In This Iseai All My Girlfriends Are Ip Violations

Aiden, Kyute and Luz stood before the door leading into Room 49.

"Okay," Kyute said. "The girl beyond's name is Thirsha. Her kinks are-"

"Shh," Aiden said.

"Huh?" Kyute blinked. Her little fairie wings fluttered. "But-"

"Shhhhhh," Aiden said, putting his finger on her lips.

"...ohhh!" Kyute said, drawing back slightly, grinning impishly. "I getcha. You dicked me, so you already got my superpowers. Which means you already know everything I'd know with my love fairie senses." She pointed her fingers at her temples.

"No," Aiden said, shaking his head. "No, Kyute." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't get people's powers by

dicking

them."

"Yeah!" Luz said. Then her cheeks darkened. "T-The dicking does help a little, sometimes. It depends."

"It's all about treating people with humanity. Compassion. Treating them like they're people - not just puppets and simulacra made for my own entertainment," Aiden said, gesturing between himself and his girlfriend. "By going against the assumptions of the dipshits who made this pocket universe, we're all getting ahead. So, do you know what's a

really

dehumanizing, shitty thing to do to some stranger you haven't even met yet?" He pointed at the door, and the girl beyond it. "Stalking her, and using magical powers to determine her

kinks

and her

likes

and

dislikes

before you even say hello, then using those to

manipulate her

into

fucking you

."

Kyute looked at him in pure incomprehension. Her brow furrowed. She opened her mouth. Closed it.

"I don't get it," she said, shaking her head, her wings drooping.

Luz snapped her fingers. "He's doing a challenge run to poon!" she exclaimed. "For bonus points."

"Oooooooooh!" Kyute said, nodding slowly. "The challenge run is actually falling in love and shit, I getcha. And the extra points are powers." She made finger guns. "Bam bam, got it. Have fun running a solo train down to aussy town!"

"Aussy? Luz whispered.

"Don't-" Aiden started.

"Autistic pussy, duh!" Kyute said.

"All right, that's enough of Kyute for the rest of this chapter, possibly, the rest of this entire narrative," Luz said, grabbing onto the lithe fairie's arm. "Come on. Come on. We're going."

"But-"

"We're

going

!" Luz shot one last smile back over her shoulder, then yanked Kyute around the corner.

Aiden took hold of the door's knob, breathed in to settle himself, then stepped inside. The room itself was one of the many set aside for...ostensibly studying, but considering the deeply pornographic nature of this "high school" (populated entirely by fuckable and just barely legal eighteen year olds), it was entirely possible that these rooms existed purely to provide private, quiet places for students to get their fuck on. Considering the last time Aiden set foot in one, he had found Romeo plowing Juliette and Rosaline at the same time, he was pretty confident in this assumption.

Fortunately, this room had only two people in it. The first was a white haired, ethereally beautiful woman with a fine boned face and a kind of complex, technologically anachronistic headset on her head. Her fingers twitched as she cocked her head to the side, operating and manipulating things that no one else but she could see. The other girl was hunched over in the corner, thumbing through a large book. She had raven black hair that tumbled down her narrow shoulders and two pointed, elfin ears peeked out from the glossy lines. She was dressed in a kind of ribbed leather jacket, with a complex, bone-capped latching around her throat, like a rather outre piece of gothy paraphernalia.

"Uh, Thirsha?" Aiden asked.

The white haired girl lifted her hand - then pointed at the black haired girl. "That's her," she said, dryly.

"Oh, uh, hello!" Aiden said, stepping over. The black haired girl lifted her eyes up to him. They were bright blue and slitted like a cat's. She had shockingly pale skin and, up close, Aiden could see that her ears weren't

pointed

like an elf's. They were curved and ribbed with the same structure and shape as a

bat's

ears, save without fur or fluff. The tips twitched and the whole ear swiveled slightly to listen more closely to him as the girl cocked her head. Her eyes flicked to look into his eyes, then back to the book.

Thirsha's voice was husky, deeper than he expected. "What do you want?"

"Uh, to talk?"

"Okay," she said, then closed the book. Then she stood up.

And up.

And

up

.

Aiden took a step back - not quite out of fear, but more simply so he could keep his eyes on her face. Thirsha was

tall

, easily topping seven feet, maybe more. She was thin and long limbed, and as she turned to face him, her leathery jacket slid from her shoulders and unfurled outwards into a pair of bat-wings that looked like they could reach either side of the room. She crossed her arms over her chest and frowned. "What do you want to talk about?" she asked, a bracelet glinting around her wrist - the only sign of adornment that Aiden had seen on her.

