My name is Steve and I am a time traveller.
Sounds like something an obtuse person would say, right? Well, I'm not dim-witted and I am telling the truth. I
am
a time traveller. I don't travel through time because I necessarily want to, or because I'm searching for something; I travel because I must, because I cannot help it. Believe me, I'd much rather stick around in the present and live my life, but every so often I find myself slipping out of focus and BAM, I'm in some strange place, either in the past or in the future.
It started when I was 5, and hasn't stopped now that I'm 36. Most doctors I met regarding my eccentric condition thought of me as a fraud, a prankster, or a joker. It was always the same inevitable conclusion with them: 'You're not serious,' 'You're wasting my fucking time,' 'I have better things to do.'
One doctor though believed me. I don't know why, but he did. And he's been trying to help me ever since. After numerous tests and experiments, he concluded that I had a genetic disorder that grants me this alien ability. It would be cool if I can control it, but I can't. It just happens, normally catching me by surprise. But over time, I've become adroit at telling when I'm about to skip time: usually I'm nauseated and dizzy for no apparent reason, and then it happens.
I am also married. You can imagine the strain this puts on my wife, Clare. We try as much as possible to live a normal life, but I can tell that she worries about my extraordinary journeys through the threads of time. It's not always safe when I time travel; I leave my clothes behind and end up meeting people in the past/future naked. They either: (a) run off and call the police, (b) chase me and throw things at me, or (c) haul me to the ground and beat me black and blue. So you imagine how it is for Clare β one minute I'm sitting right next to her, spruced and preoccupied with a book; the next minute I'm gone, my clothes and book and broken coffee mug in a pile. I return back to her (I always return to her) battered and weak. She agonises that one day I will not reappear, that I might be killed on one of these mysterious and unexpected time travels.
Clare and I met in a rather peculiar manner. I remember standing at a bus station years ago, anxious and angry at myself because I was late for a job interview, which I would have made had I not got drunk the previous night and forgot to set my alarm clock. So there I was, fidgeting and cursing under my breath when I unintentionally turned to my right and saw her. She had big brown eyes, wore a pink sweater, tight blue jeans and brown sandals. Her long brown hair was weaved into a ponytail. Those mesmerising brown eyes beheld me like I was something glorious that just dropped out of the sky. I knew I wasn't the best looking bloke in the station. I mean, I wasn't ugly, but I was no Brad Pitt either. Girls normally never turned their heads when I strolled by. So, understandably, I was shocked and wondering if she was actually staring at me. My eyes switched focus numerous times in search of some Adonis-like male standing close by, but all I saw were a couple of old geezers, a smelly beggar, and women.
Still, I couldn't wrap my head around the thought that she was looking at me. I tried to ignore her, of course. I faced front, kept my eyes on the road and mumbled to myself. The next time I turned to check on her she was inches away from me and all smiles.
'Steven!' She squealed and hugged me.
Stunned, I asked, 'Um ... do I know you?'
'Yes!' She said. 'No ... I mean, you will. In the future.'
I realised at that moment that I β at least, me from the future β had contacted her somehow. I didn't want people to hear our conversation so I subsequently abandoned all thoughts of my interview and walked with her to a nearby cafe.
There, she told me her name β Clare β and explained that we were married in the future.
And that was it.
Now, many years later, I still cannot believe we are actually married. Clare is beautiful. She's not drop-dead-gorgeous per se, but she does get her fair share of attention from men. Years of marriage and good food have blessed her with an amazing figure. Her hips are wider, her thighs are thicker and her breasts are bigger. Occasionally she complains she's fat, but we both know better. Most times she tries to hide her figure in baggy clothes but they're a poor solution. Besides, Clare hates baggy clothes. She's more the trendy sort of woman. She ardours modish boots, shoes, sandals, form-fitting dresses, jeans and blouses, all of which do a fantastic job at bringing out her stature. I love staring at her when she walks. I love gawking at her luscious butt.
Honestly, Clare has always had a big arse. Even when we met in the train station for the first time, I noticed it.
Enough of that though.
Today, I am deeply troubled. I am troubled because Clare informed me ... revealed to me things that I did not want to hear. As established prior to now, the reason Clare knew so much about me before we met was due to the fact that me from the future had visited her on a number of occasions. However, what she did not tell me was that on some of my visits we had engaged in some offensive activities. I call them offensive because their genesis was when she was 18 and I was 36.
Today, I am deeply troubled because Clare revealed to me that she had had multiple sexual encounters with me when she was 18 years old and I was much older. Obviously, I have no memory of this. I never met Clare until that day at the bus station. But if what she says is true then any moment from now, my time travels will take me to an 18 year-old Clare with whom I will have sex with.
I love Clare. Believe me when I say this. I enjoy our sex life, which is still very active β time travelling or no time travelling. But I cannot imagine myself having sex with an 18 year-old! The idea of it disgusts me. Thinking of it makes my skin crawl. What could have made me do such a thing? Yes, it was Clare, but she was 18! Why would I have sex with an 18 year-old?
As usual, Clare, being all furtive, refuses to tell me why. She agrees that it should never have happened, but it did, and that's that. She wants me to accept it.
Let me tell you this: nothing can change the past. I have tried before, travelled back in time and attempted to stop a disaster or change an outcome that affected me in the present, but every time I have failed. If an 18 year-old Clare met a 36 year-old Steven and had sex with him, then it means me β the present 36 year-old Steven β will have sex with an 18 year-old Clare and nothing I do will prevent that from transpiring.
However, I am determined that this time will be different. This time I will come out victorious. I forget that maybe my shameful deeds with Clare β our copious sexual rendezvous when she was younger β were probably what brought us together in the first place. I forget a lot of things. Still, I am resolute about breaking the mould.
Tender? Okay, that's naive of me. No. That's pretty dumb of me. I know 18 year-olds have sex probably more than people my age, but with 36 year-olds? That's just ...
not
cool
. It makes me feel like a sexual predator. You must understand my reservations about this: I'm much too old to be doing something like this with someone so young.
My thoughts are swimming with fears and doubts as I arrange the master bedroom when I feel the familiar nausea assaulting my stomach and clawing my throat. I double over. My head splits open. The pain brings tears to my eyes. I scream. And then the pain is gone. There isn't a trace of it. I wipe my eyes and stare around. I am in a familiar, intimate place β a meadow. This is where I met younger Clares plenty times during my time travels. They normally leave clothes and food for me in a box, which is why I'm puzzled at the absence of these things. Clare knows I need clothes to wear, lest I draw attention to myself and get into serious trouble.
'Clare!' I call softly, for it is dark and quiet and I don't want to draw any unwanted attention. 'Clare, are you there?'
Maybe she doesn't know I'm here. But she should. My doctor and I were able to calculate roughly when my time travels would occur, and I explained this to Clare when she was 12. I marked dates in her little diary. She was always here waiting. What was different about this time?
It occurs to me at the moment that maybe I am in a time where Clare does not reside in this area. Probably she's grown older and moved off to marry me, gone to college or hasn't been born yet. This poses complications.
I groan and make my way quietly through the grass towards the big house where Clare lives. The lights are out and it looks empty.
Wait. I gaze up in time to see a light flare in a room. Clare's room! She must be in there. Hurrying, I tear across the front lawn so that I am not caught stark naked by anyone who might be lurking around. The door is open. I enter the house and sneak upstairs. I reach Clare's door and knock.
'Clare? Are you there?' Her door is open too. I peak in. She's not inside.