Stories and Dreams

My dear son, while I am writing this letter to you, my mind is playing new tricks on me each day. Clear thoughts are harder to maintain every day and I can feel myself slip away. But still, I am no idiot.

I was writing my books and am writing this letter, because I did not want them to be found by anyone but my successor. The letter you found in the drawer in the study was opened and closed at least three times, since I wrote it. Too many people know where I keep my seals. But only very few people know where I keep my Iatal, and that you my son, loved his stories, as did your brothers.

In my books I tried to keep everything I found worthy for my successor. There are good things and bad things, exciting stories, but also those which are boring.

They are my stories. I want you to learn from them and then make your own stories, maybe even write them down.

"What do you say to that?" I asked Larna when I read this letter to her the next morning still in bed.

"This was in one of these books?"

"Yes. At the end of the seventh part there was this letter inserted."

"Iatal the fabulous. Obviously, I never gave this author the appreciation he deserved."

"Obviously."

"What would you have done with those books, if you hadn't found out about your father's writing?"

"I would have given them to the library administration, and they would have found out."

"And with them the whole palace. I imagine in there are stories, that are not for all eyes."

"I will start reading them as soon as possible. For now, I will store them in the same shelf they were in until now. And there is another thing I need to talk to you about -- but this will need to wait a bit. I have a meeting with the Commander, Rallgar and Mandrak in twenty minutes."

"Then, get up, my king, and do some kinging."

"Yes, my queen, I will king around," and i kissed her.

When I came into my study, Chrusor, Rallgar and Mandrak were already waiting for me.

"Good morning, Your Majesty, thank you for this meeting," he greeted.

We all took a seat at my table and for some time we discussed the positions and duties of Rallgar, my now main private secretary and Mandrak, my personal valet.

From now on Mandrak would set up his office permanently in the antecamera of my meeting room, and he would oversee all my personal belongings during a journey. He would be a temporal member of the Privy Council, when invited by the king and he would be granted access to the Inner Palace if necessary for preparations of a journey.

Rallgar would handle my calendar and we would meet every morning to discuss the day. In the future he would coordinate with the queen's office.

Both would choose helpers for their duty at their own discretion but had to inform Chrusor and me about new people they added to the staff.

With that cleared, Rallgar and Mandrak left. Chrusor wanted to discuss some minor unfilled offices in the palace, as the royal storyteller, a new priest for the royal ancestors' cult and so on.

After an hour I decided to talk a short walk through the palace gardens for fresh air. In the gardens there were some men and women from the wider royal family. A few months ago we would have walked together, now they kept their distance and took detours to avoid the king's presence. At the same time at least to guards followed me around.

I felt a bit lonely and longed for a little solitude at the same time. This made me feel a bit uneasy, so I decided to go back into the palace, but were not sure what to do. My father always seemed so busy, and I knew that there was much to do, but I was still bored.

In my study, Larna waited for me. She looked at me, inhaled sharply, and in her strictest voice she commanded, "You come with me!"

I followed her into the Inner Palace. She asked me: "Whose palace is this?"

"The king's" I answered quietly.

"And who is king?"

"I am."

"Then make this palace yours. Make this office yours. Setting the time for one meeting of the privy council will not be enough. You must shape and form your office and not let yourself drift through the day."

"I know, I know. But it all seems so much. In the last four years everything was just thrown at me. Of course, I had to plan too, but I knew what I had to plan. Now I have to plan, what I don't know."

Larna was quiet and lost in thought for some time. Then she looked me in the eyes and said, "I think you know everything there is to know. And you should start by telling your wife who it is you plan to take as your wives. That is what you planned to tell me about this morning, isn't it?"

"Yes. But not here."

We walked back to my study, had Rallgar prepare a lunch for noon in the drawing room, and closed all doors.

"I would like to take two women as my wives I know for a few years. We both grew up with them or at least lived with them under one roof for some time."

