Pillow Talk 23

Even with all of Ketna's access to secure telecommunications, any further discussion regarding Brynmore was best conducted in person. Despite her desire to keep her alone time with Xerxes as brief as possible, it was admittedly less effort than scrubbing all of Xerxes' communication history at the service-level, as she had done in the past. So much for trying to keep some distance between them.

She arranged to drop by that evening, exchange her findings with him and discuss further plans, that was it. As much as she would have preferred to take this solo as she had threatened to do, Xerxes was in a position of trust that was gaining him unique data that helped determine where to investigate next. She showed up at his place after sundown, entering from the balcony as she had done so many times before. Xerxes was waiting expectantly inside, within view of the door to the balcony, behind the lounge's bar. He managed to keep himself quiet long enough until Ketna closed the balcony door behind her.

"Get anything good?" Xerxes asked expectantly.

"More than a few things." Ketna answered. "Haven't risked going through his devices yet, spent most my time tailing him. Got names of several contacts he's working with for transport and manufacture. I almost identified the agent he's working with for customs but I wasn't able to catch the name."

"Then what good are yah?" Xerxes chided.

Ketna stared at him tired and unimpressed. Even with the visor over her eyes, her body language conveyed the exasperation she regarded him with.

"It's a fuckin' joke, you on your period or something?"

"I have work to do, Xerxes, I'd prefer to keep on track. Have you got anything good?"

"Eh, mostly dealing with meetings griping about security procedures. Makin' a lotta demands about how we handle the I.T. side of things. Gettin' way too close to tellin' me how to run my business." The simmering contempt Xerxes displayed when in Brynmor's presence resurfaced. He produced a piece of paper that was resting on the bar counter and held it up. "Got a list of locations of any facility he mentioned."

Ketna's body language lightened immediately at the offer of information, she wasted no time in closing the distance to retrieve the list.

"How long you think all this is gonna take?" Xerxes asked as Ketna snatched the paper from his hand. "Takin' out Brynmor's operation."

"Longer than either of us would like." Ketna responded solemnly and pocketed the list. "We may have to let this last long enough to get a few shipments through. He's going to be on guard the whole time and he's fully prepared to burn his bridges the moment he senses compromise. He's got login trackers on everything so getting into any network he owns, unnoticed, will not be easy. But the moment I have what I need to bring down the entire chain, I'll let you know."

Xerxes gave a low, irritated rumble but didn't say anything further, consumed by his own thoughts.

"If that's all, I have more investigating to do." Ketna glanced to the balcony doors then back to Xerxes. "Same time next week?"

"Yeah." Xerxes sounded distracted as he confirmed.

It wasn't lost on Ketna that Xerxes was particularly disturbed by all this, but his usual cageyness about anything personal did not encourage her to pry further. It was probably for the best she didn't get much more personable with him than she already had, anyway. She shouldn't have fucked him the last time, either.

"Goodnight then, I'll let you know what I find." Ketna gave a curt nod and turned to leave out the balcony. It was quiet between them, until she put her hand on the sliding door.

"Y'Know," Xerxes called out, stepping out from behind the bar, making his way toward the balcony door.

Ketna paused at the door, resting a hand on it, looking back at Xerxes while she waited for him to continue.

"If the sex was so bad it's your own damn fault." Xerxes stated with bold confidence.

"Excuse me?" Ketna answered with sharp irritation. Her grip left the door so that she could turn and face Xerxes completely. "Please, enlighten me. How is your unwillingness to afford me any sort of consideration, much less listen to me, my fault?"

Xerxes' expression drifted more smug as he had gained her full attention. "You're the one lettin' yourself get disrespected. If you wanted something you shoulda' done something about it. Take initiative."

"Really? You'd engage in sex that takes my pleasure into account and not just your own if I just ask?" Ketna asked in disbelief, while gesturing to herself. "You'll do that in front of the business partners and peers of whom you're so obsessed with your presentation?" Her hand made a sweeping motion in front of her, gesturing to an invisible audience.

Xerxes snorted with a bemused sneer. "Not if you're gonna whine about it."

Ketna could feel the same rising anger that had her leave the last time. "You know, I would love to have a direct conversation with you about what I want- what either of us want; our preferences, our boundaries, and just once not have it devolve into a game of guess work, deflection, or verbal chicken."

