Space Relations

"Ensign Cummings, set course for Proxima Centauri." Captain Washington said with a slight smile, as he settled into his command chair.

The entire crew of the Space Relations had just spent the last three days partying hard on the Starship New Century. While it had been fun, the wanderlust had begun to infect pretty much everybody. At one time or another, each member of the team had found themselves staring out through a porthole at the immensity of the cosmos. Once the call had been given, they were all glad to get their mission going again.

"Course is set, captain." Cummings confirmed. "She's ready for courtin,' but you might want to go easy on the old girl, because she likes to take in the sights."

Washington had bumped into a myriad of personalities on the New Century. These were mostly hustle and bustle types who rushed from one job to another, along with quite a number of burned out workers who were happy to meet celebrities from among their own ranks. Still, the captain was glad to be exclusively among his crew. He felt like he was among family now.

"Ensign Thor, why don't you take her out this time?" Washington requested.

The Viking glanced back questioningly at the man sitting on the command chair. Washington nodded as if he were giving the ensign his blessing.

"Yes, captain, certainly." Thor responded, exhibiting one of the biggest smiles he'd ever sported during his entire time on the ship. "I'd love to take her out."

Ensign Willow glanced back as well.

"Don't worry, Willow." Washington addressed the young woman. "I haven't forgotten about you. I promise that the next time we're docked, it will be your turn."

A blip on Willow's console caused the ensign to turn away. "Communications relay from the New Century. This is an urgent priority message. They are requesting that you answer from the most private location available."

"Not directly from the bridge?"

"No, sir. This is an audio message. It's been authorized directly by Admiral Cocksander. It is for your ears only."

Washington looked concerned. "This sounds important. Please transfer the call to my bunk. I'll take it there. Belay our departure, Thor."

Without wasting any more time, the captain left his chair and jogged away from the bridge. There was a little more space to spread out now that the Misfits were gone. The captain wasn't surprised when didn't run into anyone in the corridor or in the dining room. It wasn't until the hurried black man stepped through the hatch to his bunk that he saw anybody. This was Barbie, who was busy filing her nails. In general, his most recent acquisition was busy looking pretty.

"Uh, I'm going to have to ask you to step out." Washington said.

"Why? What's going on? Do you have an urgent need to masturbate or something? I can give you a hand with that, you know." She winked at him. "Or a mouth."

"It's official business." Washington stated, only to remember how he'd kept his pretty bunkie waiting outside while he'd been sulking in his funk a few days earlier. "You know, scratch that. You can stay here if you want. It's some kind of secret message from Admiral Cocksander." He reached out for the intercom that connected him to the bridge. "Ensign Willow, I'm ready to take that message now."

"Patching in and descrambling." Willow's voice replied.

For several seconds, nothing came through, enough for Washington to question whether there was a message or not. The captain glanced over at Barbie and shrugged, when the telltale three quick tones announced that an official communication was about to commence.

"Lieutenant Washington, this is Admiral Cocksander. I have a task that I believe you can assist me with. After your success with the encounter you and your crew experienced with Commander Braxton, and your further success with the Worf people, in regards to your primary mission of improving relations between humanity and other species, I am quite confident that you can handle this. I have a certain officer who would benefit much from your unique manner of handling things. I am assigning this officer to serve in the Space Relations as your subordinate, until such time as I can be convinced that this person is once again able to perform in a position of trust.

"This person's name is necessarily being kept a secret. I request that you remain on the New Century until such time as this person can be transferred into your care. The transfer will occur with the utmost discretion. To the best of your abilities, you must keep this person's name from becoming public knowledge. Thank you for taking care of this for me, and you may carry on with your primary mission once this person is safely on board your ship. Transmission over."

The three quick chirps were heard again. Washington looked over at his lover.

"Well, that sounds exciting." Barbie said.

"Quite." Washington agreed. He clicked on the intercom. "Ensign Willow, I can confirm that the message has been received and acknowledged. I suppose that there will be some sort of envoy here soon to meet with us."

"Captain, that ship's already here." Willow replied. "They just arrived. Whoever they are, they have enough authority to section off part of the New Century and keep all regular personnel out of the corridors. They're coming to us right now, captain."