"...whoa," Aiden whispered.

"I'm tall," Thirsha said, dryly.

Aiden smiled at her. "I can see that!" he said, chuckling. "Uh, do you know which, um, fictive world you're from?"

"Do you?" Thirsha asked.

"I'm from Earth Prime, I'm...Aiden," Aiden said, his ears perking up.

"Oh," Thirsha said, blinking. Her eyes swept along him slowly. "I thought Aiden was human. You don't smell human. Or look human."

Aiden grinned, weakly. "I kinda got transmogrified by unexpected exposure to alternate universes energies. I saw a giant koala, it was a whole thing."

"...what was it eating?" Thirsha asked, cocking her head to the side.

"The koala?" Aiden asked. He scratched his jaw, trying to remember the hazy, horrifying images that had unfolded in his mind as he had struggled for coherence and comprehension while within the depths of the Manifold. "Nothing, really. It just smiled at me."

"Huh. Must have been happy to see you," Thirsha said, then shook her head slightly. Her fingers went to her hair, brushing it back behind her ear. "So, here to add me to your harem?"

"Only if you want," Aiden said, sliding his hands into his pockets. "I mean, obviously, I can't just snap my fingers and order you."

"Sure you could," Thirsha said. "I'd just rip your head off if you tried."

Aiden chuckled. He hadn't really heard a

joke

in her voice. "I like you!" he said, nodding. "Definitely want to ask you out on a date. Which, you know, is why I'm here! To ask you on a date. Cause, again, can't just order you into my harem."

"Oh my god," the white haired girl thumped her head backwards, thumping it into the wall. Aiden ignored her.

Thirsha's arms were still crossed over her chest. "What kind of date?"

Aiden paused. Movies? He considered her obviously acute senses and discarded that idea - who wanted to sit in a dark box full of other people and loud noises and bright lights? A walk in the park? Kind of staid for a date. But possible. Then his brain threw up the idea of-

"How about the zoo? He asked.

Thirsha brightened. "When?"

"Why not now?" Aiden asked, spreading his hands. "It's not like we have a ton of homework, right?"

Thirsha considered. "Some. But I can do it later." She bit her lip, before looking out the window, as if she was measuring the distance between the horizon and the sun. Her eyes narrowed and her ears twitched upwards - swiveling to face him in attentive excitement. "...okay."

"You two are just...adorable," the white haired girl said, drawing a picture frame with her fingers. "Absolutely nova."

"Shut up, Lucy," Thirsha said, earning a middle finger from...well, from Lucy, Aiden supposed.

***

Aiden hadn't been sure if Dimension City had had a zoo until he googled it. Fortunately for him and any plans for romance, it not only had a zoo, it had a

huge

zoo. It was simply named Dimension City Zoo, once again underlining the slapdashed nature of this place's construction, and there was quite a crowd heading inside. Thirsha frowned and rubbed her shoulders with her hands as they came to the entrance. She had changed from her school uniform to a black T-shirt and jean shorts, which showed off the length and strength of her thighs, knees and calves. Her skin remained as pale everywhere on her body, Aiden noticed.

"You okay?" He asked.

"I don't like people," Thirsha said, flatly.

"In groups or in general?" Aiden asked.

Thirsha shrugged, as if to say 'is there a difference' as they walked up to the front ticket booth, to find it operated by an extremely bored looking black woman and her bright, preppy, purple haired partner - a white guy.

"Welcome to the zoo," the black woman said.

"It's zoo-arific!" the white guy said. Then he elbowed his partner. "Come on, perk up Becky."

"Ugh, I hate my fake made up new name, it sucks!" Becky said, throwing up her hands. "I'm called

Becky

, for crying out loud!"

Aiden coughed, getting their attention. Thirsha leaned forward, having to bend almost in half to be seen by the pair of them. "Tickets," she said.

"Whoa, you're tall," Becky whispered.

"Here are your tickets, sir! Ma'am!" the purple haired guy said, giving them a salute as Aiden took the tickets into the zoo. "Have fun petting the animals. Except for the ones you're not meant to pet! Don't! Pet! Those!"

Aiden and Thirsha walked through the entrance and into the zoo itself. The enclosures were sprawling and beautiful - each one delicately and accurately recreating some piece of terrain or biome or another, and all of them were remarkably impressive: There was a sprawling jungle biome, there was a hissing volcanic fissue that looked as if it had real lava, there was a prairie and savanna that seemed to stretch on forever. Thirsha smiled, actually smiled, as she stepped to the jungle biome, then gasped softly. Her hand went to her mouth, then she pointed. "Look, Aiden, look!"

