Its All In Your Head

My name is Kerr. In the spring of every year after the snow retreats to the high places, I walk into the mountains to peel away the layers of habit and sloth that have accumulated in my head during a winter of work. It's just an annual thing I do. Early this June I started from Cairn Lake with my life in my backpack and headed up, climbing west on the trail that followed Mine Creek. I planned to stay all week. Walking slowly and steadily, I tried to forget that I had a destination and just enjoy the sight of barren, knife-edged ridges flanking fortress peaks.

Rushing torrents crossed my track, noisily impatient with the lichen-covered boulders that frustrated their abrupt descent to the lake. The first night I camped at 10,300 feet under the dark shape of Mount Edloch beside an unnamed mountain tarn with a wizard island in the middle. The night was spectacular. Galactic clouds of starlight outlined the peaks. I felt as though I were looking out across the universe. The air was cold and dry and I crept into my bag and slept, drunk on the purity of the night.

The next day I went even higher, switchbacking up to Lyla Pass, a ridge of broken stone capped by one gigantic flat boulder that could only have been placed by some race of extinct Druid giants. At noon I sat upon the stone and ate my lunch, looking down into the Dendran Valley. Dendran was a magical place, ringed with peaks. Though the rest of the mountains might be icy cold, Dendran could be warm. Dendran had many small lakes, a chain of alpine jewels full of trout, but none had names because so few people came here. Guidebook hikers did not come. No trails were marked on pages. In fact I had never seen another person in the Dendran Valley in the three times I had walked here. I would be alone for the whole week in natural beauty and solitude and that's the way I wanted it.

The way down into the valley was across treacherous slopes of shifting talus, so I went slowly. Not until dusk did I reach the third and largest Dendran lake and set up my tent on its shore under lodgepole pines. I unpacked what I needed. My little stove roared to life and soon I was drinking hot soup and watching the last fiery rim of the sun glowing on Cloud Mountain, a black, cold, inhuman peak, the highest in this region. Tired and sore, I went to bed when the sun was gone.

The next day was warm and sunny. Without the need to carry my heavy pack I could wander the valley at ease. The meadows sparkled with pink and yellow wildflowers. I climbed up into a notch that held the highest of the lakes, really more a pond than a lake, found a sunny place on a gargantuan boulder and sat to watch what might appear at the water. I have always found it easier to see the inhabitants of the mountains by remaining still and letting them come to me. They did come. A pair of young male elk came to drink, as did a black bear investigating for berries at a boggy section of lake's edge. Fish jumped. The day got hotter and soon I removed my clothes, bunched them under my head as a pillow and stretched out in the sun. I fell asleep. When I awoke it was with a start, as though a black cloud had passed over the sun. I had a strong sensation that I was not alone, but when I looked about I saw nothing moving except a catspaw of wind on the lake surface. Groggy from sleep I rose to clamber down to the lake to wash my face in icy water and clear my mind. As I stooped to the

water, out of the corner of my eye I was sure I saw something move, but when I looked in that direction nothing stirred except some flycatchers dining on midges. After one has spent a year surrounded by people being truly alone takes getting used to.

I was sure my mind was playing tricks, creating imaginary people so it would not feel alone. The feeling that someone else might be watching me led me to want to put my clothes back on, but I denied that urge. No one was here. I could do as I pleased. I stuffed my clothes into my daypack and wandered off to another lake with nothing on but hiking boots. I'd teach my mind to be alone and try to catch some dinner.

It took awhile, but late in the day I caught two trout in quick succession and headed toward my tent. I built a small fire, cleaned and cooked the trout immediately. No meal cooked in any city restaurant could ever compare with the taste of my dinner that evening. The happiness that had been missing in my work-shrouded life began to return and I felt more like the person I was meant to be as I ate those fish and gazed at the ring of mountains that surrounded me. Soon Cloud Peak again devoured the sun and the dry mountain air chilled quickly as darkness gathered. Clothes were put on again and I sat by the embers of my tiny campfire and watched the stars come out. I fell into a dream as I sat before the nearly extinct fire. My mind turned inward and unconnected images and memories played unceasingly in my dream. I let them go on without trying to understand them or stop them. Perhaps voices that had been obscured by my noisy civilized life were being heard in this mountain silence. Perhaps my mind was coughing up its untidy trivia. A real voice woke me.

