I can't remember a time when Adam and I weren't friends.
Our mothers met in hospital shortly after giving birth. They swapped numbers and babysat for each other; because of them Adam and I shared the same milestones, whether it was swimming lessons, birthdays, or joining the scouts. We spent so much time together that growing close was inevitable.
From pre-k to high school we were joined at the hip, and always watching each other's back. Even when Adam started getting in trouble, smoking weed and getting into fights, we were there for each other.
My Mom worried, but didn't say anything. She knew better than to tamper with fate.
On most nights you'd find one of us at the other's home, raiding the fridge or sitting in front of the TV, or even taking up a reserved seat at the dinner table amidst the other siblings. It had long been assumed on the nights that I was home Adam would be with me.
Things changed in senior year. His Mom, Cathy, had recently divorced and was working a second job as well as going to night school. That meant that Adam was home a lot, by himself. Knowing that he was prone to trouble I made a point of being there as much as I could.
That made things difficult at home; mostly arguments with my Dad.
"I'm staying at a friend's house," I said over the phone. "Yeah, Adam. Don't make a big deal out of it."
There were the usual concerns, that it was a school night, and that he was worried about my grades. It wasn't until the end of the conversation that he made his actual thoughts known, not that they would sway me.
When all was said and done I'd have my way on the sole condition my schoolwork didn't suffer. Maybe he hoped my diligence would rub off, and that Adam could avoid flunking.
I slumped into the sofa and watched over Adam's shoulder as he played his game with alien bodies exploding in succession.
"So you're cool?" he said.
I folded one foot under my leg. "Yeah."
Adam scoffed. "He still doesn't trust me, huh."
"The words 'stoned' and 'loser' may have come up," I said.
Entrails of a xeno-arachnid exploded across the television screen.
Adam shrugged. "Whatever. You're too good for me to be a bad influence."
He played the game, and I did homework; I read about the Gettysburg address, and he earned the Universal Combat Commendation, the highest honour awarded to a space dragoon.
At night he slept in the bed and I slept beside him on a mattress. He'd give me a pillow without a cover that smelled like sweat, but not so heavily that it couldn't be ignored. Across the room were piles of clothing, with no distinction between clean and dirty; typical chaos in Adam's world.
Whenever I lay there I always thought the same thing, whether I should be there at all. Was Adam a lost cause, or was he better than all this?
That was the way of things until the following April, just two months before graduation.
It was rare that Cathy wasn't home on a Saturday night, and rarer still that she had a date; both of which meant Adam had free reign at a time people were available. As soon as he found out he made plans, inviting me to spend the night watching horror flicks along with two other friends, Nick and Sasha.
They weren't close, not like Adam and I, but Nick and Sasha were cool. They were the sort of friends you have because they're there, because you're stuck in the same halls for seven hours a day, and suffering together is better than suffering alone. Chances were we wouldn't see much of them come summer.
Halfway through 'Undead Massacre III' Adam pulled out a bong, the kind crafted from a soda bottle and garden hose, and offered us a hit. We all partook, though Nick was the most enthusiastic.
His eyes were pointed at Sasha the whole time, even as he coughed his lungs out, not that she noticed. She was quiet, and nursed a handful of popcorn for the better part of the night.
Nick swayed in the seat and kept looking around the room. Every so often he'd stop and stare, probably waiting for our attention to pry from the screen. Eventually he turned to me.
"Hey, Jonah. What are your plans after graduation?"
I shrugged. "Don't know. Maybe go backpacking for a year, then apply for college."
He leaned into a grin. "Do you know where you'll go?"
I shrugged, again.
Nick furrowed and turned to the other end of the sofa. "What about you, Adam?"
My friend shone his teeth and laughed. "Masturbate. I'm going to masturbate."
"Fucker, you already masturbate," I said, "more than anyone I know."
"Then I'm going to masturbate until my hands are calloused, and my dick is bloody and raw!"
Sasha snatched the remote to click pause, then whipped around. "Hey, you know what I'm going to do after graduation? I'm going to finish watching this movie!"
Nick looked down, deflated. "Sorry."
"Come on, Sash. You really expect us to sit quietly for six hours?" Adam said.
She rolled her eyes at him. "I don't know. Maybe you can talk at a normal volume so some of us can follow the plot."
Adam laughed. "What plot? Zombies rise up, people scream, fight back, and win, but-" He rose from the chair and leered. "-For how long?"
Our supply of chips and soda were starting to dwindle; in other words a good time to get out of the room. I stepped into the kitchen and opened the fridge where a gallon of pop was waiting to be consumed, along with some chicken wings that had my name on them.
