For Lian.
'It is not enough that I succeed, everyone else must fail.' Genghis Khan.
'Be the change you want to see in the world.' Gandhi.
******
Cool air.
He smelt damp and old stone, a little musty. Beneath it, fainter, the resinous smell of wood.
"You alright, Jayden?" Gentle Irish lilt.
"Yes, Father." He swallowed, nodded briefly, Father O'Connell's eyes already lifting to scan the church, the people packing the pews. Silence dragged.
Fashionably late, he told himself, she was just making sure of an entrance. He fought the urge to look around, afraid to meet his mother's eyes, to see her friends' faces - petrified of what he might find there.
Minutes passed like hours. All the while he felt hotter, more aware of the sounds, of shuffling, of the creak of the old wooden pews as people became restive. Every now and then an occasional snort, a stifled cough. Somewhere towards the back a baby cried. Shushing sounds.
Kyle appeared beside him, faintly ridiculous in his tux, his face telling. The first signs of pity appearing.
Pity?
Jayden blinked. Why did he need pity? It was meant to be a fairytale romance, classic Romeo and Juliet. Girl from the best part of town, boy from the reclamation estates. Boy meets girl, they fall in love, get married, everyone lives happily ever after.
"Is she there?" he said, just the faintest hint of desperation now, heat working its way up his neck, touching his face. He could feel every eye, every face looking, watching. Pitying.
Kyle shook his head, said, "There's still time..." Jayden tugged at his cuffs, nodded agreement.
But of course there wasn't. Father O'Connell had his hand on his shoulder now, just a light grip, just enough to steady him, to keep him grounded.
From the back came a rattle of aged iron, impossibly loud in the quiet church, a brief, warm breeze as the door opened. Even without looking around he knew who it was, knew the steady thump of his feet, knew what it meant. The steps stopped next to him, just behind him, just out of sight. He could smell cologne, expensive, stylish. Before him his eyes found the tortured face of Christ looking down - anguished, forgiving. For the first time in his life, Jayden felt real kinship with him. Hanging there, everyone watching his pain.
"It seems that my daughter has finally seen sense," the voice said, no attempt to lower it, no attempt at comfort. Hard. A voice used to command, used to loudness. "She's not coming."
Behind him he heard somebody snigger softly.
Not coming. As simple as that.
He wanted to say something, make some snappy rejoinder, but something was choking him, something that wouldn't let the words out. He felt his eyes sting, squeezed them shut. Not in front of him, not in front of her father.
"It's okay, son, it's okay," Father O'Connell said gently. "Come on, you're only nineteen, you've your whole life ahead of you... Come on."
Then he was being led away, towards the back of the church, away from the suddenly loud crowd, their gossiping following him, taunting him.
Pity. He deserved their pity.
The door closed behind him, the peace of the vestry closing around him and he was sobbing, tears flooding out like they were never going to stop. Sobbing like a child who just wants it all to stop, all to go away.
And in his mind a single thought, one thing repeating over and over. This is never happening again, I will never be this weak again, not ever, not for anyone.
******
Glass crunched underfoot. Mike glanced around frantically, eyes scanning the litter strewn stairwell - the broken windows, the gang graffiti sprayed on every surface. Nervous glance at his wrist monitor, no location trace - he was close.
Shit.
He felt cold sweat on his back, his clothes clinging to him under his armour. He kept his back against the wall of the stairwell, working his way slowly up towards the next landing. Eyes flicking nervously up and down. He felt sweat trickle into his eyes, stinging, burning.
Shit.
It was hard to see anything at all in the blasted helmet. It felt claustrophobic, unnatural. For a moment he was tempted to discard it but in the end he feared the vulnerability more than the awkwardness.
He reached the landing, peering anxiously through the smashed window of the a fire door at the top of the stairwell. The corridor seemed clear. He clutched his duelling pistol - large calibre, single shot - toed the door open. Nothing. He couldn't see anything and his breathing was so loud, echoing around the helmet, that he doubted whether he could ever have heard anything even if there was anything to hear.
There was a window at the end of the concrete corridor, smashed, but it would allow him to orientate himself. He glanced back down the stairwell, it was still clear. Slowly he crept into the corridor, pistol held before him. Along both sides were a number of doors, steel covered wood painted in different colours, numbers hung or painted or scratched on each one. None was free of damage - dented, battered, disfigured with spray paint. Another glance at his wrist, still no trace.
Fuck. Where was he?
He was almost at the window when the door opened. A sound of shouting, screaming. He spun raising his pistol, a spike of adrenalin lending him speed -- felt his finger on the trigger, squeezing - faced a petrified resident, young girl shrieking in terror, face stricken. For a second they both froze, his heart racing, gasping for breath, pistol in her face. He was suddenly shaky with relief, weakness flooding his body. Gradually he lowered his hands, breathing as if he'd run a marathon.
"It's okay," he said, helmet muffling his voice, hands raised, placatory. "Sorry."
Slowly, far too slowly, it dawned on him that she wasn't looking at him. She was looking over his shoulder. Too late he realised what that meant. He spun on his heel, knowing even as he did it that he was too slow, too late.
He had just enough time to make out the custom grey armour, the muzzle of the pistol like a yawning cavern right in front of his face, then Jayden blew his brains out all over the girl and the filthy, battered, disfigured door of her apartment.
******
"Are you still awake, John?" she said groggily, rolling onto her back next to him.
"Yeah, can't sleep," he whispered. He'd been awake for hours, didn't think he'd slept at all. "It's on my mind."
"I know, honey. I know you'll do good, you always do." She stroked his chest, snuggling in close, resting her head on his shoulder.
He smiled. "I know, it's just a big pitch. Big change - Achilles has never done environmental protection before..."
"You'll persuade 'em," she said sleepily. He wrapped his arm around her.
"It's the right thing, Tanya, it is..." he said softly. "We need to put it right for our boy, for all the children, for their children, too."
He felt his passion surface, sleep receding further from him, leaving him stranded - staring into space. He looked down but Tanya was already asleep, her breathing steady, her head nestled on his chest.
Gently he kissed her head, stroking her shoulder, as far from sleep as ever.
******
He stared out of the window fighting his nerves, sipping water trying to keep his mouth moist.
Below him the city stretched away in all directions. Smaller than the original New York, little more than the core of Manhattan, the roads narrower, marked by little traffic - only orbital authority vehicles, electric cabs, buses, practically no private cars. Above him, stretching to the horizon in all directions, the enormous geodesic dome that enclosed them and, beyond it, hanging in space, the reason for all this - Planet Earth.
It was a bigger crowd than he'd anticipated.
He scanned the room, picked out his boss, Niamh - junior partner, Director of Commercial Exploitation - next to her Robert Harding - divisional head - his squat pugilist's frame squashed into a seat in the back three quarter.
Down the centre of the room the long glass topped table filled the boardroom, junior executives from every division filling it, washing out in chairs on both sides like flood waters. There were even people standing along the edges of the picture windows, their shapes silhouettes against the view of the orbital stretching away below them, the poisoned green of Planet Earth, hanging like a rotting grape in the sky above.
He sipped his water, straightened his tie nervously. Behind him the clear screen switched to show a view of the Earth. He nodded to the techie and gradually the filters descended over the windows, dimming the room, bathing everyone in the sickly green of his presentation screen.