Modern Holes Ch 07 1

"Maddie. I need you to go get a gun and shoot me." Francis said through the hole.

"Whhhazzzat?" Maddie said through sleep encrusted eyes.

"You need to put me out of my misery." He pleaded to the half awake girl.

Maddie realized then that she could hear her alarm going off. She snaked an arm out from under her blanket to silence the offending sound. Then it was with an act of will that she blinked the sleep out of her eyes.

"Please Maddie, it would be a mercy at this point." Francis' voice sounded strained.

She rubbed her face with a yawn. Scrambling around her for the mirror hole, she picked it up and brought it to her face to look through. Francis was there laying on his side and staring into the hole. He looked as if he was staring through her.

"What are you talking about?" Maddie blew a stray red frizzy hair out of her mouth.

"My arms, they're on fire." Francis hadn't moved a single inch since they had started talking.

"Ah." Maddie closed her eyes and let the mirror hole fall next to her. "Yup, that's what happens when you start exercising."

"Oh god Maddie, what if they've fallen off?" He wasn't giving in that easily. "What if I've become a cripple for life?"

"Poor baby, I'll take care of you." She felt herself drifting closer to sleep.

Francis just gave a pitiful whine. The DOMS were real, and they had come for him.

-------------

Getting dressed without the use of his arms was a challenge for Francis. Those arms were still there, but moving them hurt like hell.

Breakfast was to be an adventure.

His mother watched in utter amusement as Francis opened the fridge using his head. Balanced on one leg so he could use one knee to lift his hand high enough to grasp a milk carton. And finally used his hip to swing said milk onto the table in front of her.

"Would you be so kind as to pour me some cereal please?" Francis was breathing hard.

Debra barked out a laugh. "Hah! What happened to you?" As she got up to get the cereal out of the cupboard.

"A series of life choices." Francis fell into the chair. "Hopefully for the better."

She placed a bowl of cereal in front of him. When he didn't immediately move, she took pity and poured the milk for him as well.

"And that life choice was?" Debra returned to her side of the table and the cup of tea she had been enjoying.

"EeEEEEyyeeeargggh!" Francis brought his arms up onto the table. One hand grasped at the spoon, the other helped prop it up high enough to dip into the bowl. "I hit the gym for the first time Yesterday." He panted, needing to pause and catch his breath.

"Some gym huh?" She raised an eyebrow.

Leveraging a spoonful of cereal a tiny fraction of an inch above the lip of the bowl would have to do for now. Francis lowered his head and slurped the crunchy flakes into his mouth.

"Yeah that was some gym." Debra watched her son essentially inhale the bowl. Not in the sense of speed, but rather style.

Francis did eventually return to the conversation. "Gym itself was fine. It was who I went with. You remember that Chad guy?"

"Your chemistry partner?"

"That's the one." Francis' arm twitched, and he stared down at his fingers that should have snapped. "Yeah he's a big fitness enthusiast, and he ran me through one of his workouts."

Debra winced for her Son. "Ooooooh, yeah I can see that being a problem. Anything I can do to help?"

Francis thought for a minute while he sat there at the table. "Help me put my backpack on?"

-------------

"Madeline!" Eve called out to the girl as she walked across the cafeteria. "Come come! Sit next to me."

Maddie practically beamed. Here she was being called out to by the single most popular girl in school. Sitting at the cool kids table. The kind of thing she would have put down two weeks ago, but now that it was happening, she was overjoyed.

Maddie slid into the space made next to Eve. Her lunch bag on the table. She could see that everyone had brought lunch this time as well. The interesting thing she noticed was that the lunches were extra green on average. Perhaps her insistence of no weight loss spells had struck a chord.

Maddie's lunch was another salad, but with croûtons and cheese.

"So glad you're able to join us!" Eve practically bounced in her seat. "We must get your opinion on some things. Your witch opinion!"

Taking her salad container out of her bag, Maddie was curious. "What about?"

"Well you see, Tara over there." Eve gestured towards someone that Maddie vaguely recognized from Yesterday. "Is having a problem. Her boyfriend is being a bit standoffish. What do you think she should do?"

Maddie chewed her salad to stall for time. She knew that an answer like. "Just get a magic hole and have him stick his dick through." Was not the kind of advice that Tara could act on.

"Push up bra?" Maddie said after swallowing.

The table broke out into tittering laughter. Knowing looks were sent side to side.

