Night of the Himbo

"How many people in the agency have you fucked so far?"

Alice closed his door and pushed the privacy lock. She sat down across from his desk, laid down her purse, and waited for an answer. After a few seconds of watching him open and close his mouth uselessly, she sighed.

"I'm not angry, Mike. I'm not judging you. How can I? This my fault. But I need to know. For damage control."

"I...um...two? Maybe? One and a half?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Half?"

"Well, that one was weird. Really weird. The second one was weird too, for different reasons. But the first was- I thought it was a drug trip at first."

She nodded as if she had expected to hear exactly this. "Tell me everything that happened. Don't leave anything out, even if it seems completely impossible. Even if it seems like something from

Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

'kay?"

Mike nodded. Slowly at first, then faster, he told her everything. Every now and then she'd stop him, ask about some detail, ask him to repeat, and then let him continue.

Finally, he was done.

"Well," she said, "It could have been worse, I guess. Traci likes a little risk, but she's not malicious. But Maya..." She shook her head. "Damn, Mike, I wish it hadn't been Maya. If she decides she wants more Roy, she will keep looking. She won't stop, it's a matter of pride for her as well as pleasure."

"Pride?"

"Yes. She's the one who gets to say it's over. See?"

"You're missing the point, Alice," he said.

"What point?"

"I changed into another person!"

he almost shouted. "I grew half a foot! I lost thirty years! I had hair! I was dumb! I was-"

"Zuzu," said Alice. "You were the boy version of Zuzu."

Mike sat back, stunned. She was completely right. Roy was Zuzu -- gorgeous, sexy, the physical ideal...and not too bright, eager to please. Holy shit.

His eyes narrowed. "You're not surprised by any of this."

Alice sighed and held out her hand. "Hi, Roy," she said. "I'm Zuzu."

They were back at the burger place. This time it was crowded. Maybe that was on purpose, to keep him from freaking out publicly as Alice explained things.

"Think of it like a being werewolf," she said. "But for sex. Once a month -- well, really every full moon -- you...change a little. You go out, you have fun, you come back." She smiled hopefully and spread her hands. "No big deal."

"No big deal." Mike felt a weird, disbelieving giggle build in the back of his head. He couldn't help it. He let it out. Then another. Then a full-on guffaw, and he was laughing helplessly in the booth. "No big deal!"

Alice waited patiently. Eventually the laughs faded away, the other burger customers stopped looking at them, and Mike sat up. "I don't believe this," he said.

"Yes, you do," said Alice.

He sat there for what felt like forever. "Yeah," he said, finally. "I guess I do."

"I'm here," said Alice. "Ask me anything."

"How..."

"Sex," said Alice. "How do you think?"

"When you and I-"

"When you and

Zuzu

-"

"Right, okay. But if every time Zuzu has sex, she changes someone...then why isn't the world filled with, with, Roys?"

"Good question," Alice nodded. "Because it isn't every time. I don't know why it happens when it does. It's rare. In fact, you're my first. Zuzu's first."

"Huh." Mike sat for a moment. "How does that make you feel?"

"What?

Me?

You're asking- I should be asking

you.

"

Mike shook his head. "How does that make you feel?"

Alice hesitated. "Guilty," she said, finally. "I did this to you without your consent. I'm sorry."

Mike took her hand. "It's okay."

She let her hand rest in his for a moment, then pulled away. "Don't say that until you know everything."

"Okay. Tell me everything."

She drummed her fingers, the first he'd ever seen her do it. "It ruined my marriage."

"You were married?"

"A long time ago," she said. "I mean...I chose to sleep with my Roy, so I guess the marriage was rocky to start with. But now you have a secret you'll have to keep for the rest of your life."

"Well, it's not so bad-"

"What if you were still married to Becky, and she saw you become Roy? What would she do?"

Mike thought. Becky wouldn't have believed it. Not unless she saw it. But if she did see it...She would have sold him out to Pfizer in a heartbeat. Yikes. "Not everyone is Becky," he said.

"What about Traci, then? Or Maya Rankin?"

Mike grinned. "Maya would keep me locked in her dungeon just to pleasure her once every 28 days."

"You think you're joking," said Alice seriously, "but I could tell you stories. Maya Rankin has

issues.

And Traci, God bless her, wouldn't be able to keep her mouth shut."

"She did seem like she wanted to...show off, that one time."

"And then what would happen?"

"People would think she was crazy, and she'd get fired. Or people would believe her, and..." Mike's voice trailed off. He couldn't imagine it.

