The Commanders Cat Ch 03

THREE - Hanna

This time I awoke in my own bed inside the cartography office. Memories of the night before swam through my brain in a soupy fog that melted away instantly when I realized my good hand was tied to the pallet. "Are you fucking kidding me?" I screamed, kicking and thrashing in the bed until I was out of breath again. When I had calmed down I studied the knot, determined to free myself from the rope even if I couldn't get out of my office. I realized with two hands I could easily untie it. With one injured hand it would be more difficult, but I apparently had nothing but time. After a few minutes of painful effort it was loose enough for me to pull my hand free. I stormed to the door, as much as I could storm on wobbly legs, and pounded on the glass.

The guard turned his head and yelled through the glass, "The commander will be with you soon, mi'lady. He's a bit busy right now."

"Where is he?" I demanded.

"I believe he's castrating a soldier in front of the other soldiers. Giving a bit of a clinic this morning 's what I heard." He chuckled and gave me a thumbs up then turned back to stare straight ahead.

Rhistel

, I realized, a sick feeling in my stomach.

I don't feel bad for him

, I thought,

maybe just a little bit.

I wanted fresh air and while maybe they wouldn't let me out the front door, the courtyard was still mine. I wobbled to a bench beside one of the walls and sat in the chilly morning air watching a bird peck at an overripe pomegranate that had fallen onto the slate of the courtyard and broken open. Hearing voices behind me I realized the shift change had arrived to relieve the courtyard guards. I eavesdropped on their conversation as best as I could, expecting it to be about the "demonstration" Commander Jofiel was putting on.

"It's a real bloodbath," one said to the other. "If you have any white ribbons you better get rid of 'em before you do anything else..." they moved away from the wall momentarily, out of my range of hearing. As they made their way back I realized the conversation had changed.

"What I heard is Jofiel's cat is useless, but nobody knows the lay of the land so we need the maps. It's a fuckin' mess out there," the first guard swore loudly, seemingly unaware that "Jofiel's cat" had free rein of the courtyard.

"I heard she rejected him and he killed her himself."

"Nah, she's alive, but in bad shape from what I heard. I heard she rejected him and he tried to drown her in the bath. Fuckin' hypocrite took her white ribbon the day he met her is what I heard. Either way, if he doesn't find someone to replace her we're going to lose the city by spring, and then they'll wish we were still the occupiers."

I wanted to jump up and demand an explanation, shout at them for making things up, ask them who was going around saying I'd been drowned, but I already knew they were likely not supposed to speak to me. Instead I jumped up, startling the bird away from the pomegranate and ran back into the office, anger steeling my wobbly legs. I gathered my trays one at a time with my good hand and with some difficulty managed to spread out fresh vellum and attach my guides to my desk. I retrieved the stack of orders, already a small mountain, from what had been Shadeem's desk but was now Luvon's desk, and sorted through them until I found the most urgent-looking one.

Steadying the quill in my left hand I went to work establishing the scale of the map first. It wasn't my best work, but it was still better than my master had been producing at the end of his life. I was so engrossed in my work I didn't hear the lock turn, the door open or close, or Luvon's approach.

"What are you doing?" his voice startled me and I jumped, dropping my quill to the carpet beneath my desk. I spun around to face him feeling like a child who had been caught being naughty when I was only doing my job.

"I, uh," I thought about lying but then I knew that he knew I had thought about lying to him and cursed under my breath. "Fine," I started, "I overheard something today about losing the city by springtime without the maps, and being replaced. You won't have to replace me, as you can see I can still do my job just fine, better than my master." I held up one of the finished maps for him to inspect. "Losing the city to who, though?"

He ignored my question. "You're right," he nodded, "that's a fine map. We need a lot of them, they don't have to be perfect, we just need a lot. We are not familiar with the land to the west of your city."

I couldn't ignore any longer that his uniform was spattered with blood. "What did you do today?" I asked, trying to keep my tone light and realizing how ridiculous that seemed.

"I castrated some of my soldiers. I found out they had sizable collections of white ribbons, and how they obtained them. And I made an example out of them." He sighed and sat in the master's chair. "You were right to be afraid of them. They are monsters. So am I. I'm sorry I was angry with you for telling me the truth. I knew what they were doing and I ignored it until it effected me. That was wrong."

