Author's note: What could I possibly say after a four year hiatus from writing? Many of you were quite angry with me and all I can say is I understand. I won't attempt to justify my absence except to say life doesn't always work out the way you want, but now I am at a place in my life where I am ready and willing to write again. I'm sorry it took me so long. I sincerely hope you enjoy the adventures ahead. Also, I want to thank my editor JilliB. She makes me seem so much better than I really am.
**********
Jack stood beside the base of the bowsprit on the forward deck of the
Arabella,
gazing eastward as the ship rode the gusting wind toward Antyor. Dolphins raced alongside the prow as it cut through the sea, skimming just below the surface. The graceful creatures would occasionally launch themselves into the air before diving back into the choppy water.
At their present speed they were still hours away from making port, but Jack had rushed forward as soon as land had been sighted. He stared at the distant shoreline with a mixture of excitement and dread. He was anxious to place his feet upon dry ground again, but the unease of facing the unknown sat like a rock in his stomach.
The continent stretched across the horizon as far as his eyes could see, a green and brown haze smashed between the light blue of the sky and the darker blue-green of the sea. It was a little anticlimactic. In his imagination, he had pictured a foreboding landscape that clearly advertised his doom for all to see. The shoreline ahead, however, guarded its secret well if it held any malevolence toward him.
The minutes stretched and Jack found his thoughts drifting to Ava. In the weeks he had been aboard she had been on his mind often, but since the kiss, he had thought of little else. The memory of her lips pressed to his never failed to set his heart to thumping and his legs to trembling. Strangely, she behaved as though it had never happened and treated him with a detached aloofness that left him feeling embarrassed and bewildered. He didn't understand how she could kiss him like that then act as though she hadn't pressed her body to him wantonly, with a desire that had made his blood boil. He could only reason that she felt she'd made a mistake and didn't want to lead him on any more than she already had.
The thought of his wife intruded suddenly, sucking him back into the chasm of heartache that had defined him since he had staggered drunkenly through the portal. For a moment he was wracked with guilt for kissing Ava, then was furious with himself for feeling that way. Why should he feel guilty for thinking about Ava? Or kissing her? Barbara had betrayed
him
.
His guts wrenched as the image of Barbara grinding her hips on Roger Chapman flashed in his head. The memory of her face, contorted with pleasure, as she impaled herself on her lover was almost more than he could stand. Ruthlessly, he shoved the images into the back of his mind and fed his hurt into a simmering anger that boiled up in him and seethed just below the surface.
He snorted angrily as his thoughts returned to Ava. She was too beautiful for him, just as Barbara had been. Beautiful women know how beautiful they are, and they know the power their beauty gives them over men. And as the old saying goes, power corrupts. Jack had believed that Barbara was the exception but had learned the hard way that she was just like all the rest.
Even if Ava wanted me, she wouldn't be any different
. If she wanted to ignore him and pretend that they had never kissed, that was fine by him. He would ignore her right back. It was better that way, safer.
Jack glanced up as Terell passed by. Their eyes met and Terell's face flushed red with anger, his knuckles turned white from the grip he had on his sword. Jack quickly glanced away, allowing the young officer to return his attention to wherever he was going and avoiding the conflict that only needed a spark to ignite.
Jack knew why the previously friendly young man had turned hostile. Terell wanted Ava and saw Jack as competition.
Why wouldn't he, after that kiss?
He wished there was some way to make Terell understand that his fears were groundless. Whatever strange forces had conspired to trick her into kissing him had clearly shifted their attention elsewhere.
He was at a loss as to how to defuse Terell's anger. The dirty looks and thinly veiled hostility the young officer sent Jack's way irritated him, and under normal circumstances he would have confronted him. These weren't ordinary circumstances though. He somehow knew that if a fight broke out between them it would be with steel instead of fists. If he faced Terell with a sword, Jack was as good as dead and he knew it. With a sigh, he returned his gaze to the distant shore, putting off the problem of Terell for another time.
**********
Ava leaned against the bulkhead, gazing out the porthole in her room. She had swung the milky, iron-rimmed glass pane open and her hair swayed gently from the breeze that permeated the room with the smell of the sea. The cries of the gulls flying overhead had been growing louder, a sure sign they were fast approaching Antyor.