"What if Jayen Adkins found out? Imagine that."

Adkins was the head of ILTA's hugely profitable Christian entertainment division, and notorious in-house for his desperate pursuit of the Fountain of Youth. From hair plugs to testosterone supplements to hopeful twenty-year old actresses, Adkins had used them all.

"Mister CisHet Christian would bend over and ask me to do him in the ass, if he thought that would make him younger-"

"Or fire you out of sheer jealousy."

"Uh-" Mike shut his mouth. Alice was exactly right. "Okay, point taken. It's a serious secret. What else?"

Alice hesitated, then plunged ahead. "You won't have kids. Ever. Also, no STDs. But the kids thing-"

"Oh. I get it. So no rubbers or birth control or visits to Planned Parenthood."

No kids. Huh.

His mind felt far away. He had known he was old to be starting a family, and that the odds were against it, especially after Becky. It wasn't like he'd been actively trying to make it happen. But to have even the possibility taken away, for good...that was a punch in the gut.

"Mike, are you okay?"

"I don't know. That will take a while to process." Best to think about something else for now. He glanced at his smartwatch. "Huh. The full moon is this weekend. What do I do?"

"Well, you avoid the Beachcomber. That's Maya's favorite hunting ground anyway, and I'm sure she's still looking for Roy. After that-"

Something clicked in Mike's head. "That's why you tried to get me to Cambria. You know someone there."

Alice nodded. "Lisa Galvan. She runs the hotel. She's kept my secret for years. Plus, she finally got out of her marriage, and she could use a little Roy."

"Reward sex. That's a little...cold."

She snorted. "Mike, we are literally not ourselves on the full moon. This isn't about love. It can't be. You need to have sex. Lisa deserves a nice night without consequences, and she's proven she can keep this secret."

"So that's what you do. Make arrangements with someone you can trust."

"That keeps it manageable. I had been sending Zuzu to Gholam for about a year. When you met Zuzu, Gholam had a thing at his in-laws, and he didn't tell Zuzu in time. So much for him." She glanced at his expression. "And before you say anything, yes, I trusted an adulterer. In fact, they're usually more trustworthy for something like this, because they have more to lose." She spread her hands. "I'm sorry, Mike, but you're going to have to learn to think this way too. It's not about marriage or love or romance or fidelity for you anymore. It's about protecting yourself first, and trying not to hurt other people if possible. As for Gholam's wife and kids..." she shrugged. "It's too bad, but he's a serial cheater. Before Zuzu he had someone else, and I promise he'll have a new someone in a couple of months." She gave a half smile. "She won't be able to live up to Zuzu, of course. That's his punishment."

"Okay," said Mike. "So he doesn't get a second chance?"

"No. Reliability is key. In fact..." She dug a cheap burner phone out of her handbag. She flipped it open to reveal dozens of text messages on it, all signed ending with a G. "Buh-bye, Gholam." She took out the SIM card and smashed it with the handle of her steak knife.

"But you used your car to get to his place. He could trace your license."

"Only that one night. We got his going-away message after I had already changed, and Zuzu kind of panicked. Until then, we had always used a rental car."

He was about to ask another question when Alice put a hand on his wrist. "Look, there are dozens of things to do to make sure no one connects you to Roy, and I'll teach you. I owe you at least that much. For now, for this next full moon, let me suggest you go back to Cambria. You can change and come back safely, and I can help you figure things out from there."

Friday morning, Mike sat in his car and stared at the "gift basket" Alice -- Zuzu --

Alice

had left for him. A map, hand-written directions, and then (with what he was sure was a sardonic flourish) a host of one-night-stand gifts: pajamas, skimpy underwear, a long silk robe, a burner phone of his very own, tubes of an edible cinnamon lubricant that was supposed to be Lisa Galvan's favorite...

...and a picture of Ms. Galvan herself.

Mike sighed. He would never say anything -- certainly not to Ms. Galvan (he couldn't think of her as Lisa) -- but she was...well, he didn't find her attractive. Short, fierce-looking, bullet-shaped, she reminded him of a particularly tough teacher he'd had in third grade. Of course, he was old enough to be someone's grandfather when he wasn't Roy...but either there was attraction or there wasn't, and here there definitely was not. The thought of driving up to her hotel, meeting her in the lobby, her knowing what he had been sent up for -- awkward didn't begin to cover it.

