Starship Gods

Chapter 27: The God Liam and the Pillow Miranda

High Tollah Myanmush was far from sure that Liam was one of the Gods of Sparticus. Liam seemed much too...

entertaining

to be a real God, in Myanmush's opinion. How he had described the afterlife at the services seemed like total nonsense to him, but the crowd had loved it.

Myanmush had mixed feelings about this new temple. On the one hand, he loved the idea of having a grand new place to worship the Gods. But he was jealous of Liam. It was he, the Mouth of Sparticus, who should be supervising the construction of such a grand thing, not the so-called God of Sparticus.

It occurred to Myanmush that if he could discredit Liam, he could still continue construction of the temple, but under his own supervision. Perhaps in time it could even be made to bear the face of the most deserving believer of the Gods of Sparticus in all of Phthiotis.

********

"The people are hungry, God Liam," Myanmush reported. "They are not able to devote the proper time to their farms. Their wives and children cannot till the land and collect the crops as well as the men can. People are starting to go hungry."

Miranda gave Liam a concerned glance. She had worried about the same thing. Only now, instead of sitting in a chair besides Liam, she was sitting on a pillow, a few steps down from him. The humiliating symbolism of the pillow hadn't escaped her. Everyone looked at her now like she was some kind of whore. The worst irony of the situation was that she wasn't even sleeping with him! She wasn't sleeping with anybody!

Certainly not with Emsack, after he had deceived her. She no longer found him attractive. In fact, there wasn't anyone on this planet she found interesting in that way. Oh, there were times when she had admired Liam's ingenuity, and boldness, and the way he played with words and smiled. But that wasn't

attraction

. And in any event, those times were long since past.

"The people will endure," said Liam, speaking like a detached God who didn't care about his people. What kind of monster had he turned into?

"Yes, Lord. But perhaps you could help," said Myanmush.

"Help? In what way?"

"In the Book of Sparticus, when the people suffered from drought, and the crops would not grow, Sparticus turned sand into blood."

"Sand into blood? Really? And how did that help?"

"The people drank the blood."

"So people drank blood... and that sustained them," said Liam.

"Yes, God Liam."

"Well, I'm a little short on blood here," said Liam.

"That is not all. There was another famine that occurred in Modena, and Sparticus went to the farms, and turned the chickens into goats, and goats into cows."

"Quite a neat trick," said Liam.

"We had wondered, since you are a mighty and powerful God, will you not produce food for your people, as Sparticus did?"

Liam felt a lot of eyes on him. Myanmush had cornered him into a box. If he said no, people might doubt his godliness. If he said yes, he had no way of delivering on his promises.

Better to say yes, then.

"Of course, my good Mushy. I will deliver food to the people!" said Liam. "I will turn sand, not into blood, but into real, edible food. How does that sound?"

"It sounds superb, Excellency. When will it be done?"

"Tomorrow, I think. I must hone my sand into food skills. They have gotten a bit rusty, from centuries of disuse."

"Liam, what are you going to do?" Miranda whispered.

"Are you concerned for me?" Liam asked.

Miranda shook her head.

Liam snapped his fingers, and Ajax, the leader of his Fists, attended him. Liam whispered in his ear for some time.

The next day, Liam took a delegation to the desert just outside of Phthiotis. He turned to the crowd, which included Myanmush. "Behold! I give you... food from the sands!"

Myanmush looked past him. "Forgive me, Lord Liam, but I see no food."

"Then you do not look closely enough. Behold!" And Liam took one step forward, then another, and then another. And then he bent down into the sand, and pulled... and came out with a full head of lettuce!

The crowd gasped.

Liam took a few more steps, reached down, and pulled a bushel of carrots out of the ground! He looked around some more, and gave a mighty pull, and came out with... a ham! And not just a ham, but a fully cooked ham!

"Look, and ye shall find!" he thundered. People scampered into the desert to look for buried food.

The Palace kitchen had been temporarily emptied, but it had been worth it. Liam looked at Mushy, who didn't look at all pleased. He was going to have to do something about Mushy, one of these days.

********

"These are freshly captured slaves, my Lord. Sheep people," said Myanmush.

"Sheep people?"

"They worship sheep, my Lord."

"We do not worship sheep," said one of the men in chains.

A guard slapped him in the face.

"Stop! Let him speak," said Liam. "What is it you worship?"