She inhaled the crisp air and sighed. She had to decide what to do about Jack. She had finally admitted to herself that what she felt for him was more than she had ever felt for any other man. She wanted him, desired his touch on her skin, craved the feel of his lips against hers again and again.
The memory of the kiss they had shared as they clung desperately to each other after Jack's fight with Monch never failed to send her pulse racing.
Oh Jack, what have you done to me?
That is how she thought of him now: Jack. She was unaware of exactly when he had stopped being the Outlander to her.
She wanted so badly to go to him, to tell him how she felt, to tell him that she was his for the taking. She had almost given in to impulse many times in the days since they kissed but always hesitated. She feared that her heart would be broken beyond repair if she gave herself to him only to find that he still loved the woman he left behind. She wanted his love, but she wanted his feelings to be true and not some desperate attempt to escape the pain of losing his wife.
Unsure of what to do, she had avoided Jack and had been disappointed that her avoidance didn't seem to bother him. She'd watched him when he wasn't aware though, desperately trying to glean some hint as to how he felt about her. She'd seen him train with the sea dogs and marveled at how he had transformed. Gone was the pudgy man who could barely walk without wincing in pain. In his place now stood a fit athlete whose muscles glistened with sweat on his shirtless torso as he swung his practice sword.
She'd watched covertly as her mother tried to teach him to access the leylines each evening, and had sympathized as his failed attempts made him curse in frustration. She had observed him as he often stood alone brooding silently, and had fervently wished she knew what he thought about, or if he ever thought about her.
She was a little jealous of the easy manner in which Jack and Viviane spoke to each other when she'd seen them quietly talking one night after she had come topside for some air. She was alarmed to find that the two of them met like this every night and seemed to have developed a friendship. She had never had cause to begrudge her sister-in-law her great beauty but found herself wishing that Viviane wasn't quite as attractive as she was.
Ava tsked in irritation. The man was turning her into a rattlebrained fool. There was only one thing to do if she was to get past this paralyzing uncertainty. They would be in Antyor for several days to take on supplies and repair the damage the
Arabella
had sustained in the battle with the
Kraken.
Ava resolved to confess her feelings to Jack before they returned to sea. She would tell him that if he felt the same, she wanted to be his woman.
Having decided on a course of action at last, she felt a little calmer. The calm lasted only a moment before she began contemplating what her reaction would be if Jack were to reject her.
Oh Jack, what have you done to me?
**********
"Fishermen," Garek said as he moved up to stand next to Jack.
"What?" Jack asked, startled.
"Those are fishing boats," Garek nodded toward several smaller vessels anchored in the distance.
"Oh," Jack said. "We're getting close to Antyor then?"
"The city will be visible shortly," Garek answered.
"How long will we be staying there?"
"I figure we are ten or eleven days ahead of the
Kraken
if Drebin is still chasing us, and he probably is. We need to repair the damage from our last encounter, resupply, and take on cargo. I hate to take the extra time for cargo, and the extra weight will slow us a bit, but the crew still has to be paid and that means cargo is a necessary inconvenience. Besides, if we left port without cargo, it might raise suspicions in some quarters." He paused in thought for a moment. "Five or six days at most," he finally answered.
"I am anxious to stand on dry land again," Jack said.
"About that," Garek said. "Jack, I need assurances from you that you won't run away once we are in the city. I want to trust you, but I also have to obey my orders and present you to the King in Panaar."
"I don't plan on running," Jack said. "Besides, where would I go?"
"Perhaps to Croatoan and the portal there," Garek said flatly.
"The thought had occurred to me," Jack admitted. "But I doubt I would make it. I don't know this land and you would be on my trail like a hound. I probably wouldn't last a week before you or someone else put an end to my escape. No, I will see how things play out with you. What do you need from me to ease your mind?"
"Your word," Garek said.
Jack almost laughed before he realized that Garek was serious. "You have it," he said solemnly.
"Very well," Garek said. "Now, how are your lessons with my wife going?"
"Terrible," Jack sighed. "She is sure that I can access the leyline, but I haven't been able to so much as touch it."
"And the sword lessons?"
"Better." A hint of a smile appeared on Jack's face. "I actually got my first touch against Grelik yesterday."
"Good. Kairn said you were rapidly gaining in skill."
