Sociopaths Versus Vampires

The Vampires. I absolutely hate the breed. I hate the fact that people think they're sexy or cool. Vampires are predators. I wish people would realize that. Oh, well. It's my job to kill those freaks. And I do it happily. My name is Jeremiah Heller. I'm five feet nine inches tall, slim, with light brown skin, curly Black hair and hazel eyes. How would I describe myself? Proud Atheist. Closet bisexual. I'll be your Hero for this story. The guy you actually call upon to save the day. When you've got a Vampire problem, you call me. Why? I love killing. And if you're willing to pay decent money, I'll help rid you of your Vampire problem. I'm a professional, so it's pretty much a guarantee.

I was born in Salt Lake City, State of Utah, on February 6, 1982. I grew up in the City of Toronto, Province of Ontario. My father Jonathan Heller moved us there shortly after my First Communion. I hold dual American/Canadian citizenship, which sounds cool until you realize you have to do two tax forms every bloody year. I've always been different, and not just because I was born of an African-American father and Hispanic mother. Being biracial has nothing to do with how I turned out. I was born missing something. Call it a conscience, call it the ability to feel remorse, I just don't have it. I'm what you'd call a Sociopath. But I have one golden rule. I only kill Vampires. Mainly because I got tired of killing humans. Just bidding. Or am I?

Anyhow, my old man has recently kicked the bucket, and my Irish-American ex-girlfriend Nancy Jackson has converted to Islam after I dumped her for her Mexican-born best friend Katrina Sanchez and married this Saudi American guy named Abdul Al-Muhammad, who shot her on their wedding night because he found out she wasn't a virgin. It's a great big tragedy, kind of dominated the news for the first half of 2012 but I found myself bored of the Honor Killing and cultural clash bullshit they kept repeating on CNN and Fox News. Mr. Al-Muhammad is currently awaiting Death by Lethal Injection in a Texas State prison. The normally loud Muslim community of America didn't step forward to defend him. They were too busy with Park 51. Anyhow, I found myself home free, without anyone to tie me down. No family. No friends. No girlfriend. I'm going back to what I do best. Hunting Vampires. There is an infestation of Vampires in North America. And there aren't enough Hunters to go around so I've got to pick up the slack.

Recently, I was in the City of Calgary, Province of Alberta, on a routine Hunt. People had gone missing in the area, and the police were baffled as usual. Seriously, the taxpayers of both America and Canada should do away with cops and just pay me to take care of the bad guys. I get better results. This Jamaican guy named Derrick Winston went missing three months ago, and so did his wife Gertrude McCain Winston and her girlfriend Michelle Hilton. I found that incredible. Not the going missing part but the fact that people still name their daughters Gertrude in the twenty-first century. When you name a chick that, she's pretty much stuck becoming a librarian or a schoolteacher. And lo and behold, Winston's wife Gertrude worked for the Calgary Metro Library system. Man, I'm tired of being right! This story had Vampire written all over it. I investigated, and eventually ran into Winston in a dark alley in South Calgary. The six-foot-four, 260-pound Jamaican hustler attacked me. He was a bit smellier than I thought he would be, with yellow eyes and fangs. I promptly disposed of him with a silver bullet to the brain. He turned to dust instantly. That's the one thing the movies and television shows get right. When Vampires die, they turn to dust.

While I stood there, patting myself on the back for a job well done, Winston's old lady Gertrude attacked me. In mortal life, Gertrude had been a short, plump white woman with red hair and green eyes. As a Vampire, she looked slightly less frumpy and more feral. As she roared and charged me, I shot her twice in the chest. She turned to dust instantly. I heard a sound and whirled around in time to see a chubby, dark-skinned female Vampire charging me. It was Michelle Hilton, the mixed chick who was Gertrude's good friend and sometime lover in mortal life. She'd become quite a nasty Vampire since then. I dispatched her with a silver bullet to the brain. Dust to dust, ladies. Sorry but I got to do my job. What the fuck? I'm not sorry, I do this because I like it.

The night was young and with three Vampires dusted, I decided to have myself a party. Earlier I ran into a rich-looking White guy named Rex Weed or something. He told me he was staying at a hotel in downtown Calgary. Gave me his cell phone number and everything. I dialed him up, and he invited me to his motel room. We had some fun together, drinking and fucking. Rex was a good-looking guy. Six feet tall, lean, with blond hair and blue eyes. He told me he came from the City of Houston, Texas, and came to the City of Calgary, Alberta, for the oil industry. There are a lot of Americans in Canada these days and most of them stay in Ontario or Alberta. I'm glad I met this one. Rex had a good body and a nice ass. I sucked his cock, then bent him over and stuffed my dick into his tight ass. Rex was a real screamer. I fucked him real good for about an hour, then showered and left his hotel.

