Amateur weekend race-car co-driver for hire, Aldo Proudfoot, was driving his Porsche 911 bi-turbo Cabriolet at full-throttle at 3 am in his country's only Super Highway Grade 1.
That first stretch of grade 1 super highway had no maximum speed restrictions, although there was a slow speed restriction of 75 mph minimum.
Vehicles travelling at slower than 75 mph were liable to be seized by the authorities and immediately crushed for cartage to a recycling depot, the policy being introduced by the lawmakers, 'Let's Keep Our Country Moving'.
It was assumed that drivers who crash at super speeds would have crushed their vehicle anyway.
It was further assumed that road rage drivers would travel on lower maximum speed highways to be more likely to catch victims as would suicidal-gripped motorist who'd wish to have sufficient remains identifiable so that their exit from this world would not pass unnoticed.
Aldo was driving at a steady 190 mph (307 kph) when his inner voice commanded, "Slow immediately to 80 mph and pull off this highway at the first opportunity. If you don't, your car will spin out of control in Witherspoon Tunnel and your obituary will be published with our compliments."
Playboy Proudfoot laughed and called it aloud, "That's a mind-bending prank."
Inexplicable, his car-steering delivered a slight speed shimmy.
"Fucking hell," Aldo muttered and slowed to 135 mph.
The speed shimmying stopped.
He shrugged and accelerated and the inner-voiced said, only one word and sneering, 'Idiot'.
Aldo began sweating as he fought to control the vehicle already at 173 mph. He slowed steadily to 80 mph, not braking dangerously fast and feeling the effects of speed wobbling due to a steering malfunction or a deflating font tyre fading as the vehicle slowed.
He turned off at the first exit 11 miles farther on and stopped. He removed his cap and wiped sweat from his forehead.
"Bloody imagination," he said scornfully and opened the window and spat out bile.
There was not even a breeze outside but nevertheless it blew back and scatter across his face and his car reared up from the front, like a stallion about to go off to find a likely mare to mount. The front wheels dropped smoothly, the front of the car not even transmitting a small jolt.
"Fuck, this is paranormal, he thought, turning white. "Some dead fucker is out to murder me."
"You are correct to a point, but it's more supernatural than paranormal. There is a different you know," said the voice he heard inside his head.
Aldo had no idea of the difference.
He thought then what were his instructions?
The answer was immediate, the wording being delivered faster that he could have constructed it as a thought.
"From her Ladyship. She'll probably give you a back rub to calm you before she delivers the message."
What message?" Aldo thought, but that was not answered.
At 10.30 that night, Aldo went to sleep with his wife Catherine, a lawyer, snoring beside him.
She'd warned him there would be no sex as she was tired after delivering her presidential address at the annual AGM of the National Floral Society and introducing newly elected members to the organising committee (seven of the fourteen members retiring after two years' service) and introducing her appointment of the committee's new chairperson.
Aldo guessed what her tiredness was about; the vice-president Dago Stewart-Grigor had been fucking her again.
He awoke at midnight to the unfamiliar vagina scent near his head.
He switched on the bedside light but it came on much dimmer than normal. There was a strange female dressed in white with the tops of her thighs being pushed against the mattress
He turned to look for his wife and saw her stretched out on her back.
Holy shit, she appeared fast asleep and was being levitated.
"Do not be afraid," said the intruder. "You are being secretly recruited for your expertise by our High Command. My name is Virginia-Rose and I wish to give you a back rub to calm you before your mission is unloaded to you."
"Unloaded to my what?"
"Your sub-brain, silly," she giggled. "If you don't mind, I need to strip."
"Go ahead, your Ladyship," Aldo said scornfully. "That's unlikely to contribute to a back rub."
"Oh, silly man, unlike me you know little. I am responsible for the sending of sub-brain messages to people we use in carry out missions for the good of trillions of universes on behalf of the High Command intent on making the United Universes more compatible places in which to live."
"Trillions of universes?"
"Yes, Aldo. You'll know how many units there are in a trillion. But multiple that number by billion or perhaps two and you realise it's rather easy to lose numeracy perspective."
"Oh yeah," Aldo said, at least understanding what that last bit meant. "Now please explain why you need to be nude for a back rub?"
