How To Have Sex On Mars
Part 5 of 16
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Mars. For millennia, the Red Planet has fired humanity's imagination.
Scientists like Percival Lowell thought it was an "abode of life" with irrigation canals transporting water from the polar icecaps to farms in the warm equatorial region. Novelists like Edgar Rice Burroughs, Ray Bradbury, and Robert A. Heinlein imagined Martian civilizations.
NASA spacecraft revealed that Mars is a cold desert, but that vast amounts of frozen water can be found just below the dusty surface. Today, members of groups like The Mars Society are making plans to build a permanent colony there.
That work would be done by people like our protagonist, Mike Russell, an astronaut who spends years working and living on Mars. What would it be like to be one of the first people to call Mars home? For Mike, it includes the discovery that sex on Mars is very different from on Earth - and Vive la différence!
Here in Part 5, Mike is shocked by a revelation from Adeline.
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Things were going remarkably well at the end of our first six months on Mars. And by months, I mean Earth months. As everybody knows, a Martian year is 687 days long, forcing us to create a different calendar. We celebrated our six-month anniversary on our 182nd day on Mars. That morning our commander sent us a progress report that showed we were all finishing our tasks faster than scheduled.
Adeline's greenhouse produced sprouts of everything from herbs and beans to lettuce and squash. We had surpluses of water, air, and power. All our important equipment was functioning properly. Everybody had expected that the first months of the mission were the most dangerous, so it was very encouraging to get through that period without a serious mishap.
As everyone knows, the mishaps occurred later.
But after six months, the only problem I observed was that Grace's prediction about the base's women was coming true. Female astronauts who didn't have boyfriends were looking pretty frazzled. Now, I don't want to suggest that these women were suffering from a cock deficiency. It wasn't that simple.
Every person in the settlement, male and female, missed Earth. The lack of sex was part of that larger problem.
We missed the oceans, mountains, and prairies. We missed the snow, rain, and wind. We missed our family, acquaintances, and friends. We missed cheeseburgers, pizza, and fries. The settlement was a remarkably safe and comfortable place that provided for all our physical needs. But it lacked so many of the comforts of Earth that it sometimes felt like a prison.
Being incarcerated wasn't so bad for me, Adeline, and the others who had romantic partners. Romance was the best possible antidote for the deprivation experienced by the first settlers on Mars. Sex helped us forget that we were living in a big metal enclosure that separated us from an environment so cold and airless that it could kill us in seconds.
I remember an event that demonstrated how hungry we were for Earth.
The very first crop Adeline planted was romaine lettuce. It grows fast, does well in reduced gravity, and provides excellent nutrition. To observe the six-month anniversary, our commander, Capt. Elke Brandt, summoned all of us into the cafeteria for a little ceremony where we got to eat the first salad grown on Mars.
"Until today, Mars has been humanity's most far-flung exploration post," Elke said. "We have been explorers. Until today. With the introduction of the food grown for us by Adeline Remy, all that has changed.
"Traditionally, humanity has defined colonists as people who go to a new land and then plant and harvest crops. We have done that. By eating this meal, you are transformed from explorers. Today, you become colonists. With this meal, Mars stops being an outpost and becomes a colony.
"This is the reason we are here - to turn Mars into a place to live, not just to explore. As you eat the first food grown on another world, please remember we are taking one small step for ourselves, but one giant leap for humanity."
The ceremony was recorded and excerpts were broadcast all over Earth. I know people wonder if Elke wrote that little speech herself, or if it was something crafted by the public relations department at NASA. I can confirm that Elke wrote it with input from Adeline.
I was very moved. And I can confirm that our first bite of fresh food was delicious. Afterward, we wandered around the greenhouse, watching the crops grow and imagining how wonderful they would taste as harvests began.
By this time Elke and Adeline had become good friends. I watched their friendship grow, and I was glad that Adeline had someone she could call "mon bon ami." We were all isolated from the relationships we'd developed on Earth, and it wasn't easy to cultivate friendships as close as the ones we left behind.
I knew that Elke appreciated Adeline's willingness to talk about meaningful subjects. Being responsible for the lives of 40 people trying to survive in such a hostile environment wasn't easy for Elke. As the months went by, and Adeline was privy to more and more of Elke's private thoughts, I could tell that Adeline was deeply concerned about the pressures faced daily by her bon ami.
"Elke is jealous of me," Adeline said one evening after we'd had sex.
"Uh oh," I said. "I hope it doesn't hurt your friendship," I said.
"Don't worry about that," Adeline said. "Elke is happy for me. It is normal for a woman in her position. I have a boyfriend, and she doesn't. It's normal for her to see us together and wish she had what I have. The fact that she's willing to tell me about her feelings proves her jealousy isn't a threat to our friendship."
"Good to hear," I said. "I'd hate for you to have to choose between us. It would be very hard for me to find a new girlfriend."
Adeline rolled her eyes and punched me in the shoulder. "You are a swine. A swine! Merde! It's hard enough for me to see how all the other women look at you. They are like starving prisoners eyeing a thick, juicy steak! You don't have to remind me that there's a long line of women who'd love to replace me."
"No one can ever replace you, mon amour," I said. Adeline told me once that I sounded awful when I spoke French in my Canadian accent. Naturally, this prompted me to speak in French much more often. C'est la vie, eh?
By this time Adeline knew I was deeply committed to her, and I knew she was committed to me. We'd made plans to get married and have a family when we went back to Earth. I knew I'd found the love of my life. In all the years we've been together, I've never regretted being married to a woman as smart, beautiful, and passionate as my Adeline.
In retrospect, living on Mars made us closer than we would have been if we'd met on Earth and had a conventional relationship. We were part of an endeavor that was equal parts inspiring, difficult, and terrifying. I'm told that people who survive a war develop deep bonds. In a very real way, Adeline and I are veterans of the war to conquer Mars for mankind. By this time we'd experienced parts that were inspiring and difficult.
The terrifying parts were still to come.
As time went by, Adeline shared more and more about the things she discussed with Elke. Don't think she was violating Elke's trust; by now Elke knew that if she wanted something to remain private between her and Adeline, she needed to tell her in advance. I liked hearing about Elke; it made me feel as though she was my friend, too. I felt privileged to know about the innermost thoughts of the woman entrusted with such an important job.
Since the title of this book is
How To Have Sex on Mars,
I need to tell you about a particularly important conversation. It changed everything about the relationship I had with Adeline.
"I am worried about Elke," Adeline said one evening. "She is having a very hard time right now.
"Elke is a very passionate woman. She has very powerful desires. She has a very high sex drive. On Earth, she always had a boyfriend. Sometimes she had more than one. She has never been celibate for so long, and it is affecting her. I worry for our friend."
If I'd been smarter, I might have known where this discussion was going. I might have understood that we weren't having a casual conversation. Adeline had given a lot of thought to this discussion. But this is just one more reason to believe I am a Canadian meathead who spends most of his time thinking about hockey and beer.
"I am not sure what will happen if Elke doesn't get some romance soon, but it won't be good," Adeline said. "She needs help. Our help. Your help, mon amour."