"No seriously." Maddie pointed with her fork. "A lot of the things I've read are all about relationships and how to meddle with them. Sure there's love potions and spells we could do, but there's a lot easier things to try first." She speared another fork full of leafy greens. "Relationships are two way streets, if you aren't putting forth the effort, why would the guy want to do anything?"

"Because I'm me!" The girl, presumably Tara, said.

Maddie narrowed her eyes. "And? What else?"

This got a clueless look in return.

With a heavy sigh, Maddie continued. "I read an article about how this thing can happen. It basically said, 'why are you in a relationship if you would rather spend time apart from them?' Which kinda means, are you being someone that they would like to spend time with, or are you just together for the look of the thing?"

That got introspective looks from more than one girl at the table. Maddie seemed to have struck a chord.

"But still, if you change up a few things, and he's still distant, we can try a love spell." Maddie chuckled, paused, then theatrically cackled. "But the price may be something you won't want to pay!" Her voice like the Wicked Witch of the West.

"What like... it'd be too much money?"

Maddie's face fell. "No like, your first born or something. Have you not read a fairy tale before?"

"I'm more of a Keeping up with the Lazanos kind of girl."

This set off a long conversation about the latest episode of that particular reality TV show. While Maddie naturally tuned out as much celebrity gossip as possible, the facts of the Lazanos latest beef had still filtered through.

"Everything I know about that family has been against my will." Maddie thought as she ate her lunch while listening to the rest of the table talk.

Apparently Jill Lazano was having an angry argument with their sister, Filly, about a third sister, Theodora, over which particular shade of white dress they would wear. The table couldn't come to a consensus about which shade was best, and which sister was in the right by proxy.

Eve decided that this was the time to lean over to Maddie and whisper. "Did you bring it?"

Desperate for a distraction from the details of dresses, Maddie bent her head to Eve. "Yes, got it in my bag."

Eve looked at Maddie's lunch bag. "You kept it under your salad?"

"What? No. My backpack." Maddie packed away her lunch. "It's in my locker. Shall we?"

Eve looked at the still arguing table, and then back at Maddie. "Yes, they'll be at this for a little while longer."

They rose from the table and travelled down the halls to Maddie's locker.

Arriving at the blue painted wall locker, Maddie entered her combination into the lock and it popped open with the sound of sheet metal flexing. Inside was Maddie's bag and a collection of various occult looking tools and notebooks.

"Oh cool, you got tarot cards!" Eve was quick to point out.

Maddie was startled slightly. "Oh those. Haven't done a reading in ages though."

"Maybe bring them next time?" Eve leaned against the locker wall. "Would be fun to do at the table."

"Sure, just be warned, I've always been right." Maddie lied, having never really gotten down the act of cold reading that made that work.

She unzipped her backpack and drew out the hole panties. She paused for a moment, running her thumb over the black stretchy fabric before passing them over to Eve. "So here they are."

"Nice!" Eve plucked the panties up by the elastic. She looked them over by every angle possible. "So how does it work?"

"Entirely remote control." Maddie left her lunch bag in the locker and shut it. "So you'll need Francis' number for him to activate it."

Eve frowned at hearing that. "What if he doesn't want to turn it on?"

"Don't worry about that. I'll be sure to convince him." Maddie had already done so yesterday. "Give me your phone and I'll enter it."

Eve handed over her phone, the latest flagship model, to Maddie who immediately handed it back because it wasn't unlocked. Eve had the good sense to look sheepish and unlocked it. That issue resolved, Maddie entered Francis' phone number into Eve's contacts.

"Francis Roché." Eve glanced at the name in her phone. "Interesting. But I'm going to add a note here." She tapped with her fingers and the name changed to "Francis Roché (Pussy Eater)" Which Maddie found ironic.

"Thanks for this." Eve swapped to her messaging app and began typing away. "Any last bit of advice for it?"

"Use clips to shorten the straps. That'll keep it in place." Maddie ticked off her fingers. "Really tell Francis what you want and he'll make it happen. And don't look at it while it's working."

"Why shouldn't I look at it?" Eve paused her fingers.

Maddie panicked trying to think of a lie. "It's ugly and will turn you off." Which really was unfair to Francis, she liked his face.

Eve nodded at that. "Good advice." And walked off back to the cafeteria. Maddie had to move fast to keep up.

