An Unearthly Ass Ch. 02

When Cliff awoke, it was to find himself in a side room, on a small, rather functional bunk. The situation inside his trousers seemed to have returned to normal. He half expected to be uncomfortably sticky down there, but everything felt fine. He realised that Suzanne was standing in the doorway, cleaning her hands on some wet wipes.

"How long was I out?" he demanded. "What's going on?"

"Just a few minutes," said Suzanne. "You're fine. Look, it wasn't my idea to kidnap you-"

Cliff swung his legs off the bed and stood up. "Where's Lola? I demand you take me to her."

"Yes, of course. Look, it's a lot to take in-"

"Now."

Suzanne sighed and led him down a short corridor, to where Lola was lying in an identical bunk room. The Professor was just standing up from adjusting her skirt as they came in. Cliff glared at him suspiciously, then went to Lola's side. "Lola? Are you okay?"

Lola stirred as he spoke, and opened her eyes. She adjusted her glasses back into place and looked up at him. She was beautiful, he reflected. "Cliff... where are we?"

Cliff turned to the Professor, "I insist you let us out, now."

Professor Wot just shrugged. All of the aggression seemed to have just leaked out of him. "Of course, whatever you like..." he muttered.

Back in the control room, the Professor flipped a switch, and the large double doors swung open. Cliff stepped through, expecting to find himself back in the junkyard, and yards from the safety of his car.

***

Instead, he stood, teetering, on the edge of a cliff looking down on an arboreal paradise. The sun blazed down from overhead, and strange birds flew across the sky. The valley below seemed to be a mixture of jungle and open plains, stretching up to purple mountain tops on the other side. Next to him, Lola clutched tightly onto his hand. It was the most intimate contact they had ever had, he reflected.

"Cliff... what is going on?" she asked. He just shook his head.

Professor Wot and Suzanne had followed them outside. "Curious..." he said, "Pisspot is still a portaloo, it should change..."

"What have you done to us?" demanded Cliff, "where are we?"

"Anywhere in time and space," said the Professor, "give you a clue? Should still be your planet, but it could be anywhere from your distant past... to your distant future."

"I demand you take us back home!"

The Professor just laughed. "I couldn't if I wanted to," he said.

"Gramps can't really steer the Pisspot," explained Suzanne. "We never know where we're going to end up."

Lola gave a tiny gasp. "Are you saying we can never get back home?"

"It's extremely unlikely," huffed the old man. "But then, I can't see why you would want to. You'll have a much more interesting time travelling with us."

"You... stupid old fool!" shouted Lola. Then, sobbing she ran down a dirt path and into the woods.

Cliff shook his head. "This has to be a dream... or a nightmare."

"I'd get after her, if I were you," said the Professor. "We have no idea what dangers we might run into."

"You really are a stupid old... git!" said Cliff. He ran down the path. Then he ran back. "Don't leave without us!"

"I wouldn't dream of it," smirked the old man.

"Don't worry," said Suzanne, "we won't leave you here."

Cliff nodded, and then went after Lola.

***

He caught up with her in a clearing in the jungle. Tall trees, vines and exotic plants surrounded them. They certainly weren't in London any more.

Lola was, if anything, slightly calmer than he had been expecting. She was sitting on the ground in the centre of the clearing, her head in her hands, staring down at her sensible shoes. "Lola," he said, softly.

She didn't look at him. "I just can't take it in. I can't. Half an hour ago, I was just thinking about getting home and what I was going to have for my supper. Now they're saying I'll never see any of that again. I stepped through that door and into.... craziness."

After some hesitation, he sat down next to her, and put his hand on her shoulder. She sank her head into his chest, and he accepted the physical contact with gratitude. Could this be an opportunity? He dismissed the thought for the moment. "Don't listen to them, Lola. We are getting home. Somehow, I'll force that old... man to take us back."

"But... how?"

"I don't know. We'll find a way."

She sighed into his chest, and it almost felt as if they were cuddling. Then she moved away, standing up and shuffling out of her coat. Cliff did the same -- it was incredibly hot now that they weren't in an English winter. Lola folded up her coat neatly and put it on the ground. Underneath, she was still wearing her thin cardigan over her formal white blouse. Somehow, a twig had got stuck in her hair bun during her run through the woods, and she pulled it out now, tugging some strands free with it. "I'm a mess," she said. Decisively, Lola removed some pins, and her surprisingly long hair came tumbling down over her shoulders in loose curls. She ran her fingers through it, shaking it free, then caught Cliff staring at her, open-mouthed. "What?" she asked.

Cliff cleared his throat. "Lola," he said eventually, "you are amazing." He pressed on, deciding that this was not the moment to be coy. "You know what you do to me, don't you?"

She blushed and looked away. "Mr Stone, don't talk that way." She added, by way of explanation, "we're colleagues."

"Not any more," he said, "now we're just two people trapped far from home."

"Please," she begged, "don't... we're getting home. You said so yourself."

Cliff sighed and stood up. "Maybe we should get back," he said, "we don't want to..." Then he stopped.

On the other side of the clearing, a dark-skinned man had stepped out of the bushes. He was wearing a furry loincloth and carrying a spear. As Cliff and Lola looked around themselves, more and more people were emerging into view -- all of them dressed in scanty furs. They all stared at the two strangers with evident curiosity.

"Cliff..." exclaimed Lola.

"Careful," said Cliff. "Don't make any sudden moves. Don't alarm them."