"Yeah, you wanna talk so bad that's why you ghosted me, right?" There were hints of latent hurt in Xerxes voice.

"Oh for fucks sake-" Ketna briefly raised a hand to her head in exasperation, then drew it away to lift her head and address Xerxes again. "Because you weren't listening and gave me no indication you even cared to hear about what I wanted. Your only concern was to rope me back in so you could put your dick in me, to placate me just enough so that you can keep fucking me. That's what it's always been, you've never given a second thought as to why I might be upset. Every time I have expressed any sort of discomfort you treat it like an inconvenience. Why the fuck should I waste my time if you don't even care? And- Hell. Why are you lecturing me on being direct about what I want when you can't even ask me to peg you?"

Xerxes faltered, obvious he had not anticipated the course the conversation would take. "That's not-"

"Hold on." Ketna interrupted Xerxes before he had a chance to refute, stepping in closer. Stating the speculation out loud brought new framing to the conversation. "That's the whole point of this argument, isn't it? You're attempting to goad me into domming you, again."

"I didn't fuckin' say that." Xerxes snapped back. His expression was one of anger, but also potentially slightly flustered.

"You didn't 'say' it all the other fucking times, either!" Ketna groaned as she turned away. She paced back and forth gesturing and speaking into the air, verbally exclaiming her thought process. "This is exactly my problem with you. I shouldn't have to play these stupid games to figure out what the hell it is you want or to have sex I actually enjoy."

"What I want is for you to suck my cock!" Xerxes grabbed his crotch to emphasize his statement. "It's not that fuckin' difficult!"

"Yeah no fucking shit you want me to suck you off, you make that abundantly clear every time you force me to do it in front of an audience because you know I can't refuse you without putting myself in a very difficult position." Ketna's lip curled in a particularly vicious way, showing more teeth than she had previously, oddly making them appear almost sharper than usual. "You use the vulnerability of my identity and cover to treat me in all the ways you want that you know I don't like, without any regard for how that affects me." contempt hung on her words as she practically spat them. Unexpected tears began to well up in her eyes that her visor thankfully hid.

Xerxes opened up his mouth to speak but Ketna interrupted him.

"No- it's because you know how it affects me, right? It's always out of retaliation for something. You want me to be hurt by it-"

"Cus you won't suck my cock otherwise!" Xerxes snapped back, not permitting Ketna to dwell on the subject longer.

"You don't give me the opportunity to do it of my own volition in a way that isn't loaded!" Ketna shouted back in kind. "Why the fuck would I suck you off voluntarily on the heels of the last time you coerced me into something demeaning."

"What- like you don't fuckin' do that either?" Xerxes interjected, again in an attempt to prevent Ketna from lecturing him further.

Ketna leaned back, rocking on her heels, shifting her balance as she gave a strained, angered sort of laugh before speaking. "Because you fuckin' forced me to do it first!"

"Naw, that's all you, I didn't force you to do anything." Xerxes asserted.

"Are you fucking-" Rage shorted her ability to think of any words to say in the language they communicated with.

"You came of your own volition-" Xerxes seemed oddly pleased at her anger. "Coulda just not showed up but-"

"We both know that's a fucking lie," Ketna cut in quickly. "It was a challenge that would have resulted in far worse consequences had I not shown up. It was the illusion of choice when I knew there was none."

"Tell yourself whatever you want sweetheart." Xerxes sneered, leaning in closer. "Bet you wanted it all along-"

Anger and pain had been pooling into sharply elevating adrenaline through the course of their argument but that assertion lit the spark that finally set it aflame. She needed aggression, she needed to act, or she was going to burst. But more importantly, she needed Xerxes to shut up and pay attention. She had hardly mulled over her choices, the action was instinctual when it happened. Abruptly, she launched herself from her position and body checked Xerxes fast and hard. She suspected Xerxes could have done something about it if he wanted to, he couldn't have been caught by surprise that much, but he didn't. She wasn't going to complain about that.