"That's easy, by definition a back rub means a full back run. I have to coat my entire front with perfumed massage oils and repeatedly have to rub you from scalp to your heels multiple times to give you complete a satisfying back massage during which you will involuntarily ejaculate multiple times."
"Don't worry by doubting your inability to continuing to cum many more times than what you are used to. I shall give you my finger coated with a special solution for you to suck off. There will be no adverse after-affects from ejaculation 50 times or more except that you may lose some weight and feel exceedingly weak and tired."
She worried Aldo even more by saying, "As the Duchess in charge of new colonies created in universes under the surveillance of the High Command and its bureaucracies, I'm surprised that on the Planet Earth in your universe that your so called profit-earners such as Weight-Watchers have ignored the obvious to promote increasing sexual activity as the fastest and healthiest means of losing excessive weight quickly. Possibly a profit motive might be involved in ignoring the obvious."
"Yes, your Ladyship," Aldo said, wondering if at times during the prolonged massaging would she flip him over several times for deep penetration.
"That's very likely," she said alluringly.
"Pardon me?"
"Don't try to be coy or evasive with me, young man. I can read your mind like a book, as you people call those antiquated things. But as you know, you people on this Planet are in a crude tribal state of developing your full potential. However, there are some people standing in the way of aspiring people like yourself to develop further. We need to use people like you to engineer their demise in such a way as to avoid wide repercussions including by foreign powers."
"Right, I'm all for that and will cooperate fully."
"Thanks pal, as you personally call your friends. We already knew that before approaching to recruit you."
Aldo said hopefully, "Am I to survive this assassination?"
"Yes, absolutely. Otherwise why would I've spend much of your10-hour massage fucking you lovingly until you cried stop on each occasion when you were on the verge of passing out?"
Aldo was disappointed. He had no knowledge of such an exhausting erotic massage but his dick already was telegraphing the message that it had been run over by a bus.
He experienced a violent electrical charge through his brain that lasted only a few milliseconds. He almost vomited from the pain.
"Why did you do that?" he complained.
"Because you doubted my sincerity by thinking I was using my superior powers to dupe you. Do you deny you were thinking I was covertly seducing you to think I was lying about saving your pending demise in a horrible car crash to kill an enemy of this Planet on behalf of the High Command, Protectors of the citizens of the United Universes?"
"That was excessive wordage but yes, I was thinking you were lying to me about my survival of a horrific car crash."
"You have a brilliant mind for a low-level teaching academic, Aldo. We will ensure that you will be ordained by your country's government in recognition of your involvement in saving the country's elected leaders. They will make you your world's youngest Professor Emeritus ever, and you will be offered a full professor research role by your university in your current Department of Developing Technologies."
"We will ensure you brain gradually increases capacity to enable people researching under your guidance to become national leaders in the fields they specialize in upon graduation and you will be acclaimed internationally for your contributions to science."
"Wow, and will I end up with you to have regular sex with?"
"Absolutely not. But I'll attend to the personal development of your currently fantastic wife. She'll also incrementally display increasing prowess in sexual activity, as that appears important to you, and we'll control her so that she finds it impossible to spread her sexual expertise around the community."
Aldo grabbed his head in his hands and howled in pain.
"Stop thinking I'm using these upcoming accolades to once again believing I'm deceiving you into believing you won't survive this horrendous car crash."
"We will make your car capable of speeding up to 300 mph to ensure the General, who is the professor in charge of your military's research unit to fiendishly plan propaganda designed for the three branches of your Defence Forces' to gradual taking control of your country's Parliament, universities and the Police Force. The United Earth Command under that General intention is to control your country as if it was occupied by foreign invaders."
"But how will me assisting to kill the General stop such a fiendish and covert takeover of the country?"
"Elements of the news media investigating his death and involvement in the military will mysteriously come into possession of Classified Documents that explain the takeover plans step-by-step and name all thirty-seven traitors in the defence forces who have been involved in this dastardly act of gaining ultimate power by stealth."
"Dastardly?"
"It's rarely used these days in this country but exists in your dictionaries."
Aldo said, "Hmm, one learns something new every day. Do you know what does it means?"
"Examples include underhand, despicable or contemptible behaviour."
