Mine 71

Derek leaned forward on the edge of the couch cushion, his tongue between his teeth as he focused on the television in front of him. His fingers worked the controller he held in his hand and, on-screen, his character shouted as she kicked and punched.

"Man, Chun-Li is cheap," Steven said.

"Fuck. You." Derek answered. He glanced at his friend for a moment before unleashing a combo that brought Steven's character down to a sliver of health.

The two young men sat at opposite ends of the couch, cursing each other as their characters ducked, blocked and lunged.

"Goddammit!" Derek yelled, gripping his controller. The game showed a replay as his character, Chun-Li, took a round-house kick to the face to finish her off. "I was so fucking close!"

"Karma's a bitch, man," Steven laughed, grinning wide at his friend. "Another round?"

"Nah," Derek told his friend, standing to stretch and knuckle at his back. "Lost three rounds in a row. It's not my night tonight. You wanna grab some drinks over at Doyle's?"

Steven shut down the game and turned off their television. "Yeah, not too late, though. Got that meeting at 8 tomorrow to go over forecasts."

"Is that tomorrow?" Derek asked. The men grabbed their wallets and headed to the back for the shoes.

"Every day this week, man," Steven sighed. "We fucked up some purchase orders so now we gotta review all of our procedures and see where we went wrong. It's bullshit. And not even my fault."

"Should've applied to the shipping department like me," Derek said. He pulled his keys from his pocket and opened the back door to their house. His car's alarm chirped when he unlocked the door. "I'll drive. Not gonna drink too much. And, hey, shipping department's easy."

"There's nowhere to go from shipping," Steven said, sliding into the passenger seat of his friend's car.

"Justin started there," Derek replied. He started the car, backing up into the alley. "He's warehouse manager now."

"You want to work with those assholes out in the warehouse?" Steven asked. "They're a bunch of fucking twelve year olds. And Justin's not going to retire for forty fucking years so now there's really nowhere to go."

"I'll deal with the warehouse for that much money and, besides, I

could

make it up to general manager or something from there."

The two young men argued back and forth along the drive through the city. The sun had nearly set completely and the sky was a dark orange with patches of deep purple. Street lights clicked on as they made their way downtown. There was no heat in their argument; they'd been close friends since middle school and knew each other well. Their friendship had even survived college when they'd seen a lot of friends and couples find different paths in life.

Derek's car crunched through the gravel near the bar as he slid into an open parking spot. Since it was an early Thursday, the lot was mostly empty. However, a few cars were parked near theirs and they could hear faint laughter from inside the building. Steven pushed the door open and walked in with Derek following.

"Steven! Derek!" a voice called out. The two men glanced at the bar, waving at the woman behind the counter. "Your usuals?"

"I'm telling you, she likes you, man," Derek whispered, smiling at the bartender.

"It's her job, Derek," Steven answered. He walked through the bar, nodding at a few people he knew vaguely. "She's just friendly."

"I've seen her look at you when you aren't watching," Derek said. Both men sat on stools at the far end of the bar so they had a view of the entire place. "She looks over at you and sees the star quarterback. That towel she has isn't to wipe the counter, it's to wipe the drool from her face."

"I wasn't the star anything on the team, you ass," Steven growled.

"Yeah but you look it. And she sees it," Derek told his friend. "Look, Tina was, what, two months ago? It's done, man. Get yourself out there again. Candace is hot. I mean, seriously, look at her ass. And those freckles! And- Hey Candace!"

"Two Mac & Jacks for my favorite boys," the bartender said, setting two coasters on the bar and tall amber glasses of beer on top of them. "It's been dead for the last two hours. Not even one drunken marriage proposal. I think I'm losing my touch."

"So you're still available?" Derek asked with a wide smile that wavered slightly when Steven's fist connected with his knee.

"For the right man, absolutely," Candace said. She turned to nod at an order from down the bar. "Not sure I'll find him in this crowd but a girl can dream. Time to tend to the flock, gentlemen. Enjoy the beers!"

Steven and Derek watched the girl turn. She wore light blue jeans that hugged her hips and ass. A large rhinestone heart covered the back pocket of her jeans. Derek elbowed his friend with a knowing look.

