Author's Note: This is my 100th story. Or at least, nearly my 100th story. For every week for the past 100+ weeks, I have posted one or two stories. And through it all, I have been read by loads of people. All of you have been amazingly supportive - whether it was as simple as just coming back to read my stories time and again, or sending me a long critique about my writing, or just giving my story an honest rating at the end!
*****
Merton pinched the bridge of his nose as Brash snored atop his head.
"Run this by me again," he said.
"Okay," Lisa said. "Dragons originated on Earth as weapons of warfare and magical creations made by human wizards. One wizard decided to use them against his enemies, and the resulting war devastated the planet. It's probably what's behind pretty much every ancient flood and story of Atlantis and why every human culture in the world has art and legends about dragons. In the end, the wizards were dead and the dragons left behind a devastated planet and the mage-blind slaves. Us." She inclined her head slightly. "The dragons formed the Five Talon Empire-"
"Technically," Relix cut in, taking a pause from her snuggling of Merton. "They formed the Empires of Qesemat and Asamat, split between chromatic and metallic dragons. It was only after the Dragonstar Wars and the creation of the War Spheres that the Draconic Empire was formed under the Prismatic Throne. That was then stable until...well, by this point, I usually fell asleep during history class."
Then she went back to squeezing Merton's naked body. Merton smiled and hugged his wife back. Then he felt a bump and saw that Julia, his girlfriend, was pressing against his other side.
"Can I snuggle Merton too?" Brash asked, waking up.
"You're already his hat," Lisa said.
Brash gasped. "That is the most important job. Hats are the snuggles of the head."
"Quite," Lisa said, then shook her head. "Still, there was one survivor: The man who created the first chromatic dragons and set them to war. He fled here...and from his regrets created this place." She gestured around herself.
"Fuck me sideways," Merton said.
"Well..." Relix murmured, sounding tempted.
"Later, honey," Merton whispered.
"I'll bring the lube," Julia said, giggling.
Merton shook his head. "So, this is
literally
the Fortress of Regrets? And these shadow things are..." He looked down at the pile of obsidian monsters that he had been busily hacking up while Lisa and his wife had stumbled on the originator of this mysterious floating castle. In the vastness of prime negation, it had seemed to be an impossibility. Something where only nothing could exist. "What?"
"Her conscience," Lisa said, sighing. "What a guilt brain can do after a few thousand years of wallowing next to a pool of radiant energy. While also being the brain of an arch-mage that makes the most powerful draconic sorcerer look like Gandalf the Grey."
"Planescape
and
Phlan, Jesus Christ," Merton said, putting his hands to his face.
"What?" Trevor asked, frowning. "I usually get your fucking stupid references and in-jokes, but I'm lost."
"It's not important," Relix said, drawing her snout away from Merton's arm. "What is important is we get to Earth."
"...
que
?" Carlos asked.
Relix sighed and then slipped her arms around Merton's belly. Her scales rasped gently against his taut belly muscles and Julia took her chance to bury her face against Merton's abs. She started to lick him affectionately. Which reminded Merton to remember to ask her later how the
flying
fuck she had not only gotten magic, but also
learned
magic. But so many things had been happening so quickly that he felt like he was doing all right if he managed to keep abreast of the important stuff. Like the dragons. And the space politics. And the assassination attempts.
"If Earth is the homeworld of dragon-kind, and not Draconis Prime," she said. "Then there will be artifacts left of the old empire. Maybe we can find something that will give us an edge against the other dragon suits. Those were powerful enough to wipe out a dragon freehold." She shook her head. "There must be
something
left."
"After...what? Ten thousand years?" Lisa asked. "Not to mention, humanity has never found
anything
. Zip. Nada. Zilch."
"Where was Atlantis?" Carlos said. "If we never found it, maybe there are artifacts there?"
"...where could
Atlantis
possibly be?" Trevor asked, slapping the back of his head. "Man, if only there was some kind of
Atlantic
ocean to search!"
Carlos looked at Trevor, crossing his arms over his chest. "Dude. Trevor. You can't go looking in the obvious places. Where do you find your car keys? In the obvious place? No, you find them behind the couch."
"Uh, no, actually, I find my car keys in the place where I put them. Which is on the fucking counter, which is where everyone puts them!" Trevor snapped, his eyebrow twitching. "Listen, this is all
insane
. Why the hell would a
ten thousand
year old artifact do
diddly
to a modern starship? There's this historical myth called the dark ages, which is where most of fantasy fiction gets the ass-backwards idea that older stuff is better than newer stuff. Well, guess what, we aren't goths squatting in the Roman Empire wondering how they built aqueducts. Fuck. If we're going to Earth, we might as well go for the
nukes
."