The man looked fearful, and spoke softly. "We worship the ideal of calmness. Of gentleness. Of placidity. Sheep have all these things, but we do not worship sheep themselves, sire."

Myanmush slapped him in the face. "You will address him as God or Lord!"

Liam very much wanted to slap Mushy in the same way. "What do you intend to do with them?"

"Only what is required in the Book of Sparticus," said Myanmush. "We know that those who reject the teachings of Sparticus are doomed to spend eternity in the Womanless Forest, with no women, sweet meats, or enemies to kill, condemned to live a life with trees and flowers and plants and animals as empty as one can imagine. Non-believers must be saved, if they can. There is a story of how Sparticus cut off the heads of male non believers, and by being murdered by such a holy person, they found themselves not entitled to 173 women, as we will be, but at least one or two females, even if they aren't especially attractive ones."

"And what are your plans for the Sheep women?" Liam asked.

"I was just getting to that, Lord. In the same story, when Sparticus looked at their women, he felt passion and pity in his eyes. They were all freshly widowed, and now all alone! Sparticus realized it would be cruel to deprive them of the company and companionship of men. He welcomed them into the brotherhood of the Gods. They became not wives, but close friends of Sparticus and his men. They were known in the Book thereafter, as friends of Sparticus and his warriors, friends with benefits."

"Friends with benefits," said Liam. "It sounds very attractive. Slaughter the men, and have open relationships with their women."

"Yes, Lord. I am so glad you understand," said Myanmush. He looked at the Sheep women, trying to figure out which one he would mount first once he had slaughtered their men in front of them. Maybe that young blonde girl? She looked about 15, but one could never be too young to enjoy the affections of the Mouth of Sparticus.

"I do understand, but unfortunately, your God has higher needs," said Liam. "These slaves are now

my

slaves. They will be put to work on building my Temple, along with the freedmen."

"Do you mean you want the women, after we have slaughtered the men?"

"No."

"Do you mean you want the men, and thus we can keep the women for our own benefit?"

"No," said Liam. "I mean that both the men and women will be put to work on the Temple."

"But Lord! Who then will we slay? Who then will we share our affections with?"

"Who will you share your affections with? We Gods have a saying. We help those who help themselves," said Liam. He turned to Pythagorean. "Get them to work. And make sure they get the same rest periods as everyone else, and are fed three meals a day."

"Three meals, Lord! That is as many as we eat."

"I see you can count. And I don't want them whipped, or mistreated, unless they try to escape. Now make it so."

"Lord."

Miranda, sitting up on her pillow a few steps below him said, "Well, Liam, you must be pleased that you have a slave labor force now."

"They have to work faster," Liam muttered.

"Why Liam? What's the hurry?"

Liam smiled at Miranda. "I have to secure my godhood."

She gave him a disgusted look.

********

"Well, now we know at least one reason why people are starving," said Liam.

He had been touring some of the homes of poorer farmers, to truly see the impact of the absence of their husbands and sons, when he noticed one family, led by a mother and two children, put a third of their small lunch into the fire. The only thing that surprised him was that he was still capable of being surprised. That is when he learned of the quaint custom of sacrificing a third of one's food to the Gods.

"My God Liam, the Book of Sparticus requires us to sacrifice a third of our food to the Gods. It is clearly stated in the Book," said Myanmush. "Sparticus sat down to a sumptuous meal, but he realized that the Gods hadn't eaten first, and their bellies were empty. So he put a third of the food on the fire, so their bellies might be full, and that he might consume a lesser amount with greater righteousness."

"So, even when you're starving, you throw a third of your food onto the fire. It makes perfect sense," said Liam.

"Thank you, Lord."

"But... the food is supposed to be sacrificed to the Gods, is it not?"

"Yes, Lord."

"But... you are so fortunate to have one of your Gods right here in front of you! So therefore, I want a third of everyone's food delivered to me. Instead of burning it on the fire, I will take my share. My Iron Fists will collect it. "

"What will you do with it, Lord?" Myanmush asked.

"That is no concern of yours. Just see that my proclamation is carried out."

"Yes, my Lord," said Myanmush, bowing as he departed.

"Liam, what are you going to do with all that food?" Miranda asked.

"I'll give it to those working hardest on the temple," said Liam. "They need it the most."

