In Over His Head

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It was still dark in the morning twilight. Only the barest hint of a lightening sky far on the horizon of the mostly still black sea as they passed the harbor betrayed the coming dawn. The air was quite chilly for Edovan, and when the wind blew, it cut right through him. He pulled the hood of his coat up (Yagaritte had procured one for him, about ten sizes too big, along with a worn scarf he hadn't had time to retrieve before being dragged out of the Boar). He crossed his arms and shivered. Staanovaar seemed unaffected.

"Those girls are something else, aren't they?" he grinned down at Edovan as they slowed their strides to a normal pace, safely out of the Boar's sight. "I almost didn't think we'd get out of there alive!" he joked, chuckling. His eyes were laughing like they were best friends who'd run away together after pulling a prank on a cranky farmer. Even though they had barely met, the huge Nord had a very easy going vibe about him that made you feel like you had known him for years. Edovan felt instantly relaxed.

"I'm getting used to it," Edovan sighed. "To be perfectly honest, I have to admit that part of me..." he paused briefly, choosing his words thoughtfully. "...kind of likes the attention... but the rest of me wonders if things will ever go back to normal..." he trailed off.

"Oh, I don't think it will ever be normal at the Boar.. or maybe that is normal? I mean they've been like that every time I've stopped by for the last three years." He grinned at Edovan again. He seemed to be ALWAYS grinning. It made you want to grin back.

"Oh my. I can't imagine!" Edovan said earnestly. "I've only experienced this for a few days... Before that, I used to wonder if I had accidentally made myself invisible, but only to women," he only half-joked.

At their slower pace now, they were walking side by side through the wide, darkened, snow covered empty streets. At this hour very few people had begun to stir, and certainly most of them would still be in their homes, having coffee and breakfast like normal folks. It snowed every night here. Even in the summer. The main difference was the sun would come out and melt it all off in few hours. In the winter time it would just accumulate until shoveled into piles by work details made of prisoners of the city watch.

"Really? But you're a mage, right? Aren't you really smart? I thought that was what women liked. Really smart guys..." he exclaimed, brow furrowed. Staan's voice trailed off with just the tiniest hint of sadness. It was baffling to Edovan. Of course he was "really smart," incredibly intelligent, if he had to be honest. But in his experience it had never translated into female attention. In fact, it had been mostly the opposite for him. Possibly Nords were different? It made a certain sense, in that large, burly, not so bright men were in no short supply around here. He remembered the twin's words from the night before.

"There are over 33 young, attractive women at the boar, 33 big hungry kitties... and for some inexplicable reason nearly every single one of them wants you, little mouse, inside of them... in one way... or another..."

Was his level of intellect so rare that all the women flocked to him for it? As they neared the edge of town he pondered this. It was only slightly plausible, he supposed. He felt like he was trying to put together one of those puzzles they used to play with back in Magicka school with all the little pieces made of wood or stone or metal, that when arranged properly formed a three dimensional shape of an animal or creature and could be made to animate for short periods of time before self disassembling. The only issue right now was, he was trying to make the Dragon using pieces from the Dreugh King. No matter how many you had or how much you tried, they were never going to fit.

Edovan thoughts were suddenly distracted, though, as he became more aware of the town unfolding around them as they walked. Its unique design and architecture was one of the reasons he had wanted to come here, outside of how remote and inaccessible it was. It was nestled into a small valley just below forbidding mountains, one of which was a still steaming but long dormant volcano. Most the town was very vertical, with the only non-sloped portion along the black sand beach and port.

The current town was small compared to the size of the ancient Dwemer remains it was built literally on top of. It was theorized the Dwemer had built a facility of some kind here in order to the harness the power of the naturally occurring hot springs and steam vents. Nearly fully functional Dwemer buildings, all square and strange metals, and covered with huge black metal pipes leaking steam, still rose above the many longer and lower Nord structures, which were mostly log-hewn with the occasional cut stone keep jutting upward. They were older than anyone knew and only partially explored and co-opted by the city's engineers, who had figured out enough of the upper levels to make full use of the steam, hot water, and hot air that was coursing throughout the many ancient pipes that criss-crossed through and under the town.

