It was the dark before dawn and I was standing at the edge of a forest surveying the land in front of me. The rolling hills, the thick tall trees and the lake all vivid contrasts in color, scent and sound but more than that they felt like contrasting elements. Earth meeting water meeting bark, all emitting something, like a smell but not. It carried as if on the wind and flowed in waves, washing over my body and with it bringing warmth, inner warmth. The warmth was strange, different than that of the sun and penetrated my skin renewing the layers beneath.
It gave me an enormous sense of power, I felt strong, energized, as if too potent a battery had been plugged in to me overloading my systems with raw energy. For the first time in a long time I felt free, free to do whatever I wanted. Not bound by societies laws, my mothers, or schools or Lanesras, no. I was in charge, I was the champion of my own destiny, go where I wanted, do whatever I wanted. And what I wanted to do was... Run.
As if on command I started running, quickly gathering momentum and moving faster than I ever had before. Faster than I felt possible, but it was more than just the speed. There was assurance there. Confidence, confident that even at this pace I felt steady on my feet, so sure in my step. The wind was whistling past me as I increased further, down a slight decline and then up into the forest, jumping over a half-fallen log, weaving between the dense pine and going deeper.
The forest was still and I came to a stop. There was no one around, no one to witness this new-found power. I called out, declaring myself to the world. Calling for challenge, calling for people to come see me for what I am. It pierced the still-hours like a war cry, causing a few birds to flutter from their high branches and take to flight. I could feel my veins bulging with passion and power. I paced back and forth like a caged lion waiting for release, any form of release. I didn't know if I wanted to fuck or fight. It was a strange combination but invigorating none the less. I maintained my pacing, waiting for someone but none came, no one came. The forest remained still and eerily quiet. Without a destination in mind, I circled back around out towards the lake and the open land, ready to pick up speed again as I broke the forest edge and circled back around the lake. Past the place where Lanesra had so publicly used me, past the tree which had tempted Adam and caused the fall of man.
I could feel myself panting more now, snorting through my nose causing plumes of breath vapor to rise around me. I started to slow, the sprint over and the desire to run diminished. Travelling forward from pure momentum. Coursing down the banks surrounding the lake opposite the forest, feeling the velocity peeling off, slowing to that of a fast walk and then stopping at the lakes edge, still panting from the exertion. I closed my eyes and dipped my head to the lake pressing my lips to the water and drinking from it.
I heard a noise and snapped my eyes open and turned swiftly, fight or flight reflex kicking in. Lanesra approached a look of confusion and concern on her face that sent me crashing down from my elevated heights. Should I turn to run, try to run away with my new-found speed and strength? What's the point, however fast I am there is no doubt she will be faster. As surefooted as I was, what use was it if she could shake the ground I walked on. There was no fight or flight here, either was folly. I turned my back to her, back to the lake for more water and noticed my reflection for the first time. I looked different, I looked...
"Borlesk? What is wrong old friend?" Lanesra asked as she approached and ran a hand along my flank, feeling the comfort within from her touch. So she saw it too. Saw me as the stag, as a mere animal...
I felt a sudden revulsion at my own words and I felt my head shaking from side to side against my will. There was a tearing feeling in my brain and I found myself no longer in control of the body. A big puff of breath vapor emitted from my nostrils. Looking down I saw my legs for the first time, the legs of a deer, the right foreleg hoof dragging backwards and stamping on the ground repeatedly.
"Hey, hey. Easy now friend, easy. What has you so worked up?" She asked as she placed her ear against my body just above my foreleg and running a hand along my neck. Her placations appeared to be working as I saw the leg stomping and chuffing slowdown from its fever. She removed her head from my side and moved round to the front, trailing her hand along the neck to the face.
"There you go, sshh. Now, why are you challenging in the middle of the night like some young alpha prospect hmm Borlesk? You aren't getting any younger you know. Eventually one will come to replace you, it is nature's way, we've spoken of this." I had to give him credit as Borlesk turned his head towards her and chuffed a big cloud into her face.
Lanesra took a step back and smiled. "Wooo, easy there. Don't forget who I am. You haven't shown insolence like this since. Since.." Her eyes tightened and her eyes went stern as she seemed to sturdy Borlesk, paying careful attention to his eyes. It felt like she was staring straight into my soul with her unrelenting gaze.
"I should have known!" Lanesra said loudly, shaking her head before turning back to the great tree and making her way towards it. After around 10 paces she stopped and turned back to us.
