Everyone in this odd story is over 18. Don't ask me where I got the idea for this story, even my muse doesn't know how I made an erotic version of a dystopian Santa's village.
Nick rolled over in bed, checked his phone, and sighed. No messages, no notifications except for some new Youtube videos, nothing, just like every day for the last month, unless it was a message from work asking him to fill in for someone. It had been the same for the whole month after his epic breakup with his girlfriend, and since all his friends had been hers first, he had been thrown out without a second thought. His parents were too busy touring the world to do more than check up on him occasionally, making sure he was still alive. Even his old friends were too busy in college, working, or travelling to even remember him.
Lying back he wondered if anyone would miss him if he just vanished.
"God, I wish something would change," he said to the water stained ceiling.
Getting up, he had a quick shower to rinse the stink off, grabbed a breakfast burrito to eat on the go and headed out for his craptastic night job at the local convenience store. The street was dark and his old winter coat was barely keeping out the early November cold as he hurried along, hoping that by moving quickly it would keep him from freezing to death. The local bums and criminals ignored him, everyone knew he was broke and barely able to afford the moldy, run down one room apartment that he laughably called home.
Getting to his job, he signed in, replaced the bitter old lady who smelled of cats and nicotine and got ready for a long night of selling scratch tickets, cigarettes, munchies and cheap alcohol, while trying to keep the local addicts and loonies from taking a dump in the aisles.
Getting a mop, he began mopping the filthy floor, trying to make the stained and chipped tiles look a little cleaner. It was a lost cause, the black streaks of shoes and dirt covered everything, there was the faint red stain which might have been paint, or nail polish, or blood, that would never come out, and the brown smear he hoped was just some mud that had been ground into the cracked tile.
Nick realized the floor was a lot like his life, stained, broken, and beyond repair. Only by ripping everything out and replacing it all, would make it better. Or better yet, light the whole thing on fire and dance in the ashes.
Leaning on the old mop, Nick wondered why he even kept trying.
The mechanical ding of the door brought him momentarily out of his angst. Walking back behind the counter, he turned to look at the customer and was confused when he didn't see anyone. Then he looked down and for the first time in a month he smiled.
"Isn't it a little early for Christmas kid?" he asked the little kid, who couldn't even look over the counter was dressed like one of Santa's elves. The kid, who could be a boy or a girl, had the pointy green hat with a bell on the end, pointy green shoes, green and red tights, and a green coat with white fur trim.
The kid looked up, and Nick was thrown a little by the face. It wasn't a child's face, but it also wasn't an adult face, it was right in the deep uncanny valley, with eyes a bit too large, an upturned nose that was a little too pointed, cheekbones and a jaw that were a bit too pointed and delicate. In a cartoon, the person would be a perfect elf singing happily in the North Pole. In real life, late at night and all alone... Nick really hoped someone was about to jump out and shout surprise.
"Hi," the... elf said in a high pitched voice that was just on the edge of masculine, "you're Nicholas Christopher Hall, right?"
Nick's heart jumped. How did this weirdo know his name. "Yes," he said, trying to look around without taking his eyes off of the person. Realistically he knew he shouldn't be afraid, if the elf tried anything it would be easy enough to stomp him into the ground, but everything had an unreal feeling to it.
"Oh holly jolly good!" the elf cheered. "And did you wish that, and I quote, 'something would change'?"
"How did you know that?" Nick asked backing away from the creature. No one could have heard him in his room.
"I work with Santa, we hear everything. And you're in luck, we need a new elf. Since you made a wish for something new you're perfect for the job," the elf said, jumping up onto the counter in a single bound.
Never a fighter, Nick went with his first instinct turning and running as fast as he could. He didn't get more than two steps when a glittering powder surrounded him, stopping him in his tracks. His arms were raised, he was leaning forward on one foot, his other foot in the air, and he was paralyzed. By all rights he should have fallen flat on his face, but it felt like the very air had hardened, holding him upright.
"Huh, most people love to hear that they'll get to go to the North Pole and see Santa. Especially when their lives are as miserable as yours is." The elf walked in front of Nick, looking him up and down like a hunter examining his prey. "I think you'll be perfect. Old enough to know how to do an honest day's work, no family to really worry about, but not so jaded by life you have given up completely or become a bad boy. Getting a girl would have been a bit better, but that's not a big deal. I know you'll do quite nicely once you get settled."
