Iss of the Spider Woman

"Kyle?"

Kyle McAdams looked up from a dreary tome on social psychology to see Alfreda ("Freddi") Kornfeldt peering down at him over the top of the study carrel. She held a clipboard in one hand and a pencil in the other.

"Mmm?" he answered, glad for a break from his studies.

"What do you feel about femdom?" she asked guilelessly.

Kyle leaned back in his chair, a very skeptical expression on his face. "I think any guy who gets turned on by humiliation and abuse needs professional help. I got bullied enough in middle school. I don't need some chick on a power trip starting in on me all over again," he snarled.

Freddi was dumbfounded by the vehemence of his answer. "Kyle! It's not like that at all. It's about a loving transfer of power back and forth between the couple. It's . . ."

"Bullcrap! Getting slapped around with a riding crop, chained up, verbally abused and humiliated isn't about love, at least not for a guy with any sense of dignity at all. I would never treat a chick like that and I'll see one in Hell before I let her treat me that way. Anyway, that's my answer and I still have twenty-eight pages of this drivel to absorb before class tomorrow if you don't have any more questions."

"Uh, no. That's clear enough. Hey, a bunch of us are planning on going out for pizza and beer Friday night. Wanna come?"

"Now you're talking!" Kyle answered more cheerfully. "Capellini's?"

"Maybe," Freddi replied. "But there's this new place over on Oak Street called Dirty Dick's. Lara says the place looks like a dump but when you peek into the kitchen the place is spotless. Even the chef's apron is clean, if you can believe that. It seems worth a try. Um, they have sixteen beers on tap . . .?"

Kyle looked thoughtful. "Sixteen beers on tap, huh. Capellini's only has four and none of them are particularly dark. Okay, I'm game. What time and where?"

Freddi sighed to herself with relief. Maybe this could work out after all. Kyle had the hottest ass of any guy on campus, in her opinion. She would go out of her way to stand behind him in line just so she could ogle it. Unfortunately, that's all she'd managed to do since the semester began. Kyle was friendly enough but all her flirting hadn't managed to get so much as an invitation to join him for coffee. At least eating and drinking together would be a start. If it progressed to a goodnight kiss or even a hug—maybe there was hope after all. "East lobby at seven. There will be three or four cars going so there's plenty of room."

Kyle pulled out his cell phone and dialed up the calendar. "East lobby—seven p.m.—pizza/beer. Got it. Thanks for the invite, Freddi"

She smiled back at him. "You're welcome," she said and sat back down.

*****

Professor Angela Phillips gave Freddi a pitying look. "Freddi, dear, the pencil and clipboard was a good opening ploy but then you asked him what he thought about femdom? Dearie, dearie me."

"Well," Freddi whined, "Lara said it was sexier to ask it that way and that Kyle would probably be excited about the idea of thigh boots and bustiers. I never thought he would associate it with being picked on as a kid. How was I to know he'd been the designated victim in middle school?"

Angie sighed.

"Freddi, Lara is all about power games, hers and Josh's. This is unfortunate. If she really wants to be part of our benevolent matriarchy she's going to have to get over that. I mean this very seriously. We are not about to make the same stupid mistakes patriarchalists have been making for thousands of years. The operating word is 'benevolent' and she needs to get that clearly into her blond little head. Any young woman who joins us, and this includes you Freddi, must realize that though we intend that our families will be matrilineal and that the women should own the property, we expect them to have babies, plenty of babies. That isn't going to happen if they try and make bitches of all the men. Asking a new man what he thinks of femdom is simply asking to scare him away."

Tears formed in the corners of Freddi's eyes. "I realize that now. I just—just want him so bad! Every time I see Kyle walking across campus I start to get all wet looking at his butt. I can't help it!"

Angela nodded in understanding. "And you may yet be in luck. At least you got him to come along for beer and pizza Friday night. A liter or two of Dirty Dick's finest and he might be persuaded to give my aerosol a try."

Freddi took a deep breath. "I'm ready. I'm off the pill and it's been two weeks since my period. If he gets me Friday I should be knocked up."

