Love Beyond Life

This piece was inspired by:

* The Creator (2023)

* Cloud Atlas (2012)

* Ghost in the Shell (1995)

* Mars Express (2023)

* Blade Runner saga

I wanted to showcase the depths of emotions one can possibly feel, and that love is the fundamental driving force of life. It's sad. I was told it hurts so good. I'm sorry, but also not. Enjoy and don't forget to grab tissues.

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What does it mean to love? Better yet, what does it mean to live? What is alive, or real? Statistically speaking, we shouldn't even exist, yet humanity has defied the odds over and over again. The invention of the wheel, telecommunication, hyperspace travel, miracles after one another. But how do we know it's not just in our head, a hallucination of synapses being activated by wayward chemicals? Electrical circuits running amok, projecting false realities into the ether?

The truth is, we don't.

We could be dreaming this up, it could be a simulation, or it could be real. Heartbreakingly, painfully real. Even though I haven't felt pain for over 40 years, I still remember the white-hot burning of the flesh and the sinking, hollow feeling of the soul. And it happened exactly like they say - the milliseconds stretched into eternity, my entire life flashing by, then -- nothing. Then suddenly there was no more need for air, but I was breathing again. Seeing, hearing, feeling. Only I wasn't.

It was me -- but it wasn't me.

Did that make me alive? A human more human than anyone born could be? Or did science go too far trying to trick the gods and created abominations instead? Was I a monster then? If my reason to continue like this was so that I could love them forever, when the only motive to live this lifeless existence was to be with them, be there for them, was that wrong too?

Though the choices that lead to this path were made well before the day I met my partner at the Academy, that was the moment I found my real purpose and everything changed. I was young and alone, and I had much to prove. An orphan without a home, carving their existence out of the elite forces - it wasn't looked kindly upon. I was the first and the best everywhere - lectures, field work, physicals - I felt like I had to show that I was serious. Not just someone who tried to climb out of poverty through the goodwill of the system, but someone determined. Driven, with a spotless record that would earn me a name, and with that unquestionable loyalty to my nation. I was still the outcast, of course. Society seeps through the cracks of the ranks even in a perfect world, especially when prejudices proved to be correct most of the time. I never faulted anyone for that, hell, I agreed with most of them myself. Only... the sheltered elite had long forgotten that they created this system, rigged it from the start. It's easier to keep "them" from "us" apart, if there are no bridges to close the gap.

When rumors started to fly that someone was going to transfer from a distant galaxy, all eyes disappeared from me in an instant. They didn't even know who this person was, and they were already treating them like a show animal. Political alliances were made in their name, government positions were kept open in case they wanted any of that, but their spaceship hadn't even departed yet. The day of their arrival could have been a national holiday judging by the preparations that spanned the entire cosmodome. Everyone at the Academy had to be present for the welcoming ceremony, and I was ever so grateful that the trainees were seated in the back, giving me an opportunity to slowly dissolve into the shadows after the official event was over. The podium lit up and fanfare boomed from brass instruments of the old world and breaths were held across the room with nervous expectations about who this person might be. Someone supercilious, used to getting their own way and incredibly distant, I guessed.

Oh how wrong I was.

There they stood, smiling and waving, their speech devoid of anything demanding, and they just looked so... normal. Like a regular person thrust into the middle, no artfulness, no pretense. If there's ever a "love at first sight" moment, this was it. My heart grew three sizes just by watching them, then reality hit me in the chest and I nearly staggered back.

I couldn't...

I shouldn't even dream of being in their vicinity. Much less of a future together. I slipped out of the hall quickly after that without anyone noticing, so I was much too surprised when they stood before me just a few weeks later. They had to make sure they knew everyone at the Academy, they shrugged, and suggested we grab some drinks and take a walk in the small park while we chatted. Starstruck, I nodded and followed them, trying to keep my eyes and thoughts respectful and friendly. They were even more remarkable this close. Their voice was warm and reassuring, their laughter carried joy unlike anything I've ever heard before. And their eyes... curious and quick to notice the smallest of details, I realized infatuation mingled with intrigue in my chest to form something deeper.

And by some curious turn of fate, something... mutual.

It went against every rule in society's eyes, and they didn't care the least bit. I tried to warn them that it was career suicide, but they smiled at me as if that didn't matter. As if I was the center of their universe, as if I was worth it.

