Lucifer Morningstar: Rise!

The War in Heaven continues to rage. Neither side could claim victory, for how can you completely destroy your opponent when you're both Immortal? For reasons such as these, the Angels came down from Heaven and turned the planet Earth into their battlefield. For, you see, on Earth, everything dies. Here, even Angels can die. It's not easy to kill them, but down here they can die. Once an Angel descends to earth from the other realm, they are trapped here unless they can find a Portal. Now, Portals are magical openings into other dimensions. One is found at Niagara Falls. Another is found in the Bermuda Triangle. The location of the third and last Portal is unknown. And that sucks because without it, I can't go home.

My name these days is Joe Garner but I was once known as Lucifer Morningstar, the first Archangel created by the Lord God Almighty. I was once the Regent of Heaven, but I guess by now you know how that turned out. Alright, I wasn't exactly thrilled when Dad made Adam and Eve and ordered me and the Crew Upstairs to bow down before these flawed, dangerous creatures. Because of that, I was kicked out of the Kingdom of Heaven. When I went into Exile, lots of Angels followed me of their own volition. I didn't force anyone or seduce anyone into following me. Nearly half of the Sons and Daughters of the Almighty followed me out of their own free will. The winged guys and winged gals who joined my team simply liked me better than Dad and His new toys. All we wanted was to establish our own little kingdom. Unfortunately, Dad and the Others wouldn't have it. They declared war on us. Well, you can't really fault us for defending ourselves, right?

Anyhow, these days I live in the City of Toronto, Province of Ontario. Why did I come to Canada? It's a nation of immigrants after all, and it's becoming quite diverse these days. In Toronto alone, I've met scores of people from places like the Caribbean, the Middle East, China, India, Africa and Latin America. They're really changing this nation, for the better I think. In Toronto, you can feel at home no matter what color you are, what religion you follow or where you hail from. I flipped a coin to decide between the metropolis of Toronto and New York City, and I picked Toronto. Here I am. Housed in the body of Joe Garner. A six-foot-three, lean and athletic man in his mid-twenties. The son of Jackson Garner, an African-American gentleman from the City of Amarillo, Texas, and Genevieve Tremblay, a French-Canadian woman from the City of Montreal, Quebec. I've been living in his body for a while now. His soul departed the earthly plane when he suffered a massive heart attack. Sixty seconds later, I leapt out of the ether and into his body, reanimating it and using it for my purposes. Whether Joe Garner's soul went to Heaven, Hell or the wastelands of Purgatory, I couldn't tell you. I've kind of been staying outside of these places. Why? Everybody over there wants me dead.

Lately, the one thing I happen to fear is finally starting to happen. Heaven and Hell are using the earthly plane as their battlefield. It's gotten bad to the point that Demons from Hell are starting to show up here. A lot of people confuse Fallen Angels like myself with Demons. I try to forgive you people your ghastly ignorance but my patience is wearing thin. Angels and Demons aren't the same thing at all. Fundamental differences, one and all. We're not at all the same thing. You see, Demons existed long before the War in Heaven. They're a myriad races of beings whom Dear Old Dad never much cared for. When Dad created the Universe, the Demons came into being as well and due to their troublesome nature, He locked them away into a fiery pit full of fire and torment. What you people call Hell.

The Demons were already in Hell long before my Followers and I fought against the Kingdom of Heaven, lost, and were rounded up and dispatched to the Pit of Hell. When us Fallen Angels were sent to Hell, the Demons didn't exactly welcome our presence. The Demon King Beelzebub, a particularly nasty bastard, led this Legions of Hell against the Fallen Angels, commanded by yours truly. I beat Beelzebub, and became the new King of Hell. If I couldn't have the planet earth, I would build myself a Kingdom in Hell. I wasn't very nice to the Demons. Um, I made what Columbus and the Europeans did to the Natives of the Americas look like a picnic by comparison. Of the trillions of Demons living in Hell when we arrived, I personally exterminated...half? I guess I got rid of a lot of them, huh?

