This erotic story features humanoid robots and/or anthropomorphic (furry) cyborg characters, which have animal characteristics. Sexy robots...do I really need to explain further?
Dear Brian.
"Ugh...sounds gay."
My main man, Brian.
"Hmmm."
Brian, my main man.
"Better, but not quite there."
Brian, buddy.
"Good enough!"
John's pen scribbled away on the note paper, the inky implement embarking eagerly on its grand adventure across the page, with the goal of creating a heartfelt (but not sappy) farewell:
Brian, buddy.
Sorry I can't say goodbye in person, what with the move being on a tight schedule, but I wish you all the best.
You were a kick-ass roomie.
I got you something special as a thank-you, on the super-sweet down-low. Chores won't be such a pain no more. It'll help keep you company too.
So long fuck-face, and Merry Christmas!
John
:-)
"An emoji on paper, that's not right," John thought aloud, reviewing his note.
Eh...fuck it,
his brain said,
you'll be gone soon anyway. Back to roamin' the wide wide world.
"Short and sweet," he muttered, "let's keep it that way."
You got it, me!
Next up was the present. This had John worried. For two reasons. Firstly: because it appeared to be the wrong shape and size for what he was expecting; and secondly: it wasn't strictly...uh...legal. Well...it was entirely illegal, but John thought the nature of his acquisition to be more of a grey area than any so-called 'court' full of so-called 'lawyers' might assert. His gift to Brian came hot off the
dark web
β paid for in the most secure cryptocurrency he could find, a transaction made behind endless layers of network obfuscation. It's country of origin: unknown. But he had been assured (by his less-than-scrupulous business associates) that the purveyor of this exquisite gift was indeed legit, that the item was indeed special.
Special,
they'd said,
because nobody lets anybody into the factories without a tonne of security clearance. Trade secrets doncha know.
Thanks to them he'd been given the leads necessary to track down and acquire one, straight from the source. John almost wished he'd splashed out on a second.
He picked up the nondescript cardboard box from the coffee table and brushed the dusty surface to reveal the faded lettering:
VIXNPSD009911334556
Kontor-Vyamin Manufacturing
Household & Industrial Robotics
Personal Service Droid
PARTS READY FOR TRANSIT, ATTEMPTS BY WORKERS TO DAMAGE OR BY ANY MEANS HARM COMPONENTS/MATERIALS WITHIN WILL BE MET WITH PROSECUTION IN COMPLIANCE WITH LOCAL GOVERNMENT AND LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCIES, UP TO AND INCLUDING TERMINATION OF EMPLOYEE LIFE-CONTRACTS.
John gazed silently at the blank, featureless package. The words rang out through his head: personal service droid.
Personal...service...droid...
Cool, so where's the rest of it?
He grew worried. This small box couldn't be the whole thing, could it? No way. How is a whole person-sized robot supposed to fit into that shoebox?
Some assembly required I guess,
John harrumphed. He was in no position to complain though, having effectively (read:
literally
, he had an ego to protect after all!) bought stolen technology. Still, once activated it wouldn't seem out-of-place. Droids were a common sight among the wealthy. And Brian was solidly middle-class. With a nice suit and a straight haircut he'd pass for rich no problem.
Stop over-thinking this shit! Stop day-dreaming and focus. Gotta get this set up before I miss my flight!
John had never seen one of these up close, and despite his apprehensions, was excited to 'flip the switch'.
"Ooo-kayy. Let's take a look."
Confusion crossed his mind as he set it back down and twirled the box, putting it in alignment with its 'this way up' label. Too small. He couldn't shake the feeling he'd fucked up. Been scammed. Had some joker absconded with his money, leaving him without a gift for the best friend and college roommate in the world!?
Carefully, he cut the tape, separating the cardboard flaps, allowing him access to his contraband. Inside, the rustling of paper announced a second layer of dead-tree-based packaging. Half-expecting men in suits with handguns and those earpieces with the wiggly cable to barge into his apartment the minute he opened the bloody thing, he tore away the brown paper concealing his order.
No shouts? No gunshots? The door hadn't exploded? Cool, he was freaking out over nothing.
Pull yourself together bud. They have no way to track this.
...
Who's they?
"So this isβ" John's words died in his mouth before he finished his sentence. What confronted him was not, as he expected, a folded-up droid. No siree. Not even remotely. "The fuck is this?" he asked himself, getting angry.
Much of the space within was superfluous packaging. Meaning with the already small size of the box the contents were minuscule. A semicircular object with one featureless side; the other dotted with tiny perforations. John reached in and grabbed it, bringing it out of the box for closer examination. Strange. Was this only a piece of a complete droid? Brushing the surface of the device with his thumb he felt the side with those tiny holes. Curious. No instruction manual accompanied the object β likely due to its stolen nature. John had an uneasy feeling this wasn't supposed to be let leave the factory floor.
"What a waste of money. Should've known better."
He tossed it back onto the coffee table, preoccupied with its sunk cost. Several minutes passed with him staring at the device.
I wonder...can it be activated?