Nightswimming, remembering that night
September's coming soon
I'm pining for the moon
And what if there were two
Side by side in orbit
Around the fairest sun?
– R.E.M
Nightswimming
August 31, 2002
Water flowed past me, and I thought of the nature of time – a common preoccupation of late. Time as a river was a metaphor so old, it was a cliché.
Time is a river I go fishing in
, Thoreau had said.
I’m tired of living, and scared of dying, but Old Man River, he just keeps rolling along
–
Paul Robeson’s version of that song, in the first
Show Boat
movie, had sent chills up my spine.
The Alan Parson’s Project had time flowing like a river to the sea.
Several books and music albums had been called
River of Time
.
It was an obvious metaphor, probably dating back, like everything else did, to the Greeks. It was a cliché
because
it was so obvious. We are caught in time’s currents, and we go where it takes us. You can’t change your destination. You can’t do laps, using repetition and practice to improve the time and quality of the journey. Time is a river, not a swimming pool.
My stroke brought me to the wall. I flipped, and launched in the opposite direction, slicing through the water as if it weren't there.
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
Amber cuddled in my arms. Sidney sat on the bench, eyes brimming with tears, huddled underneath layers of towels. She still wouldn't look at me. I could only imagine the thoughts racing through her head.
She was in love with Amber, her best friend. She was a lesbian in one of the most conservative, Bible-thumping parts of the United States, and she was leaving for college next week. Was she worried everyone in town would discover the truth? I doubted it. Sidney was too full of self-confidence to give a shit about the opinions of people she would never want to see again. But how about her family? What would they think?
What would Amber think?
That was it, or at least most of it. Sidney was terrified I would narc on her to the people she cared about, and she wasn't ready for that.
I still didn't understand why Sidney had orchestrated tonight's actions. I considered whether it was some manipulative sexual game – that she couldn't
directly
have sex with the woman she loved, so she arranged a situation where she could physically love Amber by proxy – but that didn't seem likely. Sidney had participated only reluctantly, at least at first. I recalled her initial hostility, and the way she gripped my cock when I was kissing Amber. I also thought of the way she had protected Amber when I told Amber to undress – that didn't feel like someone who was prostituting her own friend for her own sexual pleasure.
No, something more complex was unfolding. Sidney had a secret, but she was still Sidney – a likeable, clever woman who had just done me the great kindness of participating in one of every man's sexual fantasies. What had she said earlier? Amber wanted to cram four years of sexual experience into one weekend, and I was the lucky guy? Sidney had influenced my selection as that “lucky guy”, and for the level of trust she had shown, I owed her an obligation.
I wracked my brain, trying to determine a way to comfort her without betraying her.
“You know we have to keep this a secret, right?” I hoped Sidney would understand the double-meaning in my words.
Amber nodded and giggled. “My dad would kill me and would probably find a way to have you declared a menace to society, and locked up!”
It was Sidney's reaction I wanted. She raised her head, and I saw red-rimmed eyes peering at me apprehensively.
I stared directly at her, and with all the conviction I could muster, I said, “Sex secrets stay private.”
Sidney took a deep, stuttered breath, releasing some of her inner tension. She gave me a weak smile, nodded, then said, “Amber I have to go home.” Sidney was dropped off at the pool in the morning by her mother, but Amber usually drove her home.
Amber was disappointed. “Aw, this was amazing! I don't want it to end!”
Neither did I.
Amber reluctantly pulled away from me, and started putting on her swimming suit.
I had an idea. “Sidney, I would be happy to drive you home. I live closer to you.”
Sidney seemed to recognize I was offering her a chance to talk, but shook her head. “No thanks. Amber and I have to discuss your performance behind your back.”
I smiled at that. Sidney was down but not out.
Amber flounced over to kiss me on the lips. “Don't worry, Lance. You were awesome!”
I pulled on my swim trunks, and followed them to the front office. Amber approached to kiss me once more, then headed for the door. “See you tomorrow, Lance! Last day of the summer!”
To my surprise, Sidney approached for a kiss as well. It was chaste, but she followed it with a hug and whispered, “You aren't going to tell her?”
“No,” I whispered back. I felt her relax in my arms. “Are you?”
Sidney suddenly grew tense again, and pulled away from me. Her tears returned, seeping through her closed eyelids. Her emotions were too strong to be restrained by any part of her body. She shook her head and muttered, “No, no, no...”
I pulled her close and kissed her tenderly on the forehead.
Everything will be okay
, the kiss said. Having experienced Tasha's epic emotional quakes, Sidney's comparatively reasonable meltdown was easy.