-------------

"You're at one oh four five."

"Thanks"

The tray of food might as well have been made of lead. Francis struggled to keep it up through the only slightly lessened muscle stiffness and pain since this morning. Being up and about had worked a little bit of the soreness out of his muscles, but it wasn't all gone yet.

He could see Maddie across the room, sitting with Eve and that clique. She was really climbing up that ladder in the social hierarchy. He knew he shouldn't be angry, or sad about not being included, but it was hard sometimes.

Francis set his tray down at the usual table with an exhausted sigh. Bringing the hamburger up to eat however, that still took an act of will.

He was two bites in when he practically felt the word. "Roach!" ringing out from behind him. Looking back he saw Chad waving his arm, beckoning him to come over.

Francis was mildly shocked. Chad was surrounded by his almost equally sized football teammates. He couldn't imagine why Chad wanted him over there.

When Chad didn't immediately give up waving, Francis' curiosity got the better of him. Picking up his tray, he made his way over.

"Hell yeah!" Chad scooted over on the bench seat to make space for Francis. "Come sit here man. Got a spot for ya."

To everyone at the tables mild bemusement, Francis squeezed into the space available. He was, maybe one quarter the volume and easily half the weight of anyone at the table.

"Guys, this here is Roach!" Chad opened up the introductions.

"Francis Roché." He muttered his own name.

"He's my new gym buddy!" It was like show and tell at the kindergarten all over again. "And we've got the senior chem project together."

"Your gym buddy huh? How long did he last?" The large dude to Francis' left spoke over Francis' head.

"Dude! He did the whole thing!" Chad clapped a meaty hand on Francis' shoulder. "The whole Monday Gunday!"

This got a few wide eyed stares of surprise that quickly morphed to appraisal, and finally admiration.

"Hell yeah!" The cry went up from the whole table.

"How're ya feelin?"

"Arms still attached?"

"Good name, that, roach."

"The whole Monday Gunday? Wow."

Accolades, commendations, and other compliments were being showered on Francis. He couldn't recall a single other time he'd been at the centre of something like this before.

Things died down eventually. Francis ate his burger, drank his milk, and actually enjoyed his fries for once. The rest of the table turned to jock talk. Which pro football team was most likely to make it to the Superbowl. Which rookie was most likely to get the biggest contract. And most importantly, which of their rival high schools were they going to meet in the tournament finals.

"That all your eating?" Chad nudged Francis hard enough to push him into the person besides them. They didn't notice.

"It's all I got today." Francis rubbed his side.

Like a mother hen fussing over her chicks, Chad clicked his tongue. "That just won't do. If you want to get big you gotta do big things." He held up two fingers. "Lift big, and eat big."

Chad was big, so Francis presumed he knew what he was talking about.

"You gotta get into that calorie surplus man." Chad reached into his lunch bag. "Here, have one of these for now." He held out the single thickest and largest protein bar that Francis had ever seen.

Francis took it. It was flavoured as "Triple Chocolate Brownie Black Forest Cake." The weight and heft of it seemed like it could be used as a bludgeon to kill a man.

"Thanks, but don't you need this?" Francis could in fact still feel a little bit of hunger still in his belly.

"Nah nah. You eat that. That's for emergency protein only, and this is an emergency." Chad shooed the bar towards Francis. "I prefer to get what I need through my macros and whole foods."

"Oh brother, here we go again with the whole foods spiel."

"Hey man! It's all those preservatives that are throwing off your running game." Chad shot back at the detractor.

The two of them entered into a series of back and forth banter that went way over Francis' head. Something about the food and drug administration, nutrition labels, and convenience.

Francis was able to peel off the corner of the protein bar wrapper. The incredibly dark brown looking bar lent it self to unfortunate comparisons in Francis' mind. Taking a bite started with his incisors, and quickly transitioned to his molars as the first nibble couldn't cut in deep enough. It was chewy to say the least.

"Don't listen to these guys." Chad dismissively gestured towards the others at the table. "I'll tell you what you need to do to eat big."

Francis would have said something, except his jaw was currently fused shut while chewing. So he settled for simply nodding.

"Alright, here's what you do." Chad rubbed his hands together. "You got an

Instant pot

or one of those

automated pressure cookers

at home?"

Nod.

"the six quart or bigger one? Not just the mini ones?"

Another nod.

