Sure enough, the gaggle of young women was seen approaching at ten minutes past three. Ralph and Frank always found it interesting how the girls walked in twos or in fours. It was almost a military formation, as the first of them were a sort of buffer to the girls that strode in the middle, and so were the last few. Always, one short and pretty blonde and one very tall knockout of a redhead were seen striding in the center of the column, usually holding hands and giggling. Those were the two that made-out on the corner, while the other girls chatted and stood guard near them.
On this day, two of the young ladies walked ahead of the rest. They actually took spots on the corner of the street, as if claiming that territory for the short blonde and the tall redhead that would arrive shortly.
With rapt attention, Ralph watched and took a gulp from his beer. "Do you see what they're doing? They're holding the spot for the other two." He shook his head. "That's crazy, isn't it? That blonde and that redhead, they're like generals for all the rest. All the other girls do exactly what their two generals tell them to do."
"Yeah, they've got it down pat, don't they?" Frank agreed. "I've seen that little blonde snap her fingers, and the entire bunch of them get on their phones or run down the street together in a hot second."
"Do you think they're like Russian spies?"
"Nah, they're not spies, dude. They're something else. I wouldn't mind snapping my finger and having Sue Ellen jump to attention like that, though. Hey, you know what? We should talk to these chicks. Do you dare me to?"
"To high school girls? What the hell for?"
Frank looked directly at his buddy. "You know what for."
"Are you kidding? Those girls are half our age!"
"They're over eighteen, and that's the important part. I dare you to dare me, Ralph. Dare me to say something to them."
"Okay." Ralph nodded. "Say something to them."
"What should I say?"
Ralph made a face at him.
"I know." Frank decided. "I'll make like we're knights and they're wenches. It worked out pretty good on our wives, didn't it?"
"Okay. Let's do that."
"The rest of them should be walking by any minute. Let's go stand at the edge of your lawn to wait for them."
And so, a few minutes later, both men were positioned next to the sidewalk, as more and more of the intrepid young women came into view. Half a dozen of the girls made up the bulk of the movement, with a last pair assigned to guard the rear flank. As usual, the blonde and the redhead were in the center, while the rest were in measured strides just in front or just behind them.
Ralph let out a quick whistle. "Man, that redhead is ten plus."
"Here goes." Frank said, clearing his throat. "Hark there, you comely wenches. Come hither to listen to mine discourse."
At once, the shortest girl in the bunch, another pretty blonde, broke off from the rest and came to stand before them. "The fuck you just say to us?"
"Hither and thither, would thou, perchance, hark my knightly decree to woo thy comely nature?"
The blonde flipped both men off to their faces. Ralph felt it was okay for her to flip Frank off, since Frank was coming on to her a bit strong in his opinion, but he was mildly offended to get the bird after having said nothing at all. The tiny blonde glanced back at the rest.
"Hey, Haley," She shouted. "I think these dorks are talking Pirate! Come and handle it before I drop-kick them!"
"Not Pirate, Forsooth." Frank corrected.
"Whatever." The blonde waved them off and left.
Haley, if that was indeed her name, had brown hair and a nice bust. She came in the company of two others, another brown-haired girl with a lean figure and C cups, and a thick blonde with breasts much larger than that.
"Ahoy there, buckos." Haley greeted. "What be your business with us?"
Frank kept up the antiquated discourse. "By royal decree, we must entreat with the comely lass with the crimson locks. Bring her hither at once!"
"Tis our queen you mention, and ye had best do so with the utmost respect." Haley warned. "What business have ye with our Red Queen?"
"The business of discourse and relations. Merriment, wooing and the consumption of a tasty ale."
"Carousers, are ye?" Haley laughed. "The answer is nay. The Red Queen seeks her merriment only with the Yellow Queen that walks at her side, and with no other."
"We must insist on discourse." Frank said. "It is paramount!"
"She is much too high on the mast for bilge rats such as yourselves."
"Bilge rats? Are we bilge rats then, thou bereft lass?"
"If ye seek to tempt us with that lowly grog ye hold, ye surely are mistaken. Give me a good clap of thunder, and we'll see about discourse among us. Until then, go and hornswaggle your mothers."
"Hornswaggle our mothers?" Frank grunted. "Hark, you common serving wench. You speak to knighted men here, and not any sort of bilge rats! By my hammer and tongs, what I see before mine eyes are plague sores and embossed carbuncles!"
"Aargh!" The leaner brown-haired girl rumbled.
"Heave to, mate Lacy." Haley cautioned. "These landlubbers are loaded to the gunwalls with water-downed grog."
"A heavy lot of cutpurses, tosspots and malaperts are thou!" Frank sneered.
"Let's blow the men down." The blonde interjected. "Dead men tell no tales."
The girls sounded serious, Ralph considered, while Frank was simply ribbing them to get a rise out of them. It wasn't the first time Ralph had wondered if the lesbian mob wasn't a street gang, despite how pretty and well-dressed they were.