As the two fell down, Xerxes onto his back with her atop, in swift, sharp movements, Ketna unfastened the belt that held her bag in place around her waist. Whipping it off, she slung it around Xerxes' wrists, yanking the end fast through the loop and tightening it to bind both of Xerxes' wrist together. It was hardly strong enough to keep Xerxes' wrists bound if he put even a moderate amount of effort into it. The point of it was the symbol, not the utility. It also made for a convenient handle to yank his wrists one-handed. At the end of it all, Ketna was seated on Xerxes' midsection, clasping hard onto the strap that bound his hands in front of him.

Xerxes held a confused glance for only a moment before he burst into laughter at the position. "You finally tak-"

"Shut the fuck up and listen." Ketna interrupted, almost a roar in her voice as an extension of her frustration. "I know you're pissing me off again just to get me to retaliate. Every time you've goaded me into taking the lead you lack the spine to say it out loud. It's always indirect or posed as a challenge or these stupid arguments where you prod any sore spot you can find to get a reaction. I am not playing this fucking game, anymore. If you want me to fuck you then just say it."

A twinge of irritation flashed over Xerxes' face as Ketna challenged his resolve, but he pulled himself together to display his typical bravado. "Cock's right there, princess, you can ride it any time." He grinned.

"No, not me fucking you by riding your dick; fucking you as in putting that desperate pussy of yours to work. But I am not going to do that until you ask for it. I want to hear it from you, explicitly. Not something inferred or coded."

Xerxes' facade slowly slipped when Ketna spoke of him so vulgarly. He gave a wry smirk. "Got your strap with you or something?"

"I don't need a strap to fuck you. Now stop deflecting. Do you want me to Dom you or not?"

"What, call you mistress while you flog me?" Xerxes joked but sounded slightly disarmed.

"ohmygod." Kenta muttered and gave a tug on the belt wrapped around his wrists "I'll explain it to you since you want to play dumb- Do you want me to dictate your actions? To give you orders for you to follow, to guide, restrict, and permit you, or otherwise conduct what specific sexual acts to partake in?"

" 'Tch, I mean sure if you can," Xerxes shrugged. "Half the time you can't even-"

"Yes or No." Ketna interrupted sharply.

Xerxes hesitated, trapped in a silence that forced him to confront what he would be admitting to. "Yeah?"

It wasn't as clear of an admission as she would have liked, but Xerxes' responses were softening, and a look of nervousness was slowly surfacing in his face. Ketna pressed the matter further.

"Do you want me to fuck your cunt, shove your face between my legs, and use you as I see fit for my own pleasure?"

Xerxes laughed weakly, using humor as a mask for the apprehension that was building. "If you can fuckin handl-"

"Yes. Or. No." Ketna sharply emphasized each word.

The tension in Xerxes arms eased. There was a painfully long stillness as Xerxes deliberated his answer. "Alright fine- sure." It seemed that the weight of what he was truly agreeing to had finally set in.

Ketna was about to repeat herself again, when Xerxes noticed the corner of her mouth pull back. And shouted again to interrupt her before she did.

"Yes, alright!?"

"Good." Ketna relaxed a little, finally able to move on. "And do you want me to do this tonight, starting now?"

"I just fuckin' said yes, didn't I!?" The uncertainty of submission gave way to anxieties that could be heard in Xerxes' voice.

"Admitting to the desire of a concept is not permission to proceed at that exact moment." Ketna slid off of Xerxes's chest and tugged at the strap around his wrists. "Making that distinction is important. Now get up." She ordered.

Xerxes sat up, Ketna tugged firmly at the bag strap as support while he rose to his feet. Ketna spoke quickly before he could.

"First, I need to establish some ground rules." She spoke while briskly leading him down the hall.

"You have been operating on the assumption that, in the context of sex, the only purpose of domination and submission is for the dominant to extract what they want out of the submissive, with no regard for the sub whatsoever." Ketna pulled Xerxes through the threshold of the room, turning to face him once they were both inside. "That is not how this works, and I refuse to operate under those conditions."

"Operate? Make it sound like a fuckin' job." Xerxes muttered.

Ketna chose to ignore this, focusing on her goal. Dragging Xerxes with her, she reached the familiar cabinet at the side of the wall, at which point she let go of Xerxes to retrieve what was inside. She turned around hoisting the familiar heavy harness into Xerxes' still-bound hands.