"Oh, it's okay," I said, caught off-guard by his apology.

"There are more men among the Unseelie than women, it's just how it's always been," he continued unbidden, "and, well, I suppose we naively believed that they wouldn't abuse the availability here, alas..." he trailed off, his eyes searching the carpet for something. "We have a problem. You and I have a problem. You didn't tell me you were fae-kin. Why?"

I shook my head, hoping he would stop saying I was fae. "Because I'm not, you just didn't do it right or something."

Now he shook his head. "You are fae, there's only one way to faebrand someone, and I've done it enough times to know what I'm doing. You're fae, and I have no idea what I'm going to do with you now."

I shrugged. "What does it matter? I'll just stay here and make my maps. No one has to know."

He laughed. "I take it you haven't seen a mirror today. You might not be able to ever leave this room if you don't want anyone to know you're fae."

I scowled and hurried to the washroom, my reflection immediately greeting me with glowing eyes as I stepped through the doorway. I stomped back out and pointed at Luvon. "How did you do this to me?"

Holding his hands out to indicate he had no ideas, he shook his head and shrugged. "Something awakened in you last night, sometimes it happens during high stress or intense experiences. It was just your time," he bit his lip.

I hope she buys that,

he thought, then he caught my expression.

Oh shit.

"How long have you been able to hear me," he demanded, "you really can't do that, can you? Oh gods, this is a nightmare."

"It wasn't a nightmare when you could hear

my

thoughts," I said, my tone quite snotty. I wasn't afraid of him anymore.

Maybe I can turn into a bear, too.

Only a small one,

I heard him think.

We glared at each other until I thrusted my leg out the side of my ruined tunic and pointed at the mark.

"You said you can change it, so just take it off. Maybe I'll go back to normal and you can think whatever you want again."

He exhaled sharply and paced around the small office while I waited for his answer.

"It doesn't work like that," he said at long last, "I can change it, but I can't take it back. That's why we have a problem. If you were a human, sure I could take it back, I had planned to once you learned your lesson, but you're fae," he hesitated and I interrupted him. "So it's just on there forever? Commander Jofiel's Pussy? Really?"

He rushed over and hushed me. "There are a lot of ears around here, and what I did to you could cause us both a lot of trouble. Hanna," he looked miserable as he tried to explain himself to me, and I rather enjoyed it until I understood the meaning of his words. "Hanna, when we do that to other fae it's like a vow. I can never take it back. I am bound to you forever."

I simmered for a moment before I said anything more. "It sounds like you only felt bad for doing it when you realized you did it to your own kind. When you did it to a human, it was fine, right? And now you're just upset because you bound yourself to me forever instead of just for a good time. Do I have the gist of it?"

His expression grew darker and darker as I spoke, and I knew I was treading into dangerous territory with him, but I didn't care. It made me angry that he only thought it fine to mar my human skin. Now that he knew I was like him it was somehow a bad thing to do.

"No, you don't understand what I'm telling you in the slightest, per usual," he spat. "I put my name on you. No human would want you now, nor would any fae. I took away your choices, if you had any. And if I did ask you to marry me now, I would never know if you actually

wanted

me or just didn't want to be alone. Do you get it yet, you petulant brat? I actually

care

about you."

His last words were a roar, and when I blinked to push away my tears I saw a bear in front of me. Another blink and I saw Luvon walking out the door of the cartography office, taking the roll of finished maps with him.

Luvon

Hanna stayed up all night that night making copies of my maps. When I came to the office in the morning to bring her breakfast and apologize, I found her slumped over her desk, asleep. At first I wondered if she was ill again, but then I saw the enormous stack of vellum and parchment maps, dozens of them, each an exact copy of the last. She had never washed or even changed out of the tunic that I ruined, even streaked as it was with Red Cap blood, and as I lifted her from her stool to deposit her in bed, her tunic shifted, revealing my ugly mark.

I saw my opportunity and went to work with a paintbrush, obscuring my old mark and writing something else instead. Hanna stirred and asked me what it said now.

"It's an old phrase in my language, it means I pledge my friendship to you," I answered.

Only friendship

, I heard her voice in my head.

"Do you want more?" I asked, but she had drifted back into sleep. I covered her and made sure all the curtains were closed, terrified one of my soldiers might see the mark on her thigh. Changing its contents hadn't changed what I had done.