"Oh, no you don't, young lady! Just because we are forming our communal matriarchy doesn't mean we treat men as sperm banks. You get pregnant by him and whether or not you want it, Child Welfare will go after him for child support and I can't imagine a faster way to make an otherwise sensible and responsible young man hate you from the bottom of his heart. I've been looking at his records. He is a very sensible and responsible young man. His work is always either on time or early, well done and his grades are respectable. Once he decides on a major he will be quite the successful student so I am convinced that he will be a sensible and responsible father—in time! However, as always there is no guarantee. He may be sensible and responsible but he also seems to be just a little bit—touchy—proud and touchy. I really must question your attempts at seduction. Have you ever considered just telling him how you feel?"

*****

As Angela cautioned, things did not go well at Dirty Dick's. Though the choice of beers was very good and the pizza was excellent, Kyle was very restrained in his drinking. Apparently he preferred to savor his duenkel rather than quaffing it. Finally around nine he announced, "Well, folks, it's been a great evening but I have a paper due next week that I am only getting started on. Where's the nearest bus stop and does anyone know when the next one comes by?"

"Hey, no problem there," Angus McLaren stood up, "I'll run you back to the dorms. No reason to stand waiting for a bus in the dark. Anyone else need a lift?"

"M—me," Freddi replied. "I ought to be getting back, too." She stuck her hand in the pocket of her parka and gave the squeeze bottle in it a hopeful pat. Kyle was a long way from tipsy but perhaps she could just use feminine wiles on him. And if they didn't work tonight, at least she and Kyle had had their first 'date' and since he did appear to have had a good time, others might follow.

As they drove back to campus Angus asked, "So, Kyle, what are you majoring in?"

"So far I'm undeclared," came the answer, "but since this is the last semester I can do that I'll probably go for Entrepreneurship. It seems to be something that should be saleable all over the place and it's kind of interesting. What's yours?"

"I'm finishing up my senior thesis in Primatology. I'll probably have my orals done and get my paperwork turned in early enough to get into the doctoral program by June. Once I've got my PhD I'll become Professor Koenig's post-doc in his bonobo research. It's kind of an unspoken agreement that when he retires I'll take his place and continue his field research."

Kyle was surprised. "What? You don't have to go hunting for an opening? I thought tenure track positions were scarcer than hens' teeth."

"Well, it's a private college. Things are different here."

*****

Back at the dorms, Kyle offered to walk Freddi to her wing. Happy to accept she wrapped herself around his left arm and snuggled there all the way across the quad. She was slipping into a warm fuzzy daydream when Kyle started growling through his teeth. "Gawd, Josh is an idiot! He sat there and let Lara tell him what to do, what to eat, how to do it all evening long and acted like he thought it was funny. Doesn't that fool realize he's being set up for a lifetime of hen-pecking? Jerk!"

Realization dawned. "Kyle, you don't really have a paper to write, do you? You just wanted to get away from the scene."

"No," he sighed, "I don't. And you're right. I just couldn't stand it watching that lummox act like some stupid Newfoundland puppy, begging for tidbits of approval from a bitch who just thinks he's her playtoy. Whatever happened to self-respect?"

Now Freddi was in a dilemma. She could hardly defend the other couple without alienating Kyle and letting him in on their personal kink was gossip. She aimed for a neutral response. "It'd be a funny old world if we were all alike."

Kyle turned thoughtful. "True, I suppose," he sighed, "And I admit I don't know what their personal dynamic is when they're alone. Hell, she might be one of those women who get their kicks being tied up and hung from a hook on the wall. Not the sort of thing I'd like but if that's what rocks their boat, it's their relationship. I just like the idea of a more equal, more eyeball to eyeball route."

Freddi's ears perked up. Suddenly the conversation was taking a turn she might put to use. "Is that 'equal' as in 'missionary position looking into each other's eyes' or 'equal' as in 'taking turns'?"

Kyle stopped in his tracks. A puzzled look crossed his aquiline features. "How do you take turns?"

Freddi's nose wrinkled into a mischievous grin. "Chicks can wear strap-on's you know."

"Oh, no. Now we're back to femdom, leather and chains, riding crops and all that shit again. No. No way is that equal."

Now Freddi was getting annoyed. "Kyle, you must watch too much internet porn. That sort of silly B.S. is just what sells subscriptions to porn sites. Most people don't really do that—at least that's what Professor Phillips says. According to her a chick with a strap-on can be just as loving and affectionate as a guy with a hard-on—or just as abusive. It's all in the attitude."

Kyle raised a skeptical eyebrow as he looked down at Freddi. "And you know about this how?"

Freddi stuck her nose in the air imperiously. "I don't kiss and tell. What goes on in my dorm room stays in my dorm room. You want to find out; you have to ask me nicely."