Barbie started pushing Washington out the hatch. "Well, let's go meet our new guest!"

As soon as they set foot in the lounge, and near where the ship's main entry was, Washington took a quick stock of the area. Margo was busy playing video games. Both Cruz and Mary were messing with some weird apparatus that looked like a metal ball studded with vibrators of various colors and shapes.

"All hands at attention, immediately." Washington announced. "We are about to receive an official Space Corps envoy."

Quickly, Cruz and Mary put away whatever it was they'd been fiddling with, while Margo merely turned off the video game and yawned. The two science officers stepped over beside Washington.

"We're not in trouble again, are we?" Cruz asked.

"No." Mary replied, instead of the captain. "We're waiting for somebody."

Sometimes, Washington wished he didn't have a reader on board, but he couldn't do much about it now. In fact, he had two of them on his ship: Mary, who was rated at level three, and Barbie, whose lesser ability garnered her a level one, or just one step above a regular person.

A couple of minutes later, the buzzer to the main hatch rang. Washington took a step forward to open it, only to have Margo cut him off.

"Allow me, Cappy." The burly cook said. "I don't have anything to do until dinnertime rolls around, anyway."

Margo released the air seals on the door, twisted the hatch lock and pushed the door outward to open it.

The first person to step through was a Space Corps security administrator. The second was the security director for the New Century, whom they'd met briefly during their stay. Next to come inside was an attaché, who brought in a pair of large and expensive suitcases. These handsome pieces of luggage he proceeded to set down to one side of the door.

"Lieutenant Washington, please sign these documents." The administrator handed him a few sheets secured on a clipboard. "They are merely release forms that indicate you are taking charge of the person we're bringing on board. I trust you've had time to listen to the Admiral's message?"

"It was a little vague on specifics, but yes." Washington nodded. He took the administrator's pen to sign all three sheets. "There's no name listed on any of these documents."

"You'll find out soon enough who she is."

The administrator and the security director stepped aside. The administrator next leaned toward the hatch and called out, "Bring her in."

Two guards stepped inside, one fore, one aft, of what could only be termed a prisoner. It was a woman, an older woman dressed in black as the guards were. Her face was bitter and resentful as she took in her new wards.

"Go ahead and laugh." She said scornfully. Everyone in the crew immediately recognized the woman as Commander Braxton. "Thanks to you people, they've taken everything away from me. My ship, my crew, my rank and my seniority, it's all gone!" She looked directly at Barbie. "And as for you, the dear admiral has forced me to retract your termination. Your job on the Neptune is open and waiting for your return. Now, will someone please show me to my quarters?"

"We'll take care of that." Cruz volunteered. He shuffled over to grab the suitcases. "Mary, would you lead the way, darling?"

"I sure will, buck-oh." Mary said. "Right this way, commander."

Icily, the older woman replied. "It's Ensign Braxton. I am no longer in command of a space vessel. I am no longer in command of anything."

"I stand corrected." Mary replied. "Please follow me."

As they strolled away, the administrator turned to Barbie. "We'll be heading back to Earth soon. We will be passing by the Starship Neptune first, if you'd like to hitch a ride back with us."

Barbie's breath caught. She turned to her lover. "Captain, can you still use my logistics services here on the Space Relations?"

It was an official question, but it carried massive undertones. Unofficially, Barbie might have been asking Washington if he loved her.

Using the utmost tact, the captain answered, "I will leave the final decision up to you, but I would dearly hate to lose you and your services, Miss Bruxhall."

Barbie was keeping back a smile, Washington noticed, as she turned to address the administrator. "I think I'd be happier here for the time being. I really needed a break from all the demands of running logistics for a huge starship like the Neptune. This vessel makes me feel like I'm on vacation sometimes."

She squealed a cute laugh.

Whether the administrator guessed at Washington's relationship with Barbie, could not be discerned from the man's stern countenance.

"As you wish." He nodded, pulling a business card from some hidden pocket on his coat. "If you change your mind, don't hesitate to contact me directly. From all accounts, people on the Neptune have described you as a very capable logistician. Rest assured that we will find a more fitting post for you if and when you should desire it. Captain, please keep Ensign Braxton's presence on this vessel as discreet as you can. Don't beat yourself up about it too much once the news eventually becomes known. Thank you, and good day to you all."