Faebranding wasn't something we took lightly; I didn't know how to tell Hanna we only do it to other fae in marriage, like she had feared.

I don't want him to marry me like this.

I heard her voice in my head again and winced. For me to brand her without her understanding was a crime, and I could only hope that I managed to win her over before anyone saw what I had done. Gathering the maps, I counted and found I was only short two, and decided I had enough to distribute them to my lieutenants. My mistake was relatively safe from discovery, I reasoned. I knew she couldn't get out of the office without me, but I still worried that someone would see her. I couldn't stay and watch over her, though it pained me for more than one reason to leave. My responsibilities extended to more than just the conscripted cartographer.

I left the office and requested my horse. Soon I was hurtling through the wilds outside of the city as I gave my stallion his head and let him run. The lands beyond the city walls were strange to me. Not lush like the wilds of my realm, but filled with scraggly brush and short pine trees, mountains of jutting rocks and valleys of sand. The sun was harsh and the sky was open here, not obscured by a canopy of leaves. I knew where the few camps we had set up were located by heart, but not where they were located in relation to anything else. None of my men truly knew where they were, either. Hanna's maps were vital if we were going to protect the city from the Seelie Court.

The day was long and by the end of it my horse was lathered in sweat. Lanterns lit the city streets as I finally rode back through the city gates, and I could imagine Hanna was awake and probably unhappy with me, as always. I handed the reins of my horse to some private who had recently appeared and shown that he was a determined ass-kisser. Somehow he was always at hand when I needed something menial done, and he was always too happy to do it. Eventually he would get sick of it and would turn into a disgruntled asshole like me.

Then he can get a promotion

, I thought, laughing to myself.

I had one map left and needed to request a few more from Hanna. I set my shoulders and tried to brace myself. My superiors had made it clear that I was supposed to treat her like a piece of equipment, that she was more valuable than me currently, off-limits to me, and I also had to keep her happy so she wouldn't drag her feet on making the maps. I was also supposed to turn her into a proper soldier, make sure she did everything right, and understand that any mistakes she made would be counted against us both.

When I had laid eyes on her the first time I had thought she was a typical Damaqas street urchin trying to shoplift in the market. That first day she had impressed me with her abilities to hide in plain sight and get around the city unseen. Those were things that were sometimes difficult to teach in the military. Not every soldier possessed the subtlety or finesse to walk through an entire city and be seen by no one.

She had also made it clear to me that she would be an enormous pain in my ass. Somehow, despite her low status, she was sheltered, naive, and rather entitled. The last part I understood; she had believed she was going to inherit the office and likely the cartographer's villa, get her artisan pin, and be free to live her life how she wanted to. Instead I had shown up, told her her master was dead, dashed her hopes of getting the red pin that signified she couldn't be conscripted, and then I conscripted her.

No wonder she hates me.

It was the other things, her naivety and general lack of worldliness, that I didn't understand. I wouldn't have kissed her the first night if I had known that she had no experience with men to speak of. I wouldn't have taken her to the bathhouse if I had known how much it would embarrass her. I would have insisted that quarters be found for her elsewhere - quarters with a private bath, to avoid all of it.

And that would have avoided the accident,

I thought bitterly, kicking myself internally for not insisting on appropriate quarters for her.

Despite all of that, her naivety and my understanding that she had no real knowledge of men or what I wanted from her, I couldn't control myself around her. I tried to think of ways to hold myself accountable and came up empty-handed. I knew none of the other officers would help me. If I explained my issue they would laugh and offer to hold her down. I wanted her, badly, and I fought with myself every day.

The cartography office came into view as I rounded the corner. It was time to deal with whatever awaited me inside. In some ways she made me more nervous than the battlefield. I never knew if she was going to destroy me with guilt or be coiled and waiting to strike like a viper, and I wondered if I would still be dealing with her if I wasn't ordered to.

Yes, I would.

I sighed, my hand on the knob of the office door as I tried to prepare myself for whatever would greet me that evening. The guard posted at the door grunted, "Women, eh?" We both chuckled, and I finally turned the knob and crossed the threshold into Hanna's world.

Nothing prepared me for what I found inside the office. Hanna's bed was perfectly made, the office so clean it could have been my own, and Hanna was nowhere to be seen.

