How To Have Sex On Mars
Part 1 of 16
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Mars. For millennia, the Red Planet has fired humanity's imagination.
Scientists like Percival Lowell thought it was an "abode of life" with irrigation canals transporting water from the polar icecaps to farms in the warm equatorial region. Novelists like Edgar Rice Burroughs, Ray Bradbury, and Robert A. Heinlein imagined Martian civilizations.
NASA spacecraft revealed that Mars is a cold desert, but that vast amounts of frozen water can be found just below the dusty surface. Today, members of groups like The Mars Society are making plans to build a permanent colony there.
That work would be done by people like our protagonist, Mike Russell, an astronaut who spends years working and living on Mars. What would it be like to be one of the first people to call Mars home? For Mike, it includes the discovery that sex on Mars is very different from on Earth - and Vive la diffΓ©rence!
Here in Part 1, we learn that Mike has decided it is time for him to reveal what sex was like on Mars.
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By Capt. Mike Russell USAF (RET)
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Let's begin with me acknowledging that I did not write the title of this book. I wrote all the contents, but my publisher didn't like the title I suggested. I wanted to call it
Finding Love On Mars.
Since my editors like to sell as many books as possible, they think
How to Have Sex on Mars
is a better title. They say that if I'd like this book to be bought - and read - putting the word "sex" in the title will ensure it becomes a bestseller. I'm a little uncomfortable with the wording, but the publisher knows more than me about promoting books.
Despite the title, this is not a how-to book. It describes the sex lives of those of us who built and occupied the first Martian colony. The people on Mars today approach sex very differently than we did. For reasons this book is intended to explain, the first colonists lived under very unusual circumstances that forced us to approach sex in a very unusual way. Lots of books have been written about what it was like to build the first Mars settlement, but none of those books provide any details about the unconventional way our sex lives evolved.
That's because a lot of my fellow astronauts feel uncomfortable talking about this aspect of our lifestyle. We even discussed it at the time, agreeing that it was best if we didn't let people on Earth know what we were doing. We thought information about our sex lives would cause an uproar that might undermine support for the effort to colonize Mars.
But that was a long time ago. Things have changed. Today, there are more than 3,000 residents of a growing colony that generates enough profit to pay for itself. Modern Martians include a mix of enough men and women to allow people to find sexual partners in ways that aren't much different than the way romance happens here on Earth.
When I was on Mars, I was one of just 40 settlers. That included 32 women and 8 men. I think the people who decided to have such a lopsided mix of the sexes imagined that it didn't matter because we would all be celibate during our tour. After all, astronauts had spent missions of more than a year on space stations or the Moon. They remained celibate. Mainly.
But that just wasn't practical on Mars. We were there for too long. We felt a lot more isolated than astronauts who could look out a window, see the Earth hanging in the sky, and think about the fact that they'd be home in a few months. In an emergency, they could return in just a few days. Creating a years-long mission with so many women and so few men guaranteed that our growing loneliness would eventually force us to become involved in types of relationships that would be considered very strange on Earth.
I think that finally telling the truth about what has been a private topic will reveal a lot about human nature. It also says something about that unique moment in history. I've tried to write this book in a way that doesn't violate anyone's privacy, but still adds something worthwhile to the historical record.
Being one of the first people to live on Mars was the greatest privilege of my life. I'm sure that everyone reading this book already knows that we experienced glorious successes and horrific tragedies. I hope you decide that this book tells the story of how determined people, engaged in one of the most significant projects in history, did their best to make it through unusual challenges in unusual situations. Is it surprising that we behaved in unusual ways?
Every living person I've named agreed to participate in this project. All of them granted interviews to discuss their memories of that time in our lives. The ones who didn't want to be quoted are not mentioned. Everyone who agreed was allowed to preview the portions of this text that involved them. I like to think that one reason so many people let me use their names is because they believe I've told their stories honestly and respectfully. I will try to be worthy of that trust.
This book is dedicated to the men and women who died during those early years on Mars.
Let's start at the beginning.
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My last night on Earth was the happiest and saddest time I've ever experienced. It was indescribably exciting to know that I was one of 40 astronauts about to climb into rockets that would carry us to Mars, where we would build the first permanent settlement on another planet. I'd slept poorly for months because I couldn't stop thinking about all the amazing things I was about to experience. There was a long list of tasks I needed to accomplish in the years ahead, and I was anxious to get started.
But it was agonizing to know I was leaving Earth behind. I remember thinking about wonderful hikes I'd done in the Rocky Mountains, scuba dives where I'd explored coral reefs off the coasts of the Americas and Australia, camping trips all over the world, and the summer I worked on a sailboat taking rich tourists island hopping all over the Caribean. How could I leave this beautiful planet behind?
Mainly, I thought about my girlfriend, Carol Walker, and the fact that we were spending our last night together. Carol accompanied me to the going-away party for the Mars crew, where everyone did their best to think about where we were going, and avoid thinking about what we were leaving.
"I feel sorry for those two," Carol said, pointing to another couple sitting nearby. Adeline Remy was a botanist who was in charge of setting up a greenhouse that would produce food for the settlement. She was with her fiance Claude Voland, who was holding her to his chest as she wept quietly.
I was acquainted with Adeline - we'd gone through astronaut training together - and I knew that she and Claude had been a couple since they met in graduate school in Paris. Like me and Carol, Adeline and Claude were saying goodbye forever. Lots of romances were coming to an end, and Adeline was particularly devastated because she and Claude had planned to get married and start a family. Then, she was chosen for the Mars mission, which was an opportunity she could not reject. My relationship with Carol was newer and less committed, but I knew I'd miss her terribly. I could not imagine how traumatic the separation would be for Adeline.
I suspect that most readers of this book know that Adeline and I got married on Mars. We have been in a committed relationship since the early days of our mission. But on that last night on Earth, we were just colleagues feeling excited and sad simultaneously.
Carol and I left the party early. We went to the apartment building for astronauts in training, and we went straight to my bedroom because we wanted one more chance to be intimate.
"Carol, I've been thinking something, and this is my last opportunity to tell you," I said.
"You are the first woman I've dated who made me feel I could spend the rest of my life with you. I've had very nice relationships with wonderful ladies, but I've never known anyone who makes me feel as comfortable as you. If I wasn't leaving, I'm pretty sure I would have eventually gotten to work on a campaign to convince you to marry me."
Carol gave me a sad smile. "Mike, for the last week I've avoided saying the same thing to you. You know I love you. You know I'm committed to you. I just thought it wasn't a good idea to talk about stuff like that to a guy about to go live on another planet.
"I wish we could stay together. I think we would have gotten married eventually. But we both know that going to Mars is too big an opportunity for you to pass up.
"I'm sad for us, but happy for you."