POSSESSED BY BORED GEEKS FROM ANOTHER WORLD
Chapter 9 Rich Earthlings get bored
Somewhere on Earth
"Sloe Hans" Hans Strong Banker was not really real. Sloe Hans was an image created by his publicist. Sloe Hans was part of his branding, how he was marketed. When Hans was starting to gain some popularity as a professional football player the woman his agent hired to promote him felt 'bad boys' were attracting advertisers. Street-wise gang members from the ghetto with hearts of gold were being given the world on a silver platter. Advertisers wanted black men that were successful and edgy without actually being edgy. They should not actually do drugs, hire prostitutes, mistreat women or have a real dog in a fight. But they needed to be a little bit scary.
Hans came from an upper middle-class family. His father was an engineer, his mother a chemist. The biggest issue for him growing up was whether to be a baseball player or go for football. He played football in college. There was never a question about going to college and he earned a real degree. Engineering and a minor in Chemistry. He did well enough playing football to get signed, recruited to play after he graduated.
The publicist his agent hired did a great job with his image. A lot of things to imply he was tough without really claiming gang status or criminal connections. He ended up endorsing a lot of products. The best thing to come from it was that he got a first date with Twilight Allure Fisher. The child star. The actress. The model. The love of his life and eventually his wife.
She had wanted to meet this guy who was hunting 'grizzly bears' with a bow. The photos were impressive, the actual experience was kind of miserable. He got together with a guide in Alaska, flew to a base camp by helicopter, froze his butt off camping. Endured jokes from the squad of people helping him bring down a bear. Most of the jokes involved being black as a poor evolutionary choice in the land of snow.
It was kind of funny. The first time.
The head guide had a waif like, blue-eyed, blond-haired tween-aged daughter who tagged along. She was home schooled. The girl would walk barefoot on the frozen ground as if it was nothing. Then she would criticize his choice in footwear. The pale child could name all the elements in the periodic table she understood their properties as well. He had a minor in chemistry and had a hard time keeping up with her.
A talk show hostess named Leya interviewed him. She had photos of him with the bow in the foreground, bears in the background. A bear fishing. A bear scratching its back on a tree trunk. A bear laying out in the sun. The bears looked cute. Hans looked like a predator. The hostess probably thought he killed all of those bears. After three years of hunting, he still had not brought down a bear.
She asked him how many arrows he had to use to kill a bear.
His publicist was proud of his tough guy answer.
"I won't take the shot if I can't bring it down. My rule is one arrow per kill." He told her the simple truth.
"Aren't you afraid of the bear taking you down!" Leya challenged him.
"My primary concern is that the animal does not suffer." He told her honestly. "We are stewards of our forests. Hunting is a way to control population levels. I would rather see a deer feed a family than starve to death in a harsh winter because we allowed their population to grow out of control. A hungry bear can be forced to compete for resources with humans. This causes unnecessary heartache." Is what he said. Of course, being backed up by four men with powerful rifles and prepared to bring down a charging bruin helped. They were not authorized to hunt with their rifles in bow season, but they were allowed to protect their client.
Leya did have a photo of him standing next to a white tail doe he brought down. Her team had lifted it from his web site. They did not print the letter from the grateful homeless kitchen that he donated the processed meat to. He paid a native Indian craftsman to tan the hide with the fur on it and he used the rug in his man cave. Leya called him Bambi killer.
Although she tried to crucify him in the interview, Leya was really impressed with him off screen. Twilight ran into her at a party later that night. Leya was pretty drunk but kept talking about Hans. "I only need the one arrow to keel de bar." She slurred. Jose Cuervo was not her friend. "I don wan heem to suffer." She mimicked his voice. "Da balls on thees man! Da big black hairy balls! I wan hab is bebe!"
