And the votes are in! You chose the hypnotic elven crime boss vs. the cranky adventurer-thief, you say? Mm, don't mind if I do!
Who will triumph? Will anyone? Let's find out in this month's
Bonus Pairing
!
~~~~ ~~~~
"So, the Illestials, huh?"
Startled, Snatch looked up at the bartender. "What?"
The bartender was an attractive red-haired woman, with bright blue eyes and vaguely Eastern features. She wore a low-cut corset that made her assets quite visible, but at the moment her back was to him as she poured another customer a drink. Snatch was pretty sure he'd never spoken to her before, and he only visited The Feisty Mink once in a blue moon. It was too crowded for his liking.
She turned back to him. Her lips were painted a very pale green, and they quirked up in a slight smile as she regarded him. Snatch supposed he was quite a sight, hunched over his watered-down beer in his patchy leather armor, scythe strapped to his back.
"It's not much of a secret," she said, sliding over a tankard. "Two weeks ago, an elf came in. Real sexpot, moved like a dancer, smoked like a gancanagh. Hot redhead. I knew she was trouble."
"Pellesise," Snatch muttered. He glared at the tankard, realizing he'd already finished off his beer. Shit. He was drinking heavily tonight. Apparently, he had good reason. "So there's a bounty."
"Oh, yes." The bartender leaned in and, with a smile, refilled Snatch's tankard. "She put posters up everywhere."
Snatch stiffened. He started to rise, but the bartender held up a hand calmingly. "I took them down. Well, I had the boy take them down. We don't truck with bounty hunters after our regulars; If Illetrys wants to catch you, she can come in here and settle it herself. That one's on the house, by the way." She gestured to the tankard and winked.
"She might just." Snatch snorted, raising the tankard to his lips and drinking deep. "She wasn't always a mob boss, y'know. When I met her, she was a goddamn prostitute."
"She's gained in station, then."
Snatch snorted. "Yeah. A real go-getter."
She arched an eyebrow. "She's a powerful figure now, inexperienced or no. What did you do to get the elves so angry with you, if I might ask?"
Snatch considered telling this woman to go fuck herself for her nosiness, but he hated being rude to bartenders. They wielded a lot of power in the adventuring community. Plus, she'd done him a favor. Plus, she was being perfectly nice, and there was no good reason to antagonize her.
Plus, she was giving him free ale.
"Kinda killed the last boss," he mumbled, taking another heavy drought. "And I think Illetrys is, uh... a bit sweet on me."
"Oh,
my
." The bartender's smile widened. "Not that I can't see why, but... that's quite an admirer you've achieved."
"Yeah, well." Snatch rolled his eyes. "As I have it, she lost both her old toys when we left. So maybe she's just desperate." He still wasn't exactly sure what had happened to Cellemin, but he was fairly certain the man had made it out with his lady. Hopefully, anyways. Min had been alright for a Celestial.
"You think you can resist her?"
Snatch scowled. "I can resist any mind control, lady."
"Jen. Jen Barman."
"Jen." He took a deep swig. "She had me hopped up on drugs last time. Tha's the only reason she got me, with her goddamn..." He waved his hand in the air. "Visual hypnosis, that's it. Swingin' breasts. Sparkly eyes. Like... like yours, but silver, obviously."
Jen giggled. "I'm flattered." She leaned in and poured a bit more ale into his tankard. Snatch had almost been finished, but she brought it up again to halfway. "So as long as you don't get drugged, you won't fall for her eyes?" She put a hand to her chest. "Or breasts? Or..." She gave her hips a little swing. "Swaying hips?"
"Nah." Pointedly, Snatch looked away. He knew he was being flirted with—at least, he was pretty sure; he was actually very bad at gauging that sort of thing, and a part of the jaded adventurer's brain had trouble believing anybody would want to flirt with him—and he didn't want to send the wrong message. "When you've... had the upbringin' I had, you ain't liable to, uh... slip. The key is to just close your eyes." He tapped his skull for emphasis. "Too many people try to look away. They get dumb. Scared. Horny." His cheeks reddened slightly. He didn't normally use such... sexual language. Jen had him off-balance, just a little. "You just gotta shut it all out. 'S easy."