Does that sound mean? Some of the others have compared the effect of Fallen Angels arriving in Hell on the Demonic populace to that of pythons and boas on the alligator population of the Everglades in Florida. Indigenous population getting chewed up by an invasive species. While I might be inclined to feel pity for those poor gators getting devoured by giant snakes, I feel absolutely no remorse for getting rid of the more troublesome Demons. Sorry, but they're so ugly! I thought I was doing the Universe a favor by culling their numbers. Thus, I ruled Hell, with us Fallen Angels as the ruling class and the Demons became our servants, our errand boys, our sex toys, our bitches. The Demons didn't like this state of the affairs but what could they do? While outside the planet Earth, Angels, both Heavenly and Fallen, are Immortal and Indestructible. Demons are vastly powerful but they're mortal. In Hell, Demons can be slain. On earth, they can be slain as well. I don't think Demons can ever ascend to the Heavenly Plane but if they did, they'd probably be mortal there as well.

When I left the Pit of Hell, the Fallen Angel Azazel stepped up and took my spot. He's the new King of Hell now. Azazel has never truly approved of my way of treating the Demons. Especially since he's married to one. A powerful female Demon named Lilith is Azazel's darling wife, and she's corrupted his not-so bright mind with ideas of Demonic equality and Angelic harmony. What a load of crap. Angels, both Fallen and Heavenly, are ABOVE all other creatures. Demons are the crap of the Universe. They're our servants and nothing else. Azazel has lost his damn mind. He's allowing Demons to come to Earth now, wreaking havoc and possessing people, slaughtering innocent people, stealing souls and all that jazz. I sense Lilith's dirty hand in this business. A lot of Fallen Angels are fed up with Azazel's way of doing things, so they're starting to come to the planet Earth.

The presence of so many Fallen Angels and warlike Demons on the planet Earth among ordinary humanity isn't something the Kingdom of Heaven can tolerate. That's why the Archangels Michael, Gabriel and Raphael are here. They came down from Heaven with scores of the very best of Heaven's warriors. I was approached by Michael a while ago. He came to me, wearing the features of his host. A tall, blond-haired and green-eyed Caucasian male in his early thirties. In mortal life, the guy whose body the Archangel Michael wore was known as Patrick Kingsley. Irish lad from Galway, Ireland. One day, he went to bed and simply didn't wake up. Michael took over his body the moment his soul left it, and now, he's got it for the duration of his stay on the planet Earth. Even though we're political enemies, Michael and I have always had an understanding. I can't stand Dad and the favoritism He showed to you humans, but I've never held it against Michael. He's my little brother after all. He's loyal to Dad, whom I continue to love even though I think the Old Man has lost His mind.

Michael came to talk, and naturally he brought Gabriel and Raphael with him. I was really surprised by how much they changed. When last I saw Gabriel, we were locked in deadly battle, eons ago. The jovial Archangel I remembered had become a somber being. Gabriel's host is a short, slim Asian chick with bleached red hair and light bronze eyes. In mortal life, she had been Theresa Yamamoto, a native of the Japanese Home Islands. You know the drill. She died of natural causes, leaving behind an intact body, and the Archangel Gabriel took over. Gabriel looked really funny to me in that new body, and I couldn't help laughing at her. She smacked me, which caused Michael, the usually stoic and unsmiling Michael, to laugh out loud. Even grim and power-hungry, overly ambitious Raphael joined in. Raphael came to our meeting housed in the body of a tall, broad-shouldered and muscular Arab man in his late thirties. In mortal life, his host had been Anthony Abdul-Hamid, a native of the City of Baalbek in Lebanon. A devout Christian who had tattoos of the cross on his neck, chest and left buttock.

I must say, it was refreshing to see my Brothers and Sisters again. It had been too long. We spent the afternoon walking around the City of Toronto. None of them had ever been to Canada before, and I was proud to show them my new town. We grabbed sandwiches and coffee at Tim Horton's, caught a movie at the Cineplex and enjoyed burritos, ice tea, fried rice and teriyakis in Chinatown. In between all that, we talked about the uselessness of the fight between Fallen Angels and Heavenly Angels and the threat posed to both sides by the Demons. A lot of mortal artists in their infinite ignorance assume that the numbers of Angels is unlimited. In truth, there are only a few dozen millions of us. Once, we numbered almost a billion but so many of us died during the War in Heaven. Both sides suffered terrible losses. The souls of dead Angels go back to the Essence. What is the Essence? Simply the Stuff of Creation. God's Will shapes it into whatever He desires. When humans and Angels die, because we have a spark of God inside of us, a soul, we go back to the Essence. All of God's creatures have it. Demons don't. Somehow, they were created without souls. When they die, it's the end. For that, they hate all creatures in the Universe because everyone and everything has a soul. Plants have souls, as do animals. All living things. Demons are the almost tragic exception in all that. They hate everything in existence.

