Mattei A Nations Father Ch 05

Copyright pending

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It was the day after his "escape attempt", and Mattei was back in his quarters. He was being allowed to breed because he needed to keep his testosterone and blood pressure down, but he was taking fewer women each time. That didn't mean that he was still breeding with only fifteen women though. They'd added another six to his schedule. Apparently, his doctors were just concerned that the lack of sexual stimulation when not breeding had led to his episode the day before. He couldn't bring himself to tell them that they were only partially correct when it came to the 'lack of sexual stimulation' part. Telling them that Lura not sleeping with him was causing issues wasn't something he felt like admitting, especially since he thought it might result in them being separated ... or worse.

Lura was the one who told him about the change in his breeding schedule, but the other details came from his doctors, Lura remaining quiet as they spoke to him about their concerns. Yes, they'd also been all in the same room, and the tension between him and Lura was palpable. She wouldn't look at him or speak with him about anything other than the task at hand. While he wasn't talking to her either, fearful that he might say something else to hurt her, he really wanted to see her smile and hear her laugh. No matter how much she'd hurt him, and how much he wanted to apologize for hurting her, he still loved her and wanted her back. It was a frustrating conundrum.

She hadn't returned to his bed either. Figuring that would be the case, he'd spent more time that day breeding the women, having sex with each of them twice trying to relieve more sexual frustration. It didn't seem to matter though. Looking at her still got his engine revved up in both good and bad ways. And knowing she was watching him breed them ... well, that revved him up too.

He was picking at his dinner after what felt like a very long day when there was a buzz at the door. Checking the security cam outside the door to his quarters, he saw Isilde and immediately buzzed her in. He was disappointed it wasn't Lura, but he would've been surprised if it had been. And he liked Isilde, so it wasn't a bad surprise to see her.

"Hey," he said, giving her a forced smile as he stood up. "This is unexpected." He gestured to the table, inviting her to sit down. "I'm having dinner. Do you want me to order you something?"

"I already ate, but thanks," she replied. "Been busy all day, and after you gave us all a scare yesterday, I wanted to check on you and see how you're feeling."

"My doctors haven't blurbed to you, I take it?"

"No. They haven't. Doctor-patient confidentiality. I may be a doctor, but I'm not your full-time physician. I'd have to put in a request and submit one hell of a good reason, to see your records at this point."

"Good to know." He sat back down and then raised an eyebrow. "Mind if I keep picking at my food?"

"Nope." She took the seat across from him and smiled. "Not liking what you were served?"

"The food is fine," he admitted. "I just ... well, I seem to have lost my appetite."

Isilde gave him a look of concern. "That doesn't seem like you. I've seen how much you can eat. Well, more like, I've been told how much you can eat."

Mattei snorted. He knew she was trying to be funny, but he just didn't feel like laughing. "You're telling me." He let out a sigh, and then reluctantly cut off a piece of chicken and plopped it into his mouth. "I just ... I feel off, ma'am."

"Isilde," she said with a smile. "Use my name. Calling me 'ma'am' makes me feel old. And I'm not that much older than you. Anyways, tell me what's going on. I won't blab to your doctors, and I'm happy to listen."

"Okay," he replied. He gave her a weak smile, folded his napkin, and then set it on the table before leaning back. "It's Lura."

"And?" she asked, sounding expectant. "What about her?"

"I don't know what to do about her ... us ... whatever the fuck we are now. I mean, we're mates, but aren't mates supposed to be together? Sleep together, go through life together, etc.? She won't even look at me unless she absolutely must. She hurt me, and I hurt her, and I feel terrible about that, but the distance ... I don't know what to do about it."

"You did yell at her."

His eyes widened. "She told you?"

"Mattei, who do you think approved the two of you to sleep together? I did. It's my job, or at least it was when I was her supervisor. Lura and I go way back. We're close friends. I was close to her husband as well since he was like a brother to me. My point is, she told me a lot yesterday while we waited for you to wake up because we're close."

"Well, I guess you're taking her side in this whole fiasco about her guilt and shit," he muttered.

Isilde held up her hands. "Hold that thought, Mattei. Sure, you yelled at her, but she said some hurtful stuff too. I'm not picking sides. I'm just here to check on you and see if I can help."