"Hell," Steven swallowed, his eyes locked onto the bartender's tight jeans. The girl was petite but her jeans hugged the slight curve of her ass.

"Maybe you should borrow her towel," Derek laughed. He sipped his drink and the two settled into old conversations and arguments with Candace occasionally stopping by to fill their drinks and chat with them.

Eventually, Steven yawned, hiding his open mouth with a wide hand and long fingers. He hadn't been an exceptional player on his high school football team but he'd played well and, as his friend had mentioned, he was built for it. He was long and lean and could grip the ball one-handed. Rarely was he single throughout high school and even college. Derek envied his friend sometimes but he knew a lot of it was down to personality. Steven was driven where he simply wasn't.

"Time to go," Steven said, yawning wide. "You good to drive?"

"Yeah," Derek answered, dropping a $20 on the table. "I didn't drink so much tonight."

"Awww," Candice said, appearing from seemingly nowhere. "The night is young and I'm bored. I only have a couple more hours on my shift and I thought you'd both keep me company until I got off."

"Another time, Candice," Steven said, smiling sleepily. "Tomorrow night, probably. I don't think we have anything planned for Friday."

"Nope," Derek answered. "Be good, Candice."

"Always," the girl answered with a grin. "Tuck Steven into bed all safe and sound for me. Looks like he's asleep on his feet."

Derek gave the bartender a mock salute as he followed his friend from the bar. A flyer near the door caught his eye. The bar had a bulletin board for local business and customers to leave cards and advertisements for various events and a brightly color ad for the city's comedy club grabbed his attention.

"Huh," Derek said, touching the bottom of the flyer to lay it flat against the board. A drawing of an old school magician with a top hat, goatee and white-tipped black wand covered the top of the paper. "Telesto the Magician. Magic and hypnotism. This Friday."

"You coming?" Steven called from outside.

"Yeah," Derek said, glancing at the page quickly before stepping into the cool night air. He shivered and rubbed his arms before unlocking his car with his remote. "Hey, there's a hypnotist at the Laugh Club tomorrow. Wanna check it out?"

"I dunno, man," Steven said as he climbed into his friend's car. "Saw one when I was a kid and it seemed pretty sketch. Even little kid me could tell it was fake. I think the lady just used a friend from the audience. It was dumb. Made the guy cluck like a chicken and shit."

"Well, I've never seen one," Derek told him as he eased the car onto the street, merging with the sporadic traffic. "I think I'll go. Hey. Why don't you hit the bar and spend some alone time with Candice?"

Steven yawned, his jaw cracking. "Eh. I'll think about it. Why don't you talk her up, anyway? When's the last time you went on a date? A year ago?"

"Almost six months," Derek said. "She likes you, not me. And I saw the way you looked at her. You like girls with a nice ass and she's

round

."

"Yeah, yeah," Steven said, closing his eyes as his friend made swooping motions with his free hand to crudely illustrate Candice's body. "I'll think about it."

-

Derek rolled his head on his shoulders and stared at computer's monitor. His eyes flicked down to the time in the bottom-right hand corner of the screen and then back up to the shipping program he was using. He blinked his eyes and yawned, stretching back with his arms raised. His joints popped and he sighed.

"Last one," Derek said to the empty office. He typed from the file on his desk, entering the information before submitting it. "The rest can wait until Monday."

With another stretch, Derek stood back from his desk. He locked his computer, grabbed his jacket and made his way through his office with his phone out.

Hey

, Derek texted Steven.

You decide if you're going to the club or bar? Show starts soon.

They have drinks, yeah?

Steven texted back as Derek sat in his old Toyota, waiting for it to warm up.

Two drink minimum like the strip club,

Derek responded.

I'm headed there now. About twenty minutes.

Yeah, I'll go,

Steven wrote.

I'll be there a little after.

Derek put his phone away and drove off, dropping his visor to block the setting sun. He hummed along to a song in his head and tapped on his steering wheel while his mind wandered. He found himself thinking of Jennifer, the last girl he dated, and he frowned, pushing at the thought of her.

"You should move on, Derek," he told himself out loud. Jennifer had been pretty in her own way. Black, curly hair with chubby cheeks and a little bit of a belly but fun in bed. Her problem had been that there was nothing else. She worked a simple job and had no hobbies and clung to him too much. He'd had to break up with her three times until she'd got the hint. She still texted him sometimes.