"There are a number of women I could think of who match this description."

"Yes, but I mean two specific women. One is Salira, daughter of Quor Harka."

"Sweet Salira! She is what, three years younger than you are?"

I nodded.

"She once told me that if I was not to be your wife, she would have tried everything to get into your bed -- or mine. But she would not dare this with a king's son and later the Crown Prince."

"That's not why I would like to marry her," I said a bit annoyed.

"Why is it then? Is it her big tits or her shapely bottom?" She emphasized her words with touching herself at the corresponding body parts.

"Yes, yes, she is beautiful; and very much so. But there are many beautiful women at the king's court. That's not why I would like to choose her."

"Why is it then?"

"She was one of the few who still spoke to me like a normal person after I became Crown Prince. She was, after you, the first to talk to me about my father's death outside protocol. And she never once tried to worm her way into my bed. Even though at times I could not take my eyes from her."

"Does she know or suspect this?"

"I don't think so. I never spoke to her about marrying after I became king, and I always kept my respectful distance to her."

She smiled at me and chuckled.

"What is it?"

"I am being stupid."

"What?"

"No, I can't tell you. You will get mad."

"Now I will get mad either way. So, tell me, maybe I will find It funny."

"Good. But I warned you. -- Two nights ago, I could have measured the exact respectful distance during the earthquake."

"You are being stupid."

"But seriously: I understand why you would choose Salira, and I can only support this decision. I will be happy to have her as a part of the royal family. And who is your second choice?"

"Wasanna Tramir."

"Oh."

"What, oh?"

Larna looked at me and it seemed like there were tears in her eyes. But after some time, she took a deep breath and said, "Then I must tell you something, before you talk to her.

A few years ago, about one and a half years before we married, Wasanna and I were in one of the summer palaces near the mountains for a few weeks. We went hiking and bathed in the clear and cold waters of the mountain rivers. We really enjoyed our time there. For some days we were alone in the house. We had sent all servants away to be on our own.

On one of these days, we were bathing in a river when suddenly clouds gathered and a thunderstorm broke out. We ran home and heated the oven, but it took time to get warm. We did not want to catch a cold, so we decided to cuddle in bed to warm up each other.

Since we liked each other very much and I could feel some kind of sexual tension build up between us in our time at the Summer Palace, we did more than warm up each other by cuddling.

That night I made my first sexual experience -- with a partner. As far as I know it was her first time too. We repeated this every night for as long as we were in the Summer Palace. Of the servants no one suspected anything -- or at least they didn't mind.

I never did anything like this ever since. I always felt a bit ashamed that my first night with a lover was not with you. That is why I never told you. And maybe I was a bit in love with her and the feeling was quite overwhelming back then. It still hurts to talk about it."

I looked at her intently, then kissed her on her forehead, kissed away her tears and kissed her on her mouth. I embraced her and she nibbled on my ear.

After some time, I looked in her face again and smiled. She smiled back.

"I knew about your summer love."

"You knew that?"

"Yes, my father told me. The servants of course knew what was going on. And they did not mind, but they told him; my father did not mind too. He told me a few months later over dinner. The way he told me he made it clear to me, that this was the most normal thing in the world."

"And why did you never talk to me about it?"

"Because it is the most normal thing in the world. Why would I press you for something so personal?"

"And despite that you would like to choose her?"

"Maybe I would like to choose her because of that. You trusted her enough to have sex with her and keep it a secret. As far as I know she never told anyone. And as I can see your experience was a very positive one.

You were right to trust her and from that I think that I would be right to choose her. Maybe you two can pick up again where you left."

She embraced me again and kissed me.

"But you need three women to fill the empty positions."

"I am not sure about the third one yet. I am happy enough to have two names."

"It is a good start. A very good start. Should I contact the Office for Royal Ancestors and Offspring about these planned marriages?"

"It would be nice. Thank you. After they cleared them, we should invite them for dinner and talk about everything with them personally."

