Chapter 4: That Time I Explored the Erotic Pleasures Available to Me in the Future Utopia
I guess any sane person would leap at the chance to have all their erotic fantasies fulfilled, for free, with no catches or strings attached. As per my previous chapters, however, I am not just any sane person with straight-forward sexual desires. I am an "it's complicated" kind of person. So, despite my initial enthusiasm, it takes me a few days before I can work up the nerve to accept everything the city has to offer.
Instead, I start slow. During the day, the twins show me around and I try some of the other primal pleasures besides sex that the future has to offer, like bathing in hot springs and cool ponds. At night I stay in the research lab, away from the temptations of the city's "service." I deliberately hold off on trying anything sexual. While the twins respect my reserve, it's clear that they're puzzled by it. They can see how the invisible pleasure centres that pervade the city affect me. Over and over, I feel that luxurious, caressing stimulation, but I refuse to let it bring me release. Still, even I can only take so much teasing. So one day I bring up their offer again, as we're walking through one of the many city's shaded public squares.
"As much as I'd like to, uh, 'explore the experience of pleasure' with you, there are a few things I should explain first. Can we go somewhere a little more private?"
The twins look around at the crowd, then at each other. They shrug.
"If you think it will make a difference, then certainly. Let's go over here."
Raine leads the way toward another arcade, which ends in a glossy, green-painted wooden door. She opens it and ushers us into a cozy, warmly-lit room with various pillows, chairs, couches, and lounges arranged in a loose circle. It smells faintly of fresh-baked bread and lavender tea, which happen to be two of my favourite scents. I curl up in a big, shapeless, overstuffed chair that immediately feels like something I've owned all my life and have worn the perfect butt-groove into. The twins climb onto one of the couches, sprawling all over each other like nearly-identical cats.
I take a breath. No point in delaying the inevitable.
"I want to tell you that no matter what we do, I'm not interested in having sex with anyone. I'm asexual, and it's not a chemical disorder in my brain that needs to be fixed by the city. It's part of who I am. I'm happy being ace. I want to stay this way. So, can you please tell the city not to tweak me so that I start being attracted to people? Because I don't want that."
The twins nod in nearly-perfect unison.
"The city already knows. If there was anyone here you'd want to have sex with, it would be using its pheromones to let those people smell that you're here, so they can decide if they want to meet you and vice versa. We haven't noticed any signals like that, so we assumed you'd be...would you say 'flying solo'?"
"I've never said that before, but I guess it's as good as any other description. Yeah. I like it! I'll be flying solo."
The twins nod, then continue to look at me attentively. They're waiting for the other shoe. May as well drop it.
"Well, even though I'm ace, I do still have some kind of libido. I mean, I have my own way of finding sexual pleasure. It just doesn't involve other people. And when I 'fly solo'...when I play with myself...I like to mix a lot of different sensations."
The twins nod again. Raine says softly:
"Yes. You mix pleasure and pain, the soft and the sharp, resistance and surrender. That's how the city serviced you. We could feel it. Your range of sensation is exquisite."
I stammer, tripping over my planned monologue about how I process sensual and sexual sensations on a continuum.
"Y-you, you could feel that? How?!"
"We have...how can I explain this? We have an intimate empathy with each other, all of us. The city helps us to feel empathy with one another so we won't hurt each other unintentionally. It's not like mind-reading. We don't know the exact wording of your thoughts or the images in your mind. But when we're open to you, we can feel with you. The rise and fall of your emotions, your physical sensations, your intentions and desires and what disgusts you...we feel them layered in and over our own bodies. We can dial the connection up and down at will, from a mere whisper of the original sensation, your sensation, all the way up to a magnified or more intense version. You can feel us, too, if you open yourself to us. Would you like to?"
I'm still reeling in shock and embarrassment that they could feel what I was feeling in the shop. But on another level, it makes total sense. The way the crowd reacted to my unspoken nervousness in the arena and the way they twins soothed me with a touch...it all points toward the truth of what they're saying. I instinctively imagine what it might be like to open up, to feel empathy with the twins. As soon as I do, the sensation floods in on me: the weight of one long leg draped over the other, the nearness of their bodies, their mutual sensual enjoyment of touching and being touched each by the other, the hum of arousal between them like background heat ready to be kindled into flame at any moment--
I break the connection with a gasp. The twins stretch and sigh with satisfaction, winding their bodies closer together. They speak almost at once, slightly different words for the same sentiments tumbling together as they exclaim:
"Yes/yes, like that! We felt you reach out! That was excellent/awesome for someone who wasn't raised in the city. You're sensitive/empathic, aren't you?"
"Well, it's a survival skill for someone like me. It's important to know what people are feeling. When they're mad and you should keep quiet...when they want to fuck you so you can avoid them...believe me, I didn't learn to read people the way you did. I did it to stay alive and be safe, not to have fun." I say darkly.
"I understand. Your time was harsh. Tasting was a survival skill for early humans living in harsh times too. They used it to detect toxins and rot. But now that the food is safe to eat, we taste for fun. And now that you're here, you can use your sensitivity for enjoyment too." Sunni says, well, sunnily.
"Huh." I think about that for a moment, and it changes something in my mind, some buried belief about myself. "You know what, you're right. I can stay myself and do what I do, but for different reasons. In a new way."