"Good evening."

At the edge of my firelight stood a tall woman covered in a gray cloak. I jumped. I was so surprised I momentarily felt the urge to run away. Earlier I had been training myself to be alone but now that I was clearly not alone, I found it hard to deal with another person. I was dumbfounded and speechless.

"I am sorry I startled you. My name is Selene. I saw you earlier today and have been debating whether I should come and introduce myself or not. I do not usually see anyone else when I come here. Are you alone?"

"Yes," I said, recovering a little. I wondered if seeing me earlier had meant seeing me walking around in my skin. "I come here to be by myself. I apologize for jumping so. I too have never ever seen another person in this valley. You were unanticipated to say the least. My name is Kerr."

"I also come here, Kerr, because it is a empty place but I'm never lonely here. This is one of my favorite places on the earth. I do not mean to disturb you. I won't stay long. May I sit by your fire a moment before I disappear into the night? I feel cold."

"Please do."

Selene sat gracefully with her gray cape pooled around her and, as she sat, the fire, which was little more than a few coals, blazed up. I couldn't understand why it did so. The fire had little more to burn, and yet it seemed as though some non-existent log had fallen into the coals and blazed up, giving out both heat and light.

"That's much better," said Selene.

I looked at her clearly for the first time in the strangely bright firelight. Her hair was almost white, not white as an old person's might be, but a blonde that was nearly silver. I thought it must have been dyed. Her face was remarkably smooth. She seemed young yet her manner and voice were not young. She treated me carefully like someone who might run away, perhaps because her appearance had spooked me so. She seemed friendly yet aloof. Her mouth was large and soft, and her eyes were set wide with luxuriant lashes. When I looked at her I thought that her face looked oddly like a doll's face, unrealistically perfect. In my experience campers usually look rumpled or even dirty, but Selene looked immaculate in her gray cloak.

"Where are you camped?" I tried to make conversation.

"I'm am higher up in the direction of that big mountain whose name I do not know. I hope you will come and visit me. "

"Are you alone, Selene?" I hesitated to ask the question. I knew women who enjoyed the wilderness but none who would go into the mountains without the comfort of a companion. If they did happen to be alone they would not have said so. They would have lied. Yet I was sure Selene was alone and I asked only to confirm that belief.

She smiled. "Yes, I am alone. I always travel by myself when I come here. I am not afraid. This place is a safe haven for me and I dream about it when I am not here. Where is your home?"

I talked to her about my life in the city, work, and my annual need to get away. I said my friends laughingly called it my vision quest. To them I was a fool on a pilgrimage. I came here because I really liked being alone for a time and distant from all those things below us. She nodded as I talked. I asked her about her home.

"I live in a crowded place as well but spend most of my life travelling, so I am accustomed to being by myself. I am not near this place often but when I am fortunate enough to be close I always take time to be here."

Selene stopped speaking and looked at me steadily and directly for a moment. "We are much alike. I like you," she said.

And then something extraordinary happened to me that I couldn't understand. I felt sexually aroused, but I had no idea why. My cock stirred in my pants and rapidly swelled into a painful erection. My heart began to race and I began to breathe heavily. The sensations were disturbing because they were unprovoked. And the feelings were getting powerful. Like a man who has eaten a bad oyster and suddenly knows he is going to be sick to his stomach, I recognized that I was becoming rapidly drunk with lust and had nearly reached the point when my body was going to take over my mind. Why was this happening to me? Selene hadn't done anything to provoke this. I looked at her, and she smiled back at me, an innocent and friendly smile. The feelings were uncontrollable. I had never been so aroused in my life. One moment I was going to pull out my cock and jerk off; the next I was embarrassed Selene might notice the bulge in my pants. Pornographic movies began playing in my head. My hips were going to start making doggy fucking motions if I didn't concentrate hard on stopping them. I was rapidly losing control. Had I eaten some aphrodisiac mushroom? My cock swelled to bursting. I was going to cum! Wildly I stood, tore open my pants, pulled out my swollen member and fisted it. I didn't care if Selene or anyone else saw me. I had to do it! Immediately I began to ejaculate. Five times, huge contractions expelled long strings of cum from my swollen cock that arced out over the fire. With each jet I cried out because I was overcome with exquisite pleasure. Again and again I came. Soon I had nothing left to ejaculate but was still swept with waves of passion. I pulled my cock frantically trying cum one more time, in panting frustration that I had nothing left to squirt. Then, mysteriously, this sexual fit evaporated in an instant and I found myself on trembling legs, barely able to stand, ringing the last oozes of cum from my rapidly softening penis. Selene rose quietly.

