Once upon a time, there was young man called Jack. Jack lived with his mother in a small cottage and both he and his mother were very poor.
Unfortunately, not only were they poor, but Jack's mother was very bossy and rude to him. Jack didn't like the fact that his mother was very bossy and rude, but she was his mother, and she owned the owned the cottage and also the garden where she grew all their food.
So, Jack did as he was told, and tried to keep out of his mother's way the rest of the time.
One day, Jack's mother called him to her in the kitchen. He had been weeding the row of cabbages and so he had to climb to his feet, walk round to the front door, take off his muddy boots, and make his way to the kitchen at the back of the cottage.
There his mother was sitting in her rocking chair by the oven.
"So where have you been Jack?" His mother snapped at him. "Never mind," she waved her hand, "I have more important things to do than listen to your excuses."
"Our cow Millie has stopped producing enough milk, and we need to sell her so we can buy a new one. You will need to leave now to get to the market and sell her. And mind that you get a good price for her eh? Now, can trust you to do this one thing properly without losing the cow, or the money, or your way back home?"
Jack knew well enough not to say anything in his defence; he just nodded and said "I will be fine Mother dear," then he turned round, went outside, put on his boots and trudged over to the field where Millie was quietly cropping the grass."
Jack liked old Millie; she was never rude to him, and she didn't mind it when he told her just how awful it was living in poverty with a mother who spent her time being rude and bossy. Still, his mother had said sell her, so that is what he had to do. He took some rope from his pocket, made a halter, and lead Millie out of the field and down the road towards the market.
About 3 miles down the road, (and almost half way to the market), Jack met an old man sitting by the side of the road. He was a very strange old man, with a long white beard, a pointed colorful hat and a long patched cloak made of the same colorful material. Strangest of all, though, the man seemed, at the same time, to be poor and elderly, but also very wise and powerful.
Jack was about to walk past when the man called out to him.
"Young man, could you spare a minute for an old man?"
Jack was always polite to people, and he walked over to where the man was sitting.
"It is a hot day young man, and I am so very thirsty and my legs ache. Could you please go over to the stream at the far end of this field and fill up my water bottle?"
It was a very hot day, and Jack could do with a drink himself. So, he took the water bottle and walked to the stream, filled it up, had a long drink and made his way back to where the old man was sitting in the shade. Jack sat down, gave the man his water bottle and stared at the road.
"Many thanks young man...or rather...Jack?"
Jack started and turned to stare at the old man.
"Don't be surprised", the man said "I am a powerful wizard and I know all about you. I know that you are poor, and that you live in the small cottage down this road about 3 miles away. And I know that your mother is very rude and bossy to you."
Jack was so stunned at these words that he just sat and stared.
"However," the old man continued, "there are things I know which are a lot stranger. For instance, that cow that you have there? I bet you didn't know that that cow is really my long lost new bride who was stolen from me ten years ago. The thief was a rival wizard, and because she refused to sleep with him, he turned her into that cow. I have spent all this time looking for her, and now I have found her."
At that point, even Jack, who was a trusting person, felt that he was being told a very tall tale. He didn't even need to say anything; his expression of disbelief and doubt said it all.
The wizard didn't bother to say anything. He just climbed to his feet, walked over to the cow and touched it with one finger on its forehead. Jack was never able to describe what he saw next. It was as if a patch of the world turned into a piece of wavy metal, and then sprang back into normal view again. Except that where there had been a cow, there was now a beautiful naked young woman of about 28 years of age.
The wizard and the young woman didn't say a word, they just fell into each other's arms and wept.
Jack was too embarrassed to say anything, though he was surprised, (and rather jealous) of the fact that such an old man had such a young beautiful wife. Still, he thought that if he were a powerful wizard, then he could make any woman fall in love with him.
As if reading his mind, the wizard turned from his young bride and spoke again.
"Ahhh young man. This beautiful young woman doesn't love me because I make her. She loves me because I am me and love her in ways that you don't yet understand. However, because I see that you have a good heart and are willing to help others over yourself, I think I can help you to learn what I already know."
At this, the wizard reached into a deep pocket, and took out something hidden in his fist.
"Come here", he said.
Jack went over to the wizard, trying hard not to look at the naked girl who was smiling at him, (whilst also clinging to her wizard as tightly as the coloured robes he was wearing).
The wizard held out three strange beans. They were obviously beans because they looked like beans. But when he looked more closely to see what kind of beans they were, they shimmered like sunlight on water, or like the fire of an opal.