It was fascinating to Edovan that here, in this remote corner of the world, they lived such advanced lives compared to the rest of Tamriel. Only the vast and dangerous travel distances and the bitter cold kept the city from becoming any bigger than it already was. It was an amazing thing to have, but Edovan had a theory of his own. He believed the many pipes and vents carrying hot water and hot air and steam out of the Dwemer ruins and into the city proper were actually originally for exhaust and heat exchange of some kind, and all the energy and heat they provided was simply a side benefit. Whatever the Dwemer had hidden deep in their enormous facility needed a massive amount of cooling for some reason. It could be anything, a gigantic but dormant fire creature, a magicka reactor, even the volcano itself! If only he could find a way into the deeper levels...

"Eddo... hey, you okay?" Staanovaar's voice interrupted his reverie. The huge Nord had taken a knee and was looking down intently into his face, with more than a little concern.

"Oh sorry... I got lost in my thoughts for a bit," Edovan admitted, smiling at the Nord gently.

"Those must be some pretty big thoughts..." he said curiously. Staan was still grinning, through his concern, but Edovan detected the same wistfulness he had heard in his voice earlier.

"I was just thinking about the city... and all the technology the Dwemer left behind. You don't realize how lucky you are here. I've been to quite a few places, and I can assure you that the rest of the rest of the world has no such thing as an endless supply of steam and hot air and hot water," Edovan said thoughtfully.

"I guess I never thought of that before..."

It was Edovan's turn to lift Staan's spirits.

"I know you may find this hard to believe Staanovaar, but in the rest of the world, we actually have to heat all our water... on a fire.." Edovan said, deadpan.

"What? Every time?"

"Yes. Every single time," Edovan assured him.

"That's crazy... it's like... it's like you're ALWAYS camping!" Staanovaar exclaimed. He seemed a bit too excited at that prospect.

"Yes, something like that."

They resumed their travels as Staan chuckled at the thought of living in the most advanced city in the world. He honestly had no clue his small little town was so advanced, but the thought of camping all the time didn't seem so bad either...

"So Edovan... I have to ask you this question. Because me and a bunch of the others are dying to know. HOW did you manage to get Margara to let you LIVE at the boar?" Staanovaar asked him after they had continued on.

Edovan looked confused, then thoughtful. "I don't know... I mean they just asked, gave me a room of my own... I mean, it's not much, and I have to pay for it. It's not free..." he admitted. He had never really thought about it beyond the fact that they were kind to him and he was immensely grateful to them for it, but Staan was right. It wasn't like he was paying more rent than anyone else.

"No man has EVER been allowed to live there. Not even Mint. Not since Margara's husband got himself killed all those years ago... but that was before my time." Staanovaar said.

That didn't seem right in Edovan's mind. No man? Did that mean they didn't think of him as a man? Or perhaps the twins were right... maybe he was more of a pet... or worse... food! He suddenly had a crazy thought in his head that Margara was fattening him up to feed to Mavka, but then logical brain took over again before Lizard brain could get all happy at the thought of being "eaten." There was no way that's what was happening... right?

"That can't be right. It's an inn, isn't it? There are men staying there right now in some of the rooms. I saw them," Edovan said, trying to work through the strange ideas that were running through his head.

"Yeah," Staan agreed. "But they don't live there. Nobody can afford it. Every extra night you stay at the Boar the fee TRIPLES. And it doesn't start out cheap. Everyone says it's the only way she can rotate the clientele, because people really would live there if they could..."

"But that's an easy solution. You just stay two or three nights then get a room at ano---"

Staanovaar cut him off. "Nah you can't. Once you end a stay, you can't get another room for a months... and that's only if you are lucky. They are booked solid year round."

Edovan let that sink in a bit. It was yet another mystery to solve, but one he would have to look into later.

They were leaving the closed-in, largely vertical part of the city, and were headed across one of the many high stone bridges that lead across various rivers and streams that plunged over high waterfalls to the black sea below. There was squat stone keep ahead that was functional, obviously well-used, if not anything spectacular to look at. There were huge red banners hanging from the ramparts, decorated with crossed swords with a huge hammer in the middle looming behind them. He knew this place. But last time he had never gotten past the front gate.

