were open. They were either broken or dead-ends. Since the blushroom couldn't talk, Gamer reserved his questions about their purpose for later.

The blushroom led Gamer around certain pipes, but after one turn, two more blushrooms came into sight. They walked side-by-side, allowing their bodies to rub against each other with each waddle. Gamer considered their moans and sexual cries cute in a naughty way. His blushroom, however, guided Gamer away and out of sight. It didn't like him looking at them, and forced its head against his hand for attention. Jealousy, in such simple creatures. Gamer opted to not engage the other blushrooms; three bulbous horndogs would be too much of a handful.

With the naughty couple behind them, Gamer refocused ahead. However, the blushroom waddled right over a pit opening. Gamer gasped, grabbed, and pulled the blushroom back. It nearly fainted from exhilaration. He saved it from plummeting, but it didn't seem to care. He swapped places with it at the edge, and peered below. Darkness peered back up.

"Woo...too close," Gamer sighed. The blushroom snuggled into his butt, and with this new leashing method, he guided it around the pit. More were spread about, hidden sometimes by bushes and shifts in terrain elevation. If it didn't care about life or death, Gamer started to wonder if using it as a guide was a good idea.

After passing a third pitfall, the blushroom's tongue wrapped up from between Gamer's legs and slightly up his shirt. It cradled Gamer's groin, with the tongue's tip tickling his abdomen. Gamer grumbled and turned, stomped a foot against its forehead to pry it away, "Would you stop that?! I'm not some kind of breath mint, you sick pervert!"

The stomping elated the blushroom and it recoiled in pleasure. Gamer rolled his eyes and collected himself. As he did, he heard grunting noises coming from farther ahead. Unlike the erotic noises the blushrooms made, this sounded distinctly womanly. The blushroom even snapped out of its stupor and bounced forward. It was excited to lead again.

"Is that a shellie?" Gamer asked. The blushroom 'nodded' before it waddled away towards the grunts. Gamer tailed it until they arrived at a peculiar scene.

In the middle of the barren field was a curvy humanoid. A full set of legs, green shorts, white tank top, and tan skin. Her tiny turtle tail wagged energetically as the woman struggled with a huge turtle shell. The shell was fitted around her head, shoulders, and arms. She seemed stuck.

"Dagnabit! Get on, you blasted thing!" the shellie said, her voice echoing inside the shell. The shell itself was slightly smaller than the blushroom.

"Stay here," Gamer patted the blushroom on the head. It let out a sexy breath with each pat, and these noises alerted the shellie.

"Huh? Is somebody there?" she asked.

"I am somebody...somebody looking for a wand," Gamer narrowed his eyes.

The shellie stumbled in circles as she spoke. With the shell obscuring all sight, she didn't have any sense of direction. Now that Gamer was up close to her, he saw why the shell wasn't fitting on her. Her breasts were preventing it from sliding properly. She said, "A wand? I'm sorry...I can't help you."

"Oh...okay," Gamer turned and began to leave. "Turtle people have boobs..."

"Wait! Before you go...can you help me?" the shellie pleaded.

Gamer bargained, "Helping a stranger takes a lot of work. I don't know...what will I get out of this?"

"Oh, billies, this is bothersome. Um...how about I help you find that wand? I can ask my leader, Cammy. She'll know about where to get a wand. She's a big shot," the shellie offered.

"Hmm, I'm wary of anybody who uses the phrase 'big shot'..." Gamer kept salesmen in mind. "...but I do need allies. Alright, I'll help."

"You will? Thank the billies! I just need to get this shell on or off," the shellie swung her upper body about like a maniac. The way the shell carried more of the swing than she did frightened Gamer from getting too close. Even if he was digitized, there was no respawning available to him.

"A'ight, hold still," Gamer approached and clasped onto the shell. As heavy as pure iron, Gamer pulled to remove the shellie. Unfortunately, she remained stuck. No amount of force and working in tandem with a blind, turtle chick could help. When Gamer gave up, the pulling shellie fell backwards and landed on her backside. She laid there in defeat, and Gamer pondered, "Why in the gluten free world is this so difficult?"

"I'm defective..." the shellie began to sob. The echo effect made it even more sad.

Gamer thought for a moment, and then something clicked. He waved over the blushroom, who at this point was touch deprived. It tackled and engulfed the upper body of Gamer. He screamed inside its mouth as its suckage began tearing him in two. Luckily, his magic fingers unlatched its jaws and released him. He stomped on it again, it cried out with masochistic happiness, and then Gamer pushed it over to the shellie.

"Would you like to be touched?" Gamer asked.

The blushroom panted eagerly.

Gamer pointed at the shell, "Suck on this."

The blushroom obeyed and moved to the opposite side the shellie was stuck on. It opened its wide mouth and in similar fashion to nearly killing Gamer, it sucked onto the shell. The skin-ripping, torso-dividing power of its suck began dragging the shellie. Gamer kneeled and held the shellie by her ankles. He pulled to prevent her from being vored. As he did, he noticed something -- the shellie's shorts rode up high on her thighs. He pretty much could see her undercarriage. What was peculiar, aside from its attractive smoothness, was how wet it was down there. As if she was involved in something sexual.