Just as I reached for the bucket the fridge moaned and rattled. The light inside went out, followed by the light in the kitchen, and the TV. Everything was dark, inside and out, save for the screen on Nick's cell phone.
Sasha huffed. "You've got to be kidding."
We filed into the garden. It wasn't just the house, but the entire neighborhood. Darkness stretching for miles. From the rise where the home sat you could usually see the town, but without power there was nothing but void.
Even in the dark Adam's grin shone. "Let's go exploring," he said.
I grabbed his arm. "You sure that's a good idea?"
"Why not? It'll be fun."
"It is kind of cool," Nick said.
Sasha tisked. "No, not cool. Stupid, and dangerous."
"What danger?" Adam said. "I know these streets like the back of my hand."
I pulled his arm back. "Sasha's right, man. Let's go inside and wait for the power to come back on."
He wrenched away and skipped onto the street. "Look, I'm going whether you want me to or not. You're free to join!"
All the paternal lectures struck like a hammer; all those arguments with my Dad about Adam being trouble and how I was being 'roped in roped into his doom spiral' rang through my thoughts, but I couldn't just leave him.
I sprinted as cautiously as I could in the pitch black and followed the silhouette. "Alright! I'm coming with."
The neighborhood took on a new life. Weird that I'd lived there forever but never seen it that way, with not even a street light to give it shape. Houses, trash cans, mailboxes were little more than cut outs highlighted by the moon, cast in deepest blue.
Every block or so we found a group of kids with the same idea, who couldn't resist the lure of the night. Some of them hid behind bushes and tried to fake us out with ghost sounds, not that they were very convincing.
After a while we passed the houses and drew near the pines on the edge of the estate. They may not have been wilds in the traditional sense, but most people knew to stay away at night, especially without a flashlight.
"Let's go back," I said.
Adam shook me off. "No, there's something I need to see."
"See what? It's fucking pitch black, man!"
He didn't listen, but then he never listened. Adam stepped into the foliage and followed the incline between the trees. Nick and Sasha had dropped behind several blocks back; maybe if they were still around I wouldn't have gone after him.
Every step was like adding another weight to my legs until the ground sat at forty five degrees. The leaves and twigs under foot didn't offer much as far as security, and solid roots are more dangerous when they're invisible.
Adam stopped atop the hill.
"You done?"
We waved me to his side. "Dude, look."
I trudged to the top of the hill and inhaled. "What's that smell?"
The air was heavy with ash drifting from the valley. From above you could make out a trail of embers following the upturned earth. I don't know what it was Adam was looking for, but I doubt it was that.
"Oh my god."
"We have to check it out," Adam said.
"Are you crazy?"
He was already one foot in the dirt, searching out his next steps. Did he even know what he was getting himself into?
Did I?
"Adam," I said. "For fuck's sake-"
He'd scaled ten feet before I could reach out. With every step he grew more bold until he was falling into a run and letting gravity guide him. Even as he kicked smoking clumps he laughed and picked up pace, until one false move took him off his feet.
"Adam!"
One second he was making progress, the next he was tumbling. In the dark I could make out a human ball following the curve of the hillside, until he was swallowed by shadow.
He didn't cry, he didn't yell; he didn't make a sound when he hit bottom, however far that was.
"Adam! Adam, come on, man!" I was screaming.
Suddenly there were lights shining between the trees, bright and getting closer. They scoured back and forth, at least a dozen in all, followed by the sound of voices. A search party, maybe?
They called out, "who's there? Show yourself!"
I don't know why I ran. Adam was probably hurt. Shouldn't I have stayed? Fight or flight made the decision for me; there would be time for regret later. Meanwhile there were people scouring the trees where we shouldn't have been in the first place.
The street lit up once I made it to the road, and from there I kept running, fast as I could, strangling every ounce of breath in me. I didn't look back until I was halfway to Adam's house, and though I was alone it didn't seem safe.
Nick and Sasha were lounging on each other when I burst in the door. They didn't move, not even to pause the movie.
"You get it out of your system?" Sasha asked, still married to the screen.
I grabbed the remote and killed the TV. Nick and Sasha darted up to snatch it back.
"What the hell, man?"
"We need to get out of here," I said.
Nick made a grab for the remote. "No, screw you. Where's Adam?"
"Adam is..."
The room was silent.
Sasha combed her fingers through her hair. "Is he in trouble?"
"I... don't know."
She rolled her eyes. "Are you going to tell us what happened?"