Oh, well. It was a four-hour drive, and he'd get there long before the moon rose. Maybe he'd figure something out in the meantime. Maybe the change wouldn't happen. Maybe Lisa Galvan looked better in person. Maybe Roy could be a better man, a better lover, than Mike was. He pulled out of the carport and pointed his car toward the 101.

A couple of hours driving north through Ventura County relaxed him a bit. He stopped in San Luis Obispo for lunch, and was still able to make it into Cambria well before Zero Hour.

Cambria was a typically pretty Cali town, with bluffs over the Pacific and fir trees twisted by the sea breezes. Lisa Galvan's resort, the Santa Rosa, was a cluster of neat cabins tucked in a canyon overlooking the waves, with a main lodge just off the road.

Mike stepped into the lodge with the queasy butterfly feeling he used to get on a first date in high school. The lobby was large and clean, with dark wood beams and Mission-style furniture. It felt...comfortable. He stepped to the counter and rang the bell.

"Hi!" The woman who stepped out-

Mike was confused. She looked a little like the Lisa Galvan of the photo, but cute and at least thirty years younger- oh.

"Hi," he smiled back. "You must be Lisa's daughter."

Galvan Junior smiled back, white teeth gleaming against her dark eyes and jet-black hair. "That's right. I'm Connie. You must be Mister Deschelles. Mom told me to expect you."

"Um, yes."

"Let's get you set up." She took a set of keys from a pegboard and handed him a paper map with a route marked in red. "What did you do? Save a puppy from drowning?"

"I'm sorry?" Connie was having a serious effect on Mike. He reminded himself that he was here for Lisa, and fought to ignore Connie's big eyes, the smile that hid in the corner of her generous mouth, the swell of her bosom-

"Mom's giving you our best cabin. You'll love the view from the porch."

Mike swallowed and nodded. "I can't wait."

Tugging his suitcase, he followed Connie up the trail a couple of steps behind. He tried not to ogle, but she didn't seem to notice, and there was a lot to see -- all good. Connie was in her early thirties, maybe. Her smooth black hair ended just below her shoulders. She was short, with a wide frame and firm legs that projected a strength that was enormously sensual...and a luscious rear end.

"Mister Deschelles?"

"What?"

"We're here."

"Oh, sorry. I must have zoned out."

"Uh huh." Connie's eyes barely flickered to what Mike realized with horror was his enormous hard-on. Blushing, he stepped behind his luggage.

"It is a long drive from L.A.," she said, letting him save face.

The cabin was a modest wood-framed affair; the selling point was the view. Perched at the top of the trail, it overlooked the canyon and the beach, with a panorama of the sea and sky.

"Wow, that is beautiful," said Mike.

"The ocean," said Connie, straight faced. Mike flushed again.

"Yes."

They stepped onto the porch. Connie opened the door and handed Mike the keys. "Mom comped the amenities," she smiled. "You must have saved a lot of puppies."

"Hundreds," Mike replied. "And they were all Golden Retrievers."

Connie nodded. "The world's cutest. Got it." She waved goodbye and walked back down the trail.

Inside was a pleasant living room that continued the main lodge's Mission theme -- dark wood furniture with classic lines, and beige walls decorated with vivid prints. There were freshly cut roses on the dresser, their scent carrying over the smells of pine trees and ocean surf from outside. Mike unpacked carefully, showered, took an airplane bottle of scotch from the mini bar, and sat facing the picture window.

He tried to relax, but the butterflies in his stomach were back in force. He was in an unfamiliar place far from his home, to be intimate with a woman he'd never met, expecting a transformation that violated the laws of science, and he was both scared and as horny as a billy goat. If he'd had any doubts about whether "Roy" was going to show up tonight, they had vanished as soon as he'd seen Connie. His libido was raging, he'd had to fight to keep his hands off her and now himself, and he was definitely bigger below the waist than he had ever been before he met Zuzu.

He checked his watch. 6:07 PM. An hour until sunset. Oh, right -- he shut the window curtains. No need for anyone to see him become something else. Someone else. He leaned back, drumming his fingers. Closed curtains made sense, but they left him alone in the rented room, staring at the walls.

He drained the scotch, turned on the radio, and tried to ignore the energy pooling in his belly, his balls, his cock, the growing need --

And there it was.

Even with the curtains drawn, even out of sight of the moon, he felt it -- the silvery light on his skin, his muscles, his spine, his pelvis. His muscles writhed under the robe; his back arched, his head lifted, his arms pulled back, as he felt the tidal power rip through him, remaking him, stretching, shrinking, expanding-

He sprinted to the bathroom, making it just in time as he came in thick ropes on the bathtub, the tile, and then fell to the floor.