Before leaving, I left Rex Weed unconscious and tied to his bed. He had three thousand dollars in cash, which I happily relieved him of. It's not good for a guy to carry this much cash on him unless he's armed. Let that be a lesson to Rex Weed, the queer cowboy wannabe from the State of Texas. I was still feeling adventurous, so I went to this tits and ass kind of bar. I bought a lap dance from a tall, fine-looking Arab chick with a big round ass. I learned that her name was Samirah Al-Wahid and she was a Lebanese Christian woman trying to earn a living in metropolitan Calgary. I paid her a hundred bucks for a lap dance, and told her I wanted to have some fun. Samirah saw the stack of bills in my hand and smiled. Then she led me to a back room inside the joint and we did our thing.

I sat on an old table as Samirah knelt before me and sucked my eight-inch, uncircumcised dick. I thrust my cock into her mouth and Samirah sucked me good. She actually did a better job than Rex Weed, the queer cowboy I had my way with earlier. When I bent her over to tap that ass, she backed that thing up as they say, grinding her ass against my groin. I held her by her sexy hips and thrust my cock deep into her pussy. I happily fucked her for a good forty five minutes, then left. I paid her three hundred dollars for her time. Welcome to Canada, Samirah. I checked into a small motel for the night, and actually had a good night's sleep for the first time in ages.

When I woke up the next morning, I was pissing blood. Feeling queasy, I went to the doctor. At the health clinic, they made take some tests. I found out I had AIDs. Fuck. Man, I am so fucked! I've been through all kinds of hairy situations, faced both human horrors such as Islamic Terrorists and Serial Killers, and inhuman evil such as Vampires. And now some virus is going to kill me. Damn. I felt angry, and trapped. I almost shed a tear. Then I realized I knew the solution to my problem. I went out and ran into a female Vampire calling herself Becky Drake. In mortal life, Becky had been a pretty little thing. Five feet ten inches tall, slim, with blonde hair and blue eyes. As a Vampire, she was quite tough. I captured her, took her to an empty warehouse and incapacitated her. Then I withdrew her blood with a syringe and injected myself with it. A moment later, I passed out.

When I woke up three days later, I was...changed. I felt stronger than ever. I also knew that I was healed. Vampires can regenerate from any wound unless there's silver involved or sunlight involved, and they are immune to disease. I am a Vampire now. Wow. From Vampire Hunter to Vampire. Damn. I went downstairs and saw Becky. Instantly she knew what I was. She laughed at what I had done to myself. I looked at her, and for the first time in ages, she didn't look like a threat to me. Rather, she looked...tasty. Becky shrieked in fear when I came near her. The female Vampire knew what I wanted from her. Or did she? I removed her bindings, and set her free. Then I left. Becky stood there, stunned. She hollered at me to come back, saying that she wanted to talk to me. I didn't really listen. I was too busy running, feeling more alive than ever before.

The night was alive to me in ways it had never been before. I stood on a rooftop, admiring the urban beauty of nighttime Calgary, Alberta. That's when two White guys in police uniforms, two redneck cops, came after me. They thought I was a burglar and told me to get my hands in the air or they'd shoot me. Fucking racist redneck cops. A Black guy is on a rooftop, he must be a burglar. If a White guy is on a rooftop, he must be suicidal. I shook my head and whirled around, ready to kick ass. Unfortunately, I didn't get to kick ass. Becky leapt out of the shadows, and quickly killed the cops. She snapped the big one's neck, and ripped the other one's throat. In eight seconds they were both dead.

Becky smiled at me, and asked me my name. I told her. She smiled, and offered me a drink. I looked at the cops bleeding corpses and realized I was indeed thirsty. So I drank. After my first taste of human blood as a Vampire, I felt really good. Becky looked at me and I looked at her. Next thing I know, we were naked and started fucking. I bent her over and smacked her ass while slamming my cock into her snatch. The Vampire chick squealed in delight as we fucked on the rooftop. We fucked for hours, until dawn was close at hand. That's when Becky and I left. We went back to the warehouse. An exciting life awaited us both. I spend my whole life being a commitment-phobic guy...and that changed when I became Undead. According to Becky, Vampires have a set of Laws. If you share prey and make love under a full moon, you're automatically a couple. I don't know what's scarier, my new life as a Vampire or the fact that Becky wants me to be her hubby. I'll tell you in the morning. Right now I'm tired and really must get some sleep.