A few minutes later Rallgar announced our lunch, and we went to my drawing room.

"I really should rename this room. My father and grandfather liked to take their lunch alone in their study. I don't. I really like to eat with others."

"So, this is the lunch room then?"

"It would be more appropriate."

After lunch I ordered Chrusor to my study and talked to him again about filling the empty positions at court. Especially I wanted Rastar, High Priest Naliir's ward, or better royal hostage, as royal storyteller for the next four months. He may not have been well trained as storyteller, but still he knew exactly when to tell what. His duties would include storytelling at the educational lessons for the Children's Palace, at royal councils and from time to time to the family

After this talk, I decided to visit my brother Naaldir in his appartement beside the Children's Palace. It was connected to the main building, but he could also withdraw if he didn't feel well. He was in a bad phase of his mental sickness.

On my way there I heard a guard run after me and shout, "Your Majesty, Your Majesty, the riders from the south are back."

I quickly turned around, "From the free cities?"

"Those too, Your Majesty. The Commander of the Royal Household and the Chief Minister for Foreign Affairs have asked for your presence in the meeting room."

I would have to postpone the visit to my brother. When I was back in my office rooms, I opened the door to the meeting room and heard many people talking at the same time. When they saw me enter, the room became silent.

Zivrar, the Chief Minister, began to talk, "Your Majesty, the riders are back."

"All of them?"

"Yes, Your Majesty!"

"Thanks to the goddess of the living. Are they all well?"

"Yes, Your Majesty, there was no harm done to them."

"What news do they bring?"

"Hear them yourself, Your Majesty!"

All the riders were in the meeting room. Manur Shrakvy, Chief Minister for Home Affairs asked them to tell what they had heard and seen one by one. They had followed the track of disaster down south.

The centre of the earthquake must have been somewhere near the free cities on the western side of the channel. The farer one got down south the more everything was destroyed.

It was devastating to listen to them. Cities, villages, where every building was damaged or destroyed completely. The summer's harvest lost in the rain or in landslides after the earthquake. Some of them cried when they talked about it. When I asked them, some told that they had visited their destroyed hometowns.

The last messenger was a young man named Niwor Subtir, he was a royal rider and was also born down south. He had tried to visit the Dagrala. This was an especially rebellious city. Its citizens often captured ships on the channel themselves and robbed them of everything before they sunk them.

He met messengers from Dagrala on his way there. The city was destroyed, its harbour buried by a landslide, the people had nearly nothing to eat and no clean water. Diseases would be spreading soon. With tears in his eyes, he talked about the master of this city, the Doge, elected by the city's powerful families. He was killed in the earthquake, as were many other men, when they were in the middle of a council session in the town hall.

The Doge's wife was now running the city, or what was left to run. She tried to evacuate the ruins as fast as possible, but with approximately 100.000 inhabitants this was no easy task.

"What can we do for these people?" I asked myself as much as all the others in the room.

The rider answered, "Dagrala asks for peace and support. They would even become a permanent part of the kingdom, as would other free cities, as long as they get sustenance to live on."

"I will talk about this with my ministers. We will try. I cannot promise anything. This year's harvest was not the best, but it could be enough for all. I don't know for sure yet. I know that most of you have contacted your hometowns in those two days. This was the reason why you volunteered to ride down south.

You have heard about families; your families suffer and die. We will try to help. But not at the cost of our own people. If one of my subjects dies of hunger because we tried to save the free cities, we have gained nothing. I hope you understand this."

They looked at me a bit shocked but nodded in understanding.

"I tell you the truth rather than a beautiful lie."

In the back of the room stood Larna with sadness in her eyes. She must have heard what the riders had to say.

I talked silently with some of the ministers asking them to come to my study later. I withdrew and Larna came with me.

"I talked with a rider from the west. My parents are fine and count Malkir and his family are fine too. There was not too much damage. But what I heard from the south was devastating."