With that, the security detail stepped out. Once they were gone, Margo walked over to lock the hatch.

The cook looked at her captain and Barbie both and shook her big head. "Didn't we get rid of that Braxton bitch a couple of planets ago? And now she's in here with us? I've half a mind to go up there and rub my knuckles on her head, for making all those people on the Neptune as miserable as they were. And for gloating over it."

"I have no idea how I'm going to handle her." Washington admitted.

There were eight people on board the Space Relations before Braxton's arrival, and there were seven sleeping quarters with double bunks. Since the Misfits were no longer on board, each person had spread out and taken his or her own room. All except for Barbie, who didn't mind sharing a double bunk with Washington, and Cruz and Mary, who'd been bunking together since day one. That left, thankfully, one empty room in which to house the Braxton Bitch.

Washington frowned. "Well, at least she's got her own room, so she can stay out of our hair and we can stay out of hers."

Behind him, Washington heard two distinct sets of giggles. The captain turned to see his science officers barely holding in their guffaws.

"No she doesn't." Mary giggled. "We told her we had only one bunk open, right before we put her in Thor's quarters."

The captain looked back at them in shock. A few moments later, he was sniggering as well. "You two are very cruel people."

Several hours later, Washington was back on the bridge. The shock of their new guest was starting to lose its initial jolt among the crew. Braxton hadn't been seen at all, either in the lounge or the dining area. The cold woman was becoming a sort of mythical villainess, a sort of ghost that the crew began expecting to pop out of dark corners or from behind doors.

Washington might have even forgotten about that woman, as he stared at the vast emptiness of space on the main monitor. A sidebar on the screen displayed how many light years lay between celestial objects.

When the doors to the bridge slid open, Washington casually shifted around. His gaze took in Cruz and Mary to either side of Braxton. The former commander stood between the officers with her arms crossed defensively, looking every bit like a broken woman.

"Ah, Captain." Cruz announced. "We are showing Ensign Braxton her way around the vessel. Do we have permission to enter the bridge?"

Washington's command had always been a very informal one. On the more strictly regulated vessels, secondary personnel were limited as to which areas they could move around in freely.

"Permission granted." The captain announced. "Please, Ensign Braxton, make yourself at home."

Mary led the woman past the command chair and over to the combat technician's station. "This is Ensign Brukenfooken, whom we more intimately address as Thor. He's the man you'll be bunking with."

The big Viking stood up and towered over Braxton like a mountain.

"You almost had me arrested." He accused her. "You almost had us all arrested!"

"I remember that well." Braxton said, with neither regret nor remorse.

The disgraced woman would be defiant until to the end, Washington suspected.

"I do hope you don't snore too loud when you're asleep." Braxton said.

"I do hope you don't piss on your bed when you're asleep." Thor hurled back with equal vehemence.

Such was the fate of broken idols, Washington considered. While he supposed he could have put a stop to the cruelty being aimed at the former commander, he decided to allow it for the time being. He wouldn't cut in unless things really started to get out of hand. Better for Braxton to manifest the fruits of her endeavors, he decided. Better for her to be reminded of what happens when human beings have their heads crushed by the boots of authority for too long a time.

The captain's heart gradually softened, however. Washington happened to catch up with the disgraced woman after his command shift, while he made a pit stop for coffee. "Are you ready to become a human being again, Ensign Braxton?"

"Fuck you, captain." The woman said, before she hurried away from him. "Fuck you very much."

Later, when control of the vessel lay in the hands of Cummings and Smith, the captain walked into the dining area to wait for Margo to serve dinner. Cruz and Mary were up to their usual antics. They were laughing up a storm around the dining table, along with Barbie, Margo and Thor. A pink and bumpy vibrator rested placidly on the tabletop.

"What are we doing here, exactly?" Washington asked, gesturing toward the sex toy. "And what are we doing with that thing?"

"You may not rest your laurels here, captain." Cruz joked. "Unless you are willing to relinquish the entirety of your command for a very short duration."