Aiden, in his short time with her, had never seen Thirsha look so excited before. He jogged to the railing circling around the edge of the jungle biome and tried to follow her finger, tilting his head to actually put his head underneath her hand. It wasn't hard, considering how tall she was. His eyes narrowed as he spied the sleeping looking panther that was sprawled on the ground, next to several other, equally as sleepy panthers.

Then he noticed the tentacles tucked against their shoulder-blades and the extra set of legs in their midsection...

Aiden blinked as he looked down at the small placard on the railing and saw that this enclosure contained between 4-12 Legally Distinct Holographic Projection Quasi-Panthers.

"I don't think you need to throw legally distinct in there," Aiden muttered before a rustling crack of leathery wings and a sudden breeze almost knocked him over. Before he knew it, Thirsha was landing among the LDHPQPs and kneeling down. Her hand unerringly found the real panther, petting his head - the dimpling and ruffling of his fur being repeated on each of the copies. It was part of a self defense mechanism, used by the LDHPQPs: They would displace their image several yards away from where they actually were, meaning that people had a pretty good chance of hitting one of their illusions, rather than themselves.

Aiden saw several zoo people hurrying forward. One of them, a burly fellow with a rather fearsome facial scar and impressive alien nose ridges that meant he was

some

alien species or another from a budget conscious TV show. "Hey!" he shouted. "Hey! Get outta there! Those aren't tame kittens you can just pet! Those are fearsome, feral...huh..." He trailed off as the LDHPQP rolled onto his back, all six of his arms splooting outwards to expose as much belly as possible.

"Don't worry," Aiden said. "She's got a thing for animals. Also, she's like...nine feet tall and can fly. I think she'll be okay."

"And what about you!?" The scarred man snapped as Aiden swung his legs over.

"Uh, I've got all the powers of a legally distinct Kryptonian, and rune magic," Aiden said. "And I'm a protagonist!" Then he dropped into the enclosure and jogged towards Thirsha.

Thirsha scritched the beast right at his jaw, and several displaced images all purred at once. Aiden knelt down and smiled. "Can I pet him too?" He asked. At her nod, he began to rub the creature's belly. "So, uh...you know, for most people, this isn't a petting zoo." Thirsha lifted her head, scowling at him - but then she blinked as she saw Aiden's wry smile. "Fortunately, I'm not most people. And neither are you."

Thirsha nodded. She regarded the beast. "My father, Garicaus, was an explorer. He found my mother in the land of Zhon - where the ancient Kandrians once lived, before the Cataclysm. Well. I suppose they lived everywhere before the Cataclysm. But that land was struck the least viciously - so it had the most Kandrian artifacts left." She lifted her wrist, showing him the bracelet. "My father gave this me, when he abdicated and left the Empire behind."

"Your father...was...also an Emperor?" Aiden asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Mage Emperor of Darien, yes," she said.

"How much of this got edited for this place?" Aiden asked, gesturing around himself.

"None," Thirsha said. "The company that created us went bankrupt in the Earth-Prime's early 'oguhts."

"Oh!" Aiden said. "Bankruptcy and time - the great equalizers."

Thirsha cocked her head.

"Romeo and Juliette are a part of the school too, cause, you know. Shakespeare. No need to change the name," Aiden said. He smirked. "Think we'll have to keep them from killing each other stupidly?

Thirsha shook her head. "No," she said. "If they die, they die, that's all."

Aiden snorted.

"Thirsha!"

The voice that boomed out was male, deep, and extremely furious. It had 'dad' or maybe 'older brother' threaded through it like chains of steel and made Thirsha clench her jaw and pin her ears back. She lifted her head up, glaring at the crowd that was backing away from a towering figure that had emerged. He was tall, broad shouldered, muscular, with brown hair and a clean shaven features that matched his still relatively youthful features. He was holding in one hand an ice cream cone, and wearing a T-shirt that proclaimed to the world I CAME TO THE DIMENSION CITY ZOO AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT. Next to him was standing Tom Hiddleston, eating his own ice cream cone, a scepter with a red gemstone in his other hand.

"Great," Thirsha muttered. "My asshole older brother. And my asshole younger brother?"

"Your younger brother is Loki?" Aiden asked.

"Lokken, actually," Tom Hiddleston said. "In the original game, I'm a lot uglier, but, hey, new dimension, new rules." He shrugged. "Thirsha, what are you doing in there?"

"None of your business, necromancer," Thirsha snapped - what sounded like years of family animosity boiling over all at once.

