Chapter 6 -- The Forgotten Memories
I saw myself as a small girl, playing with my friend Mandy at the beach. It was like I was watching my life on a television screen or a movie. I suddenly remembered this event. I was five and it was my first trip to the beach. The scene changed and I was in elementary school, playing hopscotch with some other kids, when a girl comes up and knocks me down causing me to skin my knee. I start crying and holding my knee. Then it was the summer I learned to swim and I saw Mandy, by my side and encouraging me to try. Now I start to wonder why we aren't friends any more. I can see how close we were.
The scene morphs again and I was in middle school now. Mandy and I are walking to class when suddenly there are three large girls standing in front of us. Why did they hate us so much? I never understood this. Another change and I'm crying. Why don't I recognize this scene from my life, and why am I crying. I'm sitting on a sofa, in a house that isn't mine. My mom walks up and hands me a glass of juice and a tissue. All around me people are wearing black and crying. A funeral, this is a funeral. But who's funeral? And where's Mandy? Why wouldn't she be here for this... unless... suddenly I see the picture of Mandy with the wreath around it. 'What? How? MANDY?!?'
There was another change, but this is before the funeral, because I see Mandy. We're fighting. I have no idea why but it seems stupid. She drove away in the car and I was yelling at her, calling her mean names. 'Why? Why am I so angry?'
The light turns green; she enters the intersection and WHAM! The truck comes out of nowhere and slams into her car. The truck driver who was too cheap to fix his brakes so he could buy a bottle vodka. He was driving too fast because he wanted to drink that open bottle at home. Instead, he slammed into the driver's side of Mandy's car. I ran to her. Her mangled body was covered in blood. She gasped for air. I put my arms around her the best that I could.
"Mandy! Oh God! Mandy! NO!" I screamed.
"Alexis," she gasped.
"Shhhh!" I said, "Help is coming. Save your strength."
"Alexis," she gasped. "I... I... I'm... s-s-s-sorry."
"No Mandy," I sobbed, trying to be strong. "I'm sorry. Please Mandy, please forgive me. I don't even like Jimmy that much. Oh Mandy!"
"A-lex-sis," she whispered, and then died in my arms.
Suddenly, I remembered this moment. We had just gotten our licenses a few weeks before, and we were fighting about... about... Jimmy... yes... Jimmy Peterson. We both had a crush on him but he liked Mandy more than me, and my stupid, teenage girl feelings were hurt. I stood there, on the curb, watching in horror. I was supposed to be in that car with her. She was giving me a ride home when she told me Jimmy kissed her, and asked her to be his girlfriend. I was furious with her and we started fighting. She pulled over and we continued arguing until I got out of her car, slamming the door and I told her... oh god... I told her that I wished she were dead.
"Fuck-off Alexis!" Mandy screamed at me. "I thought you were my friend!"
"Me?!?" I yelled back. "You knew I liked Jimmy and you took him from me!"
"Alexis! I'm sorry!" yelled Mandy with tears in her eyes. "Please forgive me!"
"We are finished Mandy!" I screamed.
"FINE!" she screamed back and drove off.
'Oh god! It was my fault! Mandy's death... it's my fault.' I began to weep.
Now, it's my graduation day. There are my parents, and Mandy's parents. They all hug me and Mandy's parents don't hate me? No. Wait, oh now I remember I told them what happened and they still forgave me. They forgave me so I'd stop hating myself and live. It was Mandy who wanted to be a teacher, not me, but I promised to be the teacher she couldn't be.
Yet another change, college, my college boyfriend, Rodger, we were in his dorm room, kissing, touching, 'Oh my God,' and I realize, it's the night, that night, the night he took a scared 19 year old girl and made her a woman. He started off slowly kissing and touching. I knew I wasn't his first, but after almost a year of dating, it was time for me to give him what no man before had had, my virginity. I was so scared and he was so gentle. I remembered how he planned the whole night, a nice dinner at our favorite place, a long walk across campus, then his room, candles, soft music, and roses. Yeah, it was pretty cliché, but it was so romantic. He had been so patient with me, never made me feel bad for saying no when I did. I knew tonight was all about me.
His kisses were so soft, gentle, passionate, loving. I was sure we were going to get married after graduation. He unbuttoned my blouse so slowly, kissing my lips, my face, down my neck as my blouse fell to the floor. I was so scared, but he was so gentle, patient, and slow. Soon, my bra was gone and he was suckling my breasts, caressing them, loving them and me. I pulled off his shirt and rubbed his back. Over the year, prior to this moment, we had touched and kissed, but never anything below the belt, and tonight, I would finally see him naked. It was silly how curious I was about how his penis would look. The only ones I had seen before were either in biology books, or the "Playgirl" Mandy had stolen from her mother with Harrison Ford on the cover. Rodger never forced himself on me, never rushed, and this night was planned carefully. His roommate was visiting his folks for the weekend, and no one cared if a guy brought a girl to his room.
My pants came off slowly. He could feel my nervousness, but he didn't stop. He kissed my hips, the outside of my panties, and my thighs. I was so wet and I knew he was the cause. Slowly, he removed my soaked panties and looked at me, lying there naked on his bed. The lust in his eyes told me he liked what he saw, as did the wicked smile that grew on his face. His first kiss to my sex sent electricity through my body and I nearly climaxed right there. I gasped and moaned as he licked me, probed the inside of my sex with his tongue, and sucked my clit. It didn't take long for my first orgasm of the night to strike with a force that I had never experienced before. My body convulsed and shook violently while he worked me.
"Are you ready?" he asked.
"Yes!" I yelled without fear or hesitation.
Rodger sat up and slipped the condom on his penis. It looked so big, the veins budging out, and I was sure he was going to split me in half with that thing. The sound of the foil packet tearing open added to both my excitement and nervousness. 'How is that tiny thing going to fit over his huge erection?' I thought. Somehow, that tiny condom rolled over him with ease, and he crawled up my body and slowly entered me. I felt the latex of the condom and how perfectly it fit around his penis, and he gave me time to adjust to him, before pushing in further. Then, came the tearing of my hymen. Damn that hurt. I cried out in pain.
Rodger kissed me. "I promise it will only hurt for a moment, baby, but I will feel better when you climax with me in you."
"All right," I sobbed, still reacting to the incredible pain I had just felt.