"I don't suppose you could tell her I love her, could you? That I miss her, even though she hurt me, and that all I want is her happiness, even if it means she doesn't want to be around me much anymore? I just want to see her smile again, even if I must suffer without her for the rest of my life. I just want her to be happy."

Isilde shook her head. "The two of you really need to learn how to communicate."

"I thought we were communicating!" he exclaimed. "Then she showed up and basically called me her sperm donor and platonic fuck toy."

She looked at him deadpan. "Mattei, that's what you were supposed to do. Give her a baby and be her platonic fuck toy."

"But that's not what I want! I want more ... I want her."

"Apparently." Isilde thought for a moment. "What do you think she wants?"

"She wants perfect Jack back," he replied snidely. "He made her happy. He was the perfect husband, and while I've openly admitted I will never be able to replace him, I would love the chance to at least try to love her as he did. But she won't give me a fucking chance. She says she would, and that I made her happy, but then she pulled that shit."

"Jack was not perfect. Truuuuust me." When Mattei gave her a disbelieving glare, she laughed. "Jack and I grew up with each other. Our parents were next-door neighbors. I introduced him to Lura, Mattei. I know stuff about him that Lura doesn't even know, and for good reason. And while he did love Lura, and she loved him, their marriage was far from perfect. He had quite the temper. When he would get upset, he'd yell, and Lura hated that. But she loved him, and she put up with it."

"I guess she doesn't love me then, cuz I yelled at her and she ran. I don't blame her though. I almost never yell."

Isilde paused again before speaking. "It's not my place to tell you what feelings she has for you, Mattei. But I can tell you this. You yelling at her wasn't the only reason she ran. It's what you said that hurt."

"About the plague?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah. About the plague. Mattei, when the plague hit, before we knew it was one, she was on call for days. She'd barely gotten any sleep, she was stressed about things at home, because Jack had been gone a lot, and it was catching up with her. She tried to make sure that she didn't bring it the illness home with her, but it didn't work. The day after he got back from his last trip, he started showing symptoms."

"And then he died."

"Yes ... and no. He lingered for a while before dying. But in the end, it got the best of him, and she blamed herself then, even when it was so rampant that finding out whether he contracted it from her workplace wasn't a priority. We were just trying to keep our heads above the water and save people. We didn't know it was airborne. It just spread so quickly. And the day he got back before he got sick, they had a fight about having a baby. They didn't makeup until the day he died."

"Oh." Mattei hung his head a little. "So, telling her she was avoiding me like the plague..."

"Probably hurt her like hell. She never avoided the plague, though she is avoiding you. Instead, she hit it head-on, fighting it with all she had. She hates it when people argue in general, so she's probably afraid that if she's around you too much, you two will fight again. As for the guilt she's been feeling, well, she's avoiding dealing with the causes of it, just like she always does. Lura is confident in her abilities until someone she loves or cares about is involved. She almost fell apart when Jack came down with it. And when you were brought in from the forest ... she didn't leave your side, not even to eat or use the bathroom. Not until you woke up. She felt it was her fault you ended up there, and now there's more guilt piling on her. Self-induced of course. If she'd talk about the stuff, and forgive herself, she'd be a lot better off."

Mattei looked back up. "She was there the whole time?"

"Once you arrived, yes. I hear she was holed up in her office for a while, but I guess that was after the fight and before she knew that you'd run off. From the moment you were brought in though, she was by your side. Literally. Her chair was parked next to the bed."

"Well, I guess it's nice she thought she should be by me at my potential deathbed."

Isilde snorted. "Men. I swear. You really have thick skulls. You don't get it, do you? She locked herself in her office, Mattei. She likely cried her eyes out, both about what she said to you, and what you said to her. She really does like you."

This time it was his turn to snort. "Like me? She won't look at me, Isilde. I want to apologize for what I said, but she doesn't stick around long enough for me to do so. I know now that she may never love me the way I love her, and I know I may have to accept that. But to never see her smile again? To never have her look at me unless it's with sadness in her eyes? What the fuck do I do about that? Huh? What does it matter if she stayed by my side if in the end, she doesn't care about me the way I care about her? It hurts, Isilde. I hurt." A tear rolled down his face and he shook his head after wiping it away. "I just ... I want her back in my life."