Jen Barman looked between him and his now-empty tankard. "Want a refill on that?" she asked, twitching one finger in reference.
"Eh." Snatch grimaced. "Two's, uh... already a lot for me. I drink it watered-down for a reason." He was already a little bit buzzed, actually. Drinking little tended to mean you didn't develop much tolerance. But there was no way he was admitting a weakness like that to a stranger, even to a stranger as friendly as Jen.
"Friend, you've got an elven mob boss after you with a reputation for playing candlesticks with her enemies in Thriae honey." The bartender giggled. "You
need
a stronger drink."
"... Yeah, I'll take a refill. Shit." Snatch let out a long, tired sigh. "I need a stronger drink."
~~~~
Snatch—Alrek to his friends, not that he really had any at the moment—stumbled up the stairs, roughly five tankards later. Maybe four. He'd lost count at three. He leaned heavily on the railing. His head was abuzz with thought and emptiness alike.
Jen was a sweetheart. He almost wished he was more of a romantic, just so he could consider something serious. Right now, the burdens of adventuring seemed distant, and Jen was front-and-center in his mind as a bright pocket of starlight. An absolute delight to be around
Normally, when Snatch got drunk, he could barely keep his eyes open. Tonight, though... he couldn't stop looking around him. Every glimpse, no matter how mundane, fascinated him. He'd almost gotten caught at the stairs staring at a knothole in the wood, before Jen had called out and helped him regain his focus.
At the same time, he was very tired. He wasn't so much hyperactive as he was dazzled by everything in sight. It almost felt like a dream.
He finally made it to the landing and took a moment to rest against the wall, looking between each of the six doors. The world bent and tilted before him.
The brass doorknobs held his interest for a few seconds, but he managed to piece together the facts. There was Larya's door, characterized by the fishnet stocking draped over the knob. He chuckled, remembering how she'd carried on with the two servers earlier. He wondered which one she'd ended up with. Knowing his druidess partner, probably both.
For once, it didn't bother him. Good for her. Let her enjoy herself. He almost wished he had a partner for the night, really. It had been weeks since the elven orgy at the brothel, and part of him almost... missed it.
He tried to focus, realizing he was just standing there, smiling at Larya's door, mouth slightly agape. If that was Larya's door, his door was... was next to it. Next to it. To the right of it.
He shuffled over to his door and fumbled with the key, only to realize he didn't have it. It took him a moment to be sure.
Oh. Had he left it at the bar? Jen probably had it. Best to go back downstairs, then, and...
He reached forward and tested the knob. It turned.
Unlocked.
Despite his stupor, a piece of Snatch bristled at this. He'd
told
cleaning not to enter his room. Not that he'd left any gear unattended, but...
The door swung inward. Snatch, leaning against it, nearly fell to the floor as he stumbled inside.
The room smelled strongly of incense and herbs. Snatch didn't remember using any. Did the cleaning staff use incense and herbs? He hated incense and herbs. You never knew when they were designed to weaken your will, to make you fragile, pliant, horny.
For a moment, the ex-thief stared down at the floor, studying the wood grain. He supposed he'd have an opinion on it, if he was a carpenter. He also probably wouldn't be hunted by sex-crazed mind controlling women, either, if he was a carpenter. That sort of thing rarely happened to carpenters.
"Well, well, well." The sultry voice reached his ears like molten candy, hot, heavy, slick and sweet. "
Look
what the bottle popped out."
Snatch knew that voice. He looked up, his breath catching in his throat.
Lounging on the bed, clad in only a toga, was Illetrys. Her pale-greenish skin gleamed beneath soft candelight. Her long red hair was immaculately styled, spilling down her shoulders like rolling waves. Her eyes gleamed like silver jewelry, and her lips glistened, sunset-red.
