Vietnam - A Shau Valley - July 2nd 1967
The other guys are complaining about the heat. I'm lucky that I'm from Cut Off. I never thought that raking oysters with Dad while the sun beat down on me would pay off. I remember the sweat rolling down his wrinkled sunburnt neck. The water glittering like rhinestone church brooches around our aluminum boat. Seeing the girls heading down to Grande Isle with their smooth arms and fine hands holding cigarettes out of their car windows as the wind plucked their hair from the pins and scarves. They giggled when I saw them at the gas station in town. Their lips smoothed with pink lipstick. Their eyes hidden under the dark lenses of their horn-rimmed sunglasses.
I think about those girls a lot now in The Suck. After the rain comes down in cool sheets and the jungle creaks back to life, steam rising from our bare backs as we emerge from our strung-up tarpaulins like pale underground creatures, we pat our breast pockets for our Salems. I think about splitting a cigarette with Gwen in Ms. Mary's store. The only store in town with air conditioning. Her nipples poking through her blouse under the sheen of the thin skin of her chest. A cold IBC root beer pearled with condensation clutched in her hand.
I would give my left nut for air conditioning right now. I would kill a man to taste Gwen's smoky mouth. To press her under my body and slide into her. I would marry Gwen right now even though her letters are non-committal and bored. She's fucking some senator's son from Kentucky at college. She doesn't say that, but she talks about him. He'll never have split skin between his fingers and toes, leeching and burning pink as a newborn baby's mouth. He'll never carry a ruck that cuts into his shoulders or have a bullet tink against his steel pot, reminding him that he is going to die.
I guess it doesn't do me much good to be mad at him. I should be happy for this stranger. I should be happy for Gwen that she's found someone who can take care of her forever. I'm tired of all this.
Vietnam - A Shau Valley - July 3rd 1967
I was so tired last night that I swear I saw something in the sky. I was on fire watch, smoking a joint and dripping Tabasco sauce into my eyes to stay awake when through a break in the trees, I saw what I thought was meteor. The rain had let up, but the night sky was still dense with cloud cover. It seemed to hover and spin above the tree line and then darted back and forth in a zig zag pattern before it shot up and disappeared. I blamed it on the weed, but the more I think about it, the less I think it mattered. Reefer never made me see things. Not once.
I told Dippy about the meteor. He's from somewhere in California. It's hard to remember where exactly, but somewhere where he sees a lot of hippie tits. Can't be too cold, I guess.
He said that he saw a UFO once in the desert. He and his friends took their rabbit rifles out to shoot beer bottles and they drank more beer than shot bottles when a shining white tube appeared above them. He said the air around it wavered in clearish rainbow translucence, like oil on water. He and his friends couldn't look away, he said. The thing just hovered there, humming a perfect F note around them. The ground under their feet vibrated like a tuning fork, lifting tiny pebbles into the air. There was a flash and pure suffocating silence and there they were, standing in a perfect circle, their hands clamped to their ears. Dippy said that they all had something like a terrible sunburn on their cheeks and ears and arms, the skin peeling away. The beer had evaporated from all of the bottles and a searing flat burn ran up each of their palms where they held the brown glass.
They went to the hospital where the doctor told them they had radiation burns.
Now, Dippy is pretty colorful and sometimes tells tales, so I suppose I should take all this with a grain of salt. His eyes sort of glazed over when he told me about it. And the shape of the UFO sounded like what I had seen. I don't know. My paper is getting wet again and I need to help the other guys set up camp. All I ate today was one of those tropical Hershey's bars. Like Ovaltine on a sponge. Fucking disgusting.
Vietnam - A Shau Valley - July 4th 1967
The fourth of July. I'll bet Gwen is looking sleek in a little bikini by the lake with all her college friends. I'll bet they are all drinking cold beer and eating hamburgers. I'll bet Mama is frying red fish and Daddy is grilling sausages and my little sisters are sticky with ice cream. I'll bet that they are going to see the fireworks by the bay, saying a rosary against any storms churning up the brown gulf waters. My tags say Catholic, but I'm not so sure right now.
We're so far out in the field, the resupply won't be here for another few days. We are stuck with our C rations.
I try to make the best of it. It's very strange that most of us Louisiana boys know how to cook and the rest of them don't. That's why they call me Chef. I made toasted cheese sandwiches with canned bread and cheese. You just take that canned bread from the B-3 unit and the pimento cheese from the B-2 unit and make a few holes in the lids before you put them in an empty B-unit box and set it all on fire. Then you pour that melted cheese all over that bread and you have something warm. Something closer to home.
The rain came down in sheets today. We took off our clothes and rinsed our stinking bodies in the downpour. We are as thin and wiry as the enemy now, our ribs showing through the tops of our chests.
I am surprised that I still want to fuck. Sometimes I wake up with my dick in my hand, hard and ready. But for what? For who? I dreamed about the UFO, its lights flickering a white-gold halo in the humid air. I felt myself being lifted, weightless and clean in the white light. I was transported through an opening. It wasn't a door. It wasn't like that. No more than a mouth is door. There I felt a gentle pressing against my skin and I was surrounded by eyes and pale skin. Soft hands stroked me and a strange sound like starlings chittering on a line rose and fell in my ears. The heat in my belly and tension wrapped around my cock. The lights gleaming above me golden and mute. My heart a trapped bird.
Then I woke up.
The Suck contracting green and wet over me as the tatter of gunfire ticked through the heavy foliage.
My feet were bare and healed. Not a trace of trench foot. They were as smooth and dry as they were when I lay sprawled out listening to the Lone Ranger on the radio, my father nearby in his orange velveteen chair, smoking a cigarette.