Slowly, the cavemen -- he always already thinking of them as 'cavemen' - moved in until they surrounded them, and then began to reach out, prodding and poking Cliff and Lola. Lola shuddered at their touch, unable to hold in a squeal of alarm.

"Quiet, don't move!" warned Cliff. A young girl in a furry bikini had stepped up in front of him and was running her hands over his chest. It was actually rather enjoyable.

Lola's glasses had caught the cavemen's eyes, and one of the girls reached out to flick them off her face. They all laughed, and Lola screamed and started to struggle.

"Lola -- no!" said Cliff, but it was too late.

The more Lola fought and cried, the rougher they got with her. In seconds, they had ripped her cardigan off her back. Focussing on her, some held her arms pinned while others, men and women pawed at her. Lola stared at Cliff with panicked eyes. Meanwhile, curious natives were lifting up her skirt, revealing the slip underneath. Others were rubbing at her legs, and Cliff found himself wondering: stockings or tights? Either way, they were pulling at the thin material, shredding it in places. Her slip was also being tugged up well above her knees.

Higher up, more cavemen were pulling at her starched blouse. Inevitably, something had to give, and one by one, her buttons were popping off the front. Her left sleeve ripped at the shoulder, and was eventually torn off. Her skirt was also being torn, ripped apart up one leg. Then, as the front of her blouse slowly parted, Cliff could see that she was wearing a full body slip. Through the thin, filmy material, he could just about make out her sturdy bra, still covering her enormous tits, which were also being groped and tugged at with unabashed abandon. Cliff could barely take his eyes off her chest, but the slip was still being pulled up and away, and there -- as he got to see her upper thigh for the first time -- a stocking top.

He was undeniably turned on, but Lola was sobbing now. He had to put a stop to this, or at least distract them. "Hey!" he shouted. "Stop that!" He started fighting punching and kicking at his captors. One by one, the cavemen turned away from Lola as he created a ruckus. And then something came down on the back of his head, and the lights went out.

***

When Cliff came around, it took him a moment to remember what was going on. He was lying inside some kind of hut -- he looked up at the fern-covered ceiling with some confusion. There was a weight on his chest, and he realised that Lola was lying across him, apparently asleep. He looked at her lovely face and delicate hand placed softly on top of him, and reflected that, on the whole, things could be worse. She opened her eyes as he stirred, and cried "oh Cliff, you're all right!"

Lola looked quite dishevelled, a long way from the prim and proper school-marm he'd said hello to in the car park that morning. Her glasses were gone, and her long black hair still hung loose. She'd pulled her torn top and skirt together as best she could, but he could still see glimpses of skin and slip underneath.

"Of course I'm all right," said Cliff, although in truth his head hurt like a bastard.

"I thought you were dead!" she snapped. And then, suddenly, she was crying and cuddling into him. "I thought I was all alone in this terrible place!" she sobbed.

"Oh, you know me," he mumbled, "thick skull." He was burying his face in her hair. It smelt wonderful. In fact, having her writhing about on top of him was beginning to have an effect. Almost instinctively, he moved his hands up and around her back, sliding up under her ruined shirt and caressing her through the thin slip. His fingers brushed against her bra strap, and he felt his cock twitch with excitement. With her tears still running down onto his neck, it felt like the most natural thing in the world to start to kiss her on the forehead.

It was somewhat to his surprise when she responded, moving her face up towards his, so that now he was kissing her eyes, and then her nose, and finally her mouth. She kissed him back, lips closed, but passionate enough. Her tiny hands scrabbled at his chest, and he was very aware of her leg, starting to rub at his, just inches away from his balls. He pressed his palms on her back, beginning to wonder if he could get away with sliding them inside her slip.

Then she pulled away. "Honestly Cliff! Is that all you can think of at a time like this!"

"You kissed me," he said. "And you called me Cliff."

"Oh for goodness sake!" she stood up and kicked him painfully in his shin. Cliff lay back and closed his eyes. He could still just taste her on his lips. Worth it. Definitely worth it. "Cliff!" she sounded more urgent now, and he sat up and opened his eyes.

Two of the savages -- calling them 'cavemen' was definitely not right -- had come into the hut. One was a large, heavily bearded man, who Cliff immediately sensed was the leader of this tribe. He was not old, and looked in good shape, except that he leaned heavily on a stick, and had wrapping on his foot. With him was the young girl Cliff had noticed earlier, in the furry bikini that seemed to cover not quite enough skin. Even in her underwear, Lola would still be wearing more than this girl. Still, the girl had the assets to pull it off. Given the cleavage Cliff was looking down, she was not under-nourished.

"I am Zar, leader of this tribe," said the man in surprisingly comprehensible English. "This is my woman, Ho."

It figured.

"How did you come here?" asked Ho. "Why has your tribe invaded our territory?"

"We're not with a tribe." said Lola. "We're just travellers. We came on our own."

"You are alone?" asked Zar.

Cliff and Lola exchanged glances. "Yes. Yes we are," said Cliff.

"You lie," said the man, triumphantly. He pulled back the reed netting covering the door of the hut, and the Professor and Suzanne were thrust inside. They looked a little roughed up, but otherwise okay.

"How did you get here?" asked Lola.

"How do you think?" responded the Professor. "We came to rescue you."

"Great," said Cliff. "Nice job."

The old man glared at him. "Won't be doing it again."

"Oh, that's for sure."

"Take them outside," said Zar. "They face trial."