If he could have moved anything other than his lungs, Nick would have argued. His life sucked, but he didn't want to give it up. It was salvageable. And the thought of being kidnapped by an insane elf who thought Santa was real was the last thing he wanted.
Unfortunately for him he didn't seem to have a say in things. The elf pulled an impossibly large bag from his coat pocket and swung it over Nick's head. Then there was just blackness and the sense of falling.
***
Nick didn't know how long he fell in the darkness. It felt like a long time, but his thoughts and movements felt unnaturally slow, like he was trying to move through honey. And then it began to get cold, at first it was just cool, a welcome relief from the stuffy heat of the seemingly endless bag. Then it became colder, making him rub his arms and chest, trying to stay warm. Then he began to shiver, his teeth clicking as his body tried to stay warm. He wished he still had his winter coat.
Finally the fall ended, and Nick found himself landing in a soft snowbank. Shivering so hard his teeth hurt, he looked around trying to figure out where he was. Above him was the night sky, lit up by an almost blinding aurora. The lights danced, shifting shape and colour like a roiling ocean, brilliant white turned to a sea green with purple tints, light blue came and went in seconds, and green shifted to red as purple rose high into the sky. It was hypnotic.
Then the elf who had kidnapped him landed in the snow bank with a squeal of glee.
"Whoo! That was a real candy cane ride wasn't it?!" the elf said.
Getting to his feet, Nick shoved his hands into his armpits, it felt like twenty below. "Where are we? How did you get me here?"
"We're in Santa's village. Come on, let's get you in out of the cold. I'm Jingles by the way." The elf headed for a large building that looked like it was made out of gingerbread and candy and covered in snowy icing, clearly expecting Nick to follow him.
Looking around, there were a lot of little ginger bread like houses that were so small Nick would have to crawl on his hands and knees to get inside. Most of them had dark windows, either empty or whoever lived in them were asleep. It didn't seem like there were many choices, freeze to death, try to get into one of the houses, or follow Jingles. At least with Jingles he was sure to get somewhere warm, and maybe he could find someone sane who would send him home.
"Oh god," he whispered. What if he'd gone crazy. Maybe this was all some weird hallucination and he was lying on the floor of the convenience store muttering to himself. Yeah, that had to be it. Stress had made him go crazy. Someone would call the hospital and he'd wake up in a hospital bed and have a long talk with a psychiatrist.
Or maybe he'd been hit by a car. That would be better, wouldn't it? He was in a coma, or some drug fantasy. No insanity needed. Once he woke up, he could sue the driver or set up a go fund me, and use the money to get his life back in order. It was the literal kick in the ass he needed.
Feeling more calm now that there was a logical explanation to his current situation, even though he was still freezing his balls, he hurried inside the gingerbread building. It had to be warmer, and going with the weird dream couldn't hurt after all.
There were several more of the strange looking elves, male and female coming or going through several doors that led deeper into the building. Most kept their heads down rushing to get wherever they were going, a few gave Nick a quick glance. One male elf with candy apple red hair smirked, looking like a kid about to pull the wings off of a fly. Another one shook her head that made Nick think she was pitying him.
Jingles was standing at a receptionist desk that looked like it was a graham cracker propped up on six candy canes, and the receptionist was sitting on a marshmallow. The woman looked like she had chewed on a lemon all day, and was tapping away at a high tech computer, pointedly ignoring everyone and everything around her.
With no better idea of what he was supposed to do, Nick walked over to the candy desk, ducking his head a little to avoid hitting the ceiling. His shivering was slowing down as he began to warm up. The room wasn't what he would call warm, but it was a lot better than being outside. Watching some of the elves, he wondered how they weren't freezing in their thin clothes, especially the women. The men were wearing fairly thin green and red stockings and green t-shirts, which didn't seem like they'd do much in the cool building. The women had less, wearing red and white Christmas dresses with short skirts, and the top cut low revealing their shoulders and the top of their cute breasts. They were so tiny he felt bad about looking, but they were clearly adults, just miniature.
His wandering eye was brought back to Jingles and the receptionist.
"Candy, can we get a move on here, my shift is almost done and I need to get our new volunteer settled," Jingles said to the woman.
With a sigh, Candy finally looked at them, revealing big sparkly blue eyes. "Hold your jingle bells, Jingles, everyone is busy right now. Do you have form RUD-01-F filled out in triplicate?"