"What about the people going hungry on farms and ranches?"

"They'll have to make do," said Liam.

"Liam!" said Miranda, glaring at him.

"I think we're done here," said Liam, getting up from his throne.

********

Miranda went out and watched the collection of food. People were told to hand over a third of their food, instead of throwing it on the fire. Miranda followed the food carts as they collected the food, and went out to the work site, where she saw the food being distributed to hungry workers, including, she was pleased to see, to Liam's slaves. Liam had a point when he said that those people pulling the rocks burned more calories than anyone. They were in greatest need of additional food.

But as Miranda watched the food being distributed, it seemed to her that not all the food was getting to the workers. The amount that was being given out was definitely less than the amount being collected.

Liam had put a young Tollah named Ansomos in charge of collecting and distributing the food. She wondered if he were selling the food for his own profit. She tracked the food to the pyramid under construction. But once the food got to the pyramid, some of it seemed to simply disappear. She had no idea where it went.

Meanwhile, the pyramid was progressing. As she stood under the shadow of Liam's giant penis, she saw that a third of the base had been constructed. Workers toiled to drag the heavy rocks. Others labored in quarries, cutting stones. What did Liam really need this massive building for? She looked up at Liam's giant penis obelisk. It looked orangey in the morning sun. A ray of sunlight gleamed down on her from between the narrow slit on top. She looked away.

That evening, she went to Liam's quarters. This time, she knocked.

She heard the sound of laughter. Feminine laughter.

Miranda knocked again.

She heard a sigh, and then, "All right."

Miranda opened the door, and saw a familiar sight. Liam was in bed with two young women. They laughed at Miranda.

"I suppose I'd better make introductions," said Liam. "Miranda, this is Aola," he said, indicating a blonde, "And this is Aerola," he said, pointing to a brunette snuggled up against him.

"No," said the blonde. "I'm Aerola, and this is Aola."

"The perils of being with two women at once with such similar names," said Liam, with a smile. The girls laughed.

"Can I talk to you?" Miranda asked.

"Of course. That's all the Pillow of the Gods does. She talks," said Liam, with an edge to his voice.

"If you're the Pillow of the Gods, why aren't you in bed here instead of us?" Aerola asked. Or was it Aola?

"An excellent question," said Liam. "Have you come to finally perform your sworn duties, Miranda?" He was clearly enjoying this.

"Where's the grain going, Liam?"

"You know where it's going," said Liam.

"I see it get to the pyramids. I see the workers eating it."

"So what's the problem?"

"Some of it seems to disappear."

"Really?"

"Really. Could Ansomos be stealing from you?"

"I'd be surprised if he weren't stealing some of it," said Liam. "I'll tell you what. I'll look into it. But right now I have some other things that need looking into."

The girls laughed again.

"So sorry to have disturbed you, Lord," said Miranda sarcastically.

"Forgiveness is divine," Liam smiled.

As she closed the door and left, Miranda shuddered. Liam had become totally decadent, totally corrupt.

The more she watched the people laboring on the Temple, and the more she thought about the missing food, the more ill at ease she became. Every day she went there, she looked up at the giant sandstone penis, as if it contained all the answers. But always, Liam's giant penis loomed over her, like a giant presence, but silent, always silent. Occasionally, she heard the wind whistle through the slit on top. Sometime she would touch the base of it, and it would be cool, and firm to the touch. Miranda knew, like everything else, that Liam's giant penis had a purpose, had a meaning, that she was staring right at it. But even as she took many steps away from it so she could stared it straight in the eye, she found it to be a total enigma to her. Just like Liam.

And then one day, while she was watching construction work, a Tollah came up to her. "Hello, Goddess."

That got her attention. No one called her Goddess any more, not since she had been labeled as a "Pillow" of the Gods.

She looked at the man. He looked vaguely familiar.

"Erasmus," said the man. "We met, the first week you arrived. I'm on the Tollah Council."

"Oh, oh yes," said Miranda, not really remembering, but trying to be polite.

"The God Liam is really determined to build this temple, isn't he?" said Erasmus.

"Yes, he is."

"Regardless of the cost to our people," Erasmus said. "Isn't that so?"

Miranda looked at Erasmus more closely.

"It's not exactly a secret that you and the God do not agree on theological matters," said Erasmus.

"That's true," said Miranda guardedly.