"It."

Such a small word, yet all encompassing. It means making a stance and sticking to it, defying expectations set by rules well before we came into existence. It means the love and adoration they showed me and expected nothing in return -- the most genuine gift I had ever received. Me, of all people! The nobody who pulled the short stick in life and was burdened with having to chase dreams that could very well have ended in nightmares instead, and yet the world opened its arms to me and opportunities poured into my lap by the dozen. Trainings, certificates, missions, the only thing they were good for was marking the passing of time to be with my love again. Stripes on the shoulder, pins and badges, all meaningless if they didn't kiss me goodnight.

The three suns shone brighter when they were near and the air felt denser in their absence, all my thoughts consumed by the need to be worthy of their attention. Not once, in our entire life did they make me feel like I wasn't enough for them, but I felt like I had to prove myself either way. Until I became someone that nobody could raise concerns against being seen together with them. Getting married in full regalia, standing hand in hand while the ancient flintlocks spewed gunpowder sparks and photographers ran for the best angles was an honor beyond measure, and yet, the decorated soldier only dreamed of mundane domesticity.

Soft lips tracing the sides of necks.

Fingers caressing curves in the lazy morning sun.

Bodies colliding, sweat mingling, pleasure taking over.

Over and over again.

That's what kept me going when I was off-world. Going home to that little piece of paradise we made in the midst of everything. My lover's name, and our three beautiful children's, inked above my heart and woven into my meditations.

But fate... fate turns the tides on a whim.

I recited my litany that kept me sane all those years as the flames engulfed me, and the next thing I knew was what should have been bone rattling cold seeping through flimsy fabric, felt like... nothing. My receptors have been replaced by sensors and wires ran underneath engineered skin instead of nerves. The familiar sensations have been transformed into data readings projected onto my cornea, and what once was blood thumping in my ears, had turned into pneumatic valves whirring quietly. My own face looked back at me in the mirror, it was my own voice that sounded from my mouth, and I was nearly indistinguishable from a human. But I wasn't anymore, even if I didn't change at all.

My reality shifted from chemicals to electricity. My thoughts and memories, now an algorithm. Carefully crafted to match who I was and to unlock who I would be.

Forever.

Serving my country was my duty, but loving my partner was my calling. So as it was, I was all too happy that I had already signed up for eternity, even knowing that it would only hurt me in the end. Rebirth meant loss. Rebirth meant being "less than", once again. Not to my love, never to them. But our children couldn't accept it, friends shunned me, and losing so much of what I had worked for was... disorienting.

So we made our new life together. Rebuilt what was lost, expanded what remained. Their unfaltering love kept me sane, and I kept them... them. As the years passed, I stayed frozen in time while my lover's youthful glow gave way to wisdom and grace, their hair turning white while wrinkles adorned their face. Their movement slowed, but their spirit stayed the same. They were still so vibrant within, as if no seconds had passed since the first time I saw them.

But time is a cruel lord.

It takes and takes without us realizing, no way to slow it, no way to stop it. Old age is one of the last things that keeps humans humble, even though it seems like they've solved every other mystery they've encountered. The illness slowly took its hold on my partner's body, and there's only so much science could remedy. All too soon the time came to end their fight, and the kindest thing was to let them go. Their last moments were spent reassuring me instead of worrying about what's next, and when their fragile hand let go of mine, my world shattered once again and life lost its meaning for the first and last time. Not everyone is eligible for eternity, nor does every one of those who is, wants it. My love preferred to have a finite life, believing that their existence meant more that way, and I respected their wish. In my case, signing up for the Academy meant that I did not have a choice -- something that didn't seem to matter back then, but ultimately it cost me everything.

If I could still feel pain, it would've served as a reminder of the joy of past lives. Instead, I was stuck in a loop of memories painted in bits and bytes, the happiness in them mocking my sorrows silently. Suddenly I was alone in the universe, once again, like old space telescopes floating to their demise after they've outlived their usefulness.

Resignation washed over me, as well as relief, and I knew it was time.

There's no salvation for me after all I've done in the name of good, but if all that we believed in was true, then I'm going to meet my love on the other side. Death is only a door. When one closes, another one opens. There, we will be young once again.

And forever starts again.