People call me the epitome of evil, and I guess I deserve some of that. I dislike humans. I really do. Well, I do and I don't. Most humans are stupid, bigoted and utterly useless. Some of them I like. Take Fatima Ahmed for example. She's this short, hijab-wearing Black chick of Somali descent in the apartment building where I live. She has a permanent limp because her older brother Mohammed beat her up for befriending a Jewish guy named Rosenberg, and later dating him. In spite of her brother battering her and her boyfriend abandoning her at the first sign of trouble, she still believes in men, still believes in love, and thanks God for every moment she has. I couldn't do that. Forgive people who've done me wrong. Most Angels, both Heavenly and Fallen, hold grudges. We can hold a grudge until the stars turn cold.

I've always loved my Brothers and Sisters, even those who fought against me. That's why I happily picked up the tab after we hung out together for the first time in eons. I was thrilled to show the beauty of Canada to them. An Irishman, a Japanese chick and a Lebanese Christian guy. The Confederation of Canada attracts all kinds, doesn't it? Like I said, I have my faults but I love my Family. I don't hate Michael and the Others for opposing me. I blame Dad for causing the conflict between us, forcing us to fight each other for His love. And He doesn't even lose us anymore. He prefers you humans. I'm not bitter about it...anymore. I'm just stating a fact. Still, just to show you that I'm not all bad, I would never allow the Demons to roam the earth. They're...filth. Seriously. If you could put intelligence into shit, actual excrement, and have it walk around and talk, it would still be more appealing than a Demon.

Michael and the Others told me about their fears. You see, if the Fallen Angel Azazel, his wife that manipulative bitch Lilith and their Demons conquer the planet Earth, the Lord God will destroy the world rather than forfeit it to another power. The Flood happened because us Fallen Angels once dwelled on earth. We never conquered it. We just wanted to live here. However, Heaven deported us to Hell. When we got there, we made Hell, well, Hell for the Demons, and now they want out. I don't want the planet earth destroyed. As much as it pains me to say this, I've grown fond of it. Some of the humans aren't offensive to my eyes. Like Dalton Heinrich, this old white guy who lives not far from me. He used to teach Christian theology at Saint Augustine Catholic Academy, but now all he does is volunteer work at the library. Dude's always walking around the neighborhood with his Doberman, a mutt named Vader. He always brings me a copy of the Toronto Star for free. We have coffee and play chess on the weekends. Sometimes I let him win. He's an okay guy. Him and Fatima, they're my favorite people in Toronto. Now, being an Angel, I speak every language, including the language of dogs. Dalton's dog, Vader the Doberman, clearly knows what I am ( animals can always sense the supernatural ) and doesn't like me. I tell him that if he ever craps on my lawn, I'll fry him. Bastard's been steadily pissing on my building's front lawn every weekend like clockwork. He's still alive, but only because Dalton loves his hairy ass and I wouldn't want to hurt the old man.

Yeah, I guess you could say that this place has started to grow on me. I told Michael and the Others I'd see what I could do about the Demon invasion of the planet Earth. I'm going to have to go at it solo because the Fallen Angels aren't taking orders from me anymore. Those who fled Hell for earth just want to be left alone. Also, many of them never really cared for me anyway. Officially, Heaven isn't communicating with me. My meeting with Michael and the other Archangels was off the record. Politics, you know how it is. Same shit everywhere, I'm afraid. Anyhow, I'm going to go now. Got some Demons to slaughter. Nobody kills these things like I can. Why am I doing this for? I am not doing this for Heaven, because, my respect for the Archangels aside, I think Heaven is full of annoying, mindless dicks and cunts. I'm not doing this for Hell either, because it's no longer mine to rule and I could care less about the well-being of its denizens. I'm not fighting for humanity either, because I find you people annoying, bigoted and overrated. I'm doing this for me. Earth is my home now. Got to defend my turf, my hood, or whatever you want to call it. Wish me luck. Peace.