The teamwork made the dream work; with a strong suck and a capable tug, the shellie popped out of the shell. Gamer crumbled to the ground and the shellie's legs crossed over his. They both sat up and were greeted face-to-face. The beaked lips weren't actually a beak, and reminded Gamer of an overbite. Cute face, long blonde hair, and green eyes; the turtle girl was pretty.

"Ah! Marco!" the shellie kicked Gamer straight in the face. She rolled away, frightened, and crawled towards the blushroom. She freaked out when she saw her shell was nearly consumed. Gamer recovered from the kick with an annoyed expression on his face. Tears welled up in the shellie's eyes as she held her hands up at the blushroom, "My shell!"

It was too late. With a satisfied gulp, the blushroom swallowed the load. It plopped backwards and relaxed. It wasn't clear how their anatomy would account for a shell that was nearly the same size as it.

"Ah, if it's as durable as it seems, I doubt it can be digested. You can get it back later," Gamer rolled his eyes. He approached the shellie, who scooted away, still scared. He offered a hand to help her up, "I don't know Marco."

"You don't? Then who are you?"

The question didn't have an answer. Who he was in the real world was deleted on his way in here, along with his body and mind. All that was left were the 0's and 1's that made him up. He kept things simple, "You can call me Gamer. Player would be too weird."

The shellie discarded her apprehension instantly and took the offered hand. As she straightened up, and tall enough to be at shoulder height, she introduced herself, "My name is Minnie. I'm one of the shellie who patrols these lands. We don't get many visitors, and you look similar to Marco. Please, accept my apology."

"It's fine," Gamer flicked off the last of the dirt she kicked on him. "If you're on patrol, what are you doing here? It's kinda hidden away."

"Nothing!" Minnie squeaked.

Gamer decided to ignore it for now, "You said your friends could help me?"

"They would, but not anymore," Minnie said with a smile.

"Why not?"

"Well, my shell identifies me. A shellie without a shell is nothing but a lie! I am effectively dead to all my friends now. I will be killed on sight," the smile persisted, like an absentminded airhead.

"You've got to be kidding me. All that effort..." Gamer massaged his temples to combat the oncoming headache.

Minnie held up a finger, "Don't fret: I can still help you. I know where you can find a wand."

"Where at?"

Minnie pointed at the castle, which they were halfway to, "A shellie mage lives inside the castle. Her name is Cammy, and she's the one who helped us capture this land for Lord Shellie. It'll be impossible to take it from her, but it's a wand nonetheless."

"Can you give me an introduction?" Gamer asked.

"No...I am defective," Minnie's whole body reflected defeat.

Gamer rolled his eyes, "You gave me directions to where I need to go. You're not defective. Come on, let's go."

His words startled Minnie out of her sadness. Gamer walked over to the blushroom, rubbed its cheek, and motivated it to stand up. Gamer needed a new goal for it, "If you help me reach the castle, I'll rub all over your insides again."

The blushroom opened its mouth and stuck out its tongue. Gamer obliged its cravings, and a stifled moan came from the thing. Minnie walked over, taken aback by Gamer's actions. She asked, "You befriended a blushroom...you want a defective shellie's help...I don't understand, but I like you."

"What? We friends now?" Gamer mocked.

Minnie leapt over and hugged Gamer in a tight squeeze, "Yes! My first friend!"

The blushroom's jealousy kicked in and it rammed its body into Gamer. Minnie leaned away as it engulfed the upper half of him. Gamer yelled out in frustration over the sexual moans, "STOP!"

Once they settled down, the trio started their quest towards the castle. Gamer needed to stay near the blushroom to pacify it with pokes and pets. Minnie's cooperation and higher level of coordination gave him somebody to interact with.

"Where are you from, Gamer? What brings you to Chanterelle?" Minnie asked.

"Chanterelle, huh? Well, I come from a far away place. They didn't like me, so they sent me here," Gamer explained.

"Were you defective?"

"You could say that. Where I'm from, games are more important than anything else. I committed the cardinal sin of cheating. They caught me, and before you know it, I ended up in...er, here," Gamer relived the memories; soda dew and cheese ball dust splattered, broken windows and tangled power cords, and an entire SWAT team surrounding him.

"Why'd you cheat?"

Gamer hesitated, then grumbled, "I needed to win. Do you know what gambling is?"

"No..."

"Then don't worry about it," Gamer finished the conversation. It didn't take much longer before they hit their next obstacle, however. Walking past a giant pipe, a long stretch of wasteland dotted with bushes remained between them and the castle. A tall flagpole denoted the entrance to the castle. A red motif of a draconic face was exemplified by the black color of the flag. It reminded Gamer of a jolly roger.