Hi everyone. I know it has been a very long time since I have posted anything, and I am so sorry for that. Life has not been kind to me much, but those who care about me encouraged me to get back to doing something that I really love to do, even when I don't feel like doing anything at all. I would especially like to thank Tccrusher, my editor, for his help and concern, and for being persistent in trying to get me to respond. Without him, I don't think that my story would be very good, and I probably would never finish it if he didn't give me more help than I deserve. Thank you all for being such loyal fans. So, without further ado, here is the next installment of Myka's Tail.
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The temperature in the air dropped a couple of degrees as the sun dipped low enough on the horizon to become completely obscured by the trees and distant hills. It was a welcome relief from the heat of the day, with air so full of moisture that even sweating didn't help cool you off. It was a sure sign that summer was rounding the bend, and the only good thing about that was it meant the end of classes for the semester.
I had crawled out through the window of one of our upstairs guest rooms, on to the roof of the porch cover that Kelli and I had installed the year before. I had no idea why my parents had never thought to build one during the entire time they lived in the house, but after we had it put in my mom nearly face-palmed because it was clearly a great idea. It provided shade from the heat, but was not so large that it took up the entire back porch, so you could still enjoy the sun. And it was quite nice during a rain storm, keeping everyone dry while sitting together with a cold drink in hand.
Up on the roof I had a wide view of the surrounding area, and I found myself there often, especially when I needed to be alone for a while. It was my new thinking spot, and had replaced our clearing from the moment we had it built. In many ways I still loved that open space in the middle of the forest, which sat about a mile into the trees from our house, and I still was responsible as its caretaker. The problem was that there were too many negative memories still associated with it, for me to really enjoy being there like I used to.
It was also the area's, and perhaps the world's, most powerful magical locus, and because of that there was rarely time where I could be alone there anyway. Witches were coming from all over the country, using the vastly improved transporting spell that Kelli had come up with a few years back, to study with the Circle, and to use the new locus for important rites and events. It was what we created it for to begin with, and I could feel that the power behind the element of earth that was so heavily tied to the clearing was, in a very abstract way, content.
I would still run through the McAlister Preserve with Kita and the wolf pack when my responsibilities permitted, but not like I had before. I was functional and in most ways I was happy, but even though it had been over a year since dad had died, I still had a difficult time dealing with it. Whenever thoughts of his death would bring me down, or push me into a more self destructive pattern of behavior, Kelli was there as my rock and my anchor to the life I needed to live.
"So what are you thinking about tonight," she called out as she climbed out onto the roof with me.
I turned and gave Kelli my biggest smile, because she had come to join me with a blanket and a couple of drinks, both of which I had forgotten.
"The same two things that have been on my mind for the last two months," I replied, while I helped her spread out the blanket. "Dad, and kids. And don't tell me that obsessing over those things together is strange, and possibly unhealthy, because I already know."
"I wasn't going to say anything of the sort, sweetie," she said as she sat behind me and enveloped me in her arms. "Though when you get in this kind of mood, it is really hard to understand what you are feeling."
"I know, and I also know that it bothers you a lot because we feel so much of what the other is feeling."
Over our bond, I could feel Kelli's concern for me, so I leaned back into her embrace and let nothing but my love for her flow through our connection. I wasn't trying to hide anything, but I wanted her to know how I felt about her, no matter what.
"I still think about dad a lot, and I really can't help it. I just get triggered by random things. I will hear a song that makes me want to cry for an hour, or I will smell something cooking that pulls on a memory that hurts. Sometimes it's a song, or the smell of his aftershave on someone walking by, and sometimes it's you."
I shuddered as a wave of guilt hit me in the gut, and Kelli pulled me tighter into her grip when she got a sense of my emotional turmoil. I knew that I shouldn't feel that way about her, but there were times that we would be together, and something she did, or said, or even how she was standing, forced my mind to bring my dad's absence into focus. In many ways it felt completely random, and I didn't know how to deal with it on occasion.
"Don't blame yourself for this, sweetie," she whispered to me, still not letting me go. "It's the way our brains are wired. We make associations and connections between thoughts and memories. It's just the way we have evolved to understand and file all of the information we are constantly perceiving. You've felt guilty when something about your mom made you cry, right?"
"Yes," I whispered, and I wanted to shrink until I was invisible. "Not so much anymore, but there were quite a few times, and it still makes me miserable."
"Your memories of your dad are so tightly bound to memories of us that this was bound to happen. Frankly, I would be worried if this kind of thing wasn't happening."
"That doesn't mean that it bothers me any less. Tonight, even though I am feeling bad about things, it's the timing of our first attempt at having kids that has me so pensive."
"I thought we were going to wait until after you finished your doctorate. What's changed?"
"To be honest," I answered as I wiped away the few tears that had come to my eyes. "I'm not really sure. It's just a feeling. Kind of like when I knew I had to take Jess out on a date, or knowing that Kita was supposed to be with us. I just get these flashes of insight sometimes, which feel like pure instinct or intuition. But when I pay attention and follow them, things just seem to work out."
"And you're feeling that now? For how long, sweetie?"
"Umm, about a couple of months," I said, and hung my head in shame.
"I thought your stress was because of the end of the semester, and sitting for your qualification exam. It's been because of this feeling, right? I thought you were going to talk with me more about things like this."