She lay back on his bed, legs crossed, smiling broadly at him. "Ooh, if it isn't my dear
Alrek
," she purred, sitting up. Her bountiful breasts bounced as she did so, and the toga slipped down just a little, affording him a better view of her cleavage. She reached down and lifted a fully-loaded crossbow, pointing it straight at his head. "Close the door, boy."
Snatch hesitated, staring at the crossbow to avoid staring at her breasts. His mind was racing, but half of his thoughts were consumed by the dreamlike need to look around, to get lost in thought, and he knew quite well just how dangerous that would be right now. "H-how'd you find me?" he asked, hoping to stall.
Her lips quirked upwards. "Close the door, Alrek. I'm a good shot."
Snatch reached back and pushed the door shut, swallowing. His head was still a bit woozy from the drink, but he struggled to focus on the tip of that loaded crossbow. "How."
"Oh, dear boy." Illetrys slowly swayed the crossbow back and forth, pointing between his head, his shoulder, his groin, and back to his head. "You might keep quiet, Alrek, but I
always
find my man." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her lick her lips. "I have a
taste
."
Snatch took a cautious step forward. She only smiled, not reacting. She held the crossbow with one hand, while with the other, she reached up and gently stroked her plump bottom lip—trying to draw his attention, no doubt, so he'd get sucked in and spellbound by her lush, red, cocksucking lips...
Snatch longed to rush forward, but he knew she wasn't bluffing with that crossbow. Much as she seemed to want him, she also wanted him dead. Besides, there were a lot of ways to bring a man down with a crossbow that still left him open to being 'candlesticked' in honey—tied to a rope and dipped up and down in the ambrosia, like a monk might make candlesticks.
He needed to stall, he knew, desperately trying not to look at Illetrys's heaving breasts.
Larya was in the room right next door. Even with her legendary stamina, she would be finishing soon with only two partners, and she always went to get a drink after sex. Hopefully, she'd notice he'd turned in early and check on him in that annoying way she had of caring about his wellbeing.
He just had to stall.
Larya would be here soon.
~~~~
"
Mmf!
" Larya let out a muffled squeal as the elves pushed her facefirst against the pillows, and the smallest of them darted her tongue into her cunt and started to lap over it hungrily, drowning out all of the druidess's thoughts in sticky-sweet pleasure. "
Aah!
"
The elf's sister clutched Larya's chest, planting kisses all over her neck, manhandling her breasts. The druidess's whole body was abuzz.
Next to the bed, she could see Emmett and Jayla both groaning. Emmett, the stablehand, was pinned to the ground as a third elf straddled him. She had already gagged him for convenience. Next to him lay Jayla, her whimpering mouth covered by soft hands as the fourth elf rose up and down on the barmaid's cock.
The four elves had come out of the wardrobe mid-coitus, taking advantage of their targets' lusty states. Larya could no longer think of how this might be a problem. She just moaned as the elves flipped her over and replaced the smothering pillow with a pair of soft lips, drowning out her cares in pure, endless pleasure.
Good thing the walls were thick. Otherwise she'd probably be keeping Snatch up all night, at this rate.
~~~~
"So," Illetrys purred, lounging back in the bed, "isn't this nice?" She bobbed the crossbow back and forth, forcing Snatch's eyes to carefully follow the shiny pointed tip. "It's been so long, my dear! How long has it been?"
Snatch grimaced. "N-not long enough." His eyes were steadfastly trained on the crossbow, even as he saw Illetrys adjusting her toga, checking her breasts for a moment to make them more comfortable.
Don't look at her breasts. Don't look at her eyes, or her lips. Don't look at... at...
The crossbow swayed back and forth.
... anything.
Back and forth.
"Aw. You're hurting my feelings, Alrek."
"Don't call me that!" Snatch snapped, swaying slightly. He took a step closer. Illetrys didn't seem to react. She didn't seem worried at all, really, though he did notice her eyebrows arch.
"Don't call you what?" she asked, giggling. The crossbow wove back and forth in a figure-eight pattern, requiring almost all of Snatch's attention to follow.
"You know what!"
