Ed was having trouble getting his head around it all. His new 10" blue penis, which was actually an alien parasite named Perry, was making copies of itself every time Ed had sex with someone! And then those copies had sex with others and made more copies! But whenever Ed tried to talk to Perry about it, he got distracted. He felt like Perry might be manipulating him, but then he got really tired and had to go take a nap.
---
Homeland Security agents Kelly and Smolder were stumped trying to find the man with the blue penis that had allegedly hypnotized and impregnated a local doctor. "John Smith" was an obvious pseudonym, and the possibly brown-haired rapist had been so nondescript that it was futile to just canvass the area. The town wasn't large, but there were still several thousand residents, and there was also no guarantee that the mystery man hadn't visited the clinic from one of the neighboring suburbs.
"Hmm..." Kelly hummed as she consulted her phone.
"I know that 'hmm'," Smolder responded jokingly, "you found something."
"A meteorite fell to Earth a few miles from here the night before 'John Smith' went to Doctor Lintrell's clinic," she revealed, holding her phone screen toward him.
He didn't even look. "Oh God, aliens again? I keep telling you, there's no such thing, Kelly!"
"So you keep saying," she replied, "but do we have anything better to go on?"
---
Ding dong!
Ed woke up from his nap. "Mom?" he called out.
Ding dong!
Since his mother didn't seem to be home, Ed headed down and opened the front door, revealing a tall man and a short woman, dressed in dark suits.
"JOHN SMITH!" the man pointed a finger accusingly at Ed.
Ed staggered back. That was the fake name that he had given at the clinic! How the hell had they found him?
"Oh, enough, Smolder," the woman chastised him. "Are you going to yell that at every brown-haired male we come across?"
The man smiled, chagrined. "You never know, right?"
Ed tried to control his breathing. "Um...um...who are you? What do you want?"
The woman showed him her ID. "Homeland Security agents Kelly and Smolder. May we come in?" Since Ed had already stepped back in shock, they stepped into the entryway without waiting for permission.
"Um, sure," Ed acquiesced as they closed the door behind them.
"Who are you, if not John Smith?" the man -- Smolder -- asked him, notebook in hand.
"Ed Doughtry, sir."
"'Sir'...someone raised you right, Ed. Are your parents here?"
"Dad's delivering around town all day." Ed looked around. "I thought Mom was here, but she must have gone out." That was happening more and more often while his Dad was absent. He tried not to think of his mother fucking women all around town with her new blue penis, infecting them with more blue penises like Perry.
"We'd like to ask you about the meteorite that landed in your back forty, Mr. Doughtry," Agent Kelly asked.
"Meteorite? Sorry, I wasn't aware," Ed lied.
"It came down late at night a few weeks ago. You were probably asleep," she informed him. He nodded. "Can I have a look at the crash site?"
"Um, sure..."