"Well, there is one option."

"What's that?" he asked, the sarcasm returning. "Beg for her forgiveness?"

"Yes."

Mattei rolled his eyes and then looked away. Then he looked back at Isilde and leaned forward. He exhaled deeply and took a moment to calm down so he could speak calmly. "Assuming you're right, what would work with her? Because I feel like I'm in a really big pile of cowshit, and I don't know how to get out of it. Besides, she's not talking to me."

The older woman laughed and shook her head. "You are such a farm boy, Mattei. One of the reasons I like you. You cut to the chase. So, here's what you do. You woo her."

"Uh, no. No, no, no. She's made it clear that I'm just here to give her a baby and fuck with. And that still doesn't deal with her not talking to me."

"Mattei," Isilde said quietly, "do you really think that she'd be this upset if she had no feelings for you at all?"

"I dunno. Maybe?"

"She cares for you, Mattei. I'm not going to say more than that. And no, I'm not going to tell her that you love her. That's for you to do when the time is right. But I think if you woo her, or do things to get her attention, she'll come around. That is, assuming you're sure you want her back, you know, in your heart, bed, etc."

"Oh, I want her back. I may still be a little pissed that she said what she said but I think I get why she was so upset now, and how I made it so much worse. I'm really scared that I royally fucked things up with her."

"Well, she was a contributing factor. A big one, in fact, and she knows it. She's right to feel guilty about that even if she's handling it all wrong. Between me and you, she thinks you don't want her anymore. She said you wouldn't talk to her in the hospital room."

"She was shining that damn light into my eyes right after I woke up," he replied defensively. "I didn't want to go blind!"

Isilde snorted. "It's was a penlight she was using, Mattei. Not the sun. She'd have to have held it there for a long time for you to go blind."

"Well, I was rather confused about where I was. And ... well, I wished she hadn't left. I liked the kisses she put on my face, but my eyes were still adjusting, and I pushed her away just a little bit so I could get my bearings before looking at her."

"That part I didn't know about..."

"What part?"

"You pushing her away. It's probably why she told me that she'd ruined everything when she came out of the room."

"She said that?"

Isilde nodded. "Between that and you not talking to her in the room, she probably thought you were no longer wanting to speak to her. Hence her thinking you don't want her."

"Fuck. That wasn't what I wanted. I mean, I was still mad then. And I've admitted to you that I still am, in a way. But kinda in a simmering way. It's going out though, now that I know more of the history with her and Jack. I don't want to replace him in her heart, Isilde. I just, well, I'd like to see if there's any room for me to be in her heart too. To love her the way I think she deserves to be loved."

"Well, chances are, the way she's feeling right now, she's not going to be kissing ass, so it's up to you to do it. I know, might be sexist, but she's blaming herself and drawing inward, and she may apologize at some point, but I'm not sure she'll ever forgive herself. Not unless you forgive her first and show her you still care. She's awfully stubborn for a third-born. I swear."

"How do I do that? I mean, what do I do to 'woo' her, as you said?"

Isilde got a gleam in her eye. "I think I have just the plan."

That gleam scared him for a moment. "Please tell me it's not some crazy expensive trip to New York City, because I haven't gotten my first paycheck yet."

She let out a laugh and shook her head. "It'll cost a little bit, but believe me, I think it'll be worth it. And don't worry, you're getting your first paycheck in a few days, just in case you do need to do some very expensive grand gesture."

"Good. Cuz, Isilde?"

"Yes?"

"I'd spend every credit if it meant seeing her smile again. I just, well, I'd want the money to do it first."

"You really do love her, don't you?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I really do." As soon as he said that, he felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and he smiled. His appetite was back too. So, as he grabbed his plate and cut off a large bite of chicken, he said, "Please tell me how I win her back ... while I eat. I'll be taking mental notes."

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The following morning, Lura was in her office sorting through the breeding schedule for Mattie when her pager went off. She glanced at it, and after looking at it quickly, looked up and called out for one of her assistants. "Theresa?"

The young woman came rushing into her office a moment later and smiled at Lura. "Yes, Doctor?"

