Author's note: Some of you who have read Young Wolves may have noticed that there is a lot less sex in this story. Young Wolves was my first foray into erotic writing and I wrote it thinking that if I didn't put sex in every chapter readers would be dissatisfied. I have learned that isn't the case, so with Outlander I wanted to focus on plot and let the sex come when it served the story rather than manipulating the tale to include gratuitous sex. Rest assured, there will be sex when the time is right. As always I want to thank the guild for their support, and give a special thanks to my editor Jillieb.
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Ava sat at her dressing table long after the sun had set, staring at her reflection in the mahogany-framed mirror as she pulled a polished-bone comb through her long, black tresses. The mirror, a gift from her father, was a luxury that few had aboard ship. The rhythm of combing always soothed her when she was troubled.
The fault for her troubled thoughts could be laid directly at the feet of Jack Forrester. The man was insufferable. One moment he treated her as though she were some tavern slattern intent on stealing his virtue and the next moment she would catch him devouring her with his eyes. She considered herself good at reading people, but Jack's behavior left her at a loss, unable to grasp his motivations.
Grelik's explanation of why Jack had started the fight with Monch left her more confused about the Outlander than ever. Her initial impression of the plain, plump man needed to be reevaluated. His defense of Charuk had been unexpected; surely he had known he would be seriously wounded for his efforts. This was the second time he had done something selfless. She couldn't decide if he was noble or just plain crazy. The man was a bull-headed fool, that's what he was. Ava gave the comb a tug for emphasis and winced as it caught in her hair.
She didn't even want to think about what had happened earlier when she had healed him, crying like a homesick girl newly arrived at the Covenant University. She tried to tell herself that she had just been surprised and overwhelmed by the amount of pain the Outlander had been silently enduring, but she had never been very good at lying to herself.
After he had passed out, her mother had ushered her father out of the room and bade her help undress the Outlander. She still fumed with embarrassment at the little gasp that escaped her when her mother had removed his strange undergarment revealing his manhood. Where her mother had been matter-of-fact as a Witch of the Covenant should, she had acted like an untrained girl and it galled her.
She had found the sight of his manhood interesting from a purely professional standpoint and for no other reason, she assured herself. She had undressed others before in her duties as a Witch of the Covenant, treating the sick and injured. The Outlander was different from the others in that his manhood had no foreskin. If she had glanced at it a few times as they worked it was just professional curiosity, that's all it was. Her mother had no call to raise her eyebrows at her in that disapproving manner. Regardless, she had turned scarlet and focused on getting the sheets out from under him and covering his nakedness as fast as she could.
The man robbed her of her good sense, rattled and confused her. Why did he affect her so? Was it his destiny that so befuddled her, or was it his dusky, bleak eyes that reflected loss? Was it that he had chosen to go into the sea with her rather than save himself? Or was it his gallant defense of a weaker shipmate and his foolish refusal to yield to the brutish Monch? The answers eluded her.
What had happened to him to make his eyes so sad? She slammed her comb onto the dresser in frustration. Why did she care? Why did her heart race whenever she caught him looking at her? Did he hate her, or desire her, or both? Did she desire him? She sucked in a breath at that last thought. Of course she didn't, she snorted dismissively. Where had that thought even come from? It seemed all she had were questions without answers.
A soft knock at her cabin door interrupted her thoughts. Terrell's impudent but charming grin greeted her when she opened the door. She had been expecting him to appear each night since they had passed the maelstroms, and now that he was here she steeled her resolve.
"Hey, beautiful," he said as he moved into the room. He scooped her into his arms and pressed his lips to hers.
Ava staggered a few steps back, but allowed Terrell's lips to remain pressed to hers for a moment before putting her hands on his chest and gently pushing him away. "Terrell, wait," she said.
He let her slip from his embrace and looked at her curiously.
Nervous, she clasped her hands at her waist. "I want to talk to you for a moment," she said, her demeanor serious.
"What is it, love?" he asked.
She took a breath. "We can't do this anymore," she said and moved a few steps away from him.
Terrell flashed his insolent smile. This was a game he knew well. He had charmed women out of their clothes in ports all across Aramoor and knew that women enjoyed the wicked surrender so much more after a half-hearted protest or two. "Ava," he said and took a confident step toward her. "You know I love you and would be lost without you." He took another step and reached out to take her in his arms.
"No," Ava said and retreated from him.
Terrell stood for a moment with his empty arms outstretched before dropping them to his sides. His face wore a look of disbelief, understanding now that this was more than just a game of cat and mouse. "Why are you doing this?" he asked, confused.
"It's complicated," she said.
"Tell me, damn it!" he said, his voice tinged with anger.
Ava's chin lifted at Terrell's harsh tone and her eyes flashed. "Don't raise your voice to me, Terrell," she said.
"I don't understand," he shot back, flustered. "I love you."
"No, you don't," she said and raised her hand to stop his protest. "You use those words to seduce, but you don't really mean them."
"But I do mean them! You don't know how I feel," he said.
"Prove you love me then," she challenged.
"How?" he asked.
"Go to my father now. Inform him that you intend to seek my hand in marriage," she said, watching his reaction closely.
He hesitated.
"That's what I thought," she said.
"Ava," he said in a tone that suggested she was being unreasonable.
"If you love me, why do you insist on keeping our relationship a secret? Why do you sneak into my room like a thief in the night?" she asked, driving her point home.
"Only to protect your virtue," he spluttered indignantly.
"Do you take me for a fool?" she demanded. "I know about the other women, Terrell, the ones you seduce with your pretty face and fancy words. Don't insult me further by denying it. If you truly loved me you would have stopped pursuing others. You would have spoken to my father and announced your intention to court me. But you didn't do either of those things, Terrell. I have gone along with this longer than I should have because since we were children our mothers have held out hope that we would marry someday."
"You brought me into your bed for our mothers' sake?" he asked. His expression of astonishment was easy for her to read.
"That's not what I meant. You are deliberately misunderstanding me," she said.
"Why then?" he demanded.
"I thought you were what I wanted," she answered. "You made me a woman, but as a woman I see now that I will never love you. To pretend otherwise would not be fair to you or me."
Terrell opened and closed his mouth as though unable to find words. "You used me," he finally spluttered.
"Terrell, it's not like that. I have always considered you a dear friend and I honestly hoped I would grow to love you," she said. "I'm sorry if you feel I used you. That was never my intent."
Terrell's handsome face contorted into a mask of rage. He clenched his fists and strode toward her. Ava retreated from him until her back met the wall of her quarters. She winced when Terrell's hands slammed into the wall on either side of her shoulders, caging her between them.
"I know what this is really about," he snarled, his breath washing over her. "I've seen the way you look at the Outlander."