Roy stood up and looked at himself in the mirror. Yup, there he was. And he was here to meet a lady, he remembered that. A nice lady, he knew -- a friend of Alice Kendrick, and any friend of Ms. Kendrick had to be Good People. He looked around the bathroom he had hosed and shook his head -- that wouldn't do. Better get it all cleaned up before the lady...Ms. Levin? Ms. Alvin?...got here.

Cleanup finished, he put on the silk robe and sat down to wait. After a moment, he pulled open the curtains. He had nothing to hide, and it was a fine view. The mountain slope cut off direct sunlight, but the moon shone bright enough on the twilit path for him to see a figure walking up the slope, a woman in a peasant blouse and a long skirt, her thick, black hair tousled and styled.

After a minute, there was a knock on the door -- hesitant, then more firm.

"Mike?"

Roy opened the door; outside was the woman in the peasant blouse, but she wasn't Lisa Galvan; she was-

"Connie?"

She gave him a crooked smile. "No need to flatter," she said, and stepped in. "Um...do you like the cabin?" she asked.

"Oh yeah," he said. "The view is great." He wasn't sure how else to respond. Connie seemed different now -- more mature, more in charge, but nervous at the same time. He wanted to end each thing he said to her with

ma'am.

She smelled different, too. Before it had been soap and just a little antiperspirant. Now she wore a thick perfume, cloying and heady. And most important, her mom would be here any minute.

Connie looked at him once, up and down, and said "Likewise." She walked to the couch and sat down. When he didn't follow, she patted the spot next to her.

"Um, Connie -- I'm expecting a guest in a little while." (Don't say "your mom," he thought.) "And, um..."

Connie stared at him, frowning. Then she stood and gently took his chin in one hand, studying him. "Oh, that's right. Alice told me..." She smiled and relaxed. "

Querido,

I promise you -- I am the only person who's visiting tonight. Don't you worry about names, or anything else."

"Only, I came up here to meet someone, and I don't want to disappoint them."

She smiled again, wide, and looked deep into his eyes. "I promise, you won't." She stretched back on the couch. "Why don't you get the champagne?"

The demi was in an ice bucket in the fridge, along with two flutes. He filled them and sat next to her. She raised hers and he followed.

"To new friends," she said, and they drank. "Do you like the view?"

"It's really pretty," he said. It was. The setting sun was throwing gold and purple light across the hillside, and the Pacific had a mother-of-pearl glow to it.

Connie sighed. "Yes, it is." She relaxed into him so that her shoulders were the perfect height for his arm. Roy took the cue and draped his right one over her. She snuggled happily.

"Mm, that's nice," she said. "Let's just sit here for a bit and listen to the radio."

"Sure, Co-"

"No names, okay? Just you and me."

"Sure. No names." Maybe it was the champagne, or the view, or the soft old jazz on the radio, but he felt like he was floating, horny and relaxed at the same time. Whatever Con- whatever the lady wanted was fine with him, even with his shaft bulging underneath his robe. He would just sit here and look at the sky and the ocean, listen to the radio, with her warm and breathing next to him.

After a couple of songs, he felt her hand on his chest, sliding underneath his robe and running through his chest hair.

"Mmm...I like that you have hair," she said. "Too many boys shave everything."

Her hand glided up his pectoral, along his shoulder to his neck, while her head rested under his chin. He adjusted his arm to her new position, wrapping around her shoulders as she curled into him.

Her hand wandered up his neck, drifting across his ear, into his hair. Her lips followed. He could feel the stickiness of her lipstick leaving red prints as she traveled up, Her hand moved to his jaw, directing his face toward hers, her big brown eyes locked on his. They kissed. At first it was just a touch of the lips. Then she pressed more firmly and parted her lips, as if waiting. He put his tongue forward, into her mouth, and hers met his, withdrew, met his again...and he began to understand the game. When she pulled away for a moment to whisper "Bed," he knew what she wanted.

He stood, knelt, and lifted her in his arms, with hers twined around his neck. She was heavier than he had expected, and she chuckled as he walked to the bed and laid her down. Her feet were already bare, tan beneath her full red skirt, with her toes painted to match. He picked up the left one and kneaded it gently. She groaned in pleasure.

"Ai, God that's good," she said.

"Now the other?" he asked.

"Who said to stop this one?" she smiled a cat's smile, her eyes closed. "Mmm. Mmm." After a few minutes, she presented her other foot, the dim light glinting off its red-painted toenails. He took it and massaged.