"When you wear a harness like this one, that's how we will both know what direction you want the visit to go in." Ketna pointed to the harness in his hand. "It is a signal to me that you want me to make decisions for you. To restrict or guide your movements, what acts to partake in, to dictate when and how you come, to penetrate you. And most importantly-" Ketna paused, waiting for Xerxes to look at her directly before she finished. "It means that you trust me to do this with your interests in mind."

The expression on Xerxes' face was bewildered, incredulous. "My interests?"

"Yes, in the context of proper domination and submission play, the one in control should always have their submissive's interests as a priority. Without it, it is not truly domination, it's bullying, abuse, or assault."

Xerxes snorted, glancing off in disbelief.

"I'm serious. It's an act of trust. The one giving up control has to know with absolute certainty that the one they're giving control to, won't abuse that trust. That is the whole point." Ketna kept an inflection of softness in her voice to attempt to convey the sincerity of what she was getting across. Despite everything, she did, unfortunately, care about his comfort. "As I was saying about the harness, if you have it on before I arrive it will tell me what you want, without having to say it. Or you can hand it to me and I will put it on you; be it voluntary or through competition, the message will be the same. If you want something specific, you will have to ask for it."

Xerxes was oddly quiet, preoccupied with listening and studying Ketna's movement intently.

"Control ends when I release you, either through the act of removing the harness from you, by providing you a specific predetermined condition or signal, or by stating as much verbally. If you would prefer to use a specific word or phrase, I can do that, too.." She hesitated in her next question, she suspected she knew the answer but it was important enough to ask rather than assume. "Do you have a safeword?"

"Don't have a fuckin' safeword, not a fuckin' pussy." Xerxes sounded offended she had even asked him.

"A safeword isn't a matter of weakness, it's a matter of consent." Ketna sighed, not surprised but at least she tried. "I'll continue without one if that's what you want, but please, at least think about it."

"Yeah, sure, I'll think about it. Now we gonna fuck or what?" Xerxes sounded impatient but something about it sounded almost performative.

"Not if you're going to whine about it." Ketna teased. "I'm the one making the decisions, remember?" Ketna unfastened the buckle from the belt of her bag around Xerxes' wrists, leaving him with free hands and a harness in them. "Put that on, and then we can begin."

Ketna walked away, leaving Xerxes to his devices, he chuffed as she did, then hefted the harness in his hand to begin sliding it on. Ketna placed the bag in the corner of the room, stripping her light jacket to leave it with the bag. Xerxes was nearly finished with the harness by the time she turned around.

"Kneel." Ketna ordered, walking back toward Xerxes.

"Not done."

"You can finish up while kneeling." Kenta retarted cooly.

Xerxes grunted but got on his knees afterwhich, Ketna walked past him, toward the cabinet to search through it, again. It wasn't too difficult to spot, the blindfold was still where she had left it the last time. Clasping it in her hand, she returned to Xerxes, swiftly walking behind him to wrap the blindfold over his eyes. He was in the middle of the final buckle and shifted at the movement around him but settled when he became aware of what she was doing.

"This again?" Xerxes protested in a halfhearted way that indicated he wasn't truly upset with the action.

When the blindfold was secured, Kenta leaned in close to the side of Xerxes' face.

"Anticipation is part of the excitement." Ketna responded smoothly, and withdrew. "Now, with regard for the conditions of control, for tonight, as long as you have that blindfold on, you will do as I say. The moment I remove that blindfold is when I release you from my control. Now, stand back up."

Xerxes complied, getting to his feet. Ketna moved around him to his front and took a firm hold of the strap on his chest, tugging at it. She took a few seconds to test the harness straps, ensuring everything was secure.

"Good boy." Ketna praised his compliance.

Even now, she had no idea if he cared for the phrase, if it made him feel remotely as good as similar praise did for her, if or when he would ever speak up about it. But he never objected to it so she saw no reason to stop using the same language she enjoyed.

"Get down on the bed, on your back." Ketna ordered, pulling at his harness in the direction of the bed, until his legs made contact with the mattress at which point she let go.

As Xerxes complied with the instructions he was provided with, Ketna resumed stripping herself of her clothes. She wasn't prepared to have sex tonight so nothing she wore was particularly 'easy' to access in a situation like this, forcing her to strip completely, but the blindfold helped keep that suspense.

"You that eager to ride me?" Xerxes teased while settling himself on the bed.