Kyle started walking again across the quad toward Freddi's dormitory. "Yanno," he remarked offhandedly, "I'm not one hundred per cent convinced I really want to know. I may just be perfectly happy to wallow in my ignorance. It is supposed to be blissful, after all."

Freddi fingered the squeeze bottle in her pocket again. "Whaddya wanna bet I could change your mind?"

"No dice, Freddi," Kyle drawled, "I've been burned twice before. You're sexy and cute but I'm not getting distracted again. Once I'm graduated, I'll think about playing around but not until then."

Freddi stepped back in astonishment. "You're going to say celibate until you graduate? Kyle, I can't believe that. Are you staying in the closet or something?"

"No, I'm just not as hot to trot as lots of other guys. Having a low libido is just as normal as a high one and mine has been so battered a couple of times I'm happier playing Lonesome George. Anyway, here's your dorm, Freddi. Want to meet for lunch tomorrow?"

Again Freddi was in a dilemma. He'd called her 'cute and sexy' and invited her to lunch. It might not be the most romantic date she could imagine but at least it was a date with the guy who turned her on most. But there was the problem. He turned her on but she didn't seem to turn him on, at least not enough. What to do?

"I sleep pretty late on Saturday, Kyle. How about brunch? The Pub does a very respectable chicken and waffles . . ."

"Chicken and waffles—brunch . . . Alright, ten late enough? Any later than that and I'll be ready to eat the table."

Internally Freddi sighed with relief. "Ten at The Pub, then." She leaned up and gave him an affectionate peck on the cheek and got a warm hug in response. Maybe the night wasn't a complete failure after all.

*****

"No, Freddi, I don't think Kyle suffers from reduced libido," Angela looked thoughtful, "I think the poor guy has apparently been very badly hurt some time in the past—several times from the way you describe him. If you really want him in bed with you I suspect that you're going to have to be very supportive and reassuring. This is happening a lot these days, you know. So many young men are trying to be the feminist's alleged ideal 'sensitive New Age Guy' they never figure out how to be men. As I asked before, have you ever considered just telling him how you feel and what you want to do? My guess is that he'd be inordinately grateful that some woman was being honest instead of manipulative."

Freddi leaned back in her chair in the professor's office. "Is that what you think might be the problem? I can see how he'd react badly to Lara's silly games with Josh if being manipulated in the past got him hurt. I wonder what happened."

The old woman sniffed. "Well, for heaven's sake, don't ask him! All this balderdash about helping someone 'get it off his chest' is just that, balderdash. Instead of helping all it seems to do, really, is make him relive the pain all over again. Who needs that?"

"So you think I should find a good time to just tell him that I'm hot for his bod, want to climb his frame, get fucked silly in all three holes and maybe even return the favor? I've got a whole collection of dildos I could stick in a harness."

"Didn't he tell you he wasn't interested in that sort of thing?" Angela asked sternly.

Freddi sagged a little. "He did—but I think he just has the wrong idea about it. I don't want to take him over; I want to make love to him the way I want him to make love to me. Is that so threatening?"

Professor Phillips looked up at the wall clock and stood up to indicate that their time was over. "Not to me, no. But to a young man, and remember he's about two years younger than you are, it could well be. Be honest and straightforward, Freddi, but be subtle and watch your timing. By the way, how were the chicken and waffles?"

*****

The next Friday night the group was back at Dirty Dick's and Josh was once again being a buffoon, essentially because Lara wanted him to. Kyle sat off to one side with a large sausage and onion thick crust chewing and shaking his head in disgust.

"I swear," he said to Freddi after swallowing the mouthful, "that dude really needs something—something to fire him up, make him throw Lara over his shoulder and carry her off. He really needs to fuck her 'til she begs him to stop. That would put them back on the right track."

"You mean something like that new stuff on the market, Vigorilla?" Freddi raised an enquiring eyebrow.

"Vigorilla?" Kyle looked back at her dubiously. "Never heard of it. What is it, some sort of super Viagra?"

Freddi closed her eyes with a smile and nodded slowly. "It's a combination of PL-6983 and a derivative of the toxin from a Brazilian spider. It will fire a guy up like nothing before. Aphrodisiac and iron bar, hour-long hard-on in one easy package."

Kyle blinked owlishly. "You're kidding? There really is something like this? I'll bet it's prescription only."