"I have enjoyed spending time with you, Kerr. I hope we will meet again soon." And then she turned and was gone. My fire died.

You can imagine my confusion. She left me gasping, my pants around my ankles. After she was gone my pleasure turned to terror. Selene knew what had happened! Selene had caused it! Who was this woman? She wasn't a woman. She was a creature in the shape of a woman, a very powerful creature, something outside this world. She could control my emotions. If she could do this to me, what else might she do? If she could make me feel such intense pleasure, she could certainly make me feel pain at the same intensity. I crawled into my sleeping bag but could not sleep. I lay trembling. I knew I had to leave the valley. Only outside the valley would I be safe. I would have to wait for morning and then I would escape, leaving behind whatever I could, so I could travel fast. I wondered if she would let me go. What did she want? Why had she approached me? At the moment I felt she might shortly reappear, tear off my arms and legs and eat them. I was a miserable victim for whom flight was the only hope. Tomorrow I might die. I fell asleep.

In the morning when I woke I knew I was not going to die. I remembered. Before she took control of me, cast her sexual spell, this witch, alien or angel in female form told me she liked me. And because Selene liked me she had given me this bizarre gift of mind sex. But she hadn't understood how I would feel about this gift. She wanted to please me, but instead Selene's power had terrified me. Did she know how I felt? I didn't think so. Selene hadn't wanted to frighten me. She wanted to seduce me. I had to find her again. She said she hoped I would visit her. I set out, climbing toward Cloud Peak where she said she had camped.

After I had walked for an hour I came to the place where the walls of Cloud Peak rose out of the valley. There was nothing but a sheer grey wall enclosing a meadow full of flowers. I had seen no sign of Selene's camp, but I did not expect to. A creature like Selene would not need a tent. I sat in the meadow and rested, watching high cloud islands drift westward. I thought she might be gone. Then the next moment I knew she wasn't gone because I sensed her presence. I began to feel tumbling emotions, anxiety and excitement. I felt weak and I trembled with a longing to see her. Selene appeared. Just appeared. She was not wearing her grey cloak. She was naked and barefoot. Her body was perfect. Again, I thought she seemed like a doll. Her skin was pale and unblemished and her sex was small and hairless like a girl's. It disturbed me to see that her hair had changed color. It was no longer silver but violet, even her eyebrows. She smiled at me, a warm smile. She was pleased to see me.

" I am going mate with you." Selene did not speak these words aloud, but I heard them as though she had. The words told me what she was going to do, but they also told me it would be pointless for me to resist.

"Wait Selene. I want you to understand some things. I want to explain some things to you because I am afraid of you. You are very powerful. I am afraid you may damage me though you do not intend to do so." A thoughtful look appeared on Selene's face and she examined me for some time before she responded.

"Take off your clothes and I will listen." I did as I was told.

"Selene, you meant to show me that you liked me last night, didn't you?"

"Yes. Did you like the way you felt?"

"Selene, for my kind, for humans, those feelings usually arise slowly out of other emotions. We spend time together and then we are attracted and we see that the other person has similar feelings. This may take some time. We become intimate, feel closeness. We feel what we call love and then we enjoy together the feelings gave me last night. What I felt last night confused and frightened me because it came from nowhere. I did not know you. We had no love."

"I see," said Selene. She looked at me steadily as though reading something in my eyes. I felt a strange wave and went into a dream.