Lokken looked wounded. "Thirsha! I'm also an illusionist. Any pyromancer. And-"

"And you can't boss me around either, Elsin!" Thirsha said, glaring at the frowning brunette. "You don't get to run my life anymore."

"Run your-" Elsin spluttered as Lokken continued to casually lick his ice cream cone. "Run your life!? I'm just looking out for you, Thirsha! You're

in

a displacer-"

"Uh, they're not displacer beasts, those are copyrighted!" Aiden said, quickly.

"You're in a pit with dangerous, evil creatures!" Elisn shouted.

"They're not dangerous!" Thirsha said, ducking her head aside as the pantherlike creature she had been petting swiped a clawed paw at her head. The claws were

mostly

retracted, but the sound of cloven air made it clear that the 'love bap' had the strength to sprain bones bones and crunch cartilage. "Stop trying to be

Dad

!"

"I'm the eldest!"

"It's true, he is," Lokken muttered. "He is very much Dad."

More commotion came as the crowd shifted aside. Another came to the railing - this one was a girl, with similarly long, dark hair as Thirsha. Her skin was just as

originally

pale, but unlike Thirsha, she had clearly been out tanning a lot. Her ears were equally as exotic and strange, spanning out into the finned sweep of something aquatic and fishlike. She was wearing a pair of sunglasses and a T-shirt that said I'M WITH STUPID, which currently aimed at Lokken. "Hey, Thirsha! I didn't know you were going to the zoo too!"

"Fuck off, Kirenna!" Thirsha snapped.

"

Rude

," Kirenna muttered.

"Rude!?" Thirsha sprang to her feet. "You colonized Zhon!"

"Are we still mad about that?" Kirenna asked, her accent definitely valley-girl met fantasy Italian.

"Lets not get into a debate about who colonized who," Elsin said as Thirsha gnashed her teeth.

"Yeah! Cause there is no debate, it was her!" she pointed her finger at Kirenna.

"Now, Thirsha, dear," Lokken said, with the tone of voice of someone who enjoyed watching sandcastles crumble and children cry. "...Elsin helped."

"Lokken..." Elsin growled.

"If you weren't going to civilize your people-" Kirenna muttered, flipping her hair with one finger.

"Civilize this, you...you mer-bitch!" Thirsha shouted.

"Guys!" Aiden said.

"Mer-bitch, cute, who was it who spends her whole day rolling around with

drakes

. Not even dragons,

drakes

. It wasn't me, I know what a

bath

is," Kirenna said, her voice snide and dripping venom.

"Guys!" Aiden said, louder.

"Imagine being so impossibly primitive that you use

water

to bathe yourself," Lokken murmured, dryly, flicking his finger - a glowing shimmer surrounded his finger and a tiny bit of ice cream that had dripped onto his impeccable bright red suit vanished. "You do know that magic

exists

, right?"

"Lokken, what have I told you about casting cantrips!" Elsin barked. "Thirsha! Get out of there right now."

"Oh go-"

"GUYS!" Aiden shouted, stepping physically between the four siblings, holding up his hands. "...what the fuck kind of thing did you say you were from again?" He looked at Thirsha. She blinked.

"Real time strategy game," she said.

"Yeah! Okay! That

fucking

tracks!" Aiden said, looking back at the other three, glaring daggers. "So! We are not doing this here. We're going to talk about this

like adults

and then we'll all go on our seperate ways." He took Thirsha's hand in his and then focused. Tactile telekinesis was one part of being an off market superman, so it meant he could just fly up, then sail down, carrying Thirsha with him via her hand and her hand alone without, say, wrenching her arm out of her socket or dragging her along awkwardly. He landed before Elsin, Lokken and Kirenna, and found that whatever it was that Garicaus had been feeding his kids, it had made them all fucking huge. The Lokken was his exact height. Elsin, up close, towered overhead, while Kirenna was only a little bit shorter than him, making her the shortest of the group - and that still made her tall for most girls.

"So," Aiden said. "I'm Aiden."

"What are you doing with my sister?" Elsin asked, frowning.

"We're on a date," Aiden said.

"A

date

," Elsin's voice was dangerous. "My sister is the daughter of the Mage Emperor himself, one of the bearers of the Legacies of the Kandarians, and you are taking her on a

date

to the zoo like some common wench?"

"You did notice our modern milieu right?" Aiden gestured to the skyscrapers surrounding the zoo, finding himself getting irritated despite his attempt to stay calm in the face of family troubles. "Besides, shouldn't she get to say who she goes on a date with or not?"

Thirsha let out a harrumph and nodded.

"Thirsha once got swindled out of a month's allowance by a hide the red bead cup game," Kirenna said, dryly.