"Avast, Lady K," Haley said. "These scurvy dogs aren't familiar with our code of conduct." To the men, she said, "You're near your rope's end, scallywags."
"Prating recreants." Frank admonished the women, before he turned to Ralph. "Here standing before us are the most lyingst knaves in all of Christendom!"
"Tis a good day for bloodshed." Haley threatened.
"By God's teeth," Frank cursed. "These cullionly barbermongers are not worth the breath it takes to seduce them. These unruly sorts we should run down in a field and take by force."
"Our heavy lot are the scourges of the Seven Seas, dead man." Lady K growled. "I say these blighters have earned their Black Spots, Haley."
"That one speaks of raping and pillaging." Lacy pointed. "Let us turn the tables on them, mateys. Instead, we will do the raping and the pillaging here!"
All three girls began looking at the two older men with a new and very different intensity on their faces.
"Uh, prithee... I beseech thee..." Ralph started. "My friend, he jests. I cry you mercy. We're no foes! Shun our counsel!"
"Yaarrr." Lacy said. "Plunder!"
"Pillage!" Lady K intoned.
"Tis a mutiny ye have set loose!" Haley added. "Raise the Jolly Roger, lasses! We'll be measuring these two for their chains now!"
"To Davy Jones' Locker with them!" Lacy shouted.
At once, the three enraged teens pounced on the two hapless men. Ralph had no qualms over leaving Frank behind, as it was Frank that had gotten the girls all riled up in the first place. He managed to slip away from the blonde with the extra-large boobs, and was halfway to the porch, when he heard a blood-curling roar from the street.
"Cry havoc!" Haley exclaimed. "Keelhaul these addled dogs!"
It wasn't just the three girls they were tangling with, Ralph realized, as more and more girls were seen streaming onto his lawn and coming after them. Ralph ran, oh, how quickly he ran, until he set foot on his porch and reached out for the handle of his screen door. That's when his attackers caught up with him. They pummeled into his sides and jumped on his back, propelling him through the screen door and into the living room.
As one slender arm wrapped around his neck, and the girls kicked at the back of his knees to down him, Ralph only had the presence of mind to scream out one word.
"Mamaaaa!"
From the picture window of her house across the street, the retired schoolteacher Mrs. Segura had seen everything.
"Well, it serves those men right." She muttered. "Ralph and that other lunk of coal had no business calling out to those girls to start with. Shame on those men! Those girls are half their age!"
Because the commotion on the street was so much more exciting that the soap opera she had on TV, the older woman shut the set off and shifted around on the couch to keep looking outside. Mrs. Segura had no idea where so many teenage girls were coming from, but it seemed their numbers had mysteriously doubled from the seven or eight she'd seen initially. She watched the teenage posse drag both Ralph and the second dimwit into the house and out of sight. As intrigued as Mrs. Segura was, she hurried into the kitchen to toss a bag of popcorn into the microwave, and hurried back to her big window.
"Whatever those girls are doing, they're sure are a lot of them." She mentioned.
Even half an hour later, when her popcorn bag was two-thirds gone, the girls still had not left the premises.
"Oh, I hope they're not tearing up Mabel's house." Mrs. Segura worried. "I'd better get over there and put a stop to this."
Mustering up as much courage as she could, the older woman raised her chin and strode out her front door. The moment she began crossing the street, two of the teenage hussies saw her from the porch and immediately went to cut her off. Mrs. Segura didn't even get as far as Mabel's lawn, when she had two fierce little Amazons glaring back at her.
"I think you girls have made your point." Mrs. Segura said, tactfully. "Maybe it is time you should all leave, before you really get in trouble."
The tall girl standing in front of her looked like a dark-skinned Wonder Woman. She set her hands on her hips and defied the schoolteacher with her eyes. "There is nothing to see here. Move along, citizen."
"Problem, Rochelle?" Another girl stepped up behind the first two watchdogs.
"No, Mindy." The black girl replied. "No problem at all. This lady was just going back to her house. She lives right across the street, at 593 Voltaire."
Mrs. Segura was no dummy. She knew a veiled threat when she heard one. Whatever was happening in Mabel's house, she did not want anything like it following her into her yard and happening in her house too. Mrs. Segura looked at the black girl, and next at the other watchdog standing before her, and lastly, she had a glance at this Mindy girl that looked to be in charge of whatever was going on. Finally, Mrs. Segura made a turn and went back home.
The older woman did not stop watching, however. It was near a full hour later when the mob of teens finally filtered out of Mabel's house and got into several cars. That was a strange thing too, how those cars had just shown up out of nowhere and the girls had jumped in right away. It reminded Mrs. Segura of something the Mafia would do.
After waiting an extra fifteen minutes to be sure, she guardedly made her way into the neighbor's yard. The screen door was ripped to hell, she noticed, as she got onto the porch and peered into the open doorway.
"Oh, my." Mrs. Segura whispered.