I seemed to be outside naked, looking at stars in a night sky. The air was warm. A deep sense of peacefulness swept over me and all fear and tension melted away. I felt them go like a bird flying away. Now close, then farther and farther away, and then gone. As if a wind swept me up and carried me, I began to fly. I soared. While I flew, I felt hands touching me gently. I felt them everywhere. Many, many hands. They gently touched my eyes, my face, my legs and feet, all of me. I felt comforted, safe. My heart filled with a pure, unmistakable rush of love. I was swept away in a cascade of emotion. My eyes filled with tears and I cried out because the love was so powerful. No sound came from my mouth. Then I saw Selene's face. She was close to me. I wanted to touch her face but I could not move my arms. I was in a dream and my arms had forgotten how to move. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to tell her that I loved her, but I could not make myself speak. She smiled at me and I experienced the sensations I felt when I was a child and my mother took me lovingly in her arms and hugged me. I felt as though my heart would break. Tears came and ran down my face. Then the dream changed.

I seemed to go down through a short, dark tunnel and then I was in a shadowy room. There was a bed, and on the bed a man and woman were fucking. I could see them and I moved close to the bed to see them better. They were not aware of me. The man was on top and held himself up with his arms while pushed himself into her. I could hear their breathing, the sounds they made as they struggled against each other. The woman's legs were locked around him so she could draw him in. Bodies gleamed with perspiration. She urged him on, telling him how good she felt and repeatedly demanding that he fuck her harder. He paid attention only to his own feelings and the rhythm of driving in and then withdrawing to plunge inside again. I was excited by the fact that I could watch them having sex, and they could not see me. My penis became hard and I held it in my hand. I bent down so I could closely watch his cock penetrate her cunt. She was wet and his cock glistened with her slipperiness. I wanted to touch her cunt. And then I was in another room. A naked, dark-haired woman crouched in an armchair fucking herself with a huge purple penis. Her legs were spread wide and I could see her large hairy cunt. I watched her push the big dildo in and then withdraw it. Sometimes she took it out and masturbated awhile with her fingers before putting it back inside. Watching her excited me, though she also disgusted me. She had large breasts and she looked back at me as I watched. She did not seem disturbed at all that I was a voyeur. She seemed to enjoy my excitement. She grimaced and grunted as she fucked herself. I thought about asking her to suck me. Then the woman disappeared and a girl came to me out of the shadows. She smirked and began to undress while I watched. I thought she was too young, that I shouldn’t watch. But I watched. When she was naked she let me look at her slim body and young breasts. Then she came to me and took my penis in her hand. When she touched it, my penis began to grow. It wasn't just that it became long. It grew massive and heavy, and as it grew I raged with lust. It was like an arm that grew out from between my

legs. The girl stroked and licked my huge cock with her soft tongue and then she turned from me, and bent from the waist inviting me to enter her from behind. I could see the lips of her sex pressed between her thighs. I was in a rage. I approached her and pushed the head of my grotesque engine against those tender lips. I got the head inside her. I cared nothing for this girl. I cared only that I get this cock inside and satisfy the lust that tormented me. I grasped her hips and forced myself roughly into her. Inch by inch my iron dick distended her hole and disappeared. Instead of complaining or screaming, the girl turned her head and smiled at me as I drove myself into her. I toiled in torment and then mysteriously and impossibly my cock was accepted and I pushed it all the way up inside. I howled like some hell creature when I had stuffed this little whore. I knew I would destroy her, tear her apart if I fucked her, and I cared not at all. I wanted to destroy her. I gripped her with a terrible strength and drew her to me, pushing my fantastic organ so far into her that I expected she would split like a melon. My little whore only turned to me again and stuck out her tongue at me, taunting me. "I am going to fuck you to death, you little bitch!" I roared and I bludgeoned her narrow sex again and again with my monstrous organ. I would kill her. It could come out of her mouth and she could choke on it for all I cared. I began to cum, not once but continuously, rapturously filling her tight little cunt with a sea of fuck. As I pounded her, white cum overflowed her sex, oozing from her and dangling in long stringy gobs between her legs before falling to the ground. Still I came. I was superman and she was my possession. I did with her as I wished. I was a goat.