"This is the fighters guild..." Edovan said, his voice laced with dread.

"Yeah," Staan agreed. "That's who I work for. And you, too, now. As of today!" Staan clapped him hard on the back, in joyous camaraderie, but the blow nearly knocked the air from his lungs.

When Edovan got his wind back after a few seconds, he countered.

"But they already turned me down. I came here when I first landed, and they sent me away."

Edovan's face flushed at the memory of their mocking words.

"Who sent you away?" Staan seemed genuinely perplexed that anyone would treat his new little friend so rudely.

"The guards at the gate," Edovan said, waving his arm vaguely in the direction of the gate, though he couldn't make out the faces of the guards currently stationed there.

"Those guys? Pay no attention to them. The gate guards are knuckleheads. It's the lowest duty we have. They have no say, anyway. Besides, you... you are vouched for by one of our highest ranking officers. And personally requested. Our bylaws state that means you are automatically accepted," Staanovaar said, nodding down at Edovan.

They were nearing the gate now. Close enough that Edovan could recognize both of his tormentors from earlier. Apparently they were still on gate duty, their positions having not improved since their last meeting.

"Those must be them by the look on your face," Staan observed. "Hey Eddo, let's have a little fun with them. What do you say?"

The tiny Bosmer's brows arched and raised at the prospect, but then quickly furrowed.

"Staan. Do me a favor? Don't say anything about it?" Edovan said flatly, looking at the ground.

"Seriously? But they deserv-"

Edovan cut him off. "I know they do, and I appreciate your enthusiasm for payback, especially on my behalf, but if I'm really joining the guild today... I'd rather not make needless enemies of those who could be my allies.

Staan scratched his head in wonder at the small Bosmer. He had never expected words like that to come from someone who looked barely old enough to have hairs on his chin (not that Edovan had any). The little guy was full of surprises.

"Sure, Eddo. If that's what you think is best..."

Edovan smiled gratefully up at the huge Nord, and that was the end of it.

They proceeded through the main gate, past the two guards, who were staring at Edovan in disbelief (And though Edovan would never admit it aloud, to see those faces with their mouths agape as they passed gave him no small amount of pride)

But Edovan had no time to think about them. He was suddenly drawn out of his thoughts as the sounds of some sort of large scale battle crashed over them suddenly as they neared the end of the passage. Edovan was no fool. He'd been around enough city watches and soldier camps to know the difference between the rhythmic organized sounds of a fighter's drilling, and... whatever was going on up ahead.

There was a large crowd of heavily armed, if not all heavily armored Nords inside the keep, and they were forming a huge circle in the sparring yard. Edovan, being small and Nords not being small at all, they were completely blocking his view.. But he could hear swords clanging off shields and the sounds of people giving and receiving pain like they actually meant it.

"Uh oh. Looks like Mountains has issued another challenge," Staan whispered down to the small Bosmer as he lead the way into the crowd, trying to get a better view. He gestured for him to follow. He was speaking to Edovan, but his eyes were clearly focused on the action, even then as he ushered Edovan to the front of the crowd. He positioned himself behind him protectively, using his arms as a shield against the crowd when it surged around them, keeping Edovan in a small, safe Bosmer-sized bubble.

"Mount--?" Edovan began to ask, but he stopped, words caught in his throat as the ground fell out from underneath him and he found himself, quite effortlessly, hoisted onto Staan's broad shoulder. His gratefulness was completely eclipsed by how mortified he felt to be in this embarrassing position, but he needn't have worried. Where they were, on the outside of the circle, not one single eye was focused in his direction. He might as well have been a bull netch in a royal ball gown, so focused was everyone on the spectacle inside the circle of huge warriors.

The object of their attention was tall, taller even than Staan, and nearly as tall as Yagaritte. But while Yagaritte was long, athletic and svelte, the huge blonde Nord woman in pigtails, crouched like a coiled spring, was as curvy as a woman could be and still be made of nearly solid muscle. She was also the darkest skinned Nord he'd ever seen. Yagaritte's skin, like most Nords, was snowy and creamy. In comparison, this woman's was a sun-kissed bronze, shimmering and golden, almost the same color as her strange armaments, oddly enough. Her face was like her body, beautiful, but hard, and covered with dirt, sweat, and spatters of blood. There was dark red warpaint in a band that went from one side of her face to the other, slashing across her huge ice blue eyes. She had high cheekbones, and full, pouty lips... that if relaxed would have appeared highly sensual, but at the moment were curled in a cocky sneer.