I took her in my arms and caressed her back for some time. She sobbed, "And I made fun of this earthquake all the time."

"The fun part had nothing to do with the earthquake and I did not take it seriously at first too.

In five minutes as many Chief Ministers as we can gather right now will come to this room to talk about our next steps. The meeting room will be kept open for more messengers. Some of the free cities seem to have sent riders of their own. Do you want to participate in this session?"

"Yes, I would very much like to sit at your side and help you."

For the remaining afternoon and evening we discussed with the chief ministers and other government officials what we could do and what our resources were. We were able to achieve quite a lot if we managed to distribute the food and bring enough people to places with clean water and undamaged houses. For the kingdom itself this could be seen as a chance to finally find piece at the southwestern border.

We ate our dinner during the session and received more messages from the free cities. They really seemed to wish for peace. But who knew what they would be up to once we helped them back on their feet?

When we went to bed it was nearly midnight and I was not yet sure how to handle this situation. But at least we knew that we had the resources to help the people in the south.

I fell asleep the moment my head touched the pillow. And I had slept for some time, when I began to dream -- again of my father.

He sat at my bed and like last time he said, "Let me tell you a story!" But I couldn't say anything because my mother's hands were tickling me. As soon as I realized that these were my mother's hands, they vanished, and my father began to speak in his storytelling voice.

"When I was a young king a coal mine near Ashtagoah collapsed. My chief ministers and many messengers explained to me what had happened and how people suffered by that.

But I could not understand or imagine how that was. I was very afraid and did not know which course of action I should take.

At night I dreamt. The goddess of the living was speaking with the goddess of the dead.

Naletha, the goddess of the dead said, 'They all come to me. I see them all. When one dies, I get to hold him in my arms, no matter what happened before and no matter if he or I like this.'

Isanna, the goddess of the living answered, 'I always am there, where is the most life. I never see disasters or war, sickness, or injuries. I see love, I see births and I see happiness.'

'But your subjects are not always happy and give birth and love,' Naletha answered, 'They also suffer and are injured and are unhappy. Wouldn't you see these things too?'

'No, because there is not enough life for me there.'

'But you have to see for yourself how your subjects suffer, when there is not enough life.'

'I give them life in harvests and in the nature, in births and in celebrations.'

'But you need to see, why they need you and why they need life. You need to see for yourself.'

This was when I woke up. Then I knew, I needed to see the disaster for myself.

When I saw it, it changed me. I could have given them food and water, shelter, and clothes by organizing those things in the palace. But what I could not give them, when I was not there, was an embrace for the children, a word of consolation for the wives and the knowledge that I have seen all this with my own eyes."

"Should I go to the free cities, father?"

"Free cities? I don't know anything about the free cities."

"Father, are you real or are you a dream?"

"What is real, my son? Maybe I am both."

I woke up in a cold sweat and got up to change my nightgown. It was four in the morning already. I lay in bed and could not sleep.

I heard Larna breathing at my side and in the distance, I heard the palace wake up.

I thought about the events and news of yesterday, about my dream and what was necessary to do.

At six in the morning, I got up. I took my bathrobe and went downstairs to the servants' bathroom on the ground floor of the Gate Wing -- this was the first one to be heated in the morning. Some servants seemed shocked to see the king come to such profane rooms.

"Don't bother because of me. I couldn't sleep any more. I will bathe here and take my breakfast in my study. Please don't wake up my wife. She had a stressful day and today will be even more so."

Everyone left me alone. A servant even brought my clothes down, so I did not need to walk back to the bedroom.

When I came to my study a breakfast was already prepared and Mandrak was just leaving the room.

"Mandrak, in half an hour meet me here again. Come with, Chrusor, Zurat, the Commander of the Ceremonial Guards and try to find the Chief Minister for Foreign Affairs."

"Yes, Your Majesty!"

When they came to my study, I was still drinking my coffee.

They all greeted me with a nod, and I had them take a seat.