Dinner with the Jakobs was much more enjoyable than Braedan thought it would be. Mrs. Jakobs was on her best behavior and Gary, Mr. Jakobs, played pony with his youngest for a large portion of the evening. Braedan spent more time getting to know Ada and Connor chimed in will as many tidbits about her growing up as he could. Jasmine, the quietest of the family, sat back and sighed, pulled a very worn paperback from her back pocket and began to read until dinner was ready. There was no sign of the twins.
Mrs. Jakobs, who had vehemently insisted on Braedan calling her Barb, had out done herself with dinner. The corn chowder was delicious and with fresh salad from the garden and homemade cornbread, not to mention the bread pudding with rum sauce waiting to be consumed for dessert, Braedan could not remember the last time he had eaten so well. The dinner conversation was pleasant, if not a little awkward.
"So, Doc," Connor began once everyone had their plate and the blessing had been said. Braedan was very thankful they had not asked him to give it. "How's the love life? You must get all kind of attention being a doctor and all." Barb nearly choked on her food at her son's question. Ada held back a chuckle and Gary just shook his head. Braedan was thankful he spent so much time out in the sun because he was sure if he had not been so tan his blush would have lit up the room. He finished chewing and used that time to think of a response.
"Thinking of becoming a doctor too, Connor? Trust me, the romantic perks of being a doctor are over exaggerated. Working twelve hour shifts doesn't lead to much of a social life at all actually."
Barb frowned at this comment and Ada seemed to study him carefully. He quickly ducked his head and filled his fork.
"What are your plans for college, Connor, besides running track?" This was the perfect question to ask to get the attention off of himself. Connor dove into the topic with enthusiasm and of course his mother had a lot to add. Gary remained the stoic father figure the whole time. The only problem was that Braedan continued to feel like Ada was studying him. He should never have said anything. He should have made some witty comment to Connor about being a doctor and left it at that. Instead he had to allude to his pathetic lack of a life and catch the interest of the psychologist in the room. He did not need to be analyzed. If he wanted that he could have visited his own family which he was in no way inclined to do.
After dinner Braedan was ushered out to the porch with a beer while Connor and Jasmine were set to clean up dinner and Barb and Gary got Gracie ready for bed. Braedan was just forgetting his discomfort over dinner when Ada came out onto the porch with two bowls of bread pudding and a glass of wine. Handing him one of the bowls she took a seat on the porch swing, looking at him expectantly. He took a bite of the pudding and smiled.
"It's wonderful," he said. Between bites he added, "I had been told that you were going to make your world famous cheesecake tonight, though."
"Hardly world famous, although it is quite sinful if I do say so myself. But dessert isn't what I want to talk to you about. I was just hoping to sweeten you up a bit." Her expression grew serious. "Why are you so alone?"
The utter concern in her voice was disarming. She truly sounded concerned, there was not even a hint of falseness to her tone. Braedan shook his head. She was good, he would give her that. From her voice he was sure she could make a statue speak, but he barely knew her and he really did not want to get into his issues tonight. Burying them might not be the healthiest thing to do, he realized that, but it would be better than hearing someone try to diagnose him.
"I appreciate your concern, Ada, but I'm fine. I'm just busy with the hospital and the ranch. I'm still getting settled into my residency and once I've had time to adjust, things will settle down." He knew he was spitting a load of bull and was sure she would see right through it. He just hoped she got the hint and would back off. She looked at him carefully and he met her eyes, refusing to look away. She sighed and shook her head.
"Braedan you are so full of crap I'm surprised you don't reek of it. But I can see I won't get you to talk so I'll drop it. Just remember that if you change your mind and you want to talk, I don't mind listening; even if all you want me to do is listen, I'll respect that."
"Thanks," he said softly and downed the rest of his beer.
**********
He was yet again trapped on the other side of the lake. He could see her clearly as she sat beside the water, trailing her fingertips gently across its surface. The ripples spread through the lake and by the time they reached Braedan he was looking more closely at the water. As the ripples met and moved apart a patchwork of images appeared in the water. He saw flashes of a large group of people all dressed in black around a casket being lowered into the ground. In another flash he saw a small boy holding the torn remains of a favorite stuffed animal. And yet another showed him the heart break of a man as he discovered his wife in bed with his best friend.
Looking up at his beauty he studied her face and the tears that fell. Each tear fell into the lake, and he was now sure each tear held a different painful memory for someone. White hot anger began to grow within him. Why did she have to suffer? Why did she shed the tears for all of those he could now see in the lake? Who would make such a beautiful and innocent creature experience such pain?
Braedan's thoughts were a tumult of unanswered questions and anger. He wanted to scream to the heavens his frustrations. Not only did she suffer but there was nothing, nothing, he could do to help her! He tried pushing at the boundaries of his dream, tried to force himself to cross the lake and pull her into his arms but try as he might he stayed rooted to the spot on the far side of the lake. Hanging his head in defeat and exhaustion, he clenched his hands into tights fists. The anger would not subside on its own, but when he heard a soft melody floating across the water he raised his head to once again gaze at the girl in awe. She was singing.
There were no words and although the song was not sad exactly, it seemed to express her own feeling of being defeated. She sang on and on and the images in the water calmed. The young boy wiped his tears away and handed his bear to a pair of much larger hands with a needle and thread. The daughter of the deceased cradled her own child in comfort and the heart broken man was embraced by his young son. Their problems were not reversed, but they were mended to a degree. As the last echoes of the haunting melody cascaded over the landscape, Braedan was pretty sure he saw the water level drop just a bit. But his heart nearly broke when his love, love? Yes, his love crumbled to the ground and sobbed brokenly.
**********
Braedan woke with an ache in his chest and tears of his own streaming down his face. He still felt so angry! Hitting the bed as hard as he could brought his attention to the pain in his hands. Opening his clenched fists he found small bloody crescents where his nails had sunk into his flesh while he slept.
"Great! Just great, now I'm injuring myself. Maybe I do need help." His thoughts drifted to Ada and he shook his head. She may be well versed but he was sure she would tell him what he had been telling himself, to take some time off. He did have some vacation time saved up, perhaps now would be a good time to use it. A nice trip somewhere could be just what he needed. For now, he had another two days off from the hospital and he had to figure something out. Looking at the clock he groaned. 4:37am. There was no possibility of him falling back asleep now, even if he had wanted to. He was not at all sure if he wanted to witness the woman he loved suffer so deeply.
And there it was again. That word. Love. How could he care so deeply for someone he had never met? He felt as though she were as real as the Jakobs and that he could open his door and find her standing there. He just did not understand how he could feel so certain that she was real and that he loved her. But could she, or would she ever love him back?
Braedan pushed those thoughts to the back of his head and grabbed a pair of sweat pants and pulled on his shoes. A long run was just what this Doctor ordered.
**********
By the time he stumbled to the stables the next morning he knew he looked awful. His dreams were yet again filled with visions of his pale beauty. After waking up in either a cold sweat or smoldering arousal he had just turned the television on and fought sleep off the best he could. His hair lacked the usual red glow and the dark circles under his eyes spoke volumes for the amount of sleep he had been getting lately. What he really wanted was a nice hard ride on his favorite horse, Turbo but classes would be starting in the hour and Turbo would be needed. Instead he would have to make do with thoroughly grooming the horse for his first rider of the day. Turbo's stall, however stood empty.