"Some of us have become concerned that the God Liam is fostering a cult of personality, at the expense of the welfare of the people."

"I have sometimes thought the same," said Miranda cautiously.

"Good," said Erasmus. "We have something in common, then. We will talk again." He smiled at her and left.

Miranda watched him go. What did Erasmus really want from her?

********

"These men spoke against you, God Liam. They should be whipped to death!" said Myanmush.

"What did they say?" said Liam, looking at the three men in chains.

"They said you are not a real God. That you are a false God! That you are Milsh!"

The audience gasped.

"Well, that sounds bad," said Liam.

"According to the Book of Sparticus, those who speak against the gods must be punished until redness flows freely on the ground."

"Really? The Book says that, exactly? Word for word?"

"My Lord, I always am most precise in quoting the Book of Sparticus," said Myanmush.

"Well, it just seems to me that there is no mention of blood in that quote."

"But my lord, the reference to red flowing-"

"Is obviously a reference to red, the color of punishment." Liam paused a moment. He looked at the accused sternly. "You three have committed grave crimes against your God. It is time you paid the ultimate punishment." He turned to Myanmush. "Pelt them with tomatoes."

"Tomatoes?"

"From head to toe. Until the ground is flowing red."

"My Lord, this is not what was intended-"

"But it is," said Liam. "Carry out my wishes. If I hear these guys are dead tomorrow, you'll join them."

One of the condemned men looked shocked. He said, "Maybe you are a god after all!"

"You see, he's getting better already! But hit him with a few tomatoes, just to be sure," said Liam.

Miranda tried her best to stifle a laugh. Liam really confused her. One moment he could be a megalomaniac, who cared nothing for the suffering of his people, and the next he could be kind, gentle, and funny. Her feelings for him were as changing as the weather.

********

Myanmush didn't give up on his attempts to discredit Liam. One day he came in and asked if Liam could cure the sick and ill.

"Sparticus said the Gods could cure all kinds of illnesses. One time in Suhallah, Sparticus saw the Gods cure a man who could not walk. Another time, the Gods cured a man who could not impregnate his wife-"

"Perhaps the gods helped his wife rather than him," said Liam.

The audience laughed. By now, they had learned to appreciate his humor.

"My Lord, there are many who are sick. Will you not use your healing powers to cure any of them? Or do the illnesses of the sick and infirm mean so little to you?"

Liam matched gazes with him. Mushy was really starting to piss him off. He decided at that very moment that Mushy would have to go.

"Very well!" said Liam. Once again, Mushy had boxed him into a corner. For the last time. "Let the sick and the poor come to me tomorrow! I will cure two of the sickest, to inspire the others!"

Mushy thanked him and gave a weasely smile as he bowed and turned to go. Liam immediately began thinking how he was going to accomplish this God-like task. He turned to Ajax, the Captain of his Fists. "I need the following people." He named some names. "And I also need to speak to a seller of fine gems."

********

The poor showed up in force the next day. No doubt Myanmush had spread the word far and wide. Myanmush grinned as the legion of the sick and crippled lined up.

Liam gave them all a broad smile. "Welcome to you all! Today I will heal two of you! I am sorry I can do no more, but be aware that sickness, and illness, do have a holy purpose!" said Liam. "The purpose may not be clear to you, but there is a purpose, nonetheless, and I would not wish to disturb this hidden purpose by healing too many of you. But I have promised to heal two of you, and a God always keeps his promises! Let me walk among you now and see who is most worthy!"

Liam casually walked among the sick and crippled. These were not people with minor paper cuts; these were crippled people, dying people, people missing limbs, even blind people. He walked back and forth through the crowd once and then twice, before settling on one man, a relatively young man, who stood on crutches.

"What is your problem, sir?"

"I was run over by oxen two years ago," said the man. " I have been unable to work since. It has been a tremendous hardship for me, I have been unable to till my soil or run my farm."

"Your injury is great. As is your faith. Therefore, I shall now heal you!" said Liam.

He turned and saw Mushy staring at him expectantly.

Liam put his hand to the man's forehead. "Shala... Shala... Kazoom.... KAZAM!" he yelled, at the top of his lungs. The crowd recoiled.

The man looked down. He didn't feel any different.

"You can now walk!" said Liam. "Cast aside your crutches! Walk, your God commands you!"