"How many nukes could Earth possibly have?" Relix asked, sneering slightly.
"Twenty thousand," Merton said.
"Fifteen thousand," Lisa said.
"Between fifteen and twenty thousand!" Carlos said, cheerfully.
Relix blinked. "Oh. Right." She clearly had just remembered Merton and her's first meeting.
"Hey, question," Carlos said, lifting his hand. "What happened to the old wizard?"
Lisa shrugged, the strap on her laser rifle shifting along her shoulder. "I shot up the pool of radiant energy that was sustaining her life. It seemed like she was ready to go." She nodded. "Why?"
"Sooo...you...took the wizard whose regret keeps this place stable off life support?" Carlos asked. "Before we stabilized the portals so that they'd head to Earth?"
Lisa and Relix both blinked. And, with fantastic timing, the Fortress of Regrets took the cue. The ground heaved as if they were in a 7.5 earthquake, sending the few armsmen, Gunner, Speccy, and Merton's friends sprawling onto their backs and bellies with cries of alarm. Brash went soaring off of Merton's head with a squeal of delight, while Relix held Merton in place by by wrapping around him like a snake and plunging her tail into the ground as if it was an anchor. The shake was followed by aftershocks and a groaning, crashing,
rending
noise. Chunks started to fall from the metallic ceiling and Merton screamed.
"Back to the shiiiiiiip!"
Relix unwrapped and dragged him to his feet.
"Brash!" Merton shouted. "Help everyone!"
Brash flapped his wings, then dodged away from a massive head that fell from the ceiling, tumbling through the cracks as if some vast statue that had been part of an upper level had come spilling down. The head struck the ground with a tolling like a gong. Brash swept forward, his arms growing to absurd Schwarzenegger beef-slabs sticking out of his small, cat-like body. He scooped up Trevor and Lisa with a sweep. Carlos, keeping his feet with remarkable skill, grabbed onto Speccy and helped the four armed purple skinned engineer to her feet.
Gunner grabbed one of his armsmen and dragged the woman out and away from a tumbling chunk of wall slab which would have pancaked her.
The whole group rushed towards the airlock, which was starting to shake and jar free.
Merton looked over his shoulder - one last glimpse at something that had stood the test of time longer than any structure on the Earth had. He saw the darkness, lit patchily by the mage lights that Speccy had set up, being split by the deeper, purer blackness of the plane of negation. He could see those bizarre machines, crumpling as stones the size of small houses fell on them. He could see the floor dropping away like teeth from a kid with scurvy, dropping into blackness and infinity. He shook his head slightly, then leaped onto the airlock.
The door slammed shut behind him and the
Talon-9
bucked as it skidded away from the Fortress of Regrets. He got to his feet in time to look out the airlock window and see the Fortress collapsing inwards, swirling and groaning as the chunks lost definition, becoming dust, and then tiny particles, all of them twisting on a whirlwind of destruction. At the center of it, he could see a sputtering, strobing light.
The debris fell inwards.
And then with an unceremonious
pop
and minute poof of smoke that dissipated nearly instantly, the Fortress was gone.
"Well," Relix said, sourly. "I guess we'll have to take the
long
way to Earth now."
"No," Merton said, shaking his head. "Learning the origins of dragons is
interesting
...but what we need to do is get to Draconis Prime and tell your father about the threat from House Byraugh, Xosh, and Forin before they make their move. Nothing on Earth can stop them, unless the ancients left some super weapon there."
"Like the draconic command words that let them control the entire species for millenia?" Lisa asked, her voice dry.
Merton paused.
"Fuck," he said, before pinching the bridge of his nose. "Speccy, where can our planar whipple shields bring us too?"
"They'll bring us right back where we started from," Speccy said, brushing some dust from her shoulder as the inner door of the airlock opened and each of them started out into the corridor.
Julia chuckled, quietly. "So, in other words, right back into the guns of House Byraugh."
"Essentially," Speccy said, frowning. "There is an advantage. This detour has given our subspace drive time to refresh itself. If we arrive and
instantly
translate to subspace, we'll get away." She paused. "If only we had our ablative wish armor."
"You know," Trevor said, sourly, crossing his arms over his chest as he glared at Lisa. "If only someone hadn't murdered the ancient archmage."
Lisa glared right back at him.
"No," Speccy said. "Even with a wizard of the 17