Freddi wrinkled her nose. "Normally, yes. But if you happen to be joining a commune with the inventor, that's merely a formality. I've got some right here in my pocket. See?" She produced the squeeze bottle she'd been carrying for a week.

In the dim light of Dirty Dick's the small print was hard to read but the directions were straightforward and clear. Squeeze sharply into each nostril while inhaling. Use only once in any twenty-four hour period. If the erection lasts more than four hours seek medical assistance.

A wickedly evil grin crossed Kyle's features. "You gonna give him a shot of that? Man, I want to see this!"

Freddi leaned close, breathing softly in Kyle's ear, "I'd really rather use it on you, baby. I want you inside me, Kyle. I want suck you, ride you and have you shove that hard cock of yours up my ass and make me squeal."

Kyle's jaw dropped in astonishment and as he started to take a breath to reply, the girl swiftly laid the tip of the bottle next to his nose and with perfect timing shot a dose into him. Then she grinned widely. "You've got about fifteen minutes before you start tearing my clothes off, stud, so we'd better take the Kawasaki back to the dorm quick. Come on, I've got a spare helmet."

Freddi had been wrong, Kyle thought as he sat behind her on the big bike. It's already working. I can feel it already. Damn her!

By the time they arrived at the dorms Kyle was shaking with rage. He climbed off the back of the bike and snarled at her, "Goddamit, Freddi, I'm tempted to file charges of attempted date rape!"

Freddi's lower lip stuck out and started to quiver. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the squeeze bottle and handed it over. "I lied to you, Kyle. Here, taste it. It's just distilled water. I can't help it, Kyle, I just want you so bad . . ."

Kyle was thunderstruck. "Distilled—water? But—but I'm horny as a three-ball tomcat. Oh! Placebo effect. I just believed it would work and—it did."

"I'm sorry, Kyle." Tears leaked down Freddi's cheeks. "I didn't want to make you mad—I guess I just don't know how to approach guys. Can you forgive me?"

Kyle took a deep breath and let it out slowly. As he did all the lust he'd felt drained away. He looked at Freddi with an exasperated, almost despairing look. "You—want—me? Sure, Freddi, you're forgiven for the dirty trick but—but why? Why didn't you just say so? What is it about women that they think they always have to manipulate guys into doing things? Isn't there an honest bone in any of your bodies?"

Freddi saw the tears of rage and frustration starting to leak from his eyes and collapsed into sobs. Unable to stop himself, Kyle wrapped his arms around her and held on, the two them shaking in mutual wretchedness. When the grief finally subsided, Kyle handed Freddi his handkerchief. She took it with trembling hands, wiped her eyes and blew her nose. Then she reached into her purse and handed him, in turn, a packet of tissues. Silently they walked over to the bus stop bench and sat down side by side.

"Fine pair of hot lovers we make!" Freddi said ruefully.

Kyle put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. With his other hand he stroked her hair in what he hoped was a comforting way. "I've done the hot lover scene. It's not all it's cracked up to be. I think I'm more the curl up on the couch and snuggle type."

"You want to just snuggle?" Freddi sounded hopeful. "I've got a couch in my dorm room. We could just put on some quiet music . . ."

He kissed the top of her head. "To be honest, that sounds good. And yes, I'd like to—maybe next weekend? Right now I don't think I'm up for much more than going to sleep."

"Friday?" Freddi was trying to be encouraging without seeming to be pressing the issue.

"Yeah, Friday night sounds good." Kyle gave her one final squeeze and then stood up to leave. "I meant what I said, Freddi, you're cute and sexy. If we take it slow we might even make it together if you think I'm that attractive. But it's like I said, I've been burned too badly too often." He ruffled her hair and walked, turning once to wave.

*****

Dinner Friday was a long ways from Dirty Dick's. Kyle didn't even want to be on the same block with Lara and Josh so he directed Freddi to Horvath's and introduced her to Hungarian cooking and Riesling wine. An hour or so later, completely stuffed with catfish and potatoes, homemade sauerkraut with apples and onions, hot bread and blueberry blintzes the couple was, as promised, curled up on Freddi's sofa listing to Frank Sinatra.

They'd started out sitting together but after a while Freddi skootched away and pulled Kyle's head down onto her lap. She just sat there stroking his hair for a while then playfully bent down and brushed the tip of his nose with her breast. That's when Kyle realized that under her sweater she was braless. She winked and did it again and this time he snapped at it with his lips. Freddi giggled.