"Take these beans home and plant them, and when they grow, you will know what to do next."
Still stunned by what he had seen, (and somewhat distracted by the pert breasts and shapely thigh of the naked girl), Jack took the beans and stared at them. Whilst he was doing so, there was a sudden plop like a large frog jumping into a pond, and the wizard and his wife were no longer there.
Jack turned and ran back home, bubbling over with excitement over the adventures he had just had. He ran all the way up to the cottage gate, up the garden path, through the living room and into the kitchen where his mother was still in the chair, obviously startled out of a nap.
"Mother, mother", Jack blurted out. "I was taking Millie to the market when I met a strange old man in coloured robes who turned out to be a wizard and Millie turned out to be his long lost wife and she was really a naked girl, and the wizard promised me that I could learn what he had learnt and gave me these magic beans and told me to plant them and then I would know what to do next."
There was silence and Jacks mother stared at him.
"You what?" She said in that voice Jack knew always led to him getting a telling off?
"You let some con artist and his cheap floozie cheat you out of our valuable cow and gave you three painted beans and you think that's good news?"
Jack's mother flew out of the chair like a cat attacking a dog and snatched the beans from his hand.
"You think that these beans are going to help us get a new cow? You think these beans will help you learn anything? You haven't learnt enough to know when you are being fleeced like some simpleton at a magic show."
Jack's mother was shouting so loudly that even though he was over 6 foot to her 5 ft 2, he still cowered and felt like a little boy again.
His mother gave one loud scream of frustration and rage and then threw the beans out of the window into the garden. Before his mother could do anything more, Jack fled too, out of the house and into the small shed in the garden where they kept the dried apples. There he sat for the rest of the day, and all that night. He knew that his story was true, but what his mother had said really hurt, and by the very early morning he couldn't help thinking that maybe he had been tricked.
The next morning, he woke up, stiff from lying on some sacking on the earth floor. It seemed darker than normal and he wondered what time it was. Rubbing his eyes, he pushed open the door of the shed, walked towards the house, stepping round the giant bean stalk...and stopped dead.
He backed up three paces and stared at the three thick sets of bean stalk that rose out of the ground like great green tree trunks.
He looked at the stalks, and followed them up. And then he followed them up further. And then he fell backwards as he tried to look at where the stalks entered the clouds.
Now he understood the Wizard. Those three stalks where thick; but they had lots of thick leaves coming off them like a giant spiral staircase. It was as if there was a large sign on them saying "Climb Me".
So Jack did. He climbed because he believed the wizard. He climbed because he wanted to prove his mother wrong. He climbed because he knew deep down that this was going to be the start of an amazing adventure.
As he climbed at first, Jack would take time every now and then to look down and admire the view. After a while, though, he realized that he was making himself dizzy, and he worried how long he would fall if he should slip. So Jack carried on climbing higher and higher.
Eventually, he reached a place where the clouds gathered like a pavement and the leaves came to an end. He reached out and felt the clouds, feeling their softness, but also the fact that they were thick enough to hold him. So, trusting the wizard and his sense of adventure, he stepped off the stalks and onto the clouds, and walked towards what looked like a set of white hills.
Walking between those hills, he spied an amazing giant golden castle. It had towers and walls and flags and a large gate and a moat, all far bigger than a human king would need. He walked closer, but couldn't see any people. He walked up to the drawbridge over the moat, but no-body called out to him. He walked over the moat and into the courtyard, and stillhe could hear nothing. He walked across the courtyard and into a large hall with a very tall ceiling. In the centre of the hall there was a giant table with two huge benches, one on each side. He could see on the table that there was lots of food, all of it giant sized with mouth-watering smells. He remembered at that point that he hadn't eaten anything since yesterday morning before going the market with Millie.
With much effort, Jack climbed up to the table top, and once he was at the food, he started helping himself. He helped himself to tarragon chicken and bacon stuffing. He helped himself to mashed potatoes and succulent peas. He helped himself to sweet crusty bread and golden cheese, and he washed it down with excellent ale. And because the plates were so big and the helpings to large, what Jack took seemed like a mouse had been nibbling round the edge.
After a while, it seemed to Jack that he could hear someone quietly giggling. He looked around, and there, on the far side of the table (that was as big as a field), he saw a golden harp almost as big as him and where the frame looked like a young woman upright with her arms bent straight behind her.
