Xerxes was a pretty basic galactic watering hole, what would be a roadhouse on Earth or a tang portal in Andromeda. Traj hated the old joke "what's a space travelers' favorite spot on a keyboard? The space bar, of course." He had heard it 20 times a cycle, but still smiled and chuckled. It made for better tips.
A new patron walked in and looked around. He made eye contact with Traj who motioned him over. "What's your pleasure, Bud?" Traj called everyone 'Bud'. It made life easier, and the universal translator didn't hurt either.
"You have Earth beer? Need something cold and wet. Been a long flight. I'm Ian." He sat at the bar and looked around the room. Not much to see, a few tables, maybe six others in the bar. Ian recognized most. A couple Alphans, a blue Deakin from Spork. The blob in the dark corner he almost overlooked. "What's the story over there?" Ian asked Traj.
Traj set the beer in front of Ian and scanned his card. "They are a Tatooine, from Kepler-47, the double star system in the far quadrant. First I've met. Just drinks water, so I'm not making any money there."
"Interesting. I always like to broaden my horizons. Know anything about them? They binary or androgynous? I assume the tranny works." Ian looked over and raised his glass in case the blob was watching.
Traj shrugged. "Not sure about the sex. But the translator works fine. We don't say 'tranny' in here. Seen a couple of fights caused by a mis-translation of words like that."
Ian picked up his beer and headed over to the corner. He slid a titanium skrruk to Traj. "Here's a tip. If I put my beer in my left hand, I just got a summons. Got me?"
"Got ya. Traj will be your wingman. Left hand, beer, you are needed." He went back to arranging glasses and readying inventories for the evening rush. He looked around the room, the Deakin needed another drink. The rest were fine. Ian and the Tatooine seemed fine, the beer was on the table, so no hands meant nothing. Traj went back to cutting garnishes for the fruity drinks the Centaurians liked. A cruise vessel was due in and they could put them down.
A short while later Ian came back to the bar and leaned in to Traj. "You aren't going to believe this shit. First off the Tat has no sex. They replicate. Asexual. And the translator works great. Funny creature, dry humor. But get this. They get buzzed by ingesting protein. Know what that means? A cum shot and he's drunk!" Ian was practically over the bar talking into Trans' good ear.
"That's great, Bud. But what's that got to do with me? I'm running a bar and you're fixing to give the Tat some free drinks?" Traj was not as impressed as Ian. "I'm just not seeing what is in it for me and the bar here. You want to fuck the Tat or whatever it is you would do to give him a shot, I got a back room you can use. Just clean it up." He went back to polishing the bar.
Ian leaned back a bit, but continued. "I wasn't quite done. The thing for you is that when it pisses, it pisses pure fucking alcohol. You got some extra bottles here? I'll take a couple in to the back and see what happens. You get free booze, the Tat gets drunk, I get my rocks off. Maybe we charge a few of these fellas here to have a go with it. That blue fucker looks like he could get laid. What do you say now, Traj old buddy?"
Traj looked up and wrung the bar rag in his hands while thinking it over. An exotic liquor could sell for a lot of skrruk. That would be off the inventory. If the shit tasted good, it would be a helluva deal. He looked under the counter and came up with a few empty bottles and a couple more that could be rinsed out. "I don't know how many you need, but here's a few to start. Here's a beer and a glass of water for the Tat. Go use the back room. If this works out, we'll figure out terms later."
Ian guided the Tatooine to the back room. The blob-like form half glided, half rolled along. but kept up with Ian. Once in the room, Ian put the drinks on the table and held up the bottles. "So here's the deal. I'm game to give you a shot or two and if you need to piss, fill up a bottle. That work for you? How you want to do this? I'll be honest, I haven't figured out where or if you have a mouth, let alone any other, um, openings. You know how we humans work?"
Ian heard the reply in his head. It wasn't really the translator, but more that the Tatooine was connecting directly to him in a manner of telepathy. In a way, the 'voice' in his head sounded much like his own. He wondered if that could change. "Yes, I know how you 'operate' as you said. You have an appendage, a penis. Given sufficient stimulation, it will produce a protein rich result which is my drink of choice. As far as openings, I don't really have any that you would consider typical openings, but rather I can morph around you. I am sure you will enjoy the result. And as for your last thought of how I sound, what would you prefer?" The Tat moved closer to the water and a small pink appendage like a large straw emerged and went into the glass. The level went down as it obviously drank some of the liquid. "You might enjoy this sound more?" The voice in Ian's head became sultry and much more feminine.
"Yes, much better. It just helps with the 'mood'. You ready to give this a try? How much does it take to get you drunk, anyway?" Ian had been on the space flight for quite a while and the prospect of any sex with something other than his hand sounded pretty good.