My eyes darted around the room. The office was colorful and cluttered with tools, rolls of vellum, books of maps, plants, brass instruments of measurements I didn't understand, a collection of orreries and astronomical tools that I vaguely recognized. But no Hanna.

My heart hammered in my chest as I cleared the distance between the office door and her platform in two steps. I felt a growl rising in my chest as I opened cupboard doors and cleared the washroom.

Where is she

, panic made the blood thunder in my ears as I stepped back into the office, my eyes finally falling on the courtyard door.

I never should have let her have the courtyard,

I realized, certain that she had gotten past the guards somehow and was off playing little monkey somewhere in the city.

I ripped open the courtyard door and dashed outside, and there she was. Perfectly uniformed, hair perfectly braided, kneeling over some pots and a little cauldron that bubbled over a small fire. Before I could speak the smell hit me, and I retched unexpectedly behind her, drawing her attention as a bemused grin spread across her face.

"Are my little art supplies too smelly for a soldier?" I could barely hear the amusement in her voice as I emptied my stomach into an oleander bush.

"Gods, that smells worse than a battlefield," I groaned. "What the hell are you making?"

"Guards throw up," she replied,

such a smart ass.

The odors of resin, sulphur, lime, cloves, and honey mixed together around her, and I couldn't stand to get any closer.

"I have to make more vellum tomorrow," she told me, "so I need someone to escort me to get more supplies. It will be a while before I can make more maps."

That wouldn't do. I thought of the officers that still needed maps and shook my head.

"How can we get you back to making maps tomorrow? We can't wait a few days."

It was her turn to shake her head now. "Can't do it," she replied, "unless you want to take me to Jiyya, they have a merchant there that sells prepared vellum and parchment. But it's expensive, and it takes at least a full day to ride to Jiyya."

"Not on a military horse, it doesn't. It might take a full day on one of those worn-out donkeys that drag wagons around the city. It will take half a day, at most," but she shook her head again. I sighed as she interrupted me.

Why does she have to argue with me about everything?

"I don't know how to ride a horse, so we have to go by wagon-"

Now I interrupted her. "We'll take my horse, and you'll sit in front of me, so you don't have to know how to ride a horse. No more excuses. We'll leave at first light in the morning."

"How will we bring back the supplies? There will be a lot."

"I'll take saddlebags and a pack horse, it will be fine."

She pursed her lips. "How will I ride a horse in this skirt?" she gestured at her uniform.

"Fine, I'll get you some riding pants. But you have to bathe first and wash that stench out of your hair before we ride anywhere," I said, fanning my hand in front of my nose to illustrate my point.

Shrugging, she nodded toward the fountain. "I'll just bathe in the fountain like I did today. Don't bother clearing out the bathhouse."

I glanced at the fountain which wasn't much more than a trickle and was certainly frigid. "Isn't that freezing?" I asked, surprised that she would even think of trying to bathe in it.

"It beats drowning in dirty bath water," she punctuated her statement with a sardonic little laugh.

Maybe you'll turn into a passable soldier after all,

I thought.

She smiled.

"I can't stand the smell out here anymore," I told her. "Are you hungry?"

"Starving."

"I don't know how with that horrid witch's brew bubbling away under your nose, but I'll be back shortly."

The rest of the evening started out unremarkable. I enjoyed the sights and smells of the market, so rather than order someone else to get our evening meal, I went myself. Although I wanted to give her nice things I had come to realize that Hanna wasn't accustomed to them, so I stuck to more modest purchases that she would actually eat. She had grown very thin during her illness, not having had much extra meat on her bones to begin with, and then not eating for three or four days while she slept off her infection. Hanna looked gaunt now, and rather pale, I had noticed, so I paid for the fluffiest pitas I could find in the market loaded up with extra goat meat, crumbled goat cheese, a sauce made from fatty yogurt, and a cloth bag full of biscuits the stall owner assured me were full of butter and protein-rich almonds. She sent me on my way with a disc of salted butter wrapped in waxen paper and instructions to spread it on the biscuits, and to come back the next day for a jug of some yogurt drink that Hanna would be familiar with. I thanked her profusely and grossly overpaid her, then hurried back to the cartography office, hoping Hanna was done with her smelly work.