She had broad, strong shoulders, biceps of corded steel, thighs that looked like they could easily crush stone and... oh my. Mountains! Of course. It was very visibly obvious where that moniker came from. Her huge, heavy breasts were bigger even than La's! Lizard brain was gleefully pointing out that they were so big, nearly his whole upper half would fit between them. Logical brain was pretty sure he wouldn't live to enjoy it.

The sheer size of them strained credulity similarly to Yagaritte's height. They were strapped down as best they could be under a form fitting leather cuirass, with two huge Nordic steel rounded cups doing all the heavy lifting. But even from the far back, Edovan could tell it was strained to its breaking point as her... mountains... wobbled, jiggled and quivered with her every movement. It would have been absolutely mesmerizing... if four people hadn't been trying to take her down simultaneously.

She was in the middle of the circle, surrounded by three men and one other woman, all of whom were armed to the teeth and circling her at a wary distance. Edovan's sharp senses could see and feel their exhaustion. Despite the fact they outnumbered her four to one, none of them looked eager to charge back in again, instead content to bide their time and wait for her to make a move. She, on the contrary, looked like she could go all day. She was lightly armored aside from the steel cups, wearing leather shorts and fur boots and carried no visible weapon, just a small but sturdy buckler (Dwemer, possibly?) that was strapped to some kind of metal bracer of the same type of metal on her right upper arm. Her left arm had a similar bracer, but instead of a buckler, some sort of strange hook protruded over the back of her hand. It didn't look right for attacking purposes because of the way it was curved back towards her. Edovan guessed it was defensive in nature as well.

Then, she looked straight at him.

He didn't need keen senses to feel the burning beams of hatred she was trying to lance through him using just her eyes. He had never felt such rage. And just in case he wasn't sure she was looking at him, she pointed at him with her hook and made a very blatantly unmistakable motion across her throat.

Then several things happened at once, in seemingly slow motion.

First Edovan tried desperately to will himself to disappear, but failed miserably. Then, EVERYONE in the crowd turned in unison and looked straight at him, perched as he was, like a tiny Bosmer parrot on pirate Staan's broad shoulder. Despite his first wish of disappearing going unanswered, he tried it again, willing himself to be literally anywhere but here...

Then some of Mountains' opponents made the critical mistake of thinking she was distracted, and therefore leaving an opening. They were quite wrong.

The woman, a large but wiry Nord with short brown hair tied up in a bandana, lunged forward with the tip of her spear, wisely aiming at the back of the larger blonde's exposed calf in what should have been a brutal and crippling attack... and it would have been, had she been there to receive it. She had been crouched like a coiled spring, but the spring suddenly sprung and in a blurred flash, almost too fast for the eye to see, she had vaulted up and backwards, tucked briefly into a ball, and landed lightly on her feet behind her now very surprised, and suddenly defenseless opponent. Her thick leg hurtled out in an expansive arc, sweeping the other woman to the ground as her booted foot caught her ankles with such force she was literally thrown sideways to the ground on her face. The second she struck the ground, Mountains sprung on top of her, and a single blow to the back of her helmet from the dwemer buckler knocked her cold.

Then two men rushed her at once, the smaller with a pair of wicked axes, one in each hand, and the larger wielding an enormous great sword longer than Edovan was tall and at least 2 hands wide. She deftly blocked both of the axes, deflecting the blades with her buckler and bracers, then ducked and rolled under the huge but slow great sword, slicing through the air at the spot where she had been, that was now partially occupied by her first attacker. The swordsman realized his error in just enough time to turn the flat of his blade before it swept through the smaller man's guard. There was the sharp ring of steel on steel and a sickening crunch as the full weight of the massive blade easily tore the axe from his left hand and sent it flying into the crowd before slamming into the shoulder of his ally, spraying blood and sending him sprawling to ground.