How To Have Sex On Mars
Part 7 of 16
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Mars. For millennia, the Red Planet has fired humanity's imagination.
Scientists like Percival Lowell thought it was an "abode of life" with irrigation canals transporting water from the polar icecaps to farms in the warm equatorial region. Novelists like Edgar Rice Burroughs, Ray Bradbury, and Robert A. Heinlein imagined Martian civilizations.
NASA spacecraft revealed that Mars is a cold desert, but vast amounts of frozen water can be found just below the dusty surface. Today, members of groups like The Mars Society are making plans to build a permanent colony there.
That work would be done by people like our protagonist, Mike Russell, an astronaut who spends years working and living on Mars. What would it be like to be one of the first people to call Mars home? For Mike, it includes the discovery that sex on Mars is very different from on Earth - and Vive la diffΓ©rence!
Here in Part 7, Elke asks Mike for a special favor.
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The next few days were weird. Most of my colleagues in the settlement gave me looks that let me know they couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I was having sex with Adeline AND her best friend Elke.
Only one person said anything. Al Simonson was part of the team that operated the water reclamation equipment. We'd become friendly during astronaut training, and we worked together when I was installing the power systems for the water plant.
"I wonder if you could give me some advice, Mike," Al said while we were collaborating on the job of wiring up a pump.
"Buy low, sell high," I said.
"Very funny," Al said. "I imagine you know Jane Albertson is my girlfriend, right?"
"I'd heard that. She's a nice woman. You're a lucky man," I said.
"Yeah. About that. I've been approached by a lady I shall only identify as Rita Goodson," Al said. "She offered to become my mistress."
"And why are you telling me about this, Al?" I asked.
"A little Martian told me that you are an expert on the etiquette of multiple partners," Al said. "Let's be serious a second, Mike. I like Rita. When she asked, I got a boner that lasted almost an hour."
"You've noticed that boners last longer on Mars, right?" I said.
"Yeah. I know. Forget about the boner. I'm sorry I mentioned it. I felt very flattered when Rita approached me. She was very sweet about it, and she happens to be sexy as hell. But I'm in love with Jane. I would never do anything to hurt her feelings."
"I can tell you that if you and Rita do anything, the entire settlement will know in about a nanosecond," I said. "If you're thinking you can have an affair on the down low, forget about it."
"I'd never do that," Al said. "I wouldn't try something like that on Earth, much less here on Mars."
"Very wise," I said. "Let me guess. You'd like to have a go at Rita, but you don't want to violate Jane's trust. I happen to know a guy who experienced something just like that. Recently."
"Which is why I'm asking you," Al said.
"Buddy, there's no way you can do anything without Jane's permission," I said. "My feeling is that your decision is pretty simple. You can turn Rita down, or you can tell Jane about this and see what she says. I didn't even think about getting involved with Elke until Adeline suggested it."
"What!? Adeline suggested it!? Are you joking!?" Al asked.
"I believe if you think about it, you'll realize it's the only explanation. Elke is Adeline's closest friend on Mars. I'm sure you've noticed that the women on Mars are going a little crazy from loneliness. Adeline felt sympathy for her friend, so she came up with the idea.
"I am not the brightest guy on Mars, but I'm not stupid enough to go to Adeline and say 'Hey, honey, how would you like to hear about my latest brainstorm? It involves fucking your friend.' No. No no no no no. Adeline came to me. After I agreed, she pitched the idea to Elke. After that, all systems were go."
"Wow," Al said. "I had no idea. Mike, people around here are talking about you like you're the second coming of Casanova. Your explanation makes more sense."
"Thanks. I think," I said.
"Jane has mentioned that she feels sorry for the women who don't have boyfriends. She's been very demonstrative of her appreciation for me."
"Ah. Demonstrative. By demonstrative, I assume you're talking about blowjobs," I said.
"I can neither confirm nor deny that," Al said.
We finished our lunch. We both had to get back to work.
"Al, I'm going to make a radical proposal," I said.
"You have my complete attention," Al replied.
"I propose that you be completely honest with Jane. Imagine you went to her and said 'Something has happened, and I want you to hear about it from me before someone else tells you.' It would probably be best if you didn't explain that you'd love a chance to fuck Rita all through the Martian night. Just give an honest description of what Rita said. Maybe you could add that you would never do anything behind Jane's back.
"And then listen to her reaction. Jane's a smart girl. She'll know that you're saying you're prepared to be faithful, but that if she feels sorry for her female colleagues, she has a chance to do something about it."
"I suppose I could tell Jane that she will always be the only woman I love," Al said.
"Good idea. Nice touch," I said. "Women like hearing declarations of love. Even when they are being asked to let their men have sex with a babe as hot as Rita."
"Mike, do I have your permission to tell Jane that it was Adeline who suggested that you sleep with Elke?"
Hmmmm. Would Adeline approve of that? I was almost certain she'd be fine with it, but I didn't want to risk pissing her off. "Let me ask Adeline.
"This sounds like something you need to do before somebody tells Jane that Rita wants to poach her man. I'll get back to you this afternoon so you can talk to Jane tonight."
"I knew I could count on you," Al said. "Anytime you need a little extra water for something, just let me know."
"I will do that," I said. "There are some times when I could use an extra shower."
"Everyone on the base knows that, Mike," Al said.
Since Al was in a hurry, I went to see Adeline immediately. She was in her greenhouse, teaching someone how to use the watering system. "Babe, I need you for a minute," I said.
"There are too many people around," she said. "We can't have sex until later."
"Always a comedian," I said.
"Comedienne," she corrected.
"Al Simonson has an issue you need to know about," I said. Adeline listened as I explained Al's situation, concluding with a request for her permission to let Al tell Jane that Adeline was the one who suggested I have sex with Elke.
"Oui. Of course he can do that," Adeline said. "Mike, I've already told several girls I encouraged you to go to bed with Elke. We have to be open. People can't think you are a cheater. They can't think Elke is some kind of homewrecker. They can't think I'm so stupid that I don't realize my boyfriend is sleeping with my best friend. Didn't you already know this?"
"I guess I wasn't thinking about it," I said.
"There's no such thing as privacy on Mars," Adeline said. "I'm sure Elke has told people that she is happy I made the offer. She's our commander, so she knows that secrets can be divisive. Being honest transforms your affair from something sleazy to something compassionate. I'm surprised you felt you needed my permission."
"As you may remember, I am a Canadian meathead," I said.
"Oui. But you are my meathead," she said, kissing me on the cheek. "Mine. All mine."
"Uh . . . and Elke's," I replied.
"Must you always quibble, Canada boy?" Adeline asked.
I sent Al a text, then got back to work. I didn't think about it again until the next day, when I saw Al while I was upgrading some circuit breakers in the water plant.
"How'd the conversation with Jane go?" I asked.
"She didn't kill me," Al said. "The whole idea upset her at first, but she seemed very glad that she heard it from me instead of someone else. Thanks for suggesting that."
"No problem. My grandpa always said that chicks dig it when you don't keep dirty secrets from them," I said.
"Your grandpa sounds like a very wise man," Al said.
"Grandma didn't think so. But what happened with Jane? What did she think?"