Chapter 4 – Polyamory for me!?
I woke up and my whole body was sore, it was time to get up for class and my body felt abused and I was exhausted from Kristi's attentions last night. She eventually was gentle and loving but we fucked a lot before we got there, and I wouldn't change a second, but my body is a wreck right now.
I do what I try not to, preferring natural sleep, it's healthier. But I couldn't do class like this. I filled my body with dark energy to heal my sore muscles and revitalize myself, a few seconds of accelerated healing and revitalization and I felt fresh like I'd slept hours.
I was also a little sad I no longer felt sore, I kind of like being sore the next day, as a reminder of the night before. But I had no choice this morning. Way too sore and way too tired.
I kissed Kristi who had stayed in bed with me all night, despite not being able to sleep, and had held me as I slept.
"I have to run, but we need to talk later, I need help I think. I never really thought about polyamory, or love. I was always too damaged. Do I even want that? Can I have a healthy relationship with one partner that is a ghost even if I am madly in love with you?
"STOP!" she said.
She continued in a normal voice, "Stop stressing, we can talk about it later, but just so you know I am happy either way, as long as I get my love from you and can love you back I am good. So this is all about what you want, I can see how it would be awkward having a spouse no one but your family can see. So... Later!"
"Damn your hot when you get all bossy. Can we play Ariel the sub slut later?" I asked, only halfway teasingly, I was really turned on.
I didn't really want any more pain than the medium strength spanks of last night, not to mention the vibrator attack, but her being in charge? Hot.
She snorted and waved me off.
I smiled and kissed her again, then headed off to the shower to get ready.
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I got there a little later than usual, but found Maddy and she was holding me a seat so I headed straight over. She looked a little better so I thought I would risk it.
I asked, "Hey, you ok? Any news?"
She shrugged and said, "Not sure, the doctors are running tests again, they don't know what's going on. They think my mom might have gone into remission, but I won't believe it until the tests come back. It would hurt too much..."
She sort of trailed off but I knew what she meant, if she accepted hope it would hurt that much worse if they were wrong about it. Of course I couldn't say anything, I never could, even if she found out I have certain abilities...
"Well I'll hope for the best for you. I understand why you're leery. It can't be easy."
I squeezed her hand, not wanting to do more in a classroom full of our peers. Not because I didn't want them to know about us, but because I didn't want to embarrass her and advertise her pain. I felt a lot better knowing it was taking affect. I didn't see a need to go spy on her mother's progress either. It appeared to be working fine.
Class was long and boring, I offered her a quick coffee before she split and she agreed. I just wanted a few minutes with her before she went back where she belonged for now, especially not knowing what I know. I felt a little guilty keeping her in the dark but so happy that I stepped in to fix it. It was just too complicated to tell anyone, I didn't even tell my mother that part of things.
I bought her a coffee and we talked as I walked her to the car.
"Call me if you need anything?" I asked.
She nodded slowly. "I will, but I think I just need time. I do want to see you again once matters... Settle."
"Don't worry about that. Just be with your mom. I'll be here."
She said softly, "Thanks Ariel, I'll see you in lab tomorrow. I was going to skip it but... My mom refuses to let this affect my college classes."
She kissed my cheek then got in the car and drove away. I couldn't help but smile a little, the corners pulling on my mouth. I felt bad she had to be sad right now, but I knew it wouldn't last. Another few hours or a day at most and the doctors would have the test results.
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My sister Mina had left town to go to college, but really she was focused on building a loving polyamory family like she grew up in. Wade too thought about it, even if he never planned it and just kind of fell into it. I never thought about it until now, my heart to messed up for a long time to even consider the love and commitment polyamory required. The idea was so far away from my reality I just never considered it until now.
Now I am in love with a crazy ghost that wears all the latest fashions and wakes me up with rough sex. And I like Maddy a lot. Strong, confident woman that she is, I find her beautiful as well. I listed my choices in my head. I can commit to a ghost, after all we will both be here close to forever, I won't have to watch my lover grow old and die.
On the other hand, I will never have close to a normal life, and the partner sharing it would be imperceptible to the world at large. Having a live human would surely go a long way to normality. Plus I don't want to give up Maddy, and what if I find someone else as well? Do I push them all away?
The last option is one I would never consider, which is keeping my ghost a secret. I could never do that though. I love Kristi too much for that, if I have more than one mate she will be known, and be the first to vote to expand our current two person family.
That's why I needed Kristi's help. It would be too easy to take option one. Lose myself in Kristi and give up on a possibly love filled and much richer life. Because it would be safer. A part of me knows I need to choose option two, but it scares the crap out of me. I saw what dad was like when those angelic bastards took Nikki away, I don't think I could have dealt with it.
But then I am stronger now than I was a month ago, perhaps by the time it came up I could deal with it. I don't know. Of course if I just choose vampires, angels and ghosts there is a much better chance of not having to deal with it. But the thought of excluding Maddy because she is human and can only live at most another 80 years... Makes me feel like a coward.
I found Kristi in my room. She smiles at me when I come in.
She said softly, her voice full of tenderness that I never heard before, "You know I've known a lot longer than you. I've been in love with you a day less than I've known you. I was just waiting for you to catch up. You had a lot of pain to deal with. I also know you care about Maddy. It's the only way you would have acknowledged how you felt about me."
I raised my eyebrow in question.
She continued, "Well it's pretty simple actually, you didn't feel anything for the girls you dated before, just didn't connect even if you slept with them, not on a deep emotional level. So you never felt like you were cheating on me before, which meant no guilt."
Am I really that damaged? I couldn't tell I loved her until I felt guilt for liking someone else?
She shook her head and I raised my eyebrow.
She said, "I can't read your mind but I know you so well. No you are not that damaged, you were just that closed up. I think you are pretty much healed. You just need to learn to open up again. You got too used to hiding so no one would add to your pain. Besides, you showed me every day that you loved me, a crazy ghost. You just didn't admit it to yourself or feel it, but you lived it anyway.
"A broken person wouldn't care about me. They wouldn't study spell forms constantly to make sure next time there was trouble you could protect your family. They wouldn't violate the cardinal rule and run off half cocked to heal someone. A broken person wouldn't worry about a truce with evil. That your family stays behind just because they are safe with those they love.
"You demand more of yourself than that, you feel that saying
we can't save the whole world
is just a cop out, a way to say good enough and just live with your family, and save the runaways to salve your consciences. Now don't get me wrong, your family are good people, they just feel like they are doing enough. They don't feel the way you do about it, they truly believe they are doing enough, and maybe they are for them. You don't though, I know it.
"A broken person wouldn't worry about their family growing old, they would just move listlessly into eternity with their long lifespan and screw everyone else, they are all going be dead soon anyway. So no, I don't see a broken person, I see a person who was hurt and closed up, yet still worries about more people and more things than the rest of your family does.
"You are afraid because you know how strong you love, how much you already do care. You worry about the inevitable pain that will result from that. Mostly because of some pimple faced fuck wad little boy that made your life hell for five months because he couldn't keep his mouth shut.
"I see a woman of strength, power and beauty. God help the world of necromancers when you open up that closed door baby."
I wasn't sure about all she just said, I still felt plagued by questions, all the ones she had listed. How does that make me powerful or strong?
I did know my queue when I saw it though, it was up to me to stomp the moment this time.
"Where is my crazy slut angel and who are you?" I asked faux suspicion in my voice.
Kristi totally lost it and threw her head back and cackled, then winked at me.
"I love you too baby," I said softly
"Umm, I didn't tell anyone, how did you know about the healing thing?"
