I have a good night's sleep behind me. I also have a good run and a bit of a drizzly morning too. All in all, not a bad way to start a day. Just enough terrible weather outside to make the bed a bit more inviting, a good bit of movement to wake everything up, and now I have two coffees and a bag of croissant sandwiches that I am dutifully taking back to my nest by the river.
It always astonishes me how close humans are to something more primal. We put on such airs of importance, such grandiosity with our actions. And it all boils down to get food and get comfy. I have the comfy bit down. I have the food bit and it's all coming back with me so my partner can enjoy the same. She's in the comfy category really. Not sure where the run falls, but it's good for me and that's the important part.
The river's even mostly clear today. So far, at least. More clean water to wash away all the refuse and tamper down the bits that want to ignite. I don't even see the requisite trash lining the banks. There is just the natural silt stirred and carried down. Good day. A damn fine day, really. Hannah was a bit quiet when we came back and I can feel that bubbling over. But that is for later, not now. The present moment is the only moment, while the past one doesn't matter and the future one does not exist.
I pass another person on their endless journey through life awake so early in the morning. Young girl with long black hair. I raise a hand in a facsimile of a greeting and do not get one back. Fair. She is running as well. There is nothing more important than a good bit of cardio, so she has her focus. Still would appreciate one back, but it is also not mine to demand. May she hit the zone and burst through the wall. Or at least get her steps in for the day. I got mine just as I turn onto the dock that marks my home.
And to my surprise, the future moment brings an awake and alert Hannah. Mostly alert. She is trying, really. She is awake and that is a miracle. The freedom of unmoored mornings has taken her a bit too far. Sleeping isn't really a thing you can catch up on. A missed hour is gone forever. But she is trying. Haven't been late for anything, but the beauty of our current line of work is that there is usually nothing to be late for. And when there is something, it's usually around bedtime when it really starts happening. So, we are all adrift in the endless sea of time where mornings and noons and evenings are all more suggestions than anything.
"Morning, honey," I say, "Got coffee and some sandwiches from that one place. Sleep good?"
She doesn't say anything and that is a bad sign. She doesn't usually say anything, but I get a fun grunt that may or may not mean she did. There is nothing though. Nothing at all. Hannah sits on the couch, blanket over her shoulders and staring at the ceiling, eyes closed. No snoring though. Awake, I have an awake Hannah to deal with. I put my hunted prize down and sit next to her. She doesn't immediately scooch over and press into me and I think I am now in trouble.
"I kind of hate you more now," she says. There is an obvious edge of tiredness to her voice. Always takes a while for her to get going, but she is a train when she has a full head of steam. Nights come a bit easier to her than me.
"It's that thing I did at the boutique, right?" I sigh. I want my coffee. But it wouldn't seem right. She hasn't reached for hers or any of the things I brought back to show my affection. Shiny things, pretty things, and food. One to all three are the keys to anyone's heart. I certainly wouldn't turn up a bag of take away offered freely. But it's always more complicated than that.
"Look," I continue, "I wouldn't really put it up as a regret or something, but I'm sorry. It was the freedom of it. I could do it, so I did. And there weren't rules there. I mean there were, but still. No Solar, no board, no League. It was just there. And it wasn't like we were together at the time. That is something I do regret, by the way. We should have done all this so much sooner. Like teenager soon."
"But we didn't."
"We didn't. And we had our games together. And that was nice."
"But it wasn't enough."
"Yeah. And there were times when you weren't around. So, I just found it where it was. No one stopped me and I wasn't going to stop myself when the shackles were that fresh off. In all that time, I wouldn't blame you if you had something similar."
"I didn't. I mean, I did, but I don't count it. It was a work thing. I did a tour in Boston, remember? Bad season for hurricanes and they needed someone to help with disaster relief. I met Elastomer and we had a thing while I was there."
"What could he do?"
"Stretchy guy. He could stretch and bend and do fun things."
"I bet he could. That's good though. I kind of want to hear about it. All you did. Must have been a good time."
"That's the worst part. He wasn't. He could do a lot of fun things, but he never did. And he didn't want me to do my fun things. Said it was a waste of energy, which is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Got real cagey around others in the League over there when I was around. So many rules we broke by even talking off the clock, apparently."
She sighs and shifts a bit until she is looking at me. There is no anger there in her eyes, despite the fact that she hates me. Just tired longing and conflicting thought.
"So, while you were galivanting with Violence and her whores, I was stuck in a tight costume with uptight people and being miserable. That's why I hate you."
She has such beautiful eyes. Blue, every shade fails to encompass that word. They are blue. They are the ideal of blue. And they are looking at me with an odd calm to gauge a reaction. Something alien and vast and beyond my boundary. A passerby gazing into see what is going on. They keep me here and tilt the world just by its presence, but it will all right when she wants.
"If you're feeling stifled here," I say, "then yeah, you can go. That would be devasting to me, but if you want that freedom, then you can have it. You already have it. It's not something I can take or give to you. And it makes sense. I don't know what it was like on your end. You don't talk about it and you don't have to. However it was, that's how it was. I don't need to validate any of it. So, if you want to leave and do something crazy, you can. With or without my help."
She sighs and it's ugly. Something gives in her chest and the couch shakes.
"And that's why I love you so much," she says, "Why are you so understanding? Why didn't I leave with you?"
"I don't know. But you left and found me again, eventually. And if this is about Violence and what I did, then it's not happening again. We haven't done anything together for a long, long time. We do movie nights every so often, but that's it."
"Wait, you two actually did something?"
"Very first job as Beat Down. She took me up to a roof and gave me a handy. So, if you want to find Elastomer and give him a handy, then that's fine. Now that I think about it, you probably should anyway. See how long you can pull it."
"Eww, gross. It'll turn all flat and stringy. It'll be like taffy. Long dicks only look good when they're also thick. It has to preserve the ratio."
She's smiling and that's a good sign.
"Is anything going to happen with Violence tonight." The smile turns a bit sad and I do not know why.
