Miss Nobody Ch 59

Chapter 59

REMEMBERING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW

11:55 PM DAY 28

We crashed onto the hard-packed dirt under the Lodge. The rough and sudden landing knocked the wind out of me and Jess's hands released from around my neck and rolled off me, her body stopping at a large undulating circle of Energy in the ground.

The Portal was a swirl of effervescent colors, with a greyish caste, like a film covering it. I looked up through the hole in the floor above and could see workout equipment, a large boxing ring.

I gathered the Sex Magic energy and directed it to the Portal. The Magics mingled and floated but nothing happened. I pushed in more energy and fell to my knees. I couldn't orgasm under these conditions and had to figure out another way. I pulled my bloody hand from my bullet wound and smeared it across Jess's chest. There was so much blood. So much powerful Blood. I could feel it light up around me. The Blood Magic left a metallic taste in my mouth. "Go Home, Jess." With a shove I pushed her body through the Portal and fell back away from the glowing circle. I expected it to close or shrink, or something.

Keiran was in my head briefly, the tea still making it difficult for us to connect. "You can't close the Portal, energy never disappears. You have to shift the energy."

"Change it? Into what? Butterflies and rainbows?" I laughed and coughed blood.

He shrugged mentally. "Anything is better than Demons."

"Veritas." I said out loud on the edge of blacking out. Sparkles entered my vision.

The chaos of swirls shifted colors and spun clockwise. Swirling in a spiral of colors so bright I couldn't look at it. I shielded my eyes with my hands as I watched a male figure with antlers, reaching towards the sky, coming from his head climb through the Portal.

Cer.

He came to me. He kissed me before saying a word and I melted into him. The tea finally having something pleasurable to grab onto came to life again and before I knew it my legs were wrapped around his hips.

He pounded into me. The feeling more real and more exquisite than I ever dreamt. I felt utterly complete as my pussy tightened around him. My Sex Magic energy mixed with all the rest and as I orgasmed I closed the Magic ritual and sealed the Portal with the Magic. It spread throughout the lodge, sinking into the walls, the floors and ceiling. Every nook and crevice was infused with Magic and then in it dissipated. Leaving us in the dark, the old wallpaper becoming a bit older, more worn. The Magic was still in the walls but the light was gone.

Only truth could come from the Portal, good or bad it was better than Demons and lies and manipulation and deceit. We've all had enough of that. And while I knew the truth wasn't always pleasant I'd rather take that than fake bullshit any day.

I didn't direct the Magic to healing on purpose but the extra dregs healed my gunshot wound and knit the scar tissue around my brain. Something I was unable to do before. My neurons came back to life and the missing pieces of my life's puzzle came flooding back.

***

I was hanging clothing on a line to dry outside on a beautiful day. I'm the happiest I have ever been and smiling. It had been two years since I cut contact with my narcissistic mother and although money was tight, I was getting by. I had taken some child development classes at the local community college and had enough units to become a preschool teacher.

Two small twin boys laughed and ran through the sprinklers in our front yard. Three years old and the loves of my life. One redhead and one blond.

After the boys went to bed I spent my nights applying to local preschools, hoping they would take me and my boys. Two interviews next week seemed promising.

The mail woman pulled up and waved like she did almost every day. She placed a thick packet in my mailbox and my breath caught in my throat.

My skin prickled and I told the boys to head inside and dry off. They do so with little complaint. We had a new movie to watch and they were excited. I walked to the mailbox and looked down the street. I focused on my breathing to keep myself out of an oncoming anxiety attack and tried to think of the good things that have been happening to us. The house I found for rent was cheap, out of town but it was cute and away from my family.

I dropped the thick packet on the table. I wasn't ready to open it but the outside was from the family courthouse and both mine and my psychopath of a mothers name were on it.

A coldness filled me as I tried to push away the thought of my bitch of a mother and her letter petitioning the courts for guardianship of my sweet boys as I helped them change into dry clothes. I couldn't cry in front of them so instead I smiled and we sang a happy song as we cuddled on the couch to watch a movie they picked from the library.

***

When I came to, Cer was cradling me in his arms. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there to help you."

I didn't want to talk about them. I wanted to scream. I wanted to rip myself apart and dig out the pain that seared me down to my very core. My precious children taken from me. I wept so loud the dirt around us fell and crumbled. The pain was too big for my body to hold and I begged anything listening for it to not be true. For this to be just a nightmare. I begged to go back in time, to make one little change. I'd do anything. Just bring them back to me. I begged. I pleaded.

The Portal trembled and grew larger, the light spreading quickly to me.

I scrambled away as a dark figure climbed out. So large one appendage came out at a time. A hand as big as a car, an arm like a train. A head and some shoulders squeezed its way through the Portal opening. A dark mass slid its way out. It finally stood, a giant, standing tall to the floor above.

Cer and I shuffled to our feet and backed away as quickly as we could. Cer pushed me behind him. "Get out of here. I'll take care of this."

"I can smell it!" The giant shouted and shook the Lodge around us.

Cer lifted me up and pushed me onto the floor above to turn and charge the giant, a sword coming from somewhere he sliced at its leg.

Keiran screamed in my head, "Run!" I did just that.

I ran as fast as I could into the woods. Seeing nothing with tears in my eyes. Hearing nothing as the voices of my children sung as I ran. I didn't stop running until Keiran, in my head, told me to. Then he told me to walk around so my legs wouldn't cramp and I turned and he was there.

He breathed heavily along with me.

"Do it again," I begged him.

He knew what I meant.

I pushed him but he didn't move. I punched him and pummeled his chest. "DO IT AGAIN. FUCKING HIT ME, ASSHOLE." I screamed and tried to inflict pain on him. "MAKE ME FORGET." You can do it, I know you can. "PLEASE."

He just stood there, his arms wrapped around me.

I sobbed in his arms and we collapsed to the ground. I willed my mind to be blank. To shut off the twinkling laughter of my boys. They danced across my eyes and I knew that I had wanted to forget. That I had wanted to slip into oblivion after they were taken.

"I'm sor-" Keiran broke the silence.

"Shh." I interrupted him before he finished. And that was the last time I spoke to him for days. I curled into a ball on the forest floor, my eyes wide as I replayed the last days I spent with my kids. Over and over and over.