He'd never tell Steven or anyone else but the problem he faced was that sex just wasn't that important to him. He enjoyed it but was just as happy cuddling or spending time by himself. It just seemed nearly impossible to find a girl who was the same and he struggled to even talk about it.

"Move on and find some other nice girl," he murmured, turning smoothly onto another road. He didn't want to admit to himself that he was more bothered by Steven starting to wonder about him than the lack of a partner itself.

Derek looked ahead to see the comedy club in front of him. A small line of people slowly made their way inside, urged on by a large man in a simple but nice suit. He held a clipboard in his hand and passed out a piece of paper to everyone filing inside. Derek slid into an open spot by the curb, a block away.

Cold wind swarmed Derek when he opened his car door and he hissed through clenched teeth, forcing him to clutch his thin jacket tighter to his body. With a quick glance for oncoming traffic, he bolted for the sidewalk and walked quickly to the club. The young man rubbed his arms while waiting in line.

"Welcome to the Laugh Club," the bouncer told Derek at the door. The man seemed to be on auto-pilot and he delivered the speech with a nearly robotic voice. "We've got a waiver for you to sign for the hypnotist tonight, in case you're called up. Just fill it out and hand it to the guy at the door inside. Two drinks minimum, alcohol or not. Have a good evening."

Derek hurried inside with the paper clutched in his hand. The club's lobby was filled with couples wandering and laughing and a few people ordering food and drinks from the concession stand. The young man joined the line for tickets while looking through the form.

"Shall hold harmless etc etc," Derek said quietly, skimming the page of text. "Hypnotism for entertainment purposes, hypnotist not affiliated with The Laugh Club. Not responsible for- Oh, sorry, ticket for one."

The cashier took Derek's card while he borrowed one of their pens to sign the form. He glanced at it again but saw nothing unusual that jumped out.

"Here's your card back, sir, and your ticket. Hold onto the ticket for your two drinks," the cashier, a young man in a classic bellhop outfit slide the items toward Derek. "And I can take your form for you if you're finished."

"Oh, yeah, thanks," Derek said, taking his card and the ticket. "Is the form normal?"

"Yes, sir," the cashier answer. "We give them out whenever there's audience participation. It started after we had one woman try to sue us when a previous hypnotist made her temporarily forget the number two."

"The number two?" Derek asked, his eyebrow raising. "What do you mean?"

"She just couldn't remember it," the young cashier replied. "She'd count one, three, four and so on. But it went away after a day and I think the manager gave her free tickets. Now we have the forms."

"Haha, no fucking way! That's wild," Derek laughed. "My friend thinks it's bullshit but I've never seen one. Can't freakin' wait."

"Well, enjoy," the cashier smiled. "There are two comedy acts at about thirty minutes each and then the main act afterwards with the hypnotist."

Derek glanced at the doors for Steven before making his way into the main theater. Round tables filled the room with a large, raised wooden stage set against the back wall. Derek threaded through the tables, some already filled with couples and groups of friends, until he found an empty one near the stage.

As the young man sat at the table, a waitress approached. She wore high heels with thick fishnet stockings, black bikini bottoms and a tight tuxedo top, complete with a bowtie. Derek grinned at her and she flashed a brilliant smile in return.

"Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your server tonight," the girl said. "What drink would you like to start with?"

"I'll take a rum and coke," Derek said, handing her his ticket. The girl marked half of the ticket with a hole puncher before returning it. "I'm good without food tonight, I think."

"Alright," Mandy told him. "I'll be back with your drink and check on you later for your second one. Enjoy the show!"

Derek watched her turn, the black coattails of her outfit twirling over her slim ass. He admired the girl for a moment before looking again for Steven. His phone buzzed and he grabbed it from his pocket.

Getting ticket now,

Steve had texted.

Where r u?

Near the front, on the left,

Derek wrote back. Mandy returned, setting his short tumbler down on a white napkin. He thanked the girl and she left to deliver more drinks.

Already got a drink.

