Kiss My Apocalips
The story of Jacob Jones and the end of the world
CHAPTER EIGHT -- Daring Dmitri and the Warrior Women
We set an alarm and rose at six; and I was only slightly surprised to see that Sofia and Sadie had chosen to join Hannah for her morning chores. What DID surprise me was Hannah herself, who came to me and embraced me, warmly and openly, in what was, up until that moment in my life, one of my most memorable of hugs. I tried to think of the woman, rather than those breasts, which were making themselves known in a very intimate way.
"You are the sweetest man I have ever known," she told me, seemingly not caring that the others were overhearing.
"You've obviously been hanging around the wrong kind of men," I said pointedly. "But honestly; from now on, if you don't want to do something, tell that person no. You are intelligent and thoughtful, and we all count on your honest input. If someone asks you something, give your best answer; not the one you think they want to hear. And if someone commands you to do something you don't want, then refuse; and I will always back you up. Promise?"
She kissed me on the cheek. "I'll try my best. Are all of you going to the barn with me?"
"Do we have two loaves of baked bread downstairs?" Doriana asked. "And maybe a couple bottles of syrup? I'll start breakfast for our crowd, including a few new guests, and set the big table. French toast okay? I'll need a dozen fresh eggs and some milk, if there's some we can use. Also, Jacob drinks his coffee black, but someone else might want some cream. Do we have any?"
"I'll be right back," and Hannah went down to the cellar, but returned in less than two minutes. "Here's a few pounds of frozen sausage. Use the MW thaw-machine for three minutes. And here are three small loaves that were frozen fresh, along with two bottles of syrup. Sorry, all we have is maple."
"Eggs, milk, cream," I quoted. "We'll take Rocko with us. What time's breakfast?"
"We'll shoot for eight-thirty, have fun!"
The little dog seemingly had boundless energy, but by the time we reached the barn, he was one tired pup. I used a piece of narrow rope to form a leash, and left him tied up and snoozing on some hay by the door. I watched as the others got busy feeding critters, which were all making "feed me" noises; but after a while, Wanda handed me a bucket and pointed toward the chicken coops with orders to feed the adults a bucketful and the chicks a quarter of one. Then I was to use the bucket to get the eggs. I felt pretty dang proud of myself for completing the task, even though it was the gals that were doing all the heavy-lifting stuff, like slopping the pigs.
We'd been at it for about forty-five minutes when an alarm sounded. Hannah stopped working with the milking machine and waved for me to join her in the security room. Video displays were automatically tracking an EV-SUV that was climbing up the driveway from below. Without speaking, Hannah pointed toward the shotguns in the rack against one wall. What was it with this group and shotguns? Instead, I picked up three assault weapons like the ones we'd learned to fire, walked back out into the barn area and called to the other girls. I handed one weapon each to Sadie, Sofia and Wanda, then took them outside and posted them in spots that I hoped were safe from the parking area and told them not to shoot anyone unless they fired first.
By the time I'd gotten back inside the security shed, the vehicle was approaching the gate. "I don't like this, Jacob," Hannah said sternly. "It could easily be a simplified Trojan horse. We're putting too much trust in this group."
"Do you know how to operate the bobby traps on the sides of the driveway?"
"No. They never put that much trust in me. All I really know how to do is monitor the cameras and open and close the gate."
"Let's see how this plays out," I said, picking up another assault weapon and shoving a fresh magazine in each back pocket. "Wait until they're within a hundred feet, and then open the gate."
"I think you're badly underestimating them," she told me, and pressed the gate control.
The SUV pulled up to the open portal and stopped. One man and three women got out, and they were all dressed in military utility uniforms, with green camouflage markings and combat boots, though they wore no caps. They all stretched for a minute, as if they were working out the kinks after a long drive. Two of the women looked as identical as I have ever seen, and I immediately thought them to be twins, with matching long blonde braided ponytails that hung to mid-back. The man and other woman had black hair. All were very fit, if not muscular; even the women. At the guy's direction, they began taking firearms out of the vehicle and stacking them together next to the gate. There were half a dozen rifles and assault weapons. The leader made a point of holding up two pistols toward the camera before putting them on the ground, as well. Then he removed a wicked-looking knife from a belt sheath and added it to the cache.