The captain smiled and took a seat anyway. "Okay, I'm game. Now can you tell me what you guys up to?"

"Well, Mary and I have decided on a clever use for that last empty bunk. Haven't we, Mary?"

"Oh, yeah!" The cute blonde nodded. "You're going to like this, captain."

Cruz went on. "What we are doing here is playing spin the dildo. It is a pastime much like spin the bottle, but the end result will be something quite different."

"It's still a dare like in the original game, but not like you think." Mary added. "Whichever two people the dildo points to have to spend the night in that empty bunk. They are obliged to sleep with each other. They can't get out until they do, even if they have to spend the rest of their lives in there. The door's going to be locked tight to make sure it happens."

"That sounds interesting." Washington admitted, glancing over at Barbie with an amused look on his face. "Has the first couple been chosen?"

"No, we're still trying to hammer out the details." Cruz shrugged. "Like, what if two people from the same gender are chosen? And should we allow substitutes, if the selected parties are out front helping pilot the ship?"

"You're all pathetic little creatures." As if she were indeed some sort of apparition, Braxton slid from the corridor door over to the kitchen counter, where she helped herself to a cup of tea. She quickly started back to wherever she'd come from.

"When's the last time someone took off your clothing, with their teeth?" Cruz asked. "When's the last time anybody kissed you with any real affection...?"

The word 'bitch' seemed to be forming on the man's lips, and was but an impulse away from being audible. The phantom that was Braxton vanished from their midst.

"You can see what's happening here, can't you?" Mary asked. "What she did on her ship to make it such an unbearable place to be, she's doing the same thing here. If we don't figure out a way to stop her, she's going to make us all as miserable as she is."

"It's like a big gray cloud hanging over our heads, isn't it?" Barbie asked.

All eyes turned toward the resident sex experts.

Cruz read their unvoiced worries. "I'll give her a shot, but she's a crusty one. She might not respond like a typical female."

"How about a Happy Kiss?" Margo asked. "That did wonders for our Cappy."

"That's a great idea." Mary nodded. "But what about the game? Are we still going to try it or not?"

"I'm in." Margo stated. "I don't care if I get a man or a woman, I'm humping."

"You'd better hope that you don't get me, you pagan." Cruz threatened. "Because if you do, rest assured that your days of carpet munching are decidedly and conclusively over!"

"Promises, promises." Margo licked her lips, long and lasciviously.

"I don't believe we'll need to spin anything." Cruz said. "I choose Margo!"

"What's the fun in that?" Mary frowned. "You can choose her any old time."

"Oh, all right." Cruz relented. "I'll play as long as I don't get a man. Wild horses couldn't drag me onto a mattress with another man. If that happens, we'll have to spin again."

"I'll play, too." Mary said. "But I'm not too comfortable with a woman, really, unless there's money involved."

"You'll switch sides if I get you." Margo nodded knowingly.

"Ya think?" Mary raised her eyebrows. "Are you that good?"

"Try me, blondie."

"I'd still like to see a showdown between Cruz and Margo." Washington kidded. "That would be epic. Only something as severe as the threat of intergalactic war halted it the last time it almost happened."

Cruz and Mary both turned toward Barbie and the captain.

"What about you two?" Cruz asked. "Are either of you bold enough to press your luck?"

"I'd like to press the captain's luck." Mary said.

"And I'd like to press Barbie's luck." Margo added.

Washington looked at his lover, who shook her head no. He said, "There you have it. Barbie and I are in a monogamous relationship."

"You didn't say that when that Worf-hair-thing was around." Cruz reminded him.

"Please don't remind me of that." Washington made a face. "I'll become as bad as Braxton if I can't keep those memories out of my mind."

"So, the captain and his beauty queen are out." Mary said. "That leaves only one person in this room who hasn't said a thing yet."

All attention went toward Thor, who was leaning back in his chair with his thick arms crossed. "You can leave me out of this, too. I'm having no part in it."

Mary stood up. "You know, ever since you boarded this ship, I haven't seen you making a move on anybody, be it male or female. You've turned down all of our scientific studies. You haven't sought out any sex advice, and you've turned me down plenty of times as well. And you know what? I'm not having it anymore!"