Chapter Eleven: Daughter
The Maternal Bible: Chapter Fifty, Page One-hundred-two:
Hymnal: to be sung in A-major.
"Forever they will live as one, like two lovers in the sun, shining from creation's birth, to hold a tether to the earth. The life, the joy, the stone, the fire; all together forever in the heavens higher."
Prelude: Atonement
FLORA
The cold metal was soothing on my flesh, and the dim light was calming on my eyes. I no longer felt the tortuous need of my sister's ailment, but only a thrumming desire between my legs. It had been a horrible night, but it had been made bearable by the distraction of conversation. I hadn't wanted to tell Julia my story, but a few coercing caresses of her fingers had loosened my lips. She'd remained silent as I spilled myself to her, only asking for me to clarify something once or twice. By the time I finished my tale, the morning sun was dimly glowing through the basement window.
"Now that you know the truth, what will you do with it?" I asked her. Julia didn't respond. She sat cross-legged and naked in her corner of the room, studying me.
"You think I'm a monster, don't you?" I whispered.
"No, I understand," Julia got up and walked over to me, then sat beside my head. "I've also fallen prey to the seduction of power. You think that by commanding others, you can find some control of yourself, but it's not so. It's an addiction."
"Yes."
"But power doesn't keep you warm at night, or bring you joy in the morning. You sold your daughter for power, and only afterward did you realize you'd sold her cheaply."
"Yes," I whispered again.
Julia nodded empathetically, and looked out the basement window. "I am going to seek atonement this morning," she said. "Tonight, you will do the same."
"How?"
Julia leaned until her face hovered over mine, her kindly emerald eyes tinged with the hint of something dark. She touched a single finger against my exposed belly, and I twisted in ardent reaction.
"Tera's poison is still in you, Flora," Julia sighed. "It will take at least half a day to be rid of it. I'll have to leave you like this for the duration, for your own good."
"How, Julia?" I hissed, "How can I atone?"
"You have to undo what you've done," Julia replied. "You sold Willowbud into slavery, now you must buy her freedom."
"At what cost?"
Julia smiled ruefully at me. "I've been asking the Holy Mother that all my life. The answer is always 'more.'"
Part One: Martyr
JULIA
"You know you don't have to do this," Lucilla said softly. The tunnel was immense, dark except for the morning light that glared at its end. Normally, the light would be a welcome sight in such cavernous blackness, but now, it only filled me with dread.
"Yes, I do," I whispered. My hands were clasped before me, my ankles were clasped beneath me, and I was completely naked save for the crescent symbol necklace that hung between my breasts.
"I forgave you," Lucilla hissed.
"I need more than just your forgiveness."
"There are those that will never forgive you," Lucilla said, molding herself to the crook of me.
"I need to forgive me," I said, offering her a sad smile.
"You can't do that, Julia," Lucilla returned the smile with equal sadness. "You never could."
She pressed her lips to mine, and I tasted her worry in the kiss. I broke from the embrace with a shallow gasp, and saw fear in her sapphire eyes. It was oddly comforting; at least I wasn't alone in my terror. I turned from her, took a breath, and stepped forward. The light of the tunnel grew brighter with each successive footfall, and a low rumble became audible to me. The rumble became a growl, and soon, it was a roar. It was like continuous thunder, and the noise beat at my body like the wind, making me cringe against it, but still, I walked. The thunder grew louder, the terror grew hotter, but every time I thought to retreat, I forced an image of Diamond's black eyes, of Lucilla's blank eyes, of Passion's horrified eyes, and of my mother's dead eyes. I stepped beneath the threshold, the cold stone beneath my feet turned to hot sand, and the blinding sunlight consumed me. The monster roared my entrance, and I walked willingly into its mouth.
The Pit seemed much larger from the sands than it had from the outside. The stands rose a hundred feet all around me, the risers stretching back, every space filled with the writhing, screaming blur of sixty-thousand people. Their heinous roar was of hatred, of laughter, of amusement at seeing a god so humbled. This beast of the masses did not even know the word 'mercy.' It only wanted more, only wanted worse, and I would give it to them. I took a deep breath, held my head high, and walked to the platform at the center of the sand. From across the arena, I could see Brandon and Night Eyes in their booth. I felt the hunger in my lungs, and I gritted my teeth to suppress it. My desire for Corruption had become a dependency sometime in the night, and it was only getting worse. I needed something terrible to distract my mind.
BRANDON