The male seemingly began having an argument with the dark-haired female; but eventually, she shook her head emphatically and stomped off the side of the driveway for a dozen feet or so, then threw herself on the ground and started digging with her hands. The man seemed frantic because of this action, and was yelling at his compatriot insistently. When she continued doing whatever it was she felt obligated to do, he threw up his hands, motioned to the two blondes; and together, they huddled on the side of the vehicle opposite the digging woman.
"Do you have any idea what they're doing?" I asked Hannah.
She shook her head. "No. I don't have a clue. But, once again, the men here would only let me operate the cameras and the gate."
There was a loud "ding" from inside the room and a screen on the wall suddenly lit up with the words "Connection Error Station 37." At the same time, the dark-haired woman stood up and held something over her head. The other three came out from behind the vehicle, but the man was very upset, yelling at his comrade, who simply ignored him and started walking uphill through the gate holding whatever it was she had just dug up. Exasperated, the guy got back in the SUV, along with his blonde companions, and they drove up toward the barn.
I moved to the open barn door. "I'm going out to meet them. You find a good spot and monitor us," I ordered.
"No way in hell, Jacob," she responded, falling into step beside me, while holding one of the monstrous shotguns. When I gave her a surprised look, she smiled. "Hey, you're the one who taught me to say 'no.' Now, you have to live with the consequences."
I laughed at that; and together, we marched into the middle of the parking area just as the SUV pulled up and stopped. The man got out and waved. "Alo alo! I am Dmitri! You must be Jacob Jones, Hero of de Apocalypse! You are one big dude, Jacob!"
I imagine I looked pretty startled at that, but before I could pose any type of retort, the two blonde twins yelled in perfect unison "Oh, look! Oh, it's so cute!" and started moving forward.
Hannah was bringing her weapon down in their directions, but I saw that the women weren't moving directly toward us, and I reached up and grabbed the barrel to stop her. Sure enough, the two ladies raced past us, and they were both suddenly on their knees beside Rocko, petting and stroking and cuddling.
Dmitri, for his part, turned slightly to his left and waved animatedly. "Alo pretty red-haired girl behind tree!" He shifted slightly. "Alo pretty brown-haired girl behind bush!" He looked to his right. "Alo pretty dark-haired girl behind barrel! You are all aiming here." He thumped himself in the center of his chest. "Your enemies that are coming, they will all have body armor. You aim here instead." He tapped himself on the nose.
"Please do not shoot my man in his ugly face," the dark-haired lady called out as she rounded the corner of the barn, still carrying the strange object. "He might look like a horse's ass; and I admit, he is. But he's the only horse's ass I've got. Come on out, we're unarmed. Well, except for this thing, and it's yours, not ours."
"You not talk to me, woman!" Dmitri said sourly. "You crazy as Canadian seagull!"
"A loon is not a seagull, you idiot! And I dug it up to make a point!"
"What is it?" Wanda asked, coming out from behind the barrel.
"Does big-boy here know?" she asked pointedly, looking directly at me.
I shrugged. The thing appeared to be made of olive drab hard plastic, and it was about the size of home base in a game of baseball, though a little more rounded. As she got closer, I could read the raised lettering on the side facing me. "This Side Toward Enemy."
"Right off hand," I answered, "I'd say it's an anti-personnel mine."
"Got it in one," she said, nodding. "Wired for remote detonation. But if I can deactivate it, then any of the people coming here can, too. We've all had the same kind of training regarding these things."
"Is it safe now?" Sofia asked.
The woman nodded and pointed to something on the side of the gizmo. "I cut off a piece of my shoelace and threaded it through the safety switch. Yeah, it's safe." She looked from one of us to the other. "I'm Juanita, and if you don't mind, I'd like to speak for the group. Dmitri here is a lot sharper than he looks, but his English skills aren't the best. He's the one who concocted the plan to get the four of us out of Arizona; and it was his idea to come up here and offer our services to you. The puppy-lovers over there are Sally."
On a whim, I stepped forward and extended my right hand to her. She seemed impressed, and shook it. "I'm Jacob. The lady who prefers shotguns is Hannah, and she knows more about this facility than anyone else here. That's Sofia and Sadie." I turned and Wanda was suddenly by my side. She introduced herself and shook hands, as well. I turned around toward the barn door, where the dog-petters were still at it. "Which of you is Sally, exactly?" I asked.
They both turned toward me simultaneously and raised the hand that was closest to her partner. For the life of me, it looked like a single person standing next to a full-length mirror; and they both said in unison: "I am."
"You've got to be kidding me!" I remarked, shaking my head.
