Queen of the Deep

This is a remort slory for a character I play on a mud.

*****

It was the dreams. They haunted me, they had tormented me through my first pregnancy, and now they had started again.

It was always the same, I would be sitting on the bottom of a lake, my hair billowing around me in the water like a dark inky cloud, when suddenly a glimmering light catches my attention and I walk towards it.

Curiously, only as I get closer do I observe that it's not a light, it's a long white dress worn by a girl who's walking away from me, a girl with long blue-black hair.

I call out to her, but I am voiceless in the deep frigid water. I run after her, finally getting close enough to grab the girl's pale arm. when she turns in surprise, I am shocked to find that I am looking at my own face, except that it is not, exactly, as it has changed subtly. in ways I cannot define.

For the longest time I thought it might be the face of my (at the time, as yet unborn) daughter, Morwenna, but my childs eyes are completely different to the dark midnight blue and silver of the girl in the white dress.

Presently I am pregnant with my second child, and the dreams have returned. I still see the girl, but now she leads me up to the lake shore, where a young boy is crying, he has black hair and hazel eyes, he is perhaps five years old, I try to console him, but I cannot.

I do not know what any of it means, but I feel it must be a message of some kind, or why would I dream the same thing over and over?

I do not know where the lake is, it is not in my homeland of Alba or anywhere in Neulandra, that alone makes me think it is somewhere in the spirit realm, and my ancestors are trying to reach out to me.

I know they are displeased with me, for Waygate is a city of wickedness, and my family begged me not to go there, but of course, I thought I knew better.

With hindsight I can see that I was but a foolish young girl, drawn like a doomed moth to the bright lights of the city, but my life up until that point had been so boring, and as I would soon find out, so sheltered.

I was naive and vulnerable, thinking to find a husband and live happily ever after...

But such is not the way of Waygate, it is a hedonistic city of free thinkers and in the eyes of my family, sinful and wicked.

Nonetheless, I had determined that I would follow the druidic path and to that end, I had enrolled within the circle of druids for instruction.

I settled into my studies with enthusiasm, for I was determined to show my family that their opinions were wrong and I would become someone they could be proud of.

A few days into my course, I encountered Nuewet, another neophyte druid who was new to the city, and completely lost. I showed him around the town, and helped him to settle in, becoming quite friendly with him in the process.

Unfortunately Nuewet was beset by visions, which would lead to an adventure in Rigor Mortis in a search for answers.

Our small party was led by the handsome young Paladin, Borlun, and I must admit, my heart beat faster when first I saw him, but alas, he only had eyes for the elf maiden Myriana, a mage who's help was sorely needed on our quest in that dark town of horrors.

And so it was that I threw myself headlong into my studies, learning the secrets of all aspects of the natural world, plant, animal and mineral, as well as observing the heavens.

I also became a seamstress in order to earn some much needed money, as I obviously had to pay for my upkeep.

All thoughts of romantic dalliance were at this point, gone, and I resigned myself to the single life.

However, fate often has a way of confounding us, of twisting our desires and fears, changing our destiny on a whim, and such was the case for me, I encountered Borlun again some time later, and my academic endeavours fell by the wayside in short order as we became increasingly attracted to each other.

What was to follow, was for me, as exciting as it was confusing.

My mother had lectured me endlessly on what to expect from a relationship, accepfable courtly behaviours and the avoidance of sin.

Needless to say, none of her advice was applicable to the circumstances I now found myself enmeshed in.

Indeed, It was almost my undoing, as I clung to the tenet that a woman's place was to do a man's bidding, unquestioning and without complaint, compliant and enduring, never speaking out against his wishes.

On the other hand, it was a man's right to seek power, to conquer and rule by force of might.

This was the primal decree, all else was sin, according to my mother, and in my ignorance I followed her instructions to the letter.

At first, it was fun, there were the inevitable lessons in love, for I was virgin, untouched and inexperienced, but I proved to be a fast learner and our relationship soon progressed into something much darker.

Pleasure and pain were to become my constant companions, often ushering me into that place I would come to call the not space, commonly called sub space by others.

I was collared, claimed, his, and his alone, by right of conquest, at least according to the tenets of my people, the kelpies of Alba.

We pushed each others boundaries, our lovemaking becoming ever more violent until one fateful night at the Onsen in Shou Lung, when things went too far, due to his failure to understand that I could not utter a 'safe' word as it was not my place to speak out against him.

Things changed between us as a result of that, mostly for the better as our mutual understanding and respect for each other grew.

Not long after, I expressed my desire for children, and soon I was pregnant with my first child, and I knew I could never return home, as an unwed mother I would be a social pariah, disowned by my family.

I did not care, I had a new family now.

Tonight I am in the midst of the dream, and it has changed again, I follow the girl to the lake shore, but she is the one to comfort the boy, she leads us into a forest where my daughter is sat in a clearing surrounded by small animals and birds. She is around seven years old, but it is definitely Morwenna, her distinctive gold edged green-blue eyes are unmistakable.

Now I finally understand, my place is not in the repressive culture of Alba, but here, with my true family, in Waygate.

I have changed substantially in the last few years, and I feel it in my very bones, I am changing still...