I woke up Saturday morning and glanced out my window at the sun showering into my room. For once, I'm not waking up with a hangover. Wearing my boxers, I slid out of bed to use the bathroom not paying attention to the normal morning wood I wake up with as it pushes against my boxer shorts begging for attention.
Crossing the hall, I see Jayla in her room listening to music on her bed and I go to the bathroom closing the door. I wipe the sleep from my eyes, pee, and turn on the shower. As the water drips down my body, I start thinking of Marcee again. My heart skips a beat as I picture her face and think about our time together. I think of us as a couple and then I shake my head realizing that isn't going to happen. There is no way Mark can keep doing this. I have no idea what is going on in his head. Does he think of me like I think of Marcee? Does he even feel the same way that Marcee does? It's like they are two different people, but they aren't. It's all Mark.
I dry off and head back to my room wearing a towel around my waist. In my room, I notice I have a few texts from Mark that he sent in the middle of the night.
"I had a lot of fun last night"
"I hope you did too"
"I'm wondering if we can have lunch tomorrow. I want to talk"
My feelings come back, and I think about how I want to see her again. I want to go out again. I want to touch her again. I think about how it can't happen and my lips tense.
I respond with "I did! And yeah, we should talk."
I slap my forehead and realize this is just Mark and he's just making sure we can get a bite to eat. It's not Marcee. I toss my phone back on my bed and turn to look for something to wear. Jayla busts into my room and asks where the vacuum is. I just shrug and she rolls her eyes groaning closing my door again.
Since it's our day off, I get dressed in a t-shirt and some gym shorts noticing its almost time to meet Mark. I get in the car and just daydream on my way to our favorite bar. I pull in and I see his car parking just next to him. I get out and head inside. When I walk in, I freeze in my tracks. It's not Mark. It is Marcee! She sits at a table and glances over to me giving me a big smile and a waves like it is just a normal day. I take a minute to come back to reality, but I blink, I smile, and I start walking again wishing I dressed a little better.
She was wearing a simple blue tank top and a denim skirt. Her hair was back in a loose ponytail. She gleamed as she stared at me, and it felt so good to be around her again.
"Marcee? I'm surprised...I mean I thought you'd be... Mark."
She smiled and pulled a loose piece of her hair back behind her ear. She reached out and took my hands in her's. "Well, I'm the one who missed you. I wanted to see you again."
I got lost in her eyes for a moment and then my feelings rushed back into my head, and I felt like I was falling as I stared into her eyes.
"Can I ask you something? I ask.
"Of course. Is something wrong honey?" She asks noticing my posture change.
"No no... not wrong. But... confused? Maybe that is the way to say it? I mean when I'm with you, it's not like being with Mark. When I'm with Mark, it's not like being with you. But I have no idea how this is for you. Do you feel the same way as Mark as you do now?"
She looked down for just a minute and then back up to me. Her smile halfway melted away and I could tell she was getting upset and probably wrestled with this like me.
"Yeah, it's confusing. I know and I'm sorry. You didn't ask for this. It's really hard to explain. I mean, I'm always me. I have the same memories, mostly the same likes and dislikes, I can do the same things, but I'm in a different body. But being in a different body also affects how I think, how I feel, and how I act. I can tell you I've never thought men were 'attractive' before becoming Marcee. I've never thought you were attractive before, but I do now." She said wiping her cheek.
"What about when you turn back to Mark? Do you still find me attractive?"
"Honestly, no I don't. It's confusing. I feel like being Mark or Marcee makes me think differently. Differently about men, about trust, about sex, and lots of things."
I give her a contorted look as I try to process. I figured it made sense. Men and women do think differently in general ways. While it isn't the same for everyone, men and women have natural tendencies to do different things. There are things men or women are more likely to do. I figured Mark and Marcee are figuring that out.
"Look, I know it's hard to understand. I don't really get it myself." She turned and looked into her purse. She turned back to me taking my hand sliding something hard and plasticky into my palm.
"If you really want to know what it's like for me, you should think about trying it." She said and I looked finding a pink xChange pill in a little baggie in my hand.
I look up in shock and I close my hand knowing these aren't easy to find and they are quite expensive.
"But... I'm not... "
"Gay? Me either."
I lean back somewhat stunned by her statement. I never thought about whether Marcee was gay or straight. Mark was straight but he liked girls. Now Marcee likes boys, so it makes sense that also made her straight. Glancing down at the pill again, the idea settles in my head. I guess if I really wanted to see what Mark was going through, I should be willing to at least try it. Both Mark and Marcee were important to me, and I wanted to know more about what was happening.
"I've heard this thing has side effects like it'll be permanent if you do things or if you take it too much. Is that true?" I asked.