Lura gave Theresa a little smile and then handed her a stack of files. "Would you do me a favor and just review the women in each one, double-checking their compatibility with Mattei? Nancy needs me."

"Oh, sure." Theresa was quiet for a minute, and then asked, "Would you like me to give the schedule to Mattei?"

Lura furrowed her brow. "No. There's no need for that."

"Okay." The young woman bit her lower lip and then turned to leave Lura's office. But as she did, Lura called her name.

"Why did you wonder if I wanted you to give him the breeding schedule?"

"Oh, um, well..."

"Speak up. It's okay."

"We know that you're mated to him, Doctor, but that you seem to be sad when you're around him, or after you come back from the breedings. I thought maybe, if you're wanting space, the other assistants and I could take turns working with him."

Lura sighed. She wasn't aware that it had become public knowledge that she and Mattei were mated. "When did you find out about him and I?"

"I heard it through the grapevine. I'm sorry, Doctor. I thought you knew. The whole palace probably knows by now."

"What else have you heard?"

Theresa turned a deep shade of red, and then coughed. "Must I?"

"Please."

After quickly shutting the door, she murmured, "I think most people know you haven't, um, been with him in a few days."

To say Lura was irritated to hear that her private life was out in the open for all to know was an understatement. But she knew that it wasn't Theresa's doing, so she wasn't going to take her anger out on the young woman. "Do you know who started the gossiping about my private life?"

"No. I'm sorry. I don't. I swear I haven't passed any of it on though. I've always figured it's best to let rumors end with me if I must hear them at all, willingly or not."

Lura gave her a little smile. "That's a good stance to take. And don't worry. I don't blame you. Thank you for not continuing the gossip. I appreciate it."

"Of course, Doctor." She returned Lura's smile and then headed towards the door. "I'll look these over for you."

"Thanks." Lura watched Theresa leave her office before grabbing her tablet and leaving to meet with Nancy. It only took a few minutes to get to the administrator's office, and as soon as she arrived, she was ushered in. Nancy gave her a little smile and then had her sit in the chair across from her.

"So ... how are you today, Lura?" Nancy asked with a smile.

"Fine. Thanks," she replied quietly. "How are your girls doing?"

"They're driving me crazy," Nancy replied with a laugh. "But what else is new? Three teenagers and hormones. Just you wait." She winked at Lura before her smile faded. "Anyways, down to business. There's been a lot of gossiping circulating the palace about you and Mattei."

"So I just heard ... from Theresa," Lura replied. "Not very happy about that to be honest."

"I don't blame you. Is there any truth to the rumors?" When Lura nodded, Nancy let out a sigh. "You know that the tension between you and him needs to be resolved, right? If it can't be, we'll need to switch things up."

"What do you mean?" Lura asked, starting to panic. She didn't want to be reassigned. As much as it hurt to be near Mattei and know he no longer wanted her, she wanted to be near him. She'd already lost one man she'd lost. She didn't want to lose another.

"Well, we'd either have you stop handling his breeding sessions until you two get over your tiff, or we'd reassign you to another breeder permanently, and have that breeder's handler take over with Mattei."

"I don't want that!" she exclaimed, before clamping her mouth shut at her outburst. "Sorry, that just..."

"Happened," Nancy finished. The older woman leaned back and in a more caring tone, asked, "Care to share what caused this rift between the two of you?"

"It's complicated."

That didn't seem to be the answer Nancy wanted, and it showed when her tone changed to an authoritative one again. "Well, please uncomplicate it, Lura. If you don't want to be reassigned, you and Mattei need to make amends. I don't care if you need to fuck out any frustration with each other. Just do it. You told the Council you'd make it work. Now put that promise into action. Got it?"

Lura nodded. "Yes. Is there anything else?"

"Actually, yes. I called you in for a different reason, but figured I'd better address the elephant in the room first." Nancy grabbed a folder that was on her desk and reached across, handing it to Lura. "We'd like you to go check this young woman out as a possible addition to our staff."

She opened the folder, looked the profile over, and when she reached a certain line, her head shot up. "Are you serious? Is she really that young?"

Nancy nodded. "She's really that young."

"Holy shit," Lura replied. "How did her parents get her into medical school so young?"