"Borlesk. Can you smell that in the air? It appears perhaps your call woke a few of your beloved doe and they wait for you." Lanesra said smirking, before turning and walking away, stopping again. "Oh, and Tom?... Enjoy." Lanesra said over her shoulder shaking her head from side to side and continuing on the path.
So she knew. Somehow she knew I was here. What had she said yesterday about Nights eye. Look for him, look for Borlesk, that's what she had said, but what does that mean? Am I dreaming or is this something else.
"Your mind is as primitive as a rock, yet I am the mere animal" said a deep gravelly voice which emanated from within.
"Who the fuck is that?" I said in shock. Am I going mad? Hearing voices, isn't that a sign?
"Primitive, and stupid. Just like your fellow man. I have to admit, when I saw you at the lake I was a little intrigued, there is untapped potential there for sure, an alpha I felt, strong heart and will, but the mind. Always the mind." Borlesk said before starting to make his way back around the lake to the forest. I noticed the power which had resided within me moments ago was no longer present. The surefootedness and confidence evaporated, had that been Borlesk all along? Come to think of it, another difference was my sight. The colors not as defined, the field of view in depth and distance diminished, as if lowering a magnifying glass or going from a 4k ultra High Definition television to a 32-inch model from the 2000s. He dipped his head and started munching on the grass, pulling great clumps from the earth. I tried to reconnect to grasp back onto the reins I had held previously to steer Borlesk again.
"Still you try to control, still you try to take that which isn't yours. You were never in control. You don't control me. You don't Steer me. Our thoughts aligned. You wanted to run and I wanted to run, our desires aligned so we ran. You wanted to break free your shackles and challenge as did I so we did. Nothing more. Alignment. I allowed it to happen of course, permitted your primitive naive presence, if anything I actually went looking for it, to see if there was anything to work with in Lanesras protΓ©gΓ©, any power, but you are... lacking." I felt the challenge in his words, felt the stare down, felt the shame in him belittling me and not knowing how to respond.
"I.. I.." Words failed to materialise and I grew angry with myself.
"You are nothing. Yet I am the mere animal. Pah, mere Man more like. Such promise you held till then. I thought there was something to work with, something to work alongside, how foolish of me. I am stronger than you. I am faster than you. I am smarter than you, more knowledgeable than you, I hold your masters council. I best you in every way. Yet you call me the mere animal." The voice resonating and loud, I could feel my eyes wanting to cast downwards, like that of a scolded child, yet there was defiance that burnt within me. Whether born from naivety or that I was one to never back away from a challenge I wasn't sure, but I felt a heat, an aggression coursing through me that needed to be quelled or released.
"I can best you in other ways I'm sure." I responded, not even sure what I meant myself. What else was there that mattered. Borlesk chuffed, large clouds of mist filled the air around us and both front forelegs lifted off the ground stomping down repeatedly. Clearly, he wasn't pleased with my words and I garnered some pleasure in knowing that I had caused his reaction. I got the feeling that he could sense my pleasure which only seemed to drive him crazier. I laughed, which seemed to throw him into a frenzy, he cried out to the world in a deep resonating call. Sounding more like a ship's fog horn than a deer, no longer funny the laugh caught in my throat. Borlesk paced back and forth and I could see lights coming on in various trees and hole. Lanesra was going to be PISSED I realised.
A group of deer came from the forest. 6 of them, much smaller and more petite than Borlesk. Not knowing deer anatomy, I guessed they were female deer but didn't know for sure. They followed in a line, single file. The largest at the front, the smallest at the rear. They stopped and all turned to face Borlesk standing still, like that of soldiers at a drill inspection. Borlesk paced back and forth in front of them zig zagging his way closer, drawing in the distance between us and them with each pass stopping when within a few feet.
"This is but a small portion of my Hareem. How many are in your stable hmm? If you sounded your cry, how many would offer themselves to you like these have to me."
He called and they had come running that was for sure there was no denying it, but a Hareem? They appeared to be offering nothing, merely answering their leaders call. I detected no sexuality in their pose. No desire.
"Is that what you think? You doubt that which is being offered? Very well. Let me show you what they offer. Let us smell what they offer, taste the scent in the air. It is clear and potent, it hangs in the air like the mist of early morning. Look inward, you will see. Do you deny it?"
I held on to his words, tried to grasp onto that which had been offered. How the hell does one look inward. What does that even mean. I recalled the sensation earlier, the parts of my being which still felt tender from the tearing. I concentrated on those parts of my mind, and felt a weird sensation, like that of being observed by an external presence unseen. I felt something latch on to that part of my being again, a joining, reforming sensation, 2 presences becoming 1, different yet in some ways fundamentally the same.