Conversations buzzed in the room, the sound growing louder as the tables filled with people. Derek sipped his drink until Steven walked in. He waved to his friend and Steven nodded in return, weaving between tables full of people.

"Did you read the form?" Steven asked while he lowered himself into a chair next to Derek.

"Skimmed," Derek answered. "Seemed okay."

"All bullshit," Steven told him. "I bet the hypnotist brings the pages to hype people up."

"The club says it's theirs," Derek said, shrugging. He took a moment to explain what the cashier told him while Mandy took Steven's drink order.

The microphone on the stage squealed and everyone focused on it. The club's owner, standing center stage with the mic in hand, cleared his throat, smiled at the crowed and spread his arms. "Welcome to the Laugh Club!"

People clapped and the man made a half bow. He was older with gray peppering his black hair and thick mustache. He was dressed in black slacks with a blue-striped button down shirt with a thin black tie.

"The first of our three acts is a comedian from Chicago who's beginning to make a name for himself in larger circles and we're thrilled to have him here. Please welcome Robert Stevens everyone!"

A large young man pushed through the curtain at the back of the stage. His cheeks were red and his eyes twinkled in the bright stage lights overhead. Derek settled back while the man launched into his routine - comedy based on stories from his childhood mostly but mixed with stories as a new parent of a young child. The two friends laughed a few times but mostly sat quietly, sipping their drinks.

The second act was introduced as Derek and Steven ordered their second rounds. A tall black woman with a straight face stepped onto the stage. She was dressed simply, seemed to glare at the audience and she opened with a fart joke that brought everyone to tears. It started simply, building into more and more of a farcical story with the comedian at the center until the punchline was delivered with the woman's same dour expression.

Most of the woman's jokes revolved around her dating and personal life and the more hilarious ones involved her dysfunctional family. Derek laughed the loudest at a joke involving a bad first date where the woman's parents showed up coincidentally mid-date and a large fight broke out. At the very end of the routine, the woman finally smiled to thank the audience and several tables stood to applaud her.

The club's lights dimmed as the owner took the stage again. He looked around the audience, making a show of drawing everyone's attention. In the ensuing silence, he took the microphone from its stand to speak into it. "Ladies and gentlemen. For one night only, all the way from Italy, may I present the amazing Telesto!"

Audience members applauded again, whistling loudly as the curtains pulled back completely to reveal the magician and his props. Telesto stood with his arms open and a wide grin splitting his narrow face. He was older and lean and entirely dignified in a full tuxedo, complete with coattails similar to what the waitresses wore. His white-gloved hands held a black wand with his right and a top hat with his left.

Telesto bowed with a flourish, tapped the hat with his wand and spun in a circle. Pure white doves launched themselves from his hat, fluttering around him before settling on the floor in a straight line. The audience oohed and aahed and Derek heard a few people gasp. The magician smiled again and suddenly stamped his foot while dropping his hands. The doves vanished in clouds of white smoke and the crowd cheered and hollered for more.

Derek lost himself in the show, mesmerized by basic acts like a volunteer from the audience being sawed in half or elaborate card tricks or objects appearing and disappearing into thin air. When the hypnosis began, the young man leaned forward, rapt. Beside him, Steven sighed loudly and rolled his eyes.

A large group of people were called up and hypnotized into believing they were chickens and they crowed and pecked and moved their arms as if they were wings. A young woman was called up and told that "the" was really "a", "cats" were "children" and "dogs" were "adults". She was asked to tell a story about going to the humane society to adopt an animal and she delivered a story, seamlessly switching the words around to hilarious effect. A drunken man was brought up and hypnotized into believe that everyone had vanished from the room and he'd wandered, terrified while trying to figure out what had happened.

"Now," Telesto said after escorting the young man from the stage. "I need two volunteers for my last act! Do I have any volunteers?"

Several hands shot up in the audience and Telesto struck a pose, a finger under his chin as he surveyed the room. His eyes flicked from person to person until they landed on Steven and Derek.

"Ah," Telesto beamed, his eyes shining. Behind him, a slim young woman cleared the stage while another brought two plain chairs up. "You two will do wonderfully. Please come up to the stage."

"No," Steven said, crossing his arms on his chest. Telesto's smile widened and he raised an eyebrow, glancing at Derek.