"Great!" Chad clapped. "So here's what you do. You start by setting a full electric kettle on to boil. That's usually

1.7 litres of water

. You do that one first so it's boiling by the time we need it."

Francis stared at Chad, unable to speak.

"So the next thing is you want some kind of protein, about

500 grams or 1 pound of meat

. If its not fish, use the instant pots sauté function to brown the outside. While things are browning, get the rest of it together. If its fish, the don't need any prep. You can just stick them in the thing with the water from frozen."

Francis looked desperately around at the others, there was no help there.

"More protein is found in the form of beans.

Dry beans, still dry

, work fine in this case. They'll cook fine in the pressure cooker. You'll need about

500 ml, or 2 cups worth

. Don't be afraid to go a little under either. Topping the measurement off with some white rice, or red lentils, is a good choice too. That tends to thicken up the thing."

He'd never be able to remember any of this!

"The next big ingredient is

frozen vegetables

. I like to use the mixed ones. You need about

a kilo's worth, or 2.2 pounds

. Throw them in while still frozen, they'll be fine."

Francis patted his pockets for a pen or something, any way to take notes.

"That's just the food stuff. Now you need to make it taste good. The spices! I use

rounded teaspoons, not measuring teaspoons

. No need to be stingy here, it's a big pot." Chad chuckled to himself. "So You'll want bouillon, I use

4 of those teaspoons worth of chicken bouillon

. Then it's

2 teaspoons of salts

. I use one of

seasoning salt

, and the other being

MSG

, it's the taste good spice! The last is the main flavouring,

4 teaspoons of spices

you like. I use

Oregano, Basil, Cumin, and hot chili

, for that spicy kick."

He gave up entirely.

"So you've got all those things. Just stick them all in the pot. Then you add your boiling water and stir. The boiling water is to help warm any of the frozen stuff up. Those instant pots are good at heating up but if it takes them too long, they get angry about burning or something. Once it's all good and mixed, you set it on the

stew setting for 50 minutes

. It'll take some time getting up into pressure, so expect the whole thing to take about an hour and fifteen total to cook once you start it up. You get all that?"

Finally able to speak again, Francis levered open his jaw. "Not a bit, say it again?"

Everyone else at the table groaned.

-------------

"Maddie, I need you to shoot me again." Francis whimpered while laying on his bed.

"What was it this time?" Maddie replied through the mirror hole in her own room.

"It was leg day Maddie, leg day." Francis closed his eyes and shuddered in recollection. Chad had done unspeakable, unforgivable things to him. Things that involved words like plates, Bulgarian split, and stairs. So very many stairs.

He had persevered through it all once again though. Now was the pain, soon, hopefully, would be the gains.

"Poor baby." Maddie put on the sad voice for her boyfriend.

"Ha, ha, ha." The slow laugh for a bad joke. "I can feel just how much you care."

"Oh I do care. I've even got the worlds smallest violin to play you a song." Maddie rubbed her finger and thumb together. "You're always welcome to join me on one of my runs if you like."

A quick refusal died on Francis' tongue. "Ya know, that wouldn't be all bad sometime." Thinking on it, spending some more outdoors time with Maddie was pretty much exactly what Sally had suggested they do.

"Get ready to cough your lungs up then." She chuckled. "Those first few steps are a doozy."

"It's a date." he spoke without thinking. "We can do it whenever I get the feeling back below my belt."

"Hah. Speaking of dates. Did you get any texts from Eve yet?" Maddie was fiddling with her own phone.

"Yes actually. It was surprisingly formal." Francis got out his own phone. "Let me read it to you."

"Hello Francis, This is Eveline Veradera. Madeline gave me your phone number for the borrowed A.I. toy."

"Weird."

"Yeah she used full punctuation and everything." Francis agreed with Maddie.

"The clear sign of a psychopath." Maddie nodded sagely. "Hopefully it takes the edge off of things for her."

"Agreed."

"So you've got it on hand?" Maddie continued to mess about with her phone. There were some fruit that needed cutting.

"It was my last act before falling onto this bed, never to rise again." Francis looked down towards the Y shaped hole that was currently face down on his bed. "I suppose now we just wait until she texts."

"Yup." The pomegranate was tricky, it split into more fruits.

"Want to do anything in the meantime?"

"Fight me in fruit kunoichi?"

Francis could only